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FIELD REPORTMy grandparents' marriage. (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor

I was very fortunate to grow up on the same block as my grandparents. I will share a little bit about their marriage and how (positively) different it is from modern marriages.

History

Both my grandparents came here from Europe after world war two. They were European in many ways. They met in 1956 and married in 1957 but their families knew each other for longer than that. They were married until my grandfather died a few years ago.

Dynamics

Grandpa was king! There was no doubt about that. He never raised his voice and never criticized anyone or anything. From his comments or compliments you knew very well whether he approved or disapproved. He loved and adored my grandmother to the high heavens. He was extremely gentle with her and really adored her. She was his world.

Grandma was always there, at his service. His wish was her command. Always with a smile, always with pleasure. She pampered him and treated him the way a king deserves to be treated.

She was the ultimate submissive and he was a true dominant. She was as far from being a doormat as you can possibly imagine, she submitted to him and he in turn protected her and made her feel safe. He provided for her, earned all the money and ran all the financial matters. She never mixed into any of his business. She ran the household, kept everything clean, neat and elegant. She cooked and he never mixed into her business.

Their common attitude was - whatever the other did for them, whether big or small, was always perfect and greatly appreciated.

Long lasting love

It's difficult to describe the intensity of their love for each other and the commitment they had to one another. Us spring chickens can learn a lot from their 50+ year marriage.

There was absolute trust between them and a great respect for privacy. They knew what they needed to know and kept their nose out of where it didn't belong.

Conclusion

I think the biggest take away lesson here is to put your spouse ahead of yourself, always! To be there for them in the way they need you (not in the way you need them). To maintain individuality and privacy and to always appreciate every little thing.

They are my inspiration for what an ideal marriage looks like. They're my inspiration.

Who's your inspiration?

Cheers!


[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Very well said!

[–]bowie747 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Aw! They sound lovely. My in-laws have a fantastic marriage. 31 years and 5 kids later they still flirt all the time and hug and kiss. The other day my FIL came home from work and my MIL jumped up it of her seat and ran to the door to greet him as if they were teenagers and not in their 50's.

She is a true homemaker and mother, he is the provider and handiman. One thing that is also great besides the fact they they go on dates often is they have their own hobbies. He has motorcycles and she plays volleyball. He loves beer (don't tell him or my husband that's not a hobby, they think it is!) She teaches Danish to kids of other Scandinavian expats.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing!

they go on dates often

Everyone today knows how important this is.

is they have their own hobbies.

But how many people know just how important this is? To have your own life outside of the family unit.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk about relationship goals! Having your own stuff going on is critical to being able to give your SO a healthy amount of space.

[–]Willow-girl 8 points9 points  (4 children)

"Both my grandparents came here from Europe after world war two."

I knew a couple like that. They were from Germany and had been married after only knowing each other only two weeks! He had been a solider and she was a waitress in a little cafe. He had come in looking for food but didn't have any ration coupons, but she thought he was good-looking so she hooked him up with a meal. A couple of weeks later, the town was about to be overtaken by the Russians -- this was at the end of the war -- and I guess he decided to get the Hell out of Dodge. He visited her and asked her run away with him. They traveled on foot across country for 10 days, sleeping in haystacks and scrounging for food, until they made it back to his hometown, where they were married. After the war, they endured great hardships, which made them decide to emigrate to America, where they had a great life with their three children. At the time I knew them, they had been married for more than 50 years, but you could tell they were still very much in love.

I lost touch with them after I moved out of the area, but later heard that they had both passed away within the same month back in 2006. I really believe that after all that time together, they probably couldn't live without one another.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Wow!

Thank you for sharing.

[–]Willow-girl 5 points6 points  (2 children)

You're welcome! I wish I could link to the article I wrote about them, but it's behind a paywall now. :-(

It was funny how I met them ... I was editing a small-town newspaper, which allowed me the freedom to do a lot of the writing and photography myself. Because I love gardening, I'd do big, splashy features on areas residents' gardens a couple of times a month all summer. I never had to go looking for gardens -- people would call me and say, "You should write about my neighbor's garden!" or sometimes even their own. And that's what the lady, Helen, did. She and her husband invited me out to their place and I was blown away! They not only had gorgeous flora but had done extensive landscaping with fieldstone, including walls, walkways, fountains, etc. And they had designed and built everything themselves! It was a spread worthy of being featured in a magazine, not just a Podunk newspaper, lol.

