A feminist hits the wall (alphagameplan.blogspot.com)

submitted by StingrayVC

[–]StingrayVC[S] 57 points58 points  (3 children)

She states in the title, Men rarely catcall me any more. I hate that our culture makes me miss it

It's not our culture that makes her miss it.

The wall is real and it can be devastating. Don't waste your youth and allow men to use it up. If you can find him, one man will appreciate your youth and remember it forever.

[–]jb_trp 18 points19 points  (0 children)

If you can find him, one man will appreciate your youth and remember it forever.

Truer words were never spoken.

[–]RPAlternate42 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I love how she completely lacks agency for her liking it.

Woe is the day she is honest with herself.

[–]fhigurethisout 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes, great response.

also lol at blaming our culture...women adore attention, she should just fess up that she used to like the attention and stop pointing fingers at "our culture" lmao

[–]The_BeardedGentleman 15 points16 points  (6 children)

Weird, every time I see something about cat calling the person is in New York... wonder if theres a connection...

[–]alisonstone 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The population density increases the number of people you will have contact with, so that increases the chances of incidents happening.

New York also has a lot of different socio-economic groups in very close distance of each or even overlapping. There is more catcalling committed by the lower socio-economic classes. Or maybe another way to look at it is that feminists, who are overwhelmingly middle class white women, are offended by the street vernacular and vocal cadence of poor people, because you don't hear many poor/minority women complaining about cat calling. New York is one of those cities where the middle to upper class can't really avoid occasionally walking by poor people.

[–]nicethingyoucanthave 11 points12 points  (0 children)

every time I see something about cat calling the person is in New York... wonder if theres a connection...

Well yes. See, men in other cities don't catcall, but not for lack of misogyny, oh no! It's because they're arrogant. Quote: "Sydney men are woefully lacking when it comes to romantic gestures" she says, concluding with, "unless you want to lose the ladies of Sydney to your more forthcoming counterparts overseas ... it’s time to be a little less aloof."

[–]PrincessofPersuasia 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've experienced more "traditional" catcalling all over the world, but it's usually a harmless whistle, "Wow", etc. but NYC was the only place where it was actually vile. The things I heard were not only disgusting, but actually dangerous. I absolutely love the city, most people are friendly and there isn't a lot of crime but the catcalling is on an entirely different, more disgusting level.

[–]Soulless_Shitlady 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NYC is really expensive...maybe they're too broke to go out and be social, so they're holed up in their apartment, concocting fodder for Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook...

Kidding, but made me laugh.

I've visited NYC several times, and I even found the idea the New Yorkers are all rude untrue as well. I don't think people ever want to be rude, so if you're kind, polite and smile at people, they aren't going to go out of their way to be rude -- they're polite and cordial.

[–]littleredmelody 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here. Perhaps it is because it is a large city, which involves a lot of walking which means you're likely to encounter people of all types.

Plus, it increases the likelihood that the worst rejection you'll get is being ignored.

[–]freebumblebeeendorsed woman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Large city, lots of walking and little driving, very expensive so most "normal" people live in pretty poor areas...one of the many reasons I would never want to live in a big city.

[–]StingrayVC[S] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

What a difference a year makes and an astute observation from commenter Retrenched at Alpha Game:

Usually when a woman complains about catcalling, harassment, or being sexually objectified, it's her way of advertising to the world as loudly as possible that some man, somewhere, thought she was pretty enough to hit on. This is why unattractive women complain about those things more often than attractive women do. Good looking women don't have to a make a big deal out of getting hit on, since people can tell by looking at them that men would obviously find them desirable.

EDIT: Aaaaannnnnd The Guardian changed the title of her article to One perk of older age? Fewer catcalls. (I won't link this as I don't want to send them traffic)

Heh heh.

[–]littleteafox 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wow. To me this just seems like such a sad way to live life. Everything is a battle, a struggle, something to fight against and you're always the victim of something. How horrible.

