ADVICEIs Having Lots of Guy Friends a Red Flag? (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by wannabebaddie1 Star

I used to be super shy and quiet and as a result, most of my friends were women. I had trouble with men and could not catch anyone's eye. After discovering RPW and being in monk mode, I became much more social and warm to everyone around me. I've made a lot more female friends but also a lot more male friends, which is something I've never really had before. Some of them I'm interested in, some of them I'm not, but I'm taking it slow and definitely not rushing anything.

I know the red pill community is a bit wary of girls with lots of guy friends, but I noticed that being an overall friendly person just attracts everyone to you, men and women. Should I be more careful about having a lot of guy friends if it might lead to a negative perception of me, or should I just proceed with caution? I'm definitely not leading any of them on or anything, but I'm scared a potential LTR would be turned off by it.

I'd love to hear your input on this as this is unchartered territory for me and I don't really know how to act.

[–]returnofthemackX 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You already said yourself that you are interested in some of them. That’s not friendship, and defenitely a red flag to a guy.

[–]Wolfssenger 33 points34 points  (8 children)

The red flag is usually if you have only male friends. This is due to the fact that, as you stated, even the shyest girl can make friends with other women. Since male "friends" are easy to acquire regardless of character, female friends are more a judge of your quality. If you have none, that means they've all identified something wrong with you as a woman, hence the red flag.

Now, onto the question at hand.

As it stands, you just have lots of friends. If you have equal male friends as female I would curb some to thin out the orbiters and prevent too much suspicion. I'd advise that after you find a relationship that you keep all interaction with residual male acquaintances cordial and generally do not progress them(I.e. make plans to hang out, call/text first) if it is not a shared friend between you and your SO. And even under the circumstance that it is a mutual friend, I advise not doing things alone with them as to minimize issues. This serves to respect your relationship and reaffirm your loyalty.

Congratulations on your improvements.

Edit: reconsidered ratio, edited appropriately.

[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Since male "friends" are easy to acquire regardless of character, female friends are more a judge of your quality. If you have none, that means they've all identified something wrong with you as a woman, hence the red flag.

This is something I hear people say a lot, and it always cracks me up.

Having one good female friend is easy, but the downside is she might get clingy or needy if you're more accomplished than her, or if you're her only female friend too.

Having more than one female friend means you have to navigate interactions in such a way where nobody feels left out, invalidated, or insecure about their status as your friend.

"Friendship politics" get even worse if all your female friends are in the same social circle, because if you don't conform to the "herd mentality" (group-approved stuff), you're either the queen bee (if you played your cards right), or the outcast that gets the nasty side of everyone in the group. Queen bee is fine if you enjoy the burden of playing mommy-caretaker, of course.

Now having lots of female friends growing up is a great way for any woman to learn social skills and how to manage office politics later as an adult. I get along fine with other women because I grew up this way.

But I wouldn't blame a woman if she chose to avoid all that tediousness of conforming to "social norms".

Friendship with men can be simple if you're good at smoothing out any potential misunderstandings in advance.

Men who value intellectual advancement (or whatever friendship with you can offer them) aren't going to complain about being in the "friendzone" if you have more to offer than just your basic existence and natural sex appeal. Having "male interests" help, but often, accomplished or ambitious men highly value mentally-stimulating conversations, even if all you're offering is being a good listener (most people aren't good listeners).

Friendship with average guys aren't beneficial for the average woman, so I'm not disagreeing with RP generalizations, but they're only generalizations.

If we're aiming to be exceptional women to attract exceptional men, then generalizations are nothing more than a baseline that is useful to know, and not to conform to.

@ u/wannabebaddie

A man who isn't insecure wouldn't care what gender your friends are, as long as your friendships are platonic. Don't date men with insecurity issues, and save yourself from a lot of unnecessary drama.

In my experience, men of abundance don't care what gender your friends are. However, he'd care that you have made good choices about who you're friends with (what kind of people your friends are), because that says something about you as a person.

[–]xelaandra23 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Totally agree @durtyknees. Had the exact same thoughts reading @wolfssenger's top comment.

Additionally, I personally don't think women are naturally "pack animals" as much as men are, especially not when they're single. Many single women feel very competitive toward other women, which tarnishes true friendships.

