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THEORYHOW TO: The Multifaceted RPW (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor

I was contemplating the other day about the concept of the geisha - geisha were women who were essentially Japanese courtesans. They were highly intelligent women that men spent time with in addition to their wives, because in Japanese culture, wives were supposed to be maternal and responsible, not fun and games. Geisha were fun and entertaining to be around.

However, this doesn't work for most modern cultures (even Japan nowadays). So I was thinking, it's so difficult as modern women because modern men do appreciate independence but they also hope for softness (which is lacking in most women nowadays). How do we accomplish this? By being a multifaceted woman.

HOW TO...

Be a good girl: This is what you should aim to be most of the time. A woman who is respectful to those around her, a woman who is responsible and has a secure sense of morals, a woman who has an inner happiness. Men like to have their fun but what will keep him around is your inner security. I've talked to many who claim they are wild animals until they find a woman worth taking care of. Invest in yourself, take responsibility for yourself - no matter how much we say men desire a "helpless" woman who needs him, men still respect a woman who is secure. You might say it comes from the childhood memory of having a mother who took care of him - ideal mothers are secure, responsible, understanding and warm-hearted, not frantic and chaotic. Make yourself happy first - take pleasure in the little things in life, practice gratitude, appreciate everything around you, have a good character and treat others well - this quiet confidence will keep him around.

Be a sexy vixen: This persona is the fun and exciting side. Keep in shape, mentally and physically. Sexy is not just wearing makeup and high heels and having a bubble butt. Sexy is about being free, enjoying the moment, laughing, letting the emotions flow. THIS is what attracts men, not women who are constantly preoccupied and want their problems solved. Of course we cannot cover our problems all the time, but the key is know when to put them aside. Keep yourself mentally pliable, work on meditation and switching your brain from career/mother/responsible/polite mode and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Control your diet, go to the gym, go outside and get fresh air. Physical and mental health and directly related, so is your sex appeal! Lastly, sexy doesn't have to confined to the bedroom. This openness in your personality can happen at any time and anywhere.

Be a domestic goddess: No matter what any modern man says about wanting a woman who has her own life and interests, homemaking is still held in high appreciation in men's hearts. Learn a few star recipes that you cook/bake your best, then learn the basics of cooking. Learn about combinations of spices, cooking methods (grilling, steaming, baking, boiling, stir-fry), as well as pairings of vegetables-meat-grains. Follow a few recipes online and observe the cooking methods and flavor combinations so that you are able to cook a streamlined three course meal if necessary. For example, if I were cooking a Middle Eastern meal, I would cook lentil soup with pita chips, grilled meat with grilled vegetables and rice, end with dates and coffee.

Iron your own clothes, tidy up your room every day, buy organizers for your vanity table, nightstand, closet. Organize your wardrobe everyday. Make your bed every morning. You don't necessarily need to have frilly flowery throw pillows or expensive artwork but you do need to be neat. Men notice, trust me.

Be a best friend: Friends learn from each other and are good companions. Educate yourself so that you can converse and debate on a variety of topics - your typical educated modern man especially appreciates a well-read woman. Have your own passions and expertise (usually better if it's different than his so you don't compete). That way you have something that is yours to take care and nurture. Have your own girlfriends to go out to brunch or shopping with, have your own list of books that you want to read, have your own hobbies that you develop. Your own passions will fuel his long-term interest in you, because remember...what do you have to offer? Who are you as a woman? Cooking and being pleasant is actually very easy to do, the difficult part is developing yourself as a woman.

That being said, I personally don't expect to be EVERYTHING for my boyfriend. He actually spends most of his time at work, with his guy friends, and at the gym. I don't see him very often, but when I do, I'm a combination of the above mentioned faces. When he comes to my apartment, I'm a sexy vixen and domestic goddess and best friend. When he takes me out for dinner, I'm a best friend and sexy vixen and good girl. When I'm with his family, I'm a good girl and best friend and domestic goddess.

Play around with these personas, discover them within yourself, and have fun!


[–]HB3234 14 points15 points  (5 children)

In Japan, women had one of two distinct roles.

One, she was a wife who took care of the household. She managed the finances, raised the children, and had high social status. A housewife in traditional culture was not seen anywhere near the way western culture does; no one was "just" a housewife.

She was not expected to be companionable to her husband (in fact, a woman could be legally divorced for such crimes as her infidelity, her infertility, and.... trying to make too much chitchat to her husband). There was no obligation of passionate love between them, although many historical Japanese novels featured wives with horns of jealousy.

