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36 Things I Know After 36 Years of Marriage (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by LifterofThings

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/winifred-m-reilly/36-things-i-know-after-36_b_6321032.html

The last item is basically the "RPW summary", imo:

One of you has to go first. Apologize first. Be vulnerable first. Yield first. Forgive first. Why not let that person be you?

Other highlights:

Thinking you have a 50-50 chance of ending up divorced makes it seem like a coin toss. It's not. There are some behaviors that nearly guarantee failure. We all know what they are. It's a good idea to not do them.

Marriage is a "learn on the job" proposition. None of us comes into it with all the skills we need for success. When the going gets rough it's most often a sign that we need some new skills -- not a sign that we need a new spouse.

When you think to yourself, I really shouldn't say this, you're probably right.


[–]persistencepays 16 points17 points  (1 child)

So great, thanks for posting, lots of gems. Love her first point: "If you think marriage would have been much easier with somebody else, you're probably wrong." I think women do get divorced sometimes due to a delusion that there's some romantic white knight out there who will fit our female idea of how men should express love, rather than trying to understand male psychology and how they actually do express love.

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Thinking you have a 50-50 chance of ending up divorced makes it seem like a coin toss. It's not.

People don't understand that statistics don't work on an individual basis. If I say something like "1 out of 10 men will end up in prison on their life time" (yes, I just made that up) it doesn't mean that each man has a tenth of a chance of ending up in prison. He either will (in which case he has 100% chance) or he won't (in which case he has a 0% chance). It may depend on the kind of person he is, his race, where he lives, etc. It won't be because on his birth a ten sided die was rolled, determining what was destined to be.

Statistics are made up of individuals. That means when bunches of people screw up their marriages, we end up with a 50% divorce rate. If people start changing their behavior in droves, that number will change.

[–]cxj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eh, from the female pov it may not be a 50/50 coin toss but from the male view it is much more so. Women hold most of the cards in family court these days and act on emotion quite a lot. It seems very volatile and gambly to many of us. Keep in mind, rpw are a tiny fraction of females, there are not enough to go around.

[–]tradmarriageftw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well said. I think it goes with when she said marriage is a creation made between you, you both play your part and why not create something worthwhile.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I've heard that, but I also have heard that number was pretty high as well (30% if I recall correctly). Which, standing alone is pretty pitiful. But, I've heard this sited from people trying to say, "the chances of divorce isn't that bad". But, keep in mind that the number people who stay married forever, is not the same number of people who are in happy marriages. There are many marriages that are miserable who never get divorced. The number of people in happy lasting relationship dwindles down even further. I count these because these are a "losing situation" for a marriage as well.

    Counting those, only something like 20% of marriages end up happy. (Don't ask me for the source on that, I seem to remember reading that somewhere, but would have no idea where. Feel free to correct me if the number is wrong.)

    [–]through_a_ways 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Thinking you have a 50-50 chance of ending up divorced makes it seem like a coin toss. It's not.

    70 - 90%+ of divorces are initiated by women. The demographics involved highly suggest it is not due spousal abuse.

    [–]aiofa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    What a wonderful article!! I can't wait for a relationship of my own to pour so much hard work into! In the meantime, I'll work on those important points they mentioned: working on that one problem behavior (at least one at a time), dealing with your own "stuff", and learning how to "soothe and comfort yourself".

    Marriage is something you learn on the job, but that doesn't mean we can't prepare to be the best spouses possible!

    [–]GlitterThat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I really really like this. Thank you for sharing!

    [–]cxj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Really liked this, thx for posting.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    thanks for posting. I enjoyed this.