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ADVICEI NEED to act immature and like a child in order to have sexual attraction to a man (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by sheikha4teddies

I'm not sure if it's female nature or perhaps I might have a fetish or something.

I've had relationships where the ex boyfriend told me to "grow up" and stop acting like a child. However the second I take matters into my own hands, and he starts praising me for my success or for my responsibility or maturity, I start to lack sexual attraction for him. The second I act like an "adult" (being serious), I am immediately unhappy.

It's like I NEED to be dependent on him (emotionally) and show my immature childish side in order to have sexual attraction. I NEED to act giggly and bubbly and "ADHD" in order to feel happy and feel good but apparently it's "childish." So then I act like a "proper adult" and I start to have no attraction or low libido.

Is it just being a woman? Is it biological? Is it just me?


[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (4 children)

Sounds like you're unwittingly interested in DDLG, a type of Dom/sub dynamic where the dominant takes on a more paternal/maternal role and the submissive takes on a more childlike role. Im not sure what the RP take on this dynamic is but its a thing. It is worth a peek to educate yourself about it to see what fits and what doesn't, imho.

[–]beezy__ 41 points42 points  (2 children)

^ This. My relationship has a DDlg dynamic, and it's so fulfilling for both of us, and quite RP. I can still be childlike and work toward self-improvement. In fact, he keeps track of my productivity (we use an app for it), gives me goals, assignments, deadlines, a schedule to follow, (all based on the things I want to study / practice / improve upon), etc. That in and of itself is super attractive to me. He enjoys it too. I've changed SO much for the better because of him, and all the while I get to feel cutesy and taken care of ^^ and I can't tell you how rewarding it is to make him proud (in contrast disappointing him feels awful, so I try my best not to)

There's definitely a difference between childlike and childish though, even he tells me I'm being childish sometimes & I take the cue to apologize and straighten up right away, and reflect on it so I don't repeat the same mistakes, he deserves far better than a disrespectful brat

[–]fawnfaze 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Can you tell me the name of the productivity app you use?

[–]beezy__ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sure (: it's called Toggl

[–]littleprettyprincess 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Being submissive and even a little childlike can be seen as pretty normal feminine traits but you seem to be taking it a little further than just that. Is it possible you have a mild ageplay fetish? If so I've found it is a very polarizing trait. Either men really love it and greatly enjoy the whimsy and childlike behaviors or they want nothing to do with it. It sounds like your ex was in the latter category.

Just try to keep being mindful and self-reflective so it doesn't get out of hand. Not a lot of men want the kind of responsibility of having someone completely emotionally dependent on them.

[–]sheikha4teddies[S] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I might have a mild fetish. It's not as serious as other users say - I don't need to play with toys or coloring books. BUT I do feel the need to submit and "serve" a man, and I need him to love and embrace me "like a child," guide me, listen to me, and punish me when I'm bad. I like to beg for sex and be told no, that I need to obey HIS desires. For me it's exciting and sexually fulfilling. Otherwise sex is boring if I have to do the work. I would say I have some rape fantasy fetish too, like being taken advantage of, so that I don't feel responsible for doing "dirty" things.

My ex did think it was childish and kept insulting me saying he was looking for a grown woman. He would insult me saying I need to be happy on my own, but then when I WAS happy I was "acting like a child." He didn't like me making jokes or having fun.

[–]HumanSockPuppetEndorsed Contributor 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You're a lifestyle submissive, plain and simple.

Find yourself a lifestyle dom and have fun.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 6 points7 points  (1 child)

My ex did think it was childish and kept insulting me saying he was looking for a grown woman.

Your ex could have been nicer about it, and likely didn't think/reflect/ask about it enough. You're better off without him.

I've seen this kind of dynamic work (I actually know a couple like this - submissive/ageplay/brat wife, dom/brat tamer husband, and they're very happy), and my relationship has this occasionally (though mostly in the bedroom). It's not abnormal. You just need to vet for men who are cool with it.

It's possible that your current BF could become cool with it if you explain it to him, work with him on it.

One other thing to mention about it: many men are attracted to that dynamic, but are ashamed of it. Fear of being labeled a pedo is VERY real for men due to rampant abuse of the term and fear promulgated by the media (example: kids are MUCH more safe from pedos today, i.e. lower crime rates, than 20 years ago, but nobody knows this because fearmongering media).

Another thing to consider: do you need this dynamic all the time? Or just in the bedroom? Because it'll be a lot easier to find a man who is okay with this some of the time rather than all of the time.

[–]sheikha4teddies[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Haha, I think the ex didn't realize it was actually a fetish. That's probably why he was scared off.

One other thing to mention about it: many men are attracted to that dynamic, but are ashamed of it.

Good!

Another thing to consider: do you need this dynamic all the time? Or just in the bedroom? Because it'll be a lot easier to find a man who is okay with this some of the time rather than all of the time.

Just some of the time. I don't need a full on lifestyle, I don't need toys or coloring books or homework assignments. But definitely at home and in the bedroom.

Funny enough, my best girlfriends are extremely dominant/masculine. They're always the one taking charge and solving my problems where I'm the soft one listening to them and being supportive.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]sheikha4teddies[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I just have a strong feeling of needing to feel cute and small. I know men who claim they need a "queen" or a woman to keep them in line, but this is such a huge turn-off to me. For me it's the other way - I need a man to keep me in line and to order me around. I need to whine a little bit and beg him and he has to "not take my shit" and tell me "be a good girl." For me it's a turn on to misbehave and for him to keep me in line or punish me for bad behaviors.