Also, I think many women are genuinely more geared toward having a close relationship with their husband instead of having a lot of girl friends.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Make your point without your gender.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Agreed. I was going to state something similar to this. A girl with zero female friend is odd, she doesn’t need to have half a dozen but even 1 good friend. Or... if a girl can’t stand women or always complaining about females, I take that as a red flag too.

    [–]wannabebaddie1 Star[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Thanks for clarifying! I definitely have way more female friends (it’s probably a 80-20 ratio) but this is just way more male friends than I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t really hang out with any of them one on one, mostly in group settings with men and women present. If I don’t have a SO but just a man I started going out with, would it be inappropriate to be friends with a lot of men? If he was my BF I’d gladly cut every man off for him, but we just started seeing each other.

    [–]Wolfssenger 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    If there's nothing official then you have no obligation to cut off other men.

    [–]vintagegirlgame 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Group situations without one on one meet ups with guy friends is totally fine 👍🏼

    [–]Kara__El1 Star 11 points12 points  (3 children)

    I had a lot of guy friends in my early to mid-twenties. It was a great opportunity to see inside the minds of men, what turned them off, what attracted them to a woman. My friendships with them couldn't have been MORE platonic... because I had just recently ended a very scary relationship and wasn't interested in dating anyone, at all. It was a valuable experience for me, having positive relationships with decent men, during nun mode.

    Our lives all went in different directions after a couple of years. They married or moved away, as did I and I never replicated similar friendships, because in short, platonic male friends have their place: nun mode. Once you want to meet someone and have a serious relationship, they will definitely raise a brow with any good guy... at the very least. I wasn't messing around with any of my friends, but most men would've assumed otherwise. Years later, I found out even my aunts thought I was sleeping with at least one of these guys. It's unlikely a high quality man will get to know you well enough to even ask about the circumstances, because he has other options.

    Edit: Your admission that you're interested in some of these men is the red flag. Are you friends or orbiters?

    [–]wannabebaddie1 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Thanks for sharing your experiences! And they are definitely friends - when I said interested I basically just mean I think some of them are handsome. I’ve never hung out with any of them one on one, only in group settings with men and women present. Is this still a red flag? If it is, I’ll adjust my behavior accordingly.

    [–]Kara__El1 Star 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    As u/durtyknees said, if it's truly platonic, I don't think men will care about your mixed group setting guy friends. If you have a larger number of female friends, you don't interact with the male friends one-on-one, and it's truly platonic, it's fair to say you're overthinking this particular situation.

    [–]xelaandra23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Very good point saying that nun mode is the time when having male friends makes sense. I recently left nun mode, and now I have hardly any desire to hang out with guy friends. I only have time for men I want to get involved with.

    [–]Ravengage 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Completely depends on the type of friendship you have. The devil is in the details.

    Red Flags:

    • Having only male friends. This one is kind of obvious.
    • Having male friends who want to have sex with you, have wanted to do so for a while and try to do so on a regular basis. It shows that they cannot respect boundaries and that you do not respect yourself enough to cut that person off.
    • Being flirtatious or overly intimate with male friends. Complimenting each other's looks, holding hands with them, cuddling with them, sleeping over at their place, etc. Unless it's just one specific guy and you're in the process of flirting/dating, then it's obviously fine.
    • A male friend who is an ex. This will almost always be a red flag, although it is possible (albeit rare) to manage. Still wouldn't recommend it though.

    Friendship that are ok:

    • Workplace or school friends that you see at the office and/or class. This is fine, if you're a social person you should be getting along with everyone at your work, not just the other girls.
    • Friends that are part of a mixed group who you only see when hanging out in the group.
    • Old childhood friends that you've never had sexual interactions with or interests in, purely platonic.

    I think for most people it is quite possible, and even healthy, to maintain friendly relations with the opposite sex. The mere fact of having guy friends is not a red flag. But it's all about what kind of guy friends you have - and by association what kind of girl you are. How sexual are your interactions? How flirtatious? How physically intimate? Keep in mind guys are usually not physically intimate with each other, if they see you as a platonic friend they probably won't be with you either. If a guy is constantly trying to hang out with you one-on-one though or keeps trying to touch your arm, your hair, etc. then you know he's into you. And if you continue to keep him around (an orbiter) then that says something about you and can be a red flag. If you keep several of these orbiters then that's a real red flag.

