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LIFESTYLEDare To Be Domestic: Traditional Living Against Society & Its Myths (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor

While all the advice I will be giving here is fairly practical, with work and finance, approaching dating and vetting, there is also the important point of- you. Before all those other matters. You need to be ready. Mentally and emotionally.

Being a Domestic Woman can be emotionally tough, since, like I had said before nearly everybody will judge you for it. In some cases, it’s blatant open discrimination and insult (not the pretend-kind SJWs love to pander). Especially if you don’t have children or aren’t married yet, most people nowadays (and that’s a generous ‘most’) only accept women staying at home if there are children. As if we are contractual home nannies!

A Domestic Woman does not stay home to be a nanny, we are there for the household, the house as a whole, whether there are kids in there or not.

Of course, kids as a factor determines how much time we spend at home, yet it is NOT the only reason we should be at home. A Domestic Woman should be free to dedicate time to her home and not be judged for it.

You will be judged though, a lot. That is the truth. Here are some myths you will see all around in modern Western society about Domestic Women and their families. Don’t believe them, as they are merely illogical and hypocritical societal expectations driven by Cultural Marxism and materialism.

Myth #1: Domestic Women are lazy and don’t want to work

“Why do you just want to be at home and do nothing?”

The problem really lies with feminism, which values women’s tax contributions as market products, really. They don’t see value beyond money and they certainly don’t see the value in the time we bring to our households because it doesn’t involve dollar signs. While we used to be valued for our home contributions in the past, we are now just reduced to numbers. It’s degrading and restricting if you really think about it. Housework IS work, no matter how you put it and time is priceless. It takes time and physical labour. Do you think the surfaces dust themselves and proper, healthy meals cook themselves if we are just sitting around with snacks and watching TV? You are actually ‘working full-time’. Part-time work and housework both combine to having a week’s work, it doesn’t matter what the hours are exactly (society loves to measure by hour, instead of by wage and time). If you can be creative and figure out a way to earn more for your hour, that just means you are so much smarter that you don’t have to be out for the whole 9-5 and can manage your housework in that space and earn just as well. Your aim is to support the family, not to be the breadwinner.

Myth #2: Domestic Women cannot afford to be at home

“What about getting a house and saving? You’ll have nothing.” “Oh, so you want a rich husband to support you?”

Western society is very much centred around financial comfort and high financial standards- this is something I have noticed as an immigrant. I came from a place where people literally die of starvation on the street if they don’t work. This is not the case in Western society, there are even helpful resources and support available if you really are struggling, you will never find yourself starving to death on the street. If you know how to budget well, live small and not have high financial standards (the big house, two cars, pricey schools, big gadgets, eating out constantly etc) you can afford to live well on one or one and a half income in the West. I’ve been doing it with my single father and sibling for years. A rich husband won’t do you any good if he is bad at managing his money or is not resourceful or even looks down on you. What your husband or partner earns doesn’t matter (as long as it’s stable and decent, not minimum wage), it’s how he uses it for his family or loved ones that matter. It’s how he budgets, how he looks at the future and creates opportunities for himself (to either save or excel or both) that matters. Mindset over asset.

Myth #3: Domestic Women are stagnant and dependent just being at home

“Don’t you want to use your talents in a career?" "Why are you just depending on your family? Grow up and move out.”

Now this is a funky one. I actually see it as the opposite, when you are choosing to live with a smaller income and are not used to a big, constant pay check, you become adaptable and more resourceful in working part-time and making opportunities for yourself. You look outside the lens of the rat race and at alternative ways to earn and you actually have the time to cultivate ideas that you can pursue into a work opportunity or small business idea. I have my work from home position right now merely because I suggested a new feature for a company I knew and they wanted to give it a go. It starts small, then it’s up to you to be innovative and grow it. As for being dependent, I will address this more later, though all in all, there isn’t much sense in throwing money down the drain for rent to look better for society, is there? Isn’t it more independent and actually financially logical to be with family/your partner to lessen expenses so you can save for your future? Your family’s future? You can learn to be more 'independent' and responsible by helping your family with their logistics- paying bills, arranging contracts and managing expenses. Get involved. You are learning from the experienced and getting experience yourself.