[–]FlowerAndWillowWorld 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That makes complete sense. It's the same reason you'll hear 6s and 7s claiming they're an 8 or a 9 or otherwise making a big deal out of the 1-10 scale, but real 8s and 9s never talk about what they think their number is. They don't have to, everyone already knows they're hot.

[–]Soulless_Shitlady 24 points25 points  (21 children)

I find it really curious how often these feminists have such appalling things said to them...I'm not saying this to give myself an ego boost, but I'm tall, I'm in great shape, I'm always dressed well with my hair and makeup done, I've been told I'm very attractive and I definitely don't have resting bitch face and try to smile at people, so I'm very approachable...

What I'm getting at is that I'm approached often, I get "catcalls" and I have men speak to me on the street, but I can count on one hand how many times a man has said something inappropriate, and I can't count on any hands when someone has been within arms reach for those inappropriate comments. For the most part, I've heard, "You have a great smile!", "I love your red hair!", and "How are you?"

I don't want to say that these situations never happen for women, but I find it really hard to believe that these situations actually happen as much as women say they do. It honestly leads me to believe that it a.) never happened or b.) men are being polite and this victim mentality turns a harmless compliment into a "lascivious look" and "creepy comment."

[–]littleredmelody 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I've noticed that trying to fix my resting bitch face has increased the positive male attention I've gotten, without inviting any additional "creeps".

I'm pretty sure creeps pick on insecurity, more than attractiveness. My most 'negative' experiences with male attention happened when I was younger, and didn't know how to be explicit with rejection, while remaining polite and discerning of the other's feelings. This made me mousy and skittish, and probably an easy looking target.

Now, I make an effort to smile, or at least not walk around with a frown. Even when I forget, I make sure to smile and acknowledge anyone who speaks to me, even strangers. My rule of thumb is, "would this be unsettling if a relative said it" for my interactions with strangers, men and women alike. Most compliments seem fairly innocent and uplifting when viewed through that lens!

[–]FuzzyKittenIsFuzzy 24 points25 points  (8 children)

I read some RP blog once that suggested low-value women get a lot of public attention from gross men who think they can pick up these women. It was true for me- when I was in my late teens/early 20s and insecure, if I went to the store without makeup I would get all kinds of creepy compliments from very creepy men. I looked easy to pick up. When I started taking care of myself these creepers knew I was out of their range and I am no longer bothered in public.

[–]alisonstone 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I think this is true. I've noticed that a woman dressed business-like or professionally will get a lot less "harassment" from men, either because they know that they are outside of her social class (and therefore have zero chance) or because they don't want to draw the attention of white knights.

If you wear the uniform of a low-class or low-value person, don't be surprised if other people confuse you for one. It's like people expecting the guy in a police uniform to be a police officer.

Also, a lot of this terrible "harassment" is actually the norm for the lower socio-economic classes. It's like how rap music is explicit, vulgar, and is often comprised of broken English. But that is actually how some people talk. One of the biggest problems with the feminist movement is the disconnect between the feminists (overwhelmingly middle class white women) and other groups. That's why feminism has very little support from other minority groups. So a middle class feminists wanders outside of her home-territory and into an area where there are lower socio-economic class people around, and she's dressed like one of those people, and she is shocked and offended that that those people greet her with the street vernacular. And of course she only complains about it to her middle class peers.

[–]freebumblebeeendorsed woman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I absolutely notice this. When I'm dressed nice with hair and makeup done, I feel more confident and it projects. I'm more likely to get, "I love your dress," or "You're so pretty," or a honk from a car (which I hate, every time it's like ahh oh god am I about to get run over why is there honking). The rudest it gets--even if I'm in short, tight clothing--is like, "Nice legs, mama."

But when I'm running out to the store in a hurry with no makeup, hair a frizzy, barely contained mess, in gym clothes, I don't feel confident. I feel incredibly self-conscious. It shows in my posture. I don't make eye contact. (Since I made the connection, I've been working on this, but it's hard to feel good when you know you look bad.) Times like these are when I end up getting cornered in a store or when I get followed in a parking lot, either by a man on foot or in his car. I get people who will not stop talking to me, who put their hands on me, who say really crass things to me.