    [–]Waterboo2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Idk.. but If a woman has a bunch of (straight) male friends and they don’t try to fuck her, then she’s probably not that good looking. It’s very hard for a guy to just be friends with a hot chick. That’s why a lot of hot girls just hang out with other hot girls.

    [–]CleburnCO 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Men are not friends with women. Beta orbiters pretend to be friends.

    [–]RubyWooToo3 Stars 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Male friends are fine. A bunch of dudes waiting in your batting lineup is not.

    [–]Pixie03103 Stars 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I also think culture / location needs to be taken into consideration. In America, the large group of girlfriends thing is more common than in, say, some Latin European countries. It's almost expected in the US - it's in all the movies and TV shows, the whole sisterhood concept. But in some other cultures it's different. I think Americans (American women especially) are a bit in denial of their own fiercely competitive natures.

    I had two close girlfriends growing up, and the rest of my friends were boys - but this was more circumstantial than by choice. We all knew each other as children - like we were 5 together. I wasn't attracted to them, but later found out some of them had been attracted to me. Once I was older - in my 20s or so - male friends just seemed to stop being a great idea in general. But the big group of totally awesome "sister" girlfriends - I think - is kind of an unrealistic Hollywood fantasy, too.

    I would say just make sure anyone you let into your life is a respectable person. You become like your friends, so pick good ones. Always keep an extra guard up with men, because 99% of the time, they will want to sleep with you. And I would say - if you meet a guy who feels a bit uncomfortable with it - it's maybe because he knows what men are generally like. So be understanding of this - be friendly, but not naive.

    [–]CalvinRichland 10 points11 points  (24 children)

    Yes. They are orbiters and you are an attention whore. If this is false it matters not that will be the perception.

    Any guy that would fuck you is not a friend.

    [–]Wolfssenger 11 points12 points  (12 children)

    "You are an attention whore"

    So it follows that anyone who attracts attention, be it intentionally or otherwise is an attention whore? You don't even know the ratio of men to women that OP is talking about, this judgement is likely made off bias. I know as well as anyone the selfish nature of humanity, especially it's females, but being spiteful is not helpful. There are other places to mask anger as advice.

    [–]CalvinRichland 3 points4 points  (11 children)

    I'm not angry about anything. These are just adult facts.

    [–]Wolfssenger 13 points14 points  (10 children)

    So women who interact with men in any way that is not strictly within the context of a relationship are attention whores?

    I'm no captain save-a-ho, and I realize this example is extreme but what you put forward is simply an extension of it. It's purely illogical and ignores context in every way possible.

    You filling in a lack of details with whatever is necessary to reach the worst possible conclusion is not only intellectually dishonest, it's called being a dick.

    [–]ConservativelyRight 8 points9 points  (4 children)

    That's a slippery slope. That's not what Calvin said. I think what he meant, in an admittedly brusque manner, is that a woman seeking attention from men in quasi-intimate interpersonal "guy friend" relationships are sacrificing the chance to have a deep, meaningful relationship with an LTR, all for the sake of largely superficial male attention.

    Additionally, his initial statement really was focusing on how it would be INTERPRETED by a potential LTR prospect, with the REALITY of the matter being mostly irrelevant (though on this, a man's intuition is usually correct, as it is with women). That is, if a man you're going out with is at dinner with you and his phone is blowing up with 4-5 different female names texting him, how do you expect you'd perceive that? These might be "friends," but nevertheless having a partner like that (long term, mind you), would make most people uneasy, to say the least.

    It's playing with fire, and creating drama where there doesn't need to be any. Unless those people are essential, I don't see why you need to continue to interact with largely superfluous people that add little value to your life other than that they provide you with attention in lieu of the LTR you're supposed to be getting it from. This goes doubly if you are "interested" in them, as OP puts it. The cost of how those relationships will affect your LTR causes you a net loss in your ability to lead a secure, happy life with your partner, which therefore renders them obsolete. As another woman here put it, guy friends have their place (nun mode, as she put it). But they have no place in a serious, monogamous LTR.

    [–]Wolfssenger 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    There are a few issues with your argument here. First of all, my argument was not a slippery slope because what I was trying to highlight was the fact that he was filling a lack of information with bias.