Or, two, she was an entertainer. A host, a geisha, courtesan, bar girl, etc depending on the era. These were the women men went to for play, sex, and passion - but rarely, if ever, for children and marriage. These women had lower social status than a wife and were somewhat risque-- a man might gladly spend time with a geisha but he wouldn't be too happy to send his daughter off to be one, especially since historically most were trapped in a sort of indentured servitude.

There was a long tradition of love suicides, where married men and their geisha lovers stole away to die because they couldn't be together. There are also accounts of geisha marrying rich men, becoming housewives and no longer desiring to entertain their husbands but instead shooing them off to the geisha districts.

I give all this history because I sometimes wonder if western women are biting off too much or our men desire too much. In traditional, prewar Japan, women were good girl and domestic goddess, or they were sexy vixen and companion--- no woman was expected to be both, not by her culture and not by her husband.

[–]lavewave 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I think we need to be careful with orientalizing here. Japan had a different socioeconomic classes, and differing views of spirituality, religion than in the West. I don't think it's as simple as a polyamorous paradise where men provided and women weren't expected to be both the "wife and the entertainer". What is spoken of was mostly behavior of the upper classes.

[–]HB3234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, yes--- but lower class wives weren't inherently expected to be sexy entertainers just because their husband couldn't go to the pleasure quarters. Marriage was, as for most of history in most of the world, a matter of child rearing and economics.

I definitely wouldn't say it was a polyamorous paradise; I wrote about suicides and jealousy. I'm not trying to present it as Asian perfection v.s. Western failure, but just that this contrast between "be everything" and "be some of it and export the rest" makes me wonder about our own attempts to be All The Things, Always.

[–]twelfthy 0 points1 point  (2 children)

What do you suggest western women do, then? Should we marry and have children and give our men free reign to sleep around?

[–]HB3234 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hm, that's a great question- one I ponder a lot. I wish I had a satisfying answer for you, but I suspect if I had that level of knowledge I'd be a best selling self help author. :-) if that option seems reasonable and practical and practicable to you, I don't see why on earth not. It would be a faustian pact for me, personally; not sure I could do it.

My comment was inspired by the mention of geisha, because comparing the full role of geisha to half the duty of a western woman felt a little unfair to me... And I am a history nerd, once you trip that switch, you're in for a ramble.

Ultimately, every woman has to find her balance. Personally, I don't feel I have it in me to be CEO, wife, mother, saint, slut, and domestic goddess; to "have it all" in a modern way. Many RP women pull back from the CEO/career woman element of "having it all" because it ultimately doesn't make them happy. But they are even more committed to the other elements because of the part they've removed from the equation.

Esther Perel talks extensively in her writing about how the idea of needing to be all things to/for one person is new to modern marriage as of ~60 years, and part of this all is a cultural learning curve around this concept.

[–]twelfthy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was sort of a rhetorical question, i would never have an open marriage, but thanks for the interesting answer anyway. I'll look into Esther Perel.

I feel like one of the foundations of RPW is (or used to be, at least) striking that balance so that we and our partners can be happy. Taking care of the home, remaining attractive and sexually available, and winding back on career commitments if necessary. Modern feminism is telling us to chase it all, whereas there's really only so many roles we can fulfill properly.

[–]that_other_person1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Something that isn’t mentioned enough is putting your mind into that of another person, or that of your significant other. It is important to curb potential issues with your significant other early, or before they’re a problem even! Be empathetic, but also get to know your significant other’s personality, and use that to understand where your disagreements lie. I think everyone knows this to an extent, but people could do well to implement this better.

You also have to realize, as a straight woman, men really are quite different from women! My husband has described himself as somewhat androgynous, but he is still a guy and thinks like ones in some ways. Even though I’m more logical than most women (as is the case for everyone on this forum, I’d presume), I still think of things in a different way than my husband does. We understand this well because we try to be introspective.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The post is titled "how to" but reads like a "what to".

Otherwise, good post!

[–]Witch-Doctor 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I wish my ex girlfriend took into account these things. I ended up being the bad guy for politely bringing them up, even tried leading by example. Oh well

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Why was she your girlfriend?

[–]Witch-Doctor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well when I met her and we first started dating, she was in great shape and did all these things. Then as soon as we were in a relationship it all stopped. Apparently I should just love her for who she is... I was like “I did!”

[–]lavewave -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What sources you got boo?