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The Dreaded "What do you want for dinner" (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by SoonToBeMrsHim

Hey Ladies,

I have seen a few threads where a new-to-TRP lady will talk about how her boyfriend/husband never tells her what she wants for dinner, and how he should be making the decisions in the relationship. I, too, got hung up on this early on in my RP experience. He's a busy guy, if you know what types of foods he enjoys then just handle it for him. Run your home ladies.

Last month I found a website I'm already in love with. It's called Gathered Table. It plans your menu for you and then you can customize up the wazoo. You set your preferences based on family size, cooking time available to you, and dietary restrictions. Also, you can import (pretty easily) all your favorite recipes and blog posts. I took about an hour and moved my entire "recipes I've tried" pinterest board into my Gathered Table account. Every Friday (you set your day) I get an email saying my weekly menu is ready. I move it around a bit based on our calendar and then I show hubby and ask if he would change anything (he doesn't) and print my shopping list right from the site.

It's pretty nifty - Thought I would share.


[–]StingrayVC 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Thank you for posting this. My husband just wants to eat. He doesn't care what. I often get stuck in a rut and can't think of something new to make. This sounds like a great way to help with that.

[–]ColdEiric 13 points14 points  (1 child)

My husband just wants to eat. He doesn't care what.

If a guy doesn't mention any preference, if he doesn't say that he wants mexican/italian/whatever, then he just wants food. Just like a car wants gas.

[–]StingrayVC 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yup.

Most men don't want to make all the decisions. There are something they just want taken care of but don't want to think about at all.

It's part of the leaders job to think this way.

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're welcome.

[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Some people eat to live while others live to eat ☺

[–]SouthernPetite 3 points4 points  (18 children)

I choose the proteins I would like to have that week, and then a type of cuisine or dish I'm in the mood for. All the other dishes are chosen based on the extra ingredients from the first.

The trick is the know which world cuisines share a lot of similar ingredients. This helps cut down on waste as well.

Ex of my logic:

Proteins: 2 days vegetarian, 2 days chicken, 3 days beef

I'm in the mood for Mexican food, and I decided on tacos, so I need to buy the all the meats, tortillas, red onion, cilantro, tomatoes, lettuce, greek yoghurt (in place of sour cream) and farmers cheese. I will have extra for all of the ingredients, so what are they all mostly compatible with? Indian and Greek. So 2 days beef tacos, one day beef kofta w/ tzatziki and greek salad, 2 days chicken souvlaki w/ tzatziki and greek salad, 2 days palak paneer with indian salad and basmati rice.

The only things I would have to fill in would be spinach, cucumbers, kalamata olives (assuming I didn't already have them, but I always do), and basmati rice, which I also always have on hand.

I would likely also have leftover tortillas that I could make quesadillas with for lunch.

*Having a well-stocked pantry helps eliminate a lot of having to buy a lot of items on a regular basis

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (17 children)

These are all great ideas!

Ps, on the topic of tortillas. They're so easy to make at home! Just flour salt olive oil and water! They mix up in minutes, roll out in less than that & cook 30-40 seconds per side. I've started making them at home just because they're easy and taste so good fresh!

[–]SouthernPetite 0 points1 point  (12 children)

Thanks!

I make my own sometimes as well, but if I'm busy I'll just buy some. I live in an area where you can get fresh ones for basically the same price as you can to make, so I'm lucky in the respect.

Btw, do you follow Homesick Texan and Mexico in my Kitchen?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children)

Oh my gosh. So jealous! I can only find shit mass produced ones and they're just not as good at all. I've never heard of that blog! I always love a good food blog so I just bookmarked it - thanks! I'm from the south too so love a good country meal :)

[–]SouthernPetite 1 point2 points  (10 children)

Can I ask where you're from? I live in Dallas currently, but I'm from the Gulf Coast.

Also: http://www.southernfatty.com/

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children)

I'm in Kentucky! Small world :) check out Ed lees cookbook "smoke n pickles" it's an Asian spin on comfort food and it's AWESOME!