    As OP indicated in a response to me, the ratio of women to men in her friend group is 5:1. If a woman has 50 friendly acquaintances and 10 of them happen to be men, is this what we wpuld call an attention whore? Yet for someone who has not ever had male friends this could easily be seen a a multiplicity of male friends. This is the reality, however an even less conspicuous ratio could have been a possibility, rendering his comment even more false.

    Despite not knowing this he made an absolutist claim by filling in details with his own bias or he actually believes that ridiculous claim I made.

    So, while the claim by itself as a logical retort may have been fallacious, what I was trying to highlight with it is not.

    Furthermore, you commit the same mistake by assigning nearly unsupportable attributes to his comment. Let's look at the comment again:

    "They are orbiters and you are an attention whore"

    These have nothing to do with perception. He is asserting this as reality. We know this to be true because he later addresses the issue of perception separately. Ergo it's not plausible that the above statement was addressing perception.

    Lastly, you seem to be addressing it as if OP is in a relationship(which she is not). While I agree that these males should be curbed as soon as anything serious has begun, there has to be a way to get it started and the most organic method would be to meet a few men, as OP is doing. I believe this is in part due to OPs use of "friend" rather than "acquaintance" or something of the like, which would be more appropriate.

    [–]ConservativelyRight 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Well, yes, your comment was a slippery slope. I suppose I should have demonstrated that initially, but here you go:

    Calvin said "Yes. They are orbiters and you are an attention whore. If this is false it matters not that will be the perception."

    And you said "So women who interact with men in any way that is not strictly within the context of a relationship are attention whores?"

    That "in any way" is kind of important, since the specific problem here (in the context of an LTR, not now of course) is that OP is associating with men she has feelings for. Calvin took this into account, but you are not.

    Also, you seem to have later admitted that your claim was fallacious, even though what you were attempting to highlight was not. And that's fine. I wasn't disputing the claim that associating with men in ANY way DOES NOT NECESSARILY make you an attention whore. I agree with you on that. But it's a total non sequitur. It's not what we're talking about, here. So yes, the claim was fallacious, and I'm glad you've understood that so that we can talk about what we need to talk about with this.

    OP specifically stated she was associating with men she was "interested" in. That's the real problem, here -- again, this is all assuming IF she were to enter an LTR; no one is disputing her right to talk to, flirt with, or hell even bed as many men as she pleases outside of an LTR. The other problem is she could be associating with men that are interested in HER, and that she could either be unaware of it or conveniently neglects that fact. This could also be equally damaging to her relationship with an LTR.

    I agree with you though on the fact that the comment was overly curt and potentially offensive, and probably shouldn't have been said the way it was said. But you can certainly take some wisdom out of the overall message. It's the same as what you were attempting to do with your "fallacious" statement that woman associating with men are not all attention whores. I think Calvin said something of importance, particularly with the perception portion, but also I think you can go deeper into the absolute and edit it to a non-absolute. Maybe he should have said "It's LIKELY they are beta orbiters and therefore it's LIKELY you are seeking attention through them, subconsciously or otherwise."

    As far as this "ratio" argument, I don't see how it's relevant. If a woman has male friends that she's interested in or vice versa, it's irrelevant how many other people she talks to that aren't going to actively produce drama in an LTR. The fact is, you don't associate with people that you have feelings for, and those you KNOW have feelings for you, while in an LTR. That was the message I think Calvin was trying to get across. And he didn't say it in so many words because it should be blatantly obvious that this is the case. Yet women are becoming a lot like men, attempting to justify the presence of someone who is quite clearly a flirt or potential monkey branch so they can produce additional security for themselves within their relationship while ironically destabilizing the relationship. It's childish and not to mention hurtful to the partner on the receiving end, whether it's a man or woman. And if you're a person who plays those kind of games, I would instead recommend either open relationships or no relationships until you feel you can act properly toward someone that has given you their vulnerability.

    "Lastly, you seem to be addressing it as if OP is in a relationship(which she is not)."

