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[FIELD REPORT]Choking on the red pill: The beginning of my journey (Long FR) (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by LittleMsRed

Hello Everybody!

I discovered RPW not even a full week ago but have been lurking on ReturnOfKings for almost a year.

I have been with my boyfriend (W) for 4 1/2 years. We moved in with each other after being together for 11 months. At first, I went out of my way to make sure that he had a home cooked meal every night and a packed lunch for work. I took care of the cleaning because I was working part time while he was working full time. We got a bit financially strapped and I had to find a job with full time hours. I found a job and eventually began to resent it.

I was miserable with my job (and still am because although it's at a different place, it's the same job) and I started to let myself go. I stopped doing housework and no longer made him a priority. I started yelling at him over the stupidest little things like not putting a pan away or overlooking something that fell over.

I stopped seeing W as the love of my life and started to see him as an extension of myself. He was no longer a separate person. He was an extension of me and therefore he should be doing what I want him to do.

He started cooking and cleaning. Although his job is more physically demanding, he had started to cater to my needs.

I literally didn't have to do anything for myself. I got fatter by not really moving around. I got even more miserable because I was getting fatter. I was getting stressed at the weight I was rapidly gaining while my relationship deteriorated. W never said anything to me and he had literally become a shell of the person that I used to know.

I tried getting onto the whole "fat pride" bandwagon, but I couldn't. I absolutely loathed the person that I was and hated how obese I had gotten.

An outraged fatfem friend of mine at the time had posted a link to ROK about their articles for fat shaming week. Needing to know that other people found me as disgusting as I found myself, I couldn't click the link fast enough. I started browsing other articles and started to read about the types of women that "red pill" men had found attractive and I knew that I wanted to become one of those women.

Knowing what I wanted my end result to look like, I felt a bit lost. I had no support group for traditional roles and every time I started to do something around the house, W would stop me. (I know he did it out of fear for all those times I shouted at him for nothing getting done.)

I got frustrated and miserable. I didn't know where to start. I felt like everything in my life was doomed.

One day, while looking through RoK, I found an article about how to make a Western woman take the red pill. In the article, I found a link to this sub. I downloaded apps, joined the chat, and threw myself 100%.

It's been a struggle for me and as weird as it sounds, I like it. I like the fact that I want this life so badly that I'm fighting against that fatfem inside of me that literally ruined my life.

Since I discovered you all, I have: -Started giving control back to W. It started with a few dinner decisions, but has spanned to include plans for our days off. He's embracing it faster than I thought. -Become aware of my large portion sizes and have cut back. -Worn makeup. Not everyday, but I figured out how to use concealer and how it can smooth my skin tone out and what the best eyeshadow would be for me to use. (Shout-out to everybody from irc who advised me on what colors to choose! I love you ladies!) -Worked out. I am disgusted at how out of shape I am, but I'm proud that I took that step. (Another shout-out to irc for helping me figure out where to start!) -Not allowed W to lift a finger to help with housework outside of his regular duties. (He scoops litter and takes out trash.) I've done dishes and laundry this entire past week. By myself. It sometimes takes me awhile to get to them (I'm trying to rediscover my time management skills so I can give myself time to get to everything) -Packed W's lunch for work. I've made sure that when he gets home from work that he can relax. -Made W a big breakfast a few times. I would like to have his breakfast set for him whenever he wakes up. I know it doesn't have to be a big breakfast, but it would make me feel better if I had it set up for him at least. -Had the best sex of my life. W has always been a good lover but our sex life had become non-existent. I was never in the mood and he was so beaten down that he never asked or tried. After spending a day of refilling his drink whenever it got low, bringing him snacks, while cooking and cleaning; he strode over to me, grabbed me hard, and, well...I never knew I could scream like that. -Never been happier. There's a peace in our house now. W is not afraid of my outbursts and I'm not letting little stupid things ruffle my feathers. I'm starting to embrace my responsibilities around the house while giving the helm to my Captain and I couldn't be happier.

