Do we field report? Cause I'm field reporting, feeling pretty great this morning! (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by [deleted]

In the past month or so I've been aggressively overhauling my life. I've found myself with a lot of downtime in unemployment and it has been chipping away at my self worth so, I found other things to make me worthy, in other ways. I've cooked for myself and my partner everyday, this is a major life accomplishment for somebody who used to literally fear every food that wasn't tuna, hummus, or fruit.

I do all the house chores sans cleaning the stove (scares the crap out of me because it's gas so it sizzles and gets really hot when you clean it I don't know just weirds me out) and I've asked him if he would mind putting up the dishes after I wash and dry them, he doesn't seem to so for now this works.

I've also been working on how I talk to my partner, I have a big issue with him being indecisive so I've been supporting his decision making by asking him to make really specific choices. chicken or beef? vegetable, no vegetable? Eliminating the age old, "Well, what do you want to eat?" debacle. When we're trying to make plans with people or each other I ask him very directly and politely "What would You like to do?", "What would be easiest for You" (emphasis on You).

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out but anyway I've started to notice very positive changes in him/us. He's starting to exude self confidence which is rare for him. He's become super complementary of me, he's talking way more about how he's going to marry me, how he's so lucky he gets to marry me. So last night we were talking and out of nowhere, I can't even remember what started it, he said "You've been so good lately." Now, my man is no wordsmith, he's an engineer just not of words. I was a little taken back by the delivery but the message was loud and clear. He's becoming super happy and I'm becoming super happy with our relationship, which had become a little stagnant and stale.

Excuse the abrupt ending I have to run off to an interview but that's my story just wanted to share.

[–]melbautoast 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I say, if he's impressed, you are doing a good job. Keep it up!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I know it's small change but it's big improvements for me and our relationship is definitely improving because of it.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I'm glad that you're being proactive about making positive changes, and working to reorient how you think about tasks and decisions. You're emphasizing putting him first, and as he becomes more confident that you will listen and respect what he has to say - he will most likely start being more direct about what he thinks, needs, and wants.

It's not easy to change from "this is what I want" to "what can I be doing for him?" A good relationship becomes an endless cycle of reciprocity and consideration. I never have to spend time thinking about what I want, because /u/occamsusername consistently goes above and beyond to look after my needs. I am a priority in his life because I have made him a priority in mine.

Change takes time, and you may stumble - but the important thing is to recover and get right back up. I'm glad you didn't react negatively to his comment, because it was meant as a compliment. As he becomes more comfortable with you, and trusting of you - he will most likely start sharing his thoughts/opinions in a more plain/unfiltered format. It will be important that you ask questions if you are uncertain about what he means, and that you don't have a knee-jerk reaction to anything he says.

Keep up the good work! :0)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Thanks for the kind words! I love that when I stress out now it's because I don't think I am doing enough, I worry that there's not enough food in his lunch or if the meal for dinner is gonna taste great or just good. Sure they're still small things to worry about but for me, they're much more positive and silly things.

I do love that he's been more comfortable opening up to me. I've definitely made sure to check myself down to the facial expressions when he makes a decision. Anytime I want to question something I just do it in my head and then say, nah that's silly he's got this.

In general, I'm just trying to say yes to more things and be open to anything and everything that comes my way (not just in my romantic relationship). Broadening my horizons and what not.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm just trying to say yes to more things and be open to anything and everything that comes my way

Good for you :) Positivity and openness always leads to an improved life.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another area you may or may not need to focus on is how you talk about him to other people, particularly friends and family. When a man has to stand by as his SO/wife tells a joke at his expense, or makes a biting remark - it's an immediate blow to his confidence. People think less of him as a result (especially if it happens with any kind of consistency over time) whether they admit it or not. On the other hand, saying a one or two positive things, and being happy around him will make other people respect him more.

[–]newgirl0856 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome. You are helping me see what RPW is about.