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Stop Swearing, Complaining or Gossiping (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by LadyKitten

I would like to recommend a way to stop doing the above, using this method I recently discovered on Tim Ferriss' blog.

Choose an easy-to-remove, charity-eqsue (or actual charity) bracelet. You know the type, they're rubbery and designed to fit on almost anyone's wrist. Put it on your left wrist.

Pick one thing you want to stop. (Personally, I'm going to start with complaining, because it's driving me up the wall - imagine how R must feel!) Every time you do that thing, switch the arm the bracelet is on.

Count how many days you can keep it on only one wrist. If you make it to 28, you can take it off (yay!).

I think this is a great idea because it will make me more aware of when I complain - sometimes I do it without even realising, which is silly, but true, and that makes it harder to curtail.

Good luck!


[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor 18 points19 points  (8 children)

I also like to imagine collecting all the whining/bitching/complaining and imagine what they'd sound like if I played them back to back to myself. Gross!

[–]SuperSlavisWifeEndorsed Contributor 12 points13 points  (6 children)

There's another thing like this: the complaint diary.

Every day, rather than say the bad things you wanted to, you write down any that are still with you at the end of the day. No making them sound nice or making excuses for yourself. Just mean things you still want to say. At the end of the week, you read through them and burn the pages.

The intended results:

1: You say fewer or no mean things.

2: You forget most of the mean thoughts by the end of the day anyway.

3: You let go of the remaining mean thoughts by writing them, letting them out, as it were.

4: When you read them later in the week, you see how horrid they were, inspiring you to be nicer in the future.

5: You burn them, removing them from existence, and let go of them completely, trying to do better the next week.

Unsure how well it could work, but I may give it a try.

[–]sovexing 4 points5 points  (0 children)

!

I do this.

Sort of. I don't go back and re-read all of it. later.

I have journals everywhere, different ones for different reasons, and all that. I buy the cheapest notebooks I can find (once I found a whole case of A5 spiral bound notebooks on markdown for 19¢ each. I bought the lot.) and I keep one specifically for all the poison that wants to come out. Complaining, mean or quarrelsome thoughts, hurt feelings, all of it. I make sure to re-examine hurt feelungs after I have calmed down, but most of the time I realise I had hurt feelings because I was being way too touchy. Honestly, like 1% of what I scribble down is valid after I've calmed down. Anyway. If it's just worries or bile or complaining, I tear it out as soon as I am done writing. I destroy it.

It's like magic.

It's gone.

Doesn't work for potty mouth though. At least not for me.

[–]littlebit_ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Do you think this would work for gossiping? I (or at least I like to think so) have my complaining &swearing in check, but I'm worse than an entire small-town beauty parlor the day after Sunday when it comes to gossip.. :/

[–]SuperSlavisWifeEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It could do. The hardest part is stopping yourself saying things when they first pop into your head, though. You'd also need a way of reminding yourself why gossip is harmful, as, unlike mean comments and swearing, gossip, when read, doesn't really look that bad. Perhaps noting how it could have affected someone next to the comment? That way you can see all the harm you could have inflicted over the week.

[–]GrowingSlowly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, I really like this idea. I feel like point number 2 would be most important for me. I would forget what had me so worked up to begin with and realize that it really wasn't anything important anyway, so what is the point in getting worked up? Thanks for sharing this!

[–]ecossecho 2 points3 points  (1 child)

One thing I've done to keep from being horrible to people who I felt would have deserved it is to write their name on a piece of paper and put it in my shoe. It seems kind of silly, but it's so easy to be very cheerful and polite to a jerk's face when you're quietly thinking "I've been stepping you all day."

And then eventually you just get out of the habit of talking about it.

[–]SuperSlavisWifeEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hate it more when I can't avoid these people. At least a mile between me and everyone I don't like. :p I also try and not dislike people who are useful. Even if it means dehumanizing them a little, if someone is a horrible person but a great and reliable driver, thinking of them as "Jem, the good and reliable driver" rather than "Jem, who crashed her own sister's wedding" makes it easier to deal with them.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

oh my god I just thought about this and I am so embarrassed! I'll think about this next time before I want to bitch. thanks!

[–]swift-heart 6 points7 points  (4 children)

could take or leave the part about swearing. i think my so would be more weirded out by me using old fashioned euphemisms than hearing the occasional curse word. he's never said that he considers swearing a turn off, and i would know if it was after nearly 4 years of dating.

i do the rubber band thing sometimes but mainly for anxiety. i could also try it for complaining! i'm not a huge gossiper and my social circle is pretty small anyway.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]neiti 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I think "stop swearing" is a good guideline. Swearing isn't a feminine, good or attractive habit which is why we should discourage it, but we are not making super strict rules here. Each RPW should know what works in their life and should act accordingly. We discourage dying your hair a crazy color and cutting it short, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it if it's what your man is into just because RPW says you shouldn't.

    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    has he never said his opinion of it?

    my SO and I both swear and it's fine because I am feminine in other ways. I know I'll never be close to the angry, hairy woman telling everyone "suck my dick".

    [–]swift-heart 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    he said something like you don't have to censor yourself around me or whatever. this was ages ago.

    [–]SouthernPetite 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Pro tip: More often than not, if you tell someone something negative about another person, the person you told is significantly more likely to (accidentally) associate that negative trait with you, rather than the person you were talking about.

    [–]spiderthunder 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    I can definitely see how swearing and gossiping are traits that are better left, but what about particular words that your SO just winces at? Personally, I can't take "dude" or "wack" or "yo".

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]spiderthunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Every man will definitely have different reactions. I personally don't find those words feminine and wouldn't want them coming from someone who I feel should exude femininity. But like I said, everyone's 'word tastes' are different.

      [–]HeelsDownEyesUp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Oh shit snickerdoodles, I'll try. I've been thinking about some self-control challenge to do that I could track like this. Labeling all negative thoughts as they come and trying not to think of them is so broad, it's been discouraging. Let's do it a step at a time.

      [–]Annajbanana 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I really like this idea.

      [–]Kittenkajira 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I could use improvement with all three! Now I've got to pick which one to start with.

      [–]fhigurethisout 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Whooaa I want to try this this week! It'll go on my weekly goals. Thanks! :) I complain and gossip too frequently still...after the words escape my mouth and I realize it I feel so silly. It's a waste of breath, really!

      [–]FuzzyKittenIsFuzzy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I did this with complaining and it has definitely helped me become more aware of it, even years later.

      [–]entropychange 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Why not swear? I mean do it in the context and with certain people only, but sometimes it is difficult for me to find a perfect word that expresses my inner most feelings at that moment.

      At this point, I am not sure why it is told that girls should not swear. It is not like we do not know these words. I have trouble with this subject.

      [–]lucythelumberjack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      For me, it's a matter of "swearing constantly for no reason" and "a well-placed curse or too". Sometimes you just need a strong word to convey your feelings, but for most things, you don't really. I would just focus on "saving" the swear words for situations that really warrant it.