There are definitely still things that I need to work on. There were a few times that I almost lost my temper. It was a huge struggle for me not to just choke on it instead of misdirecting my frustrations onto my Captain.. I need to keep my attitude in check and I need to push myself to do things that I may not feel like doing like waking up earlier so I can squeeze in the cleaning and putting my face on. I also want to keep working out and keeping an eye on what I eat. I want to continue with getting breakfast and lunch together and staying on top with housework.

I just want to thank all of you for helping me to see the light. I didn't know where to begin and this sub most definitely saved not just my relationship, but myself as well. My SO will finally get the woman he deserves.

If there is anything else you all think I should be working on as well, please let me know!!


[–]liphyx 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This is lovely to hear. I'm so happy for you!

I have trouble waking up early at times, but now it has become my favourite time of the day. I love waking up at 5, dressing and dolling up, cleaning and tidying up the place for the day, listening to music and reading before studies. It's like you get a head start on the rest of the world :)

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love it!

I work from 4 pm-midnight so I really love having most of my day open.

Now it's just to build that habit which I'm hoping to do over the next couple of days.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Thanks for taking the time to write this up. I will be adding this to the field reports post linked on the sidebar.

:0)

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I loved writing it!

I knew I had a support system in you all and I know you guys will keep me on track!

I look forward to being able to write updates.

[–]JackGoldsteinWrites 5 points6 points  (5 children)

I am happy you enjoyed my article; I found this sub while doing my research for it, actually. I've been reading the sub regularly since then. ROK, I felt, needed an injection of LTR-related material.

My article was more geared towards a Captain raising a potential LTR to the position of first mate, but its definitely usable by a woman who wants to raise herself to that position. As we say on the male side of things, "pull yourself up by the bootstraps".

Before my girlfriend I dated/considered/nexted about 20 girls (and lost count of how many I went on just 1 or 2 dates with). I knew deep down I wanted an LTR g/f because, as fun as it is, the game itself is expensive, time consuming and fraught with risks such as preggo scares and disease. For me, the best way to procure sex was a supportive, submissive LTR. That would allow me to focus on career, fitness and other intellectual pursuits. So after countless failures, I "pulled myself up by the bootstraps" and struck gold. Looks like your boyfriend has as well, by the way.

Though the LTR does require some "game", I find it's a lot more manageable than endlessly hunting for women. I do have to enforce boundaries, repeat my expectations till they sink in and maintain the calm resolve when my girlfriend's emotions get out of control. But honestly, that game has also made me a better person in other areas of my life.

(http://www.returnofkings.com/48367/feed-a-western-woman-the-red-pill)

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I had a but if a fangirl moment when I saw this reply!

( I would have linked the article but am still new to reddit and was unsure as to how. )

I've got the link saved on my boyfriends phone for him to read when he has a spare moment.

I was struggling with how to create the plan to get to my new goal, and finding this sub through your article really was a lifesaver. (Literally!)

I'm glad you found your current girlfriend and I wish you the best of the luck with your relationship!

Also thank you for both your kind words and article. I still have a long way to go, but I finally saw how my man deserves to be treated.

[–]redpillschoolModerator Extraordinaire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Make sure you don't fall into the common trap of talking about your plans too much.

Talking about your plans/goals makes people feel just as accomplished as if they did them. Often it can shoot you in the foot.

[–]JackGoldsteinWrites 1 point2 points  (2 children)

It's good for guys to see women like you (all of you) exist. Too many men, I feel, have "checked out of society" and become discouraged because the task of finding a suitable partner appears insurmountable.

Keep at it and post updates!

[–]redpillschoolModerator Extraordinaire 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Too many men, I feel, have "checked out of society" and become discouraged because the task of finding a suitable partner appears insurmountable.

Do I hear potential for a red pill dating site?

Heh

Anyway, welcome Jack. Lemme give you a ROK tag.

[–]JackGoldsteinWrites 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to write a few article on long-term game but the 8-part series on it is pretty good.

Having done both short-term and long-term game, I can say long-term is is the "true" game.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

This is a great FR! It's always nice to see the new ladies coming around and making a true effort to make their relationships and themselves better.

