I found this old article that explains pretty much explains the "never say no to sex with your partner" goal that's encouraged on this sub.
The article is divided into two:
First, women need to recognize how a man understands a wife’s refusal to have sex with him: A husband knows that his wife loves him first and foremost by her willingness to give her body to him. This is rarely the case for women. Few women know their husband loves them because he gives her his body (the idea sounds almost funny). This is, therefore, usually a revelation to a woman. Many women think men’s natures are similar to theirs, and this is so different from a woman’s nature, that few women know this about men unless told about it.
He addresses female solipsism...and how women react when told the truth about male sexuality...
- You have to be kidding. That certainly isn’t my way of knowing if he loves me. There have to be deeper ways than sex for me to show my husband that I love him.
- If this is true, men really are animals.
- Not my man. He knows I love him by the kind and loving way I treat him.
- You have it backwards. If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t expect sex when I’m not in the mood.
- I know this and that’s why I rarely say no to sex.
...and deals with each of these responses. I wish I could highlight the whole article.
In this part, the writer gives reasons why for a woman not being in the mood for sex shouldn't determine whether she denies her husband sex.
- If most women wait until they are in the mood before making love with their husband, many women will be waiting a month or more until they next have sex.
- What else in life, of such significance, do we allow to be governed by mood?
- The baby boom generation elevated feelings to a status higher than codes of behavior
- We have been nurtured in a culture of rights, not a culture of obligations.
- Since the 1960s, there has been an idealization of women and their feelings...her feelings are deemed of greater significance — because women’s feelings are of more importance than men’s
- Yet another outgrowth of ’60s thinking is the notion that it is “hypocritical” or wrong in some other way to act contrary to one’s feelings. One should always act, post-’60s theory teaches, consistent with one’s feelings
- Many contemporary women have an almost exclusively romantic notion of sex: It should always be mutually desired and equally satisfying or one should not engage in it. Therefore, if a couple engages in sexual relations when he wants it and she does not, the act is “dehumanizing” and “mechanical.
- In the rest of life, not just in marital sex, it is almost always a poor idea to allow feelings or mood to determine one’s behavior. Far wiser is to use behavior to shape one’s feelings.
He adds a caveat similar to the one we add on RPW
I conclude Part I with this clarification: Everything written here applies under two conditions:
1. The woman is married to a good man.
2. She wants him to be a happy husband.
If either condition is not present, nothing written here matters. But if you are a woman who loves your husband, what is written here can be the most important thing you will read concerning your marriage. Because chances are the man you love won’t tell you.
(edited for formatting)