[–]SouthernPetite 0 points1 point  (7 children)

Oh, right. I knew someone was from Kentucky, but I couldn't remember who.

http://blog.hwtm.com/2009/04/mint-julep-cupcakes-recipe/

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

YES!!!!! 😍 we still need to do that cocktail post. I might work on that this weekend

[–]SouthernPetite 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Yes, definitely. I need to do that, and a blog post on kitchen lifesavers and how to properly take care of a cast iron skillet.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Cast iron is life. One of the first nights I went to my SOs place he cooked for me, I saw him try to put his IN THE DISHWASHER. we had a come to Jesus moment where I seasoned it. Haha

[–]___goldilocks___ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi from another Kentuckian! :)

[–]votedbestweave 0 points1 point  (2 children)

YES just wanted to add to the homemade tortilla love!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I know right? Life changing. Now I do breads, rolls, naan. It's all so simple, so much cheaper, and makes store bought taste like shit.

(Just realized I am now apparently a simple-carb elitist)

[–]votedbestweave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Naan! Absolutely. Best way to round out vegetarian curries :)

[–]batterycrayon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have a recipe you'd be willing to share? I struggle with tortillas, but I make great bread, crusts, etc so I really hate buying them. I'd appreciate any tips!

[–]mrp3anut 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I think there is a misunderstanding of why men hate the "what do you want for dinner" scenario.

Usually we don't actually care what is for dinner as long as it isn't one of a few things we likely hate. The issue comes up when we ask you what want for dinner and you say "I dont care" then proceed to complain or shoot down every suggestion we come up with.

For me personally, if we are going out to dinner i would prefer to go to her choice of restaurants "within reason, i cannot afford a $200 steak and lobster dinner", than to take her out to something i like but she isn't thrilled about. In my opinion going out to a restaurant is one way for a man to treat his woman with something she likes and fits into the "provider" type feelings that we do enjoy. If you honestly dont mind where he takes you to dinner then say so and live with whatever he picks, otherwise speak up when he asks.

The same dynamic works for when you ladies cook for your man. It is a good thing to ask him what he wants/likes but if he doesnt provide input then just go with what you want or what you think he likes. If he gets upset then he should speak up next time and not be throwing a fit because you couldn't read his mind.

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I guess what pushed me to write this post is because when a woman come to rpw and start surrendering to her captain she gets hung up on the decisions she knows she's making. You don't have to surrender the kitchen. It isn't until we get deeper into surrendering we realize the things we didn't even know we were making decisions on. Then we can actually surrender.

[–]mrp3anut 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Understandable, it seems there might be "stages" of embracing the RPW lifestyle in the same way there are "stages" for TRP.

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Change is hard from any side. I thought I was a good girlfriend until RPW opened my eyes. I still have a long way to go to be a good wife. But I take pride in being a good wife so I keep chugging along.

[–]smilin13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have found that my BF isn't very fond of that question either. He's had a full day, and just wants to eat. So when I used to ask mid day he usually says "whatever". Plus he loves my cooking, so he hardly cares what I serve. After a year together I've learned his dislikes and work around those. So I have found that if I'm going to try making a new main dish, I'll pair it with two of his favorite side dishes. That way even if he doesn't like it, there's something on the plate he will eat. I love it when he's happy, so pretty much anything chicken, or beef with steamed broccoli. I love that some posted blogs and sites. Can't wait to read some of them. I'm always looking for new recipes! And for you multi tasking ladies. My fav app is called tyme. It pretty much works like an egg timer, but you can set it per burner! When hosting and cooking a bunch of different things at once, that app had been a life saver!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I love that website! Another one I love is foodgawker which catalogues food blogs from all over the world, and their search function is great!

Glad you made this post. I see lots of girls being afraid to make any decisions at all. If my man had to pick dinner he'd lose his damn mind! Being first mate means assisting your captain - that manifests itself differently for everyone. For me it means I make almost all of the little decisions, and we make the big ones together.