They were such lovely, warm people ... we had a very nice visit, and at the end, while chatting over coffee, Helen took my hand and said, "I've been reading your articles for awhile, and I want you to tell my story." And then she launched into telling me about how she and her husband had met in Germany during the final days of WWII, and how chaotic and terrible everything had been then and in the aftermath. It was as if she needed to unburden herself somehow by having her memories put into print. And I was honored to be the one chosen to do it! What had started out as a simple garden feature turned into a tale of how this couple who had met during the war came to America and became Quakers and built this beautiful, peaceful oasis. What a long way they had traveled together, not just in miles ...

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wow!

That's true journalism right there!

[–]Willow-girl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why, thank you! :-)

One of the reasons I got out of the business was that I started to burn out a little (mostly due to the office politics and a string of bad publishers) and felt that people deserved to have their stories told by someone who was really into it and not just half-assing the job. :-(

Some of my favorite articles were ones like the above, which started out as a straightforward story but ended up rambling all over the place! Another favorite story along those lines dealt with the auction of the contents of a defunct garment factory. The owners had shut the doors in the early 1970s and walked away, leaving everything just as it was. My photographer and I ended up rooting through the office and finding all kinds of interesting things, like the carbon copy of a letter from the company president encouraging a forlorn salesman during the depths of the Great Depression. Another letter from around the same period was from a purported store owner promising to place a large order if the merchandise proved to be satisfactory. She requested the company send samples, specifying the exact sizes (which one suspects were her own, lol). Most likely a clever scam ... but desperate times call for desperate measures, lol!

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That sounds wonderful! My grandparents and my SO's grandparents were the same, a very traditional setting that really did have a harmony. After the 50s and 60s that definitely started to fade away with the rise of feminism, which is unfortunate. Well, I'm bringing this dynamic back to the 2010s! To add, my SO and I look like a matching pair too.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm bringing this dynamic back to the 2010s!

Good for you!

Thank you for sharing.

[–]testmypatience 2 points3 points  (1 child)

My grandparents were great to each other all the way till when grandpa died. Some of those oldies matriage were perfect examples of a good marriage .

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sounds like my maternal grandparents' marriage... My grandfather had passed away recently at 90, and my grandmother was really devastated.

She got married in her early 20s, which was considered late back then, but he was the only man she had ever been with. She had been the perfect wife to him: Respected him as the head of the family, took care of his needs and the entire household perfectly while he worked hard to earn a living for her and their children, never argued with him even when he got really ill and became highly temperamental towards her at times towards the end of his life (she understood that he was suffering greatly and that this was not at all his nature).

Despite their hardship, not very long before he passed on, they still managed to share their own brief moment of intimacy, sharing inside jokes and laughing softly together. They had a Captain/First Mate dynamic throughout their long marriage, probably without even realising it... They made it seem effortless, probably because that dynamic was effortless to them.

Both of them were fiercely loyal to each other, and whenever I start to despair at the idea of true monogamy being an illusion, I think of their marriage and hope that someday I'll be able to find a love like that, too.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I loved this post. It's similar to my parental grandparents, except my grandfather died unexpectedly in his 40's.

I do wonder if hard times make for a better relationship. The fact that you really are a team to make it through life successfully. Nowadays there's too many options so women are hypergamous - she can (or thinks) she can find something better. There's more appreciation as each other's spouses.

My parents immigrated to the US and it was similar, they had to really pull together as a family unit to make things work.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It may have an effect to one degree or another, but I suspect that their marriage would have been this strong even if they didn't go through the war. They had certain values which influenced their marriage.

[–]Nyquil-Junkie 1 point2 points  (3 children)

My paternal grandfather chased nurses and drank a lot (but was a professional craftsman who worked all his life). It is rumored he liked the wee young ones a bit too much.

My maternal grandfather was a coal miner who drank too much and beat and terrorized his wife and kids. He nearly killed his wife to get him out of the navy via hardship discharge when intentionally flipping a jeep didn't do the job. He was also a womanizer. He died of black lung, which in hindsight was too good for him.

They both inspired me to not be an asshole.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

From some people you learn what to do and from others you learn what not to do.

[–]Willow-girl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, you're a little cocky sometimes, but definitely not an asshole!

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Sounds like a wonderful relationship goal! Thanks for sharing.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're welcome.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Though my own grandparents aren’t a good example of a strong marriage (divorced baby boomers), my boyfriend’s maternal grandparents are really quite something to look to. His grandmother definitely treats his grandfather like a king, never emasculating him (in contrast to his paternal grandfather and step-grandmother, who chides him in public and makes fun of how he can’t use the stairs…she much younger than him and it’s awkward sometimes to listen to). They are around 75+ but still seem to really be in love, they still go on dates (I die) and they are always cultivating a romantic vibe in their relationship.