What I learned about masculinity from my father (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by cokebottlesandguitar

Hi everyone, I don't know if you remember me but I posted on here as well as in TRP a while back. I have a story to share that kind of woke me up to the role of masculinity in males, from first hand experience with my dad.

I'm 17 years old and through out my life, about 4-5 people that my parents have been close to have died. When my mom's sister died of cancer 2 years ago, my mom couldn't stop crying and screaming and even at 3 in the morning we could hear her pacing the entire house.

Every single one of those times, my dad tried to sit next to her, holding her hand or bringing her tissues or telling her that there's no reason to cry (after a few days) and that she should just think about the good memories.

3 days ago, we got a call that my dad's father passed away at 78. My mom, like before could not stop crying to the point that she was just laying on the floor incoherant. I was so scared of how she was acting because as a kid, you look to your parents for support and strength. You think, if I can't handle this emotional turmoil, I know my parents can do it. When you see your mom at her weakest point, you get so scared.

Anyway, when I saw my mom on the ground curled into a ball crying, I went to look for my dad to try to find some emotional strength from him. When I walked by the bathroom in his bedroom, I could hear the bathtub running but when I put my ear near the door, I could hear my poor father sobbing quietly.

I swear, my heart broke for him then. He knew how we'd react if we saw him collapse. He kept us together ALL this time, keeping his emotions in check so that we could freely express ours. Even when he wasn't strong enough to keep his emotions dormant for us, he hid out in the house to make sure we didn't see him at his lowest. He wanted to leave the vision of strength for us. For that I'm so grateful for my dad and what he thought me about what it is to be a man.

[–]lord-denning 14 points15 points  (1 child)

This is a touching story and very illustrative. Thank you.

The lesson is clear gents - remember it is your job to be the oak.

[–]cokebottlesandguitar[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you :)

[–]Dokubi 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Thanks for this.

I have a question for the ladies out there. When you cry like this (when someone dies or something similar), what does it feel like?

When I cry (as a man) it's always because I feel such a sense of respect for someone that I feel it is my duty to cry for them. I get this feeling of honor when I'm doing it. Essentially they are "happy tears".

Something tells me it's a bit different for women. Anyone care to chime in?

[–]alexkitsune 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think everyone cries for different reasons. Personally, its for the loss. The fact that you'll never be able to see, interact, and enjoy their company again. The recognition of absence that is permanent. Its a weep for sorrow, for loss, for a void that will never be filled again. Its weak, its empty.

Its brutal.

[–]cokebottlesandguitar[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't know my grand father well so I didn't feel a strong enough emotional attachment to him to cry because I strongly loved him.

The reason I cried is mostly because I was putting myself in his place. How he must have realized he was going and how movies may portray deaths at old age as peaceful but he could have felt like a little boy as he died, scared, confused and looking for someone to hug him and tell him its okay. It scares and hurts me thinking that he died afraid.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

for me its the only way to alleviate the pain of whatever negative emotion im feeling. its as if pain causes a back up of poisonous tears that must be expelled, if i dont cry i stay in agony.

[–]MegMartinson 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Your story reminds me of my grandfather: Rock solid, stable, dependable, a man of integrity.

You may find some comfort in the lycics of "The Box".



Men like your father, my grandfather and father are the most important people in your life. Cherish them. Love them. Make sure they know it.

[–]cokebottlesandguitar[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I loved that song

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's interesting to read. My own father was (maybe still is) an emotionally demonstrative guy (never cried a whole lot though), rather than stoic. Maybe cuz he's Russian (whether emotional demonstration is seen as masculine or feminine is cultural I believe), or maybe just naturally like that. However, it didn't make him unrealiable, and I'm happy with the parents I was given :)

The issue is probably not emotional demonstrativeness anyway, but how well he handles crisis.