Becoming a Domestic Woman means strengthening yourself emotionally and mentally for what’s to come, you are living a different lifestyle and society will constantly remind you of that, they won’t accomodate you or even recognise you at times. You become resilient, though, like the women in the old days. It’s important to know the reality and know the even better reality that what you are doing, thinking about it logically and based on your family (not society), is actually..quite awesome.

What does a married housewife have to say about this, after having chosen to marry and have children in the traditionally domestic way? It is possible and it is worth it.

In the end, you’re setting up your life to have the time to enjoy it, for your loved ones to enjoy it and when you’re old you can look back on all the experiences and memories you made by choosing this path.

Ultimately, you win.

More will be coming soon, about finances, part-time careers and relationships :)

From my blog, That Stepford Gal.


[–]catsuramen 8 points9 points  (7 children)

Today I came across a situation where being domestic is NOT revered upon.

My friend Jenny (F, 24) and Andrew (M, 32) have just broken up. To get the facts straight, Jenny has been living at Andrew's place for 2 years. She is the domestic type where she takes care of the house and he makes good money to support her. She works out daily to keep a good figure, a loyal girlfriend who completely dropped the clubbing scene after they started, and works hard to clean and cook. Basically, a well-rounded domestic type.

However, Andrew still broke up with Jenny. He said she is not pulling her weight financially. After graduation, she took a low-paying job where Andrew has to foot most of her bills (car, house payment, food, etc). She works at that job so she can spend more time at home. He is a financial manager and she works in social services.

Surprising, after the news dropped, everyone (especially the boys) agreed that Jenny was not pulling her weight financially and Andrew made the right choice to break up with her. Modern guys do not appreciate domestic duties as much as straight-up $$.

Perhaps before marriage and children, being supportive is not a trait as revered upon as financially independent. Only after marriage and children should a women take a domestic role in the relationship.

Now, Jenny is moving back home with her parents, with nothing much to her name other than her expensive car payments (to match her ex-bf's lavish lifestyle) and broken dreams.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children)

This is unfortunate and I do not support this. I will post about it soon but I have mentioned it before on this sub, I believe in women being domestic and at home more when living with their families (husbands or their original families) or friends who are willing.

I do NOT support this way of life for unmarried couples. It is not fair for the woman because she is vulnerable despite giving so much of her domestic work. This woman was basically just used by him- he got sex/relationship at home plus a helper for his bills and a free maid! Since I’m guessing he was just by himself at his place and paid for everything by himself before she came along. Before engaging in this lifestyle, do it only with those who are trusted friends or actual family (blood or married into). I would suggest if you are in a relationship, that you can still do this lifestyle but with your trusted friends and actual family.

Also, she should have checked as well what he thought about their roles. It seemed he already didn’t truly value her as a domestic woman or even fully understood/appreciated what she was doing. That means they weren’t a great match in the first place. Without children in the picture she could have still worked part time and put away money from that, as a last note.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

This is such an important distinction to make, but also difficult to avoid when couples are waiting longer to get married but cohabiting in the meanwhile. And particularly in cities where COL is high and it’s easier for the woman to just move in with her BF and he covers the expenses. How do you all suggest a woman navigate cohabiting in this way while still protecting themselves if the relationship ends?

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I still stand by what I say, they should both live with friends or with family, it is the only way to avoid such risks. If you want to wait longer and cohabit then that’s your risk that you took. I’ve never believed in living together before marriage, I’ve always been advised of this specific risk and I see this risk still exists. If you really need to, live with friends.

[–]Rape_And_Honey 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What if they are both working and earning about the same and move in together as equals?

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then that’s not really within this topic. Here I am discussing being a Domestic Woman and being more dedicated to the home.

[–]noyouarestupid 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Modern guys do not appreciate domestic duties as much as straight-up $$.

My wife stays at home. She makes all lunches, all dinners, all laundry, house is spotless, taking care of a 3 month old, gardening with fresh vegetables, sews clothes, and helps do renovation jobs like painting and drywall mudding.

I doubt your friend Jenny was that busy. If I check her facebook I bet I'd find at least 3-5 posts per day. TV? Probably 3-5 hrs a day.

My previous girlfriend worked part time at Walmart before I broke up with her for not contributing. In reality sex had fallen to almost zero, she did almost nothing around the house (I made more dinners), and she spent more money on herself, new laptops, clothes, than I did on myself. So you don't know about their relationship, stop thinking Jenny was some kind of saint.

