ADVICEHow to uplift and support my man when he hates his job. (self.RedPillWomen)
submitted 1 month ago * by mannfan9292
[–]notpacked 32 points33 points34 points 1 month ago (2 children)
Similar situation here. Sounds corny but I had so many sick days from my job I just said screw it and took a random Thursday off. My boyfriend recently bought a house we moved into (about a month, we were unpacked but not organized) so I spent the whole day organizing/cleaning/ adding some feminine/cozy touches. Surprised him when he came home with his favorite beer a video game set up and a steak dinner almost ready. He was really excited and mentioned that he’s working to give us a brighter future and this was a good example as to why. Didn’t solve any problems but definitely cheered him up and gave us a reason to celebrate our relationship on a weekday instead of worry about work.
[–]mannfan9292[S] 7 points8 points9 points 1 month ago (1 child)
That’s so sweet! I can’t wait until we have our own place and we can go full domestic like this. If I stop being mentally ill this will hopefully happen sooner rather than later.
[–]notpacked 6 points7 points8 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Thank you for saying that! I wish you both the best! A difficult situation but I’m sure he appreciates you being there for him.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 1 month ago (5 children)
If he already has the 4 years of experience, why not encourage him to find a new place to work?
[–]mannfan9292[S] 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (4 children)
What are specific sentences I can use that will encourage him instead of nag him?
[–]rachinq 11 points12 points13 points 1 month ago (0 children)
I don’t think you should suggest anything at all.
At the most I would say that you’re proud of him for sticking it out empathize by saying he’s a strong person for dealing with the environment for so long and then throw in something like “you always know the right decision to make and i trust that you will know the right time to move on and they won’t know what to do with out you”.
Suggestions in my personal experience should not be made unless you are asked.
[–]harrisonfire 3 points4 points5 points 1 month ago (0 children)
If you love him, try to explain why you are worried about him.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Instead of telling him to look for another job I think posing it as a suggestion would be better received
[–]excaliboor 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Sentences that end with a "?" instead of a "!"
[–]lady-brett_ashley 4 points5 points6 points 1 month ago (3 children)
Just encourage him to make good decisions. Nagging won’t get him anywhere. Talk about it in the context of how much better you felt after you left your toxic job but do not preach or make him feel like he has to make the same decision.
For clarity how much drinking are we talking about? One or two drinks a night? Or more?
If he is drinking excessively then you should talk to him but a couple drinks a night while not good for you doesn’t indicate alcoholism. I would approach this conversation in a way that frames it as getting healthier together but that is hard to do with tact. Be careful.
[–]mannfan9292[S] 3 points4 points5 points 1 month ago (2 children)
4-5 drinks a night.
[–]lady-brett_ashley 5 points6 points7 points 1 month ago (1 child)
Ok yeah. I would say that’s a lot. Definitely going to have health implications.
Talk to him about it. Let him know that you are working towards being healthier and try to frame it as a team effort. This is a hard one but be as delicate as you can without letting him think this is okay.
[–]mannfan9292[S] 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
He found this post on Reddit and has cut his drinking in front of me to 2 drinks on a work night!
[–]HB3234 3 points4 points5 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Don't tell him to get a new job. Don't encourage him to do so unless he brings it up, and for God's sake do NOT "remind" him to do it. Those are all synonyms for nagging, here. He hates his job and spends 8+ hours a day at it. Do you really think that he doesn't want to or constantly think about leaving? Do you think he forgets how much it sucks and need a reminder?
Encourage him when he complains, show support when he mentions leaving or anything like that... but don't tell him to get another job out of the blue. There are few scenarios in which this will make him feel like you really understand or appreciate the delicate situation he is in.
Be a soft place to land. Admire him for what he accomplishes and does. Flirt extra hard with him. And mostly, show trust and respect by letting him handle his career on his own.
[–]SyDuck21 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (0 children)
He needs to leave that job- encourage instead of nag once he comes to the conclusion on his own which it seems like he’s doing right now
[–]nukessolveprblms 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
So when my husband was in a toxic work environment, I made it clear I would support him if he wanted to quit. We have always been very frugal and could live off my income, but knowing my husband he wouldn’t have acted on that anyway, but it was something I think he needed to hear. It wasn’t just “I’ll support you financially” but, I told him I trusted his decisions, and if he wanted to l quit I knew that would be the right choice. He ended up finding a new job a couple months later and not quitting. I didn’t talk about quitting to him everyday either, just the couple times he opened up to me about how hard it was. I also tried to indulge him as much as I could on evenings and weekends to take his mind off things, and we would go out and do lots of fun stuff. It was a hard time, but you can get through it together ❤️
[–]queenvalerie 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
I've had a similar experience. Always have a back massage ready and keep your home tidy and inviting, with relaxing candles. Be open to talk about his day, but don't bring it up if it doesn't need to be. Remind him that home is home and work is work, and to let the workday end and to stop thinking about it. Give him some time to himself, but be there for him, and THEN give him all the attention he could ever want. My boyfriend had an extremely taxing job that really killed his quality of life, and it hurt me knowing there was little I could do to help, but the little things I did like give him a reassuring note on the pantry door and having the house clean before he got home really made a difference. If you follow any advice at all I'd do the back rubs, they really help.
UPDATE: hey everyone, I had to delete the body of this post because my boyfriend found it and was worried the specific details I posted could get him fired. (He is also a redditor.) We didn’t have a conversation about the content of the post, only that I should delete it (and I essentially did unless people at his work have Reddit Gold).
This happened on Friday. Will he quit his job? When the time is right, perhaps. He’s an adult in charge of his own life. He has read this post and knows that I support him no matter what he does. No matter what, he has led my life to a better place. I have to trust in that.
On the plus side: I noticed that he hasn’t been drinking as much. Even though we were on a long weekend with friends, he was still disciplined about his drinking! He also got up on time for work even though he still hates it. I didn’t comment on any of these changes, aside from thanking him for anything he did to directly help me, but here’s hoping the post rang through to him!