    I apologize if it sounded that way, but this whole thread is about her potentially getting into an LTR. So that's why I sort of "entered that perspective," so as to demonstrate how things would work in a world where OP IS in a relationship. I feel that was very much appropriate and on topic. I think you may be just looking at things in a way that doesn't have as much to do with OP's topic and more to do with proving women who have male attention are not all attention whores. I agree with you on this, so we have nothing further to discuss on that matter. But that's not the topic. I think we're just on two different wavelengths here. The point of the matter is you don't associate with men you have a crush on, or men who have a crush on you, while in an LTR. Again, this should be fairly obvious, but OP may just have trouble empathizing with her theoretical LTR in this case, which is why some of us are trying to make it plain to her that this is generally NOT a good thing to do in an LTR. And the overall consensus on this thread seems to match that.

    [–]Wolfssenger 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I'll concede that I should have admitted that the example was a slippery slope. My point was it was used to highlight a fallacious logical step. Unfortunately I have to start my week, I'll look this over later.

    [–]ConservativelyRight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    No problem. I just want us to get this stuff right. I feel like we're more in agreement on these issues than we think, but there's usually a communication issue that causes most of the problems and prevents us from getting to the heart of the matter.

    [–]CalvinRichland -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

    You have your standards for women you commit to and i'll have mine. I won't commit to girls with a bunch of thirsty boys liking her instagram duck lip down shirt pictures, or with guy "friends" she talks to or has alone time with. It's called a clue.

    [–]Ravengage 7 points8 points  (3 children)

    Nobody is talking about Instagram pictures or duck lips or thirsty orbiters. OP just said male friends, you filled in those other blanks. It sounds like you're just projecting your caricature of male-female friendship onto OP's situation.

    If this is false it matters not that will be the perception.

    This is also untrue. It might be your perception, and it could quite possibly be a false perception. Many people are quite capable of having mature and healthy male-female friendships.

    [–]CalvinRichland 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    She didn't specify details to begin with. My real not joking definition of friends is people that spend one on one time with me, go camping with me etc. Which would still be not ok by any self respecting man.

    As to healthy friendships male female, sorry they just dont exist. Work relationship or acquentince maybe, but not friends, not if you have a serious LTR. The fact that OP said she could cut them all off tells me they arent friends, and most of the time men being friends are interested sexually and the women are using them for attention and favors. Sorry, that's real life.

    [–]Ravengage 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    If that's your definition of friend then I agree with you. But it doesn't sound like OP's "friends" are that.

    Personally I would call work or school acquaintances friends and I'd call what you described close friends or best friends.

    [–]ConservativelyRight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Ravengage, let's not make assumptions. Calvin, by the way, is actually going off of what OP said. We KNOW she is interested in some of these men, and in all likelihood some or many of them are attracted to her. Let's not be naive just to make a point.

    Conversely, I agree with you that male-female relationships can be healthy and mature. But I don't particularly agree with the idea of having intimate conversations/"dates" with other men you are NOT in a relationship with, WHILE you are in a relationship. This is totally inappropriate behavior, by most standards.

    Now, if you're with a partner who just doesn't give a shit, that's fine I suppose. But let's be honest about where that sort of thing can and often does lead. We're all adults here. I don't think anyone is trying to be pessimistic, just realistic.

    I definitely think there is a place for male acquaintances in a woman's life. But it is not as a means to fulfill what you are not getting from your partner -- i.e. emotional/interpersonal attention. Girlfriends are better suited for that purpose, anyway, and they (usually) aren't also scheming to get you in bed with them.

    [–]wannabebaddie1 Star[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Thanks for the bluntness and for putting things into perspective!

    [–]Waterboo2 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    This is what I don’t understand about attractive women having male friends, especially close ones.how do you keep things platonic when you know the person is trying to fuck you any time you’re alone? My only close friends have been women.

    [–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    how do you keep things platonic when you know the person is trying to fuck you any time you’re alone?

    Don't be alone with them, because alone-time is a blaring loud invitation for sex/at least an attempt at seduction --- I'm honestly confused that this needs to be said .. :p

    Close friends I have/had who are straight guys tend to be more than a decade older (usually around two decades my senior). I enjoy discussing ideas and opinions with people who've had significant life-experiences, and my "masculine" hobbies/interests mean we have plenty to talk about in general. I also never doll up when I'm not with my husband, because that's a subtle "invitation" too.

    Have they tried to escalate/test the platonic waters? Sure. Whatever the escalation, you need to be aware of it and de-escalate. Don't do anything that'd give them the wrong impression, either.

    If there's a misunderstanding (or if you even suspect there's one), clarify your intentions as soon as possible. Always be subtle and polite about de-escalation because they'd appreciate that you respect their intelligence.