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It makes it a bit easier when you guys are so supportive and helpful!

I might be choking a bit, but it gets easier everyday to just let it all go.

The household has never been more peaceful.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's often difficult to try a new strategy, but it's certainly worth it especially with such positive outcomes. :)

[–]StingrayVC 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This is wonderful! Good for you and we're here when you need us for any encouragement!

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!!

It is much appreciated and very motivating!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I would love to have his breakfast set for him when he gets up

I'm not the best morning person :( But I found a great way to make sure my husband has his breakfast in the morning without causing a mess in the kitchen, easy on the budget and saves time (allowing me a bit more shut eye since I have to get up at 4am). On Sundays cook a crustless Quiche and 2 dozen bacon slabs on a cookie sheet with foil. Cook the quiche in a heavy dutch oven and it can be kept in it. The quiche (about 10 eggs) will last 5 days easy stored properly in the fridge. Mix it with kale, parm, zucchini etc. and served with the bacon you have a instant beautiful looking power meal that can be nuked (reheat) in the morning for 1 minute. Mix the menu up as well. Like this sunday I'm cooking 15 homemade bangers and beans in a crock. Serve that with avocado! :) :) Last week it was roast cutlets and pineapple. Cuts the carbs too and will keep him full until lunch, which poptarts, bagels etc don't do.

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a great idea!

I think I'll do this tomorrow (its one of my days off)

It will provide a nice hearty breakfast and be a bit easier on me. This will help me manage my time in the mornings a bit better too. (Plus it sounds completely delicious!) Thank you!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Its been great having you!! Keep up the good work!

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!

It's been a pleasure being here!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

I still have a long ways to go though. I bought into that nonsense for way too long. I always brushed off the fatness and never paid attention to it until I saw how unhealthy I looked. Sure I'd live to be able to run around the house in panties and my guys shirt and look fantastic, but I need to be healthy for our family. We don't have kids right now, but I want to be the mom that can literally run around with my kids and take them on hikes and be able to keep up with them. I don't want to be like the lady down the road that sits on her porch, chainsmoking with her foopa hanging out while she yells at her kids that are playing in the yard.

W deserves better than that.

Since understanding that it's about being healthy, it sickens me to hear of profat movements. That's not a way to raise kids or take care of a family.

I hope your mother sees the light before its too late!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!

I think the hardest part of swallowing the pill is having to look at our lives and honestly say "what the hell did I do?"

It's definitely helped me understand why some rp males can be so angry. If I was my guy, I would have kicked myself out years out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I'm so proud of your hard work! You are very inspirational, and I hope to hear lots more from you! I'm working on a lot of the same things you are (not putting my job in front of my relationship, using google calendar to set chore goals for myself throughout the week, etc) and this was the PERFECT post at the perfect time.

One day, while looking through RoK, I found an article about how to make a Western woman take the red pill. In the article, I found a link to this sub. I downloaded apps, joined the chat, and threw myself 100%.

Do you have links to that RoK article? And what about those aps, I'm curious :)

Thanks again for this post! Now its time to get off Reddit and go do some chores :)

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've downloaded the reddit,irc, and pinterest apps. I'm planning on going through my pinterest to make is motivating and full of recipes and crafts I know W will enjoy.

The author of the link commented on this post and he linked it. But when I can get to a computer I'll edit this comment and throw the link in there too.

I'm looking at some fitness apps, but seeing as how I'm only just starting with basic things to build my muscles up some more (push-ups, crunches, squats and yoga) but once I find out which ones work for me, I'll post them.

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I forgot to add in that you can do it!

Thank you for your kind words, and you have my full support!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! high fives

[–]chipperchippy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

"After spending a day of refilling his drink whenever it got low, bringing him snacks, while cooking and cleaning; he strode over to me, grabbed me hard, and, well...I never knew I could scream like that. -Never been happier"

Got goosebumps!! Good on you!

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gives me goosebumps every time I think of it!

I look forward to more days like that.

