RELATIONSHIPSVetting a Man Part 1: Seeker, vet thyself first! (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by RedPillWomenRPW Writing Team

Vetting potential partners is a vitally important process that cannot be left to chance!

Selecting the correct captain to lead her is one of the most vital life decisions a woman can make, and is the strongest point of control she has over the arc of her love life, especially when she seeks a submissive role. Vetting is part science and part fine art. It amazes me how many people put little to no effort into selecting the correct partner; it is everywhere in their vague dating site profiles ("Just ask!" That's the entirety of so many profiles!), their vapid, inconsequential date conversations, and the hard life lessons they must reenact, yet never learn from in their own lives as evidenced in advice spaces everywhere.

The higher the man's value, the more competition a woman interested in him faces from others. You can't change this reality, but it can be offset and mitigated, for the higher the woman's value, the longer she can keep a man's interest through a courtship and vetting process... *but never for TOO long!* Despite the time and market pressures that bear on this equation, there is much a woman can do to improve her vetting process so it's not like a blind leap of N-count faith, nor a cynical game of iterated prisoner's dilemma that never seems to yield mutually positive outcomes.

This post comes in three parts. In true Red Pill fashion we'll start where we have the most power and control by vetting ourselves. Part two delves into the details of vetting men. Part three looks at vetting for the ideal mix of Alpha and Beta traits.

Prepare and Vet yourself first!

To obtain the commitment of the best man possible, you have to make sure your own house is in order, and have a realistic self-image and expectations. Improve yourself as much as possible, on an ongoing basis; really KNOW who you are and what you want in a man and relationship, and make sure your image as perceived by men is what you want it to be.

Begin with the end in mind. Know what kind of relationships you want, and what kind you don't want, in broad terms. This should help you cleave away large swaths of possibly attractive, but ultimately unqualified men, without hesitation or remorse. You owe it to yourself to find the best partner, which means you don't owe weak matches any of your precious resource of time. Success at this is far easier to aim for and obtain when you know and understand yourself: your true likes and dislikes, your entrenched patterns, biases, and weaknesses. When choosing a life partner, try to take into account how your needs and tastes will change over time as well. Will the qualities you find so attractive in a college boyfriend work well in a Captain, Husband, Father?

Make sure your picker is calibrated well If you always seem to find yourself attracted to the "wrong kind" of guys, you're also subconsciously rejecting the right ones. It's Red Pill canon that you CANNOT negotiate attraction, and this is true on the individual level. You can't start with someone who has good partnership qualities on paper but you're not attracted to, and work or will your way to attraction. However, you can unlearn your blue pill ideas, and overwrite entrenched maladaptive patterns by various means, from introspection to therapy to pushing out of your entrenched comfort zone by sheer willpower at first. Over time, you can dramatically steer the TYPE of men you are subconsciously attracted to.

Be realistic about your own SMV It's like The Price Is Right: You want to bid as high as you can, without going over. Women can generally "date up" a point or two in the sexual marketplace, so don't undersell your potential. A dangerous reality of the SMP is, compared to women, men will SLEEP with a much lower SMV woman than they will COMMIT to. If you try to punch too far above your weight, it becomes easy to get used and dumped. Guile and skill may land a higher-than-expected partner, but simply offering easy sex will probably work AGAINST gaining his commitment.

Be aware of your RMV or what you bring to the relationship table and never stop learning and improving! Your SMV or appearance is good for attracting men, but high Relationship Market Value is what high quality men are looking for in a keeper. Looks will fade, but relationship skills can be built upon and finely tuned throughout life. How highly would men rate you on factors like conversational/listening skills, empathy, conflict resolution, domestic and childrearing skills etc?

Preselect with good filtering processes With all of these details to attend to, it's easy to see how vetting fatigue can set in when you're actively seeking a relationship and find yourself churning through many poorly matched prospects. There's a powerful business rule that applies here, which is not obvious to new entrepreneurs and inexperienced daters alike:

If you find yourself with more business than you can handle, RAISE YOUR PRICES at once!

In a dating context, this means if you find yourself overloaded with prospects that never go anywhere, raise your standards and the bar to date you. Add more polarizing details and qualifiers to your dating site profile. Try new, improved places and methods of meeting people and phase out current ones aren't delivering any qualifiable candidates.

Leave room for serendipity when implementing a tight, goal-oriented search for a high-quality partner. This is not meant to contradict, but rather temper the above advice. I mention this because so many successful couples arose from individuals who would never have expected "on paper" to make a good pair. Don't be lax about red flags, just make sure your preconceived notions don't disqualify an unexpectedly great match.

As you become more self-aware and improved, and develop keen insight into your OWN value and appearance to the men in the dating marketplace through rigorous self-vetting, you improve your ability and effectiveness at vetting and choosing a man. (Part 2)

[–]LovingYouWasRed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow this is some groundbreaking stuff for people who are newer to this space..particularly drawing analogies between relationships and business (they do call it a sexual marketplace after all, right?)

How do you suggest accurately gauging your own SMV? Using your prospects as a mirror or is there a more self-contained way you can get a baseline idea?


[–]therewasguy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good read.


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this, thank you so much! My favorite part: " If you find yourself with more business than you can handle, RAISE YOUR PRICES at once!"

I'm 25, and I feel like I have been vetting for 2 years straight. Maybe I have underscored my SMV? Maybe my price/standards are too low? Who knows or care, I'm ready to make a change! :)