DISCUSSIONArticle: Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by NewMindRedPill1 Star


I didn't have a chance to read it all but I just thought to share this article because it has a lot of important information I wish all women knew. Such as that many men go into a "commitment stage," for example its on average from ages 26-33 for men who graduate from college. I generally have exclusively dated men in this age range and 95% were ready to commit. A few even told me their intentions of looking for marriage or asked me subtle questions to try to gauge what I would be like as a wife/mother or if I would move. Ex. One guy said, "Once I get married I want to move back to Texas...would you ever move to Texas?" Another said, "Do you think you're generally frugal? Do you like to cook? Clean?" Another was hilarious, "I would like 5 kids one day...how many kids do you think you'd like? Would you like 5?" Haha

Any thoughts on the article? Or do you have some recommendations/stories for RPW based on your personal experiences?

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 30 points31 points  (5 children)

Yes, this is true, especially about the age of commitment.

I will also state an observation that when commitment ready men are looking for a wife, it actually plays to your disadvantage to be TOO fun. Especially men in their early 30's are looking for a life partner to improve with and manage a family with. Make sure that you stay feminine (physically and mentally) but show that you're responsible in your work life and personal life. No man likes a woman who wastes time at work or can't take care of herself (eg. goes out drinking because she can't find any hobbies or mature girlfriends to socialize with, or eats Nutella for dinner because she can't be bothered to cook).

Wives need to make decisions too. Girlfriends are just for fun.

[–]NewMindRedPill1 Star[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is a very good point! Thanks for bringing that up! Telling your marriage-minded date that you love to party, drink, can't manage yourself, will definitely not end well!

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars 5 points6 points  (2 children)

So true.

I think a man's career also plays into this. Late 20's/early 30's is usually a huge growth point for most mens' careers. They need to stay healthy, go to bed at a decent hour, work longer hours. The type of woman they value will change from the fun, sexy party girl, into the pleasant homebody who helps him manage his busy life.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

My ex-boyfriend used to say this: "You don't marry a girl because she's fun, you marry a woman who can manage life." And it's true. That's why women need to be able to take care of themselves (physically and mentally) - your guy can't be there to help you in a crisis, you've got to deal with issues yourself. That's what guys mean when they say they don't want to take care of a girl.

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When my husband proposed to me one of the things he said was “I love having you on my team.”

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, don’t get a party fun girl reputation.

[–]Hechetonchieres 8 points9 points  (4 children)

This was a very good read and enjoyable. The title is a bit off though, I was expecting self-improvement tips, not "hunting" techniques!

[–]StrongAffordance 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Well, right at the beginning he was about to give a woman self-improvement tips, but she called him a misogynist.

[–]NewMindRedPill1 Star[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don't agree with her there but at least it spurred on good research

[–]undercovervegan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I sent this article to a blue pill, unhappily single friend of mine, and she responded that she felt it was condescending to women. I have no idea what about this article could be seen as talking down to women. It literally just recommends signs to look out for, and age-ranges to look at. Sigh.

[–]NewMindRedPill1 Star[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I thought the same. I know he wrote a book by that title so that might be worth looking into.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow, this is great information. Particularly, as other commentors have said, the marrying age factor. The fact that most college graduates don't consider marrying until 28 and graduate school grads until 30 should make many women think, and is significant evidence for why I recommend dating older men.

[–]lSquaredD1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"I would like 5 kids one day...how many kids do you think you'd like? Would you like 5?"

This sounds naive. We adopted one kid, from hubby's sister and it is a LOT OF WORK.

[–]undercovervegan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Super interesting article. Thanks for sharing! These sound like good rules of thumb to follow, but as always, evaluate individual guys based on their own merit/personality/values, etc. I agree that dating an older man is more likely to lead to commitment, but occasionally you'll find a young one who's super mature! My husband and I are both college graduates, but he proposed to me then married me (only four months after proposing) when he was 24 years old, which is outside their high-commitment window of 28-33. However, I will add that both my husband and I are Christian, and we waited until marriage to have sex, so I'm sure that influenced things.

[–]purpleand20 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Really enjoyed this read :). It reminded me of a conversation I had with someone not too long ago, where they felt that it'd be best for me to start dating around 27. Further explaining, they mentioned how guys don't really think too much about settling down before they reach their mid-to-late thirties; basically all he said was written in the article lol.