    Obviously, don't be friends with men who are knuckle-draggers :p

    Platonic friendships with straight men and straight women are very very different when it comes to "etiquette". You can't treat male friends like how you'd treat a female friend.

    Generally, friendships are all about give-and-take. If you can't give/provide any value to your friend, it's best to not be friends, because they'd likely expect something from you that you're unwilling to give.

    Platonic friendships between men and women (where there's some level of attraction) are exceptions, and not the norm.

    [–]Waterboo2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    True. I just think overall it adds unnecessary noise to my life.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Argue with ideas not insults.

      [–][deleted]  (4 children)


        [–][deleted]  (3 children)


          [–][deleted]  (2 children)


            [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            /u/Wolfssenger is correct here, your experiences add little to the discussion and do not apply to the OP at all. Then you got snarky. I notice that you do not comment on TRP very frequently. Men are supposed to focus their time on TRP before they come to RPW. I do not believe you are ready to be here.

            [–]810809 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

            The perception for most will be that you are seeking attention, huge red flag for most guys.

            [–]aussiedollface2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Congrats on your positive changes. The only thing that stands out here as a problem to me is that you are interested in some of these men. This in itself, excludes these guys from the category of “friends” and any man you date will pick up on this. xo

            [–]cynicalhousewife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            It depends whether or not they are physically attracted to you and orbit you and give you special treatment as a result. I'm going to say something very controversial around these parts and I'm going to say that men and women can be friends. People are far more than just their sexuality, and two people of the opposite sex may not find one another sexually attractive but may be bought together through hobbies, interests, sense of humour ect. You get male and female friends who are two people who don't want sex with another and who get along, then you get women with lots of orbiters, who use these men as a sort of platonic boyfriend. They get all the perks of having a boyfriend, without giving anything in return. The guy always hopes there will be something more and is stuck in the friendzone. Women who hold onto these friendzoned guys tend to be more likely to have unhealthy tendencies as do men who put up with being friendzoned.

            [–]Arnold889 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            A girl with male friends as part of a mixed group or alone will make you fail our vetting for an ltr. Any ltr you enter will encounter significant problems. Why? Adult fact: Men don't want their girlfriend/ wife hanging around other men no matter what the status of the other men are. Your choice is continue attention seeking and your drama pursuit at the sacrifice of your intimate relations

            [–]ConservativelyRight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            If you're getting into an LTR, you should not continue to associate with other men you are "interested in." That's bad news, for obvious reasons. If you're with a keen man (and if he's good enough for an LTR, he will be keen), he'll notice if something's off with one of your "friends." He'll notice if he's getting too close, if he's dropping hints, or generally acting inappropriate with you. And by the time you realize your partner has realized this, you'll be doing overtime to dig your relationship out of a serious hole, or he'll simply just be gone.

            Really, just switch the spots and think how you'd like to be treated. Your man should not, unless forced by circumstance (work, school, etc.), be associating with women he has or has had any feelings for. Same goes for you. And as the poster above stated, don't be an idiot. One on ones with coworkers/classmates who are at best acquaintances, for the specific purpose of doing work, will nearly always be tolerated by a prudent man (though larger groups are preferred). But one on ones with "guy friends" for no apparent purpose other than an intimate get-together (what most people would call "a date") are never tolerated. Period.

            [–][deleted]  (4 children)


            [–]omanisherin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            I totally get what your saying Nuke. It's not a reflection on the woman though. Many guys that are friends with women ( especially introverted engineers) have ulterior motives. Nice Guy syndrome. You think it's cool and platonic until one day they are going in for the kiss. And you didn't even see it coming.

            Or maybe he's hot and funny and knows exactly what he's doing. In red pill land we call these guys orbiters. Guys just biding their time, waiting for a weak moment so they can make a move. It's gender Dynamics.

            And you are right, it's not fair. But committing to a woman who has a lot of orbiters is mistake. From a risk mitigation stand point, she's high risk.

            As for me I know I can't be a platonic friend with someone I'm attracted to. A part of me is always hunting. Most other attractive romanticly capable guys I know are the same way.

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)


              [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              You haven't spent enough time on TRP to be participating on RPW. Please focus your time on the men's subs for now.

              If you are a guy and you are here read this