[–]NotaNPC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah totally agree- that's why we don't look at other relationships and say LOOK how perfect they are- why isn't he/she doing this for ME? You have no idea how much Jenny did and you have no idea how much she was putting into the relationship.

Also it means nothing the guys agreed with him.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Western society is very much centred around financial comfort and high financial standards- this is something I have noticed as an immigrant. I came from a place where people literally die of starvation on the street if they don’t work. This is not the case in Western society, there are even helpful resources and support available if you really are struggling, you will never find yourself starving to death on the street. If you know how to budget well, live small and not have high financial standards (the big house, two cars, pricey schools, big gadgets, eating out constantly etc) you can afford to live well on one or one and a half income in the West. I’ve been doing it with my single father and sibling for years. A rich husband won’t do you any good if he is bad at managing his money or is not resourceful or even looks down on you. What your husband or partner earns doesn’t matter (as long as it’s stable and decent, not minimum wage), it’s how he uses it for his family or loved ones that matter. It’s how he budgets, how he looks at the future and creates opportunities for himself (to either save or excel or both) that matters. Mindset over asset.

This is perhaps the most crucial element of being a domestic woman, especially since it's one of the man's greatest insecurities.

Whether he can sustain his family is something that every man is concerned with. Ever increasing demands from a nagging wife will likely lead him into an early grave.

Therefore, being content with less physical possessions is key and frees up more mental space to focus on what's really important in life, your husband, your family and your children.

Which leads to an earlier point you made regarding staying home regardless of whether there are children or not.

The domestic woman is the home! She not only keeps the physical house in order, she also creates a warm home environment. She is the life that drives everything about the home. She's the safe landing space, a city of refuge from a world of chaos and turmoil. This has nothing to do with children. This is about being a counterpart to her husband and a counterbalance to his working life outside the home.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are very right and having been by my father’s side his years, doing what I could, I have seen him worry time and again about these things. Yet every time we learned something and adapted better and better until we were comfortable.

I can say here, you can have some of the possessions you want, but you have to pick and choose what you like best and if you want to get more- be smart about it and plan your timing. I’ll cover this more on my following posts.

Yes she is the home! Which is why she needs time to dedicate it to what she does best, she is earning time and using that to make a refuge for her husband and family, allowing more down time to re-centre at home and be ready for the next day. It truly benefits everyone. I simply said that earlier because so many people, even conservatives, think it’s okay for women to stay at home only if there’s little children! Oh they’re at kinder now? Back to 9-5 you go! That is not the basis for it.

[–]curious__kitty 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This is a really nice post dispelling those myths. Thanks for this :)

You look outside the lens of the rat race

This is so true and is my favourite sentence in your post. It's highly doubtful that we will look back on our lives thinking, "wow I wish I would have spent more time at work, to buy even more gadgets and unnecessary items; rather than creating a happy home and spending time with family".

Becoming a Domestic Woman means strengthening yourself emotionally and mentally

This is exactly right. Also, with the time spent on domestic pursuits and not working full time, we can free up some time for self-improvement. This includes going to the gym, reading and cooking healthy meals (as you mentioned). I think these pursuits make us noticeably happier and so much more enjoyable for our husband/boyfriend/family to be around. Moreover, I think it creates a more stable, productive and happier home-life.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No worries! I truly think they needed to be dispelled and women can stand up to them. These are just myths that have been perpetuated for decades, just as a ploy to get more out of women and con them into the system. A materialistic system. Really, people wonder why everything is becoming more expensive, because now there's an expectation that two people, not one, will pay for it!

Self-improvement is a great thing to spend money on and can lead to happier, healthier lives. It also emotionally strengths you, when you're stressed and busy all the time, you are more likely to spend recklessly and fall for marketing.

[–]masterofthebarkarts 4 points5 points  (14 children)

From what I pick up, you live with your father, yes? I just want to point out that navigating the level of financial/domestic responsibility you share with a husband is totally different than doing it with your first family. Out of curiosity, what would you do if your Dad wanted you to get a full-time job to contribute to the household more, financially? What would you do if your husband wanted you to?

I am not trying to sound insulting, but there is something that strikes me as a little bit selfish about this post, I guess because it's all about what "you" want. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to want his wife to work? If I were a high-earning man, I would never agree to have my partner stay home full-time (or, frankly, even part-time) for years because if we were to divorce, my financial burden to her would be larger than if she was earning her own (albeit probably lower) income.