[–]undercovervegan 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Well not to dissuade you from nun mode, but I don't think you, as the woman, need necessarily to wait until 27 to start dating again if you want kids in the future. If you don't want kids, wait as long as you want! But if you want kids, don't take your fertility for granted. The window is smaller than we're taught to think it is. Once you're done with nun mode, I say go ahead and start hunting for those high quality, commitment-ready 28+ year olds. ;)

[–]purpleand20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I wholly agree with you on that!

On finding love, getting married and having kids, they're all what I aspire for. Ideally, I'd like to find love and settle down by my late 20s/very early 30s, followed by kids before the age of 35. I've always been aware of the fertile window and take it seriously. The tricky part for me are a couple of things...

At my current age (23), I'm nearing the 'quarter-century milestone' which has caused me to reflect and plan accordingly or at least try. Nun mode is a time for me to focus on not only on schooling, but also working towards establishing myself in my selected career field. But most importantly, I'd like to work on being what I seek for in a partner; just being the best I can be in general. I'm not dating as long as I'm still living my parents, don't have a car or job (no worries, I've not only been studying for the DMV exam in my state, but am also currently applying for part-time positions). By the time I move out and become more independent as a whole, I'll probably feel more comfortable in my skin and feel slightly comfortable towards even the idea of finding love (especially when I'm in much better shape, both mentally and physically). I've been told that I should wait until I'm completely finished with school before I start dating, which would mean I'd be 27 or 28. I personally don't want to wait that long as I would hate to ignore any given opportunities.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Further explaining, they mentioned how guys don't really think too much about settling down before they reach their mid-to-late thirties

It's true, because a lot of men who are late 20's can still be considered at the beginning of their career. A lot still go out drinking and partying late 20's/early 30's. You simply need to find a man who is looking to settle, and they do eventually get that feeling (many male colleagues I spoke to talked about "getting the settling feeling" which is basically when they're tired of going to bars and get a job that brings in stable income). It just happens for them early 30's.

[–]SirenOfScience 2 points3 points  (3 children)

There’s one exception to this rule: Men and women who are seriously committed couples while still in school often get married shortly after they finish their formal education. This is usually an arrangement agreed to by the man but devised by the woman. Such couples, however, represent a very small percentage of today’s singles.

I would say my experience was much different than this. We started dating before our sophomore year of college, got engaged before our senior year, and married a year after graduation. My husband definitely devised the whole thing and I was so completely shocked when he proposed that I literally fainted.

I do agree with the age ranges they show and like that they address different men may not fall into the same mold as their peers based on the influence of their family and friends. My husband proposed to me and then his brother proposed to his gf a few weeks later. They hurriedly married before us but I believe my husband's choice to propose spurred his big bro on. I'm surprised they didn't find any data about guys trying to "lock her down" at a younger age. I've definitely heard my husband and other friends of his jokingly tell a buddy he better lock that down when their gf looked especially beautiful or was exceptionally kind or baked everyone a bunch of cookies.

[–]NewMindRedPill1 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah the men in my bf's family have been asking when he will lock me down. Funny enough my family is too. Everyone approves of us together so much that I think its quickening when he will propose. He just asked my ring size (but I didn't know it darn it!) But then again he is 28 and in that stage.

[–]SirenOfScience 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh well early congrats to you both!! My husband was always really mature compared to his peers in many ways. He definitely made it very clear he was interested in me seriously and didn't want to date around. I was surprised though since he is tall, smart, and handsome but he said he was always pursuing a life partner not a fling.

[–]EliteBodSquad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very good article, I may just take the plunge and start dating a bit older.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read this book, and I found it is one of the best books out there, as it is based on statistics and polls, not just concepts that worked for one person.

Some good information that I got was men over 40 or so who have been married and divorced, are much more likely to remarry, than a man over 40 or so who has never married before.

He said that women who grew up with brothers sometimes find it easier to get married. That is a generalization, but even if you did not, think about any guys you had in your family growing up your age, cousins, or friends, and how you learned to interact and understand each other.

The age concepts are true, but may be different for very religious men, who are focused on marriage sooner.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But RP men of this younger generation don’t want to get married.

This is a discussion that is had quite frequently on this sub. There are men who will still marry and there are men who are moving away from it. We focus on strategy that helps us to find the men that do still wish to marry or LTR a woman. Your comment does not contain enough substance to remain. If you would like to flesh it out further and tie it into the article that is being discussed, I will review it and reapprove.