I've been lurking on the RP subreddit, trying to understand how they see us women better. The more i read the more I see the truth everywhere around me, from friends, to acquaintances, to women in the media etc. It gives me this sickening feeling in my gut, and shatters my illusions of "love" that I've built up all my life since childhood.
The more I read about betas, white knights, and just prince charming characters which in present day you see at every turn, it makes me less and less hopeful and trusting of women, men, and relationships. I feel like everything is an act, the betas are impossibly nice to you and complacent to get laid or win your attention, the alphas are borderline cold and straightforward to trick us and have us fall under their spell to get laid. How do you trust any guy as being genuine and not playing games? How do you trust yourself that you are making the right choice and not just being an idiot? On some level I've been aware of this since puberty but i never had a label for it or it just seemed normal, "how things are." I feel almost like a frustration and anger towards the world, women, and men and I don't know how to go about trusting and moving forward with this knowledge and perspective of the world.
I can't even watch any movie anymore that contains some sort of female and male dynamic out in this modern day media age where the woman is bitchy and controlling and the guy bends over backwards to please her and she still feels righteous in our behavior and treats him way less than he deserves. They depict these guys that are seemingly wonderful "white knights" but now all i can think watching them is "its an act" he doesn't care he's just doing it cause he wants to get laid. It's like I can't stand women now, the very kind that I was brought up to think were always victims and powerless against the world so any and all behavior was righteous because we are "women" and we were always "wronged." I also feel like I can't trust men, that everything is an act, beta or alpha. I don't know how to decipher genuineness, truth.
I feel so confused, lost, and hopeless. Anyone I try to talk to that is not aware of the rp or rpw world just think im an idiot or crazy, whenever i point something out in a movie or in real life. When i see a couple in the mall where the gf/wife is bitching at him or telling him off in public and just overall treating him in a disgusting manner it makes me physically sick and sad.
So, my question to you ladies single and committed, is how did you not give up, how did you move forward knowing what you know? How did you filter among men when you were dating or even when you committed to one, how did you trust?
I'm still learning, very slowly and I fluctuate between acceptance and anger so I'd appreciate any help. Thanks in advance.