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noone else I know uses it. I want friends on the site haha. My menus are kinda puny but it's just us 2, so we eat leftovers 2 nights a week, often out with friends on friday/sat, so I really only need 3-4 meals a week.

[–]smilin13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have found that my BF isn't very fond of that question either. He's had a full day, and just wants to eat. So when I used to ask mid day he usually says "whatever". Plus he loves my cooking, so he hardly cares what I serve. After a year together I've learned his dislikes and work around those. So I have found that if I'm going to try making a new main dish, I'll pair it with two of his favorite side dishes. That way even if he doesn't like it, there's something on the plate he will eat. I love it when he's happy, so pretty much anything chicken, or beef with steamed broccoli. I love that some posted blogs and sites. Can't wait to read some of them. I'm always looking for new recipes! And for you multi tasking ladies. My fav app is called tyme. It pretty much works like an egg timer, but you can set it per burner! When hosting and cooking a bunch of different things at once, that app had been a life saver!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent, glad I could help.

[–]stolidfact 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I have cooked for a living, and cook about as much as my wife. One approach I use is to actively note favorites. Meals that are very well received instead of the usual "it's good. thanks". I try to deconstruct what about that meal is liked best. Maybe it is one or more of the presentation, smell, combination of flavors, cuisine, ratio of macros, seasonality, etc. And I note each person's preferences (and allergies), meaning write them down. Then whenever I make food for that person, I can create dishes that go along the same flavor vectors... sour, salty, sweet, savoury, etc.

So for example, if I know someone loves beef with a sweet and salty balance, I might do seasoned rice with a chutney and a pepper steak, plus whatever veggies look freshest. Or if someone loves sour and bitter, I will do a bitter pickle on the side with a stir fry.

Mix those basic ideas up with spice blends and flavors from different countries, and the same basic meal or dish can be repeated in dozens of ways without getting boring. Like there are dozens of ways to do stir fry, for example. Different veggies, proteins, seasonings, sauces, etc. Nearly every country has a stir fry style of cooking.

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I enjoy cooking, but I know very little about it. My mother cooked, but didn't really teach me to cook. I'm very good at following recipies. Eventually I can evolve them, but until then I need recipes and this site not only gives me that it offers side parrings that work well with the main dish.

[–]stolidfact 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's how I started, too. Took me years of messing up to see that there are a lot of similarities between many core dishes in different cuisines. Like the potatoes and greens mentioned.

[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

nearly every country has a stir fry style of cooking.

I'm fascinated by these themes that occur all over the globe. Stuff like Colcannon in Ireland and Aloo Sag in India. Most places have a version of potatoes and greens.

There must be a good reason why this happens.

If I were to give any advice to someone wanting to learn to cook it would be learn different cuisines

[–]PursuingGrace 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Oh my gosh, this is the one question that my husband and I both hate! It does not help that we are total food opposites, in that I live to eat, and love experimenting with new food, while he would be just as happy eating MREs for the rest of his life. The only time he has ever hurt my feelings, was after I spent the day making a very beautiful rattatoulie from ingredients I had grown myself. He ate it, and when I asked him his opinion, he answered, "It is okay. I think you should try it again, but make it more Italian-y." He did not know why I was so upset, and I could not understand how he did not know it was not supposed to taste that way. lol

[–]___goldilocks___ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband is the quintessential meat and potatoes man; he doesn't like adventure when it comes to food. I'll try any dish once!

[–]takenbythought 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Great tip! I also keep a sort of archive in my brain with everything I ever cooked that my boyfriend loved, so I always have go-to dishes that I can prepare without any fuss. I think it's a sign that he trusts you to know him well enough. Usually I make a weekly overview of dinners that I planned, and quickly run through them with him, so I can get his approval or suggestions. Easy and efficient.

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in a massive food rut, but he eats whatever I make. So i'm just going to shake it up in hopes of finding some new favorites.

[–]myfriendmarkus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I cook to show my man I love him. If he has to tell me what to make all the time that tells him that I don't understand him and that's a pretty poor form of love. If he is really in the mood for something specific he'll let me know without having to ask.