Your posts talk a lot about the societal pressures, which is fair and true. And I don't disagree with this lifestyle at all, if you and your partner (or Dad in this case) agree that it's best for everyone involved. But it feels a little weird to me that your post doesn't seem to address the person who is giving you the opportunity to be domestic. If you didn't have your Dad (or, in the future, a husband) you could not "choose" to be a Domestic Woman. You would *have* to work, full stop. Unless you are talking more broadly about domestic attitudes, which absolutely do get a short shrift in our society.

I may be missing something or not reading closely enough, and I really don't mean this to sound like a harsh criticism....maybe just "food for thought" or something to touch on in a future post?

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 3 points4 points  (13 children)

You made some good points and I’ll clarify them, if that helps. There are some differences between a father and husband but they fulfil the same role in a traditional family, as protectors and providers. My father says I can work full time if I want to as long as I can still manage the home around all that, he says I don’t have to. We are doing just fine, is what his words were and don’t need much more.

It is about women to have the freedom to choose and to be who they are, domestic women, freely without society discriminating against them, no matter the political stance. It was implied in my words when I say having more quality time for the family. It’s about the family- not just what the woman wants. This is supposed to benefit everyone in the family. If a man wants his wife to work he can want that, though he isn’t a traditional type of man who sees himself as a traditional protector and provider, with gender roles. Then obviously this kind of man just wouldn’t be a match for a traditional and domestic woman. She is more suited to a man who takes traditional values seriously and appreciates her for her feminine work. In the dating stage, these values should have been discussed and examined to see if they match, not leaving it until later when they are married. I wouldn’t be with a man who didn’t value my traditional values about men and women.

As for the divorce, well by working part time (and then not at all when the children are little) a woman is also sacrificing some work experience that can hinder her in the future if she divorces you because she’d fallen behind. There’s a risk there for both of you, especially with looking after the kids. I don’t believe in women taking advantage of divorce to rob men, in fact I don’t even believe these divorce laws should apply to modern marriages, they were made originally for home making women who would be financially vulnerable should there be divorce,

[–]masterofthebarkarts 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I appreciate the reply and the clarification; there is a difference between "choosing to be who you are despite society's expectation" vs "choosing to be who you are in a relationship"; you would, certainly, work very hard NOT to end up with a partner who did not agree with this division of labour ahead of time.

Out of curiosity, what will you do if you never marry? This is sort of the crux of my curiosity here. It's one thing if you're married and doing this with your lifetime partner, it's kind of unusual to be committed to the "lifestyle" when you're single (also feel free not to answer if this question is too personal).

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think they can be very similar and sometimes in the same boat. I would also of course pick a partner that does match this values, which is already generally good relationship advice.

I plan to keep serving my family until I can’t anymore, though there’s other things I have in mind. In many countries and in the past women serve domestic roles without being married. We’ve been so conditioned to work outside as much as possible and accept that rush and juggle and I want to question and challenge that.

[–][deleted]  (10 children)

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    [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 2 points3 points  (9 children)

    If you have a problem with the idea, argue the ideas not the OP's credentials.

    [–][deleted]  (8 children)

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      [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (7 children)

      I've only seen this one comment from you, not a discussion. In this comment you critique the OP for speaking about domestic issues without a husband (credentials). You do not have to agree, there is no one proper way to view the strategies on RPW. OP is presenting one viewpoint. Again, disagree with the viewpoint, not her ability to hold it.

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              [–]God-Is-Love 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              Everything in here is so true! It's the first time I've seen someone endorse the idea of being a housewife; or heck, even tolerate the idea! I've been a housewife for three years (since we got married) and it was the best decision I could have made for myself and my marriage. :)

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Oh I’m glad to see that! Yes I definitely am endorsing it, it is possible to be a domestic woman- not just a housewife, maybe even a house-daughter, designated house-friend. The whole idea is placing a value on time at home :) You have made a great decision!

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              Taking care of the home is a very honourable thing to do.

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Indeed it is!