Now I'm not saying every single time I leave the house this nonsense happens, but guaranteed, if someone is being creepy, I'm already looking and feeling my worst.

[–]Soulless_Shitlady 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Try telling these women to just take care of themselves -- "Society should change, not me!"

[–]alcockell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was actually a Steinem-ism.

[–]SarahC -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

if I went to the store without makeup I would get all kinds of creepy compliments from very creepy men

Creepy = below your sexual market value when you had makeup on?

[–]FuzzyKittenIsFuzzy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No, creepy as in I would expect them to own a rape van.

[–]littleteafox 6 points7 points  (4 children)

My experience is similar to yours. I have gotten compliments on my clothes, hair, skin, inquiries about my day, good-natured flirty smalltalk. I've never had anything inappropriate. I don't know if it's just how I carry myself or my location (not NYC, though Philly).

[–]ColdEiric 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I doesn't have to be about what you do.

It might be about what you don't do, and how it's pleasant for the guys you meet; "A girl who doesn't act white-trash! Now I understand why mom was relentless about teaching me manners. So I could continue the conversation with girls like this one. Thank you, mom."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How IS your day, btw?

[–]littleteafox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's looking up so far, I have acquired coffee! :) I hope yours is well.

[–]Soulless_Shitlady 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's another thing though -- I live in the Pittsburgh area, but I've traveled a lot...Small towns, abroad, and big cities domestically...I still have never experienced what these women claim! Which again, leads me to believe it's made up in their heads

[–]katiemonster 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Same. I certainly get catcalled (mostly when I was living in LA), but 99% of the time it's completely harmless. I've been assaulted once and followed a few times, but normally the worst I get is, "Yeah baby!" Usually it's much nicer even than that.

[–]Soulless_Shitlady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean there are always the less than desirable comments, but as far as someone invading my space and saying something disgustingly vulgar? Absolutely not -- and these women have countless stories

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]Soulless_Shitlady 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Well, that makes sense because the women typically making these claims are generally unattractive

    [–]PrincessofPersuasia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    When I lived in New York, it happened at least once, every single day. I'm not counting whistles or one-word comments because those are easy to ignore. I'm talking about really disgusting and dangerous things that men would say or do. Before I moved to the city I was of the same mindset as you, but after experiencing it, I can confidently say it's one of the only mainstream feminist things I agree with.

    [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    That Valenti talks bullshit is news to nobody. What is truly astonishing is that so many commenters in The Guardian (The Guardian!, The Grauniad!) are having none of it. For those in other countries, the Guardian is a left-wing paper that sticks up for any kind of environmentalist, leftist, feminist bullshit going. The comments, both on the main site and their 'Comments are free' site (colloquially known as 'Komment macht frei') tends to be heavily moderated. You get banned pretty much instantly for disagreeing with their stance.

    (They are also famous for typos, hence 'Grauniad')

    [–]AerobusTRP MOD 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    She just can't seem to make up her mind https://i.imgur.com/wxoHofl.jpg

    [–]nicethingyoucanthave 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Well, to be fair, she has made up her mind that society (read:men) are at fault. Either they're catcalling her, or they're "making her miss" being catcalled.

    I posted over in PPD (but my comment was deleted) that there is no group ever in the history of the world that was actually oppressed, and then freed from that oppression, and then said they missed it. Like, you're never going to hear "boy do I miss Jim Crowe" from a person oppressed by them.

    [–]LisatheGnome 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Well if you're looking for a hate-read this article from the NYT should do it. The mental gymnastics this woman must go through to get herself to sleep at night... http://mobile.nytimes.com/2009/10/18/fashion/weddings/18VOWS.html?referrer=

    [–]iamz3ro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Simple: If you have a pussy between your legs, you like men. You like attention from them, you like their approaches, you like them. Everything else is just you trying really hard not say "I like to get fucked". That's all there is. So stop lying to yourself, accept yourself as you are, a vagina. Go and meet a Penis, have a good time. Why complicate things?