[–]ArmyWife0806 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Glad to hear it's going well for you. I, too, am new too RPW and find I'm becoming happier than I was before. I was never a total "feminist," but I did have tendencies. Really it was just me fighting my inclination toward being what a wife should be. I still struggle with time management (work full-time, 3 kids-2 in school & 1 in daycare, my husband is away for work 4 days/week...sometimes more), but I'm working on it. Good luck to you! :)

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Welcome to RPW!

It certainly sounds like you have your hands full! We don't have children, but we are rescue parents. (Definitely not as hectic as actual kids!)

I'm actually getting ready to type up a daily to-do list and print off an hourly schedule. I'm going to to do the things I have listed, and write down when I did it on the schedule. I know I have some free time (mostly spent rolling around in the couch whining "I don't wanna!!") and I believe this will help me find where it is and use it more productively.

I know it's hard, but we're doing this for our families. By making ourselves the best version of ourselves that we can be, our own family will prosper.

Good luck to you as well!

[–]RealRational 0 points1 point  (1 child)

lurking on ReturnOfKings for almost a year.

Just went there, that sub is completely dead, WTF?

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't know there was a sub for it.

I used to browse the website: www.returnofkings.com

[–]ladymodernlove 0 points1 point  (2 children)

This was so nice to read :) If you need a gal pal to help keep you accountable I'd be happy to help out! It'd be good for me too :)

I know what you mean about trying to get on board with fat acceptance for yourself and just finding it awful. It's a long story for me but I had been feeling like that since I was 12 years old and didn't figure it out for more than a decade later.

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Absolutely!!

We can help motivate each other!

As for the weight, yeah. I think I'm having the hardest time with it because my weight makes me miserable and I keep thinking about how far I have to go. It helps sometimes to think that there are people heavier than me that might wish they were more mobile and at least at my weight so they can progress. I sometimes think "if I was at least 50 lbs lighter I could do more and it would be easier" so I'm trying to realize that it's a blessing that I realized this now and not 100 lbs from now. Besides, I may be heavy but I have all my senses and limbs so I'm grateful for at least that. I have time to turn it around.

What made you come around, if you don't mind me asking.

[–]ladymodernlove 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here is the abridged version. I was raised by an amazing single mother after my dad left our family. My mom is really incredible and I know growing up when she did she struggled with her self esteem and self-worth. So she was extremely dedicated to making sure me and my brothers felt confident and loved and she showered us with praise and affection.

Which of course included the message that became so popular in the late '90s of "You should just love your body the way you are! You are perfect!" I wasn't particularly fat, but I definitely had extra weight. And my body carries it all on my stomach, which I really hated.

So as a teenager I would go back and forth between two options- I have to love my body the way it is and love the way I look no matter what OR I was a terrible shallow person and will develop an eating disorder like some of my friends did. No middle ground.

Anyway, my little brother had gotten really into exercise and lost a bunch of weight and when he was home one summer when we were both in our early 20s he made me go to the gym every day with him. And that's when I started to realize (I know, it's so obvious now) that there was nothing wrong with wanting to change.

See, exercise is amazing for your mood and your health and all that but I really, really wish someone would have told me when I was 16, "You don't like having that extra weight? Well, it doesn't make you a bad person. Here's how you can safely become more healthy and active and improve your appearance."

I love my mom and she really did an amazing job with us. There's no way she could have known I wouldn't be a particularly self-conscious person and could have used some reality. A lot of teenage girls wouldn't have been able to deal with that kind of message so I think she just erred on the side of caution by telling me I was perfect the way I was. I know she was just doing what she thought was best.

So yeah, hope that makes sense! I'm at least in a better headspace about all of that now. I've been sick and have fallen way way behind in my exercise and haven't lost much weight so far but I'm excited to start again. :)

[–]Camille11325 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hey! What a lovely field report your progress sounds great so far and I can't wait for more updates! Be sure to read Cultivating a Feminine Frame of Mind if you haven't. Definitely come back to IRC when you can :)

[–]LittleMsRed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going to make a little reminder post of that article to stick on my side of the bedroom.

It's a great article!

See you in chat!