              [–]Venus_Caelestis 1 point2 points  (3 children)

              Thank you for this post--it's a great resource, and I'll be sure to recall its points in the future. My mother is extremely supportive of my desire to be a wife and mother (she's a specialist doctor and quietly regrets not having spent more time with us in our childhood because of her career); however, my father is not (which I don't even have to ask about given that he's still somewhat feminist and BP, and an odd intellectual sort to boot). I avoid antagonizing him by regularly voicing this desire of mine since I love him and feel it's not worth the peace (we rarely see each other due to living on different continents), but if he ever brings it up again during a visit I'll try explaining it like this (despite it all, he does usually respond to logical arguments, so maybe he'd understand better now). :)

              (Thinking about it, even the best of my super liberal friends might get it if I put it like this... anyway, thanks again for this thoughtful post! 💖)

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

              Thank you! It’s unfortunate with your dad being like that though I hope he will see the practicality of it with family as well. It’s good you have your mother’s support. I just have my dad and at first he wasn’t supportive since he was worried about me being outlasted though now he understands while it is challenging, it has always been our values and shouldn’t change.

              This isn’t really a conservative or liberal thing! It depends on how much you personally value family and work life balance.

              [–]Venus_Caelestis 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              Oh, no, you're right---pardon me, I suppose I did use the word 'liberal' a bit sloppily back there. I do agree.

              You are a well-spoken lady. :)

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Ah thank you! I used to think it was more conservative and while the chances are it is somewhat more conservative, people who are conservative financially also clash with that.

              [–]Happy_Holly87 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              I have been “at home” now for several years and I have had a torrent of abuse from many people. Those people all have one thing in common ... they are Women. I haven’t had a single negative comment from men. Always find that so strange.

              My husband loves me being at home and taking care of things, it’s one less thing for him to concern himself with and he always says it’s security for him and the kids to know I’m always there.

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              That’s awful to hear! I do hear most of the vitriol from women though from men it’s different, they usually just get fearful, convinced that it’s just not ‘practical’ for them to be providers. Common modern beliefs for men nowadays, since they were raised differently, usually by feminist influenced beliefs.

              Though your husband sounds like a great guy! The time it earns is definitely worth it once you give it a try. My grandmother once said, “Why would anyone go out and spend when there’s something special at home?”

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children)

              This is a great post. I’ve always been a bit of a loner and not interested in people’s opinions. So I’m okay going against the grain.

              I’m often not driven by money but I enjoy security. I enjoy creations and doing them well. If they make money, that’s a bonus.

              Currently I work, I have a boyfriend who has hinted we move in together soon. I’d like to share with you my hesitations:

              1) I’m afraid to be a financial burden on him. I pay high rent as it is, but I know that money could go toward saving for something more important for the family.

              2) I’m unsure of his commitment. I’ve never lived with a man before (without having been married) 😆 -crazy, I know. I just want some sort of commitment before I give up my amazing apartment.

              3) what if I don’t please him?

              Anyway, these have been my hesitations. Please let me know if you think I should say “no” to moving in together or what kinds of needs I should express. Thanks 🙏🏻

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 7 points8 points  (6 children)

              Thanks! I do know what that feels like and it can be hard to make your own way when you are isolated.

              That’s a great way to think about how you make money and yes security does matter and you have to be smart about it.

              Your boyfriend has hinted that you move in together? For me personally, I wouldn’t live with someone unless we were engaged and close to the wedding date or actually married, it’s been proven statistics wise that people who live together earlier become more comfortable and feel less pressure to marry so marriage is usually delayed. If you’re fine with that.

              I also personally think that he shouldn’t be ‘hinting’, if you have both determined you are committed and serious in the relationship, there should be a discussion of a timeline and when he would want to be married, when he would want children, etc. You need to know each other’s idea of the future and see if they match instead of waiting for hints.

              This is just me and how I would handle it.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

              Okay, I’ll wait for him to bring it up, if he brings it up again. Thanks

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

              When he does, just be clear with him and ask how does he see the future. Think about that question for yourself, too. All the best!

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

              I will, thanks.

              And what if I don’t please him?

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

              Okay, what do you mean by please him? You should be both pleasing each other.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              In anything. Maybe the way I chop vegetables or the way I make my bed. What if he doesn’t like my dresses, idk

              [–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              The way you chop vegetables or make the bed, shouldn’t matter. That’s housework and your domain! As long as you do it decently and properly.

              If you dress properly and somewhat feminine that should be fine enough. He has a right to be concerned if your dressing very inappropriately or sending the wrong message but otherwise, that’s your feminine domain. You won’t tell him how to do his job at work, so the same goes.