[–]SubEruanna 1 point2 points  (0 children)

r/Littlespace and r/Littlesafe (the second one is for non-nsfw stuff) is the subbredits for the CG/L dynamic (CareGiver/Little) there's some mommy/little boy dynamics on there as well but as expected the majority is daddy/little girl and DDLG.

[–]digitalvoid 9 points10 points  (3 children)

I also see DDLG being an appropriate fit for what you describe. My bf and I are currently in relationship that fits the dynamic with a few of the fetish elements such as a rewards and punishments system and addressing him as Sir. He's a programmer so he even built me an app where I am rewarded gold stars for good behavior and milestones in our relationship!

When you regress into a childlike state it's what the community calls entering little space. It's a vulnerable state of mind where I relieve stress and deal with responsibilities by enjoying childlike activities like coloring, watching kids shows, playing with toys, hugging stuffed animals, etc.

It takes a special kind of man to find my behaviors endearing and unique. I freak out like a little girl over cute little girl things. I still love toys. My boyfriend recently bought me a princess lego set. At my worst, instead of being bitchy, my bad attitude comes off as bratty.

Like it was mentioned, the dom acts as a caregiver. It's basically a more paternal and structured version of the role men play as providers and leaders of the household. I've thought of DDLG as it relates to the captain and first mate or taken in hand dynamic.

The same respect of a natural dominance and submission role between the partners is as at work at its core in DDLG as it is in RP relationships. I'm not surprised to see a few other RP ladies who are into it since DDLG can highlight that soft, whimsical hyper feminine element, and can trigger strong alpha behaviors in men who are attracted to it.

You can look into it more at the littlespace subreddit and Tumblr is known for its massive DDLG community.

[–]sheikha4teddies[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

soft, whimsical hyper feminine element, and can trigger strong alpha behaviors in men who are attracted to it.

YES EXACTLY. This is EXACTLY it. I absolutely need strong alpha behaviors to feel sexual attraction, it can be borderline aggressive/violent. For me it's thrilling, knowing the fear of a man's strength. I get turned on being helpless and indecisive and being "put in my place."

[–]digitalvoid 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The DDLG dynamic isn't aggressive exactly. A caregiver is gentle because his girl is more fragile and sensitive than most, but he's always firm and decisive. My boyfriend will physically move me away from stuff I want to buy because he knows I'm an impulsive shopper or he'll hide snacks from me because he knows I'll eat the whole box.

He doesn't need to be overly aggressive. I don't think that would fly too well with me. But he's always authoritative.

[–]sheikha4teddies[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Authoritative, firm and decisive....yes, that sounds exactly what I like.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

OP I am the exact same way. I have been doing a lot of self-reflecting the past few months and I’ve realized that I need a “Daddy” type of man. I am HELLA (cali girl here, excuse my slang) submissive and I need a man that will guide me, protect me, care for me, etc. While at the same time I want to serve him, have the honor of being his wife, mother of his kids, take care of his home, take care of him domestically. Submit to him at a a very deep level, and entrusting him with my full submission (meaning he will not take advantage of me for just sex). You are not alone.

I agree also that the DDlg dynamic is very red pill. A man with a good mix of alpha and beta traits would make an excellent Daddy- strong, a leader, go-getter, intelligent, will put you in your place, while also caring, a provider, will support you emotionally- all good things.

If you go looking for your Daddy, beware of fakes and wannabes. A lifestyle Dominant is way different from some random joe that just likes to be called daddy in bed. Some people have watched 50 shades of grey and think they know what it means to be Dominant. They do not!! A lifestyle Dominant will be a Dom in all aspects of life, meaning his personality and energy as well. This is different from some guy that is only dominant in the bedroom; there are plenty of guys who take control in the bedroom, but do not have the energy to match outside of the bedroom. This is the current problem I have because too many men like to be called daddy, but who they ARE is not a Daddy. I am looking for the real deal, as I am a true submissive in both personality and lifestyle.

You are totally normal and I believe most men enjoy this dynamic!! Also, older men. Heck yeah!!!

[–]diaperedwoman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with DDLG. There are guys out there who are daddies and want to take care of a little. You can look into that community or look into r/ABDL, there are plenty of DDLG relationships there. Then there is fetlife, plenty of DDLGs there too.

[–]tempintheeastbayEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Totally agree w/ all the comments on DDLG.

Just FYI though - you do not need to turn to an explicitly BDSM community (if you don't want to) to find a guy who likes this dynamic. It's trickier, though, of course. My BF and I do not explicitly participate in that sort of thing but we have a dynamic I love, where I exaggerate my child-like tendencies. He often approvingly pats my head (I'm much shorter so it's not quite that odd to see), put a hand on the back of my neck (again, I'm much shorter), or says stuff like, "Good girl." And it 100% works for me ;)

[–]teaandtalk4 Stars 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's not just 'being a woman' - lots of women, probably the majority, can still have sexual attraction while acting like adults. That said, it's a pretty common dynamic, but worth doing more self-reflection to see what the underlying cause is.

[–]bloobird08 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe your ex didn’t share your sense of humor? There are different aspects of personality that people connect on and some people are more serious than others. I love a funny, lighthearted man who I can laugh with. Sadly, many are taken. I don’t think it gets discussed much, but I’ve always noticed that funny men are highly coveted, right up there with wealth.

[–]prettyinpinkpill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am exactly the same! Thank you so much for asking this.

[–]NewMindRedPill1 Star 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think everything in moderation. Even if you are turned on by that its good to try to balance your life. You don't have to act 100% more mature but in certain situations try to act even 50% more mature. Like in serious situations or professional situations do you still act childish?

In certain situations you need to act certain ways. When I'm alone with my bf I definitely act more childish, giggly, and bubbly. I easily switch into more of an adult attitude when I see his mom or other people outside of our relationship.