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So pleased I found this sub! (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by littleteafox

Hi ladies! I just wanted to introduce myself and say how pleased I am to have found this little corner of reddit. I found it only after having stumbled across TRP and saw a link to here in the sidebar :) I can't tell you how much sense RP makes and how much of a relief it is for me to have found it. It has put into words much of what I have found to be true but couldn't really put my finger on.

I am 32 now, still haven't found Mr. Right yet and am kind-of in "monk mode" I guess you could call it (I read someone else use that phrase in TRP). Focusing on improving myself (staying in shape, eating healthy, yoga/meditation and martial arts). I also have a rewarding job that I enjoy in the software industry (BB's everywhere).

I read a thread where the book 'Surrended Single' was recommended so I ordered that last night on my kindle and am already 1/3rd of the way though :) Anyway, I don't want to tell you my whole life story, I just wanted to say hello!


[–]StingrayVC 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Welcome!

[–]littleteafox[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

[–]TheLadyPainter 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Any recommendations as far as martial arts goes? I've been thinking of joining one myself but know so little. Also, are you actively searching for Mr. Right or focusing on yourself 100% right now?

Welcome! :) Looking forward to your posts.

[–]littleteafox[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I like aikido! It focuses more on self-defense and "throwing" people to the ground or joint locks and using their own momentum against them. It's less about karate-chops and trying to punch people in the face :)

I am open to Mr. Right but I am not as active as I could be - I disabled my online dating profile a while ago and try not to really think about it all that much.

[–]cxj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a friend who has done aikido for years. He went from being a brooding, miserable wreck to a calm, controlled MGTOW at peace with himself and the world.

Highly recommended, as a martial art it is the polar opposite of, say, boxing.

[–]jenna_r 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I took Tae Kwan Do in my younger years, though it was more mixed martial art because my sensei had a black belt in several of them.

[–]HarleyQ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm not OP but I took a bit of Krav Maga, and it's honestly amazing. A good friend of mine used it as his only form of work out and lost an exceptional amount of weight on it, and then to actually defend himself when he was jumped while walking his dogs.

It's an amazing martial art to get into if you have someone teaching it in your area I'd highly reccomend it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, Krav Maga is the bomb. The conditioning you get on it is unbelievable.

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Welcome! We love new blood ;) it's great to hear you are reading that book. So many women swear by it.

[–]littleteafox[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I'm about halfway through now. I feel like every woman should read it. I'm at the part where she talks about Gracefully Receiving - this is hard for me! I have a very independent mindset since I've been taking care of myself for so long.

[–]Kittenkajira 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I have a hard time with Gracefully Receiving as well, and I'm getting much better at it! I've had a few dinner parties lately where I've accepted help from the party goers. I actually kept a task or two in mind in case someone asked if they could help. I often feel like I need to re-read the Laura Doyle books because I tend to fall right back into old habits.

[–]littleteafox[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I have a hard time with "Who should pay for the first date?"

I have heard so many guys complain about how much it costs for them to date because the woman never pays. How unfair they feel it is, especially if it's a first date and there's a decent chance they won't ever see the woman again. I've heard them say how impressed they are when a woman offers to pay her half, showing she isn't a freeloader or somesuch.

Because of this, whenever I've been on dates in the past couple of years, I've always just paid for my half. It seemed fair. Plus, what if we go out to eat several nights in a week? What if I make more money than him? Yet I get free meals/tickets? And whenever I've paid for myself the guy never gave any indication of feeling emasculated.

I don't know. But I can definitely see the benefit of allowing the man to pay, and not just the free food hah. I like the idea of starting out from the get-go with him being the provider, and him perhaps having to be more selective in his dating in order to afford a quality woman. Maybe it should motivate him to work harder/get a better job if he intends to invest in dating/relationships?

[–]Kittenkajira 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the best way to go about it is to follow the guy's direction each date. Assuming you're on a date with a guy with some promise, and it's going well (otherwise just split it and get outta there)... When the bill arrives and there's that awkward moment of staring at each other, just ask him something like "how would you like to do this?" or "would you like to cover the bill or split it?" I think it gives the impression that you like him to make the decision when eating out, which is good because then you don't have to worry about it. Alternatively, if he grabs the bill and offers to pay from the get-go, then thank and be grateful.

[–]katiemonster 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Welcome!

We actually had a big thread on this topic on here recently, with a lot of the men chiming in as well. The consensus was that you should always go prepared to pay your share on a first date, and should offer (sincerely) to split the bill. That said, if he wants to pay, you should accept graciously and certainly not argue or insist on paying for yourself.

[–]littleteafox[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That seems to strike a nice balance between the two :)

[–]aTweetingBird 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Quite the relief! Welcome :)

[–]lisfb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Popping in to say welcome (welcome!) and also to say that I love your username - honestly makes me smile every time I scroll by it! :)

[–]WifeyGoals 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello!

I'm glad you found your way here! I felt the same relief that you described. Its amazing to be around like minded women for once.

I'm not sure about "Surrendered Single" but I have just started "Surrendered Wife." It has helped me so much. I used to be a crazy nag, but the book really helped to straighten me out. My relationship has definitely prospered from it.

Anyways, before I give you my life story, I just wanted to say hello back and welcome you to rpw!

[–]meri-dian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Welcome. :)

[–]Owlmarine 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do you ever get concerned you'll never find the right kind of man? Im currently single and am a bit concerned

[–]littleteafox[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes. I can go through phases where I feel like I'll be forever alone. Other times I feel like I'll be fine regardless. Or sometimes I like to romanticize things/delude myself with a nice little story "He's out there, we could meet at any moment, we just haven't met yet. It could be tomorrow at Starbucks, or the grocery store, or he'll get hired at my work, or show up at my dojo, etc" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA