Men are often not considered before, during and after the birth. Not by their women, not by the docs, midwifes, doulas etc. I watched some movies and I found the portrayal of men during birth scenes horrid. The disrespect and amount of abuse thrown at them was overwhelming. I also read many many stories where women (snowflake like and so so special) recounted how their men were desperately trying to support them and getting unnoticed or reprimanded by staff, yelled at by their women and still thought of at superfluous.
How do you think about this topic? What are your Experiences?
After I gave birth my midwife was flabbergasted at me not even once blaming my DH for pain or discomfort. Instead I focused on making sure that he stayed as informed and respected as possible by any and all medical staff. (Birth Plan!) I also made sure to seek his opinion directly before allowing a procedure suggested. (I saw him eying the machine with the laughing gas suspiciously)
I also made sure that the docs did not pressure him to cut the cord-something he did not know he could do. (He did despite being faced with a good amount of body fluids and he felt empowered at being the one to cut the connection between LO and me - making him able to participate in bonding with LO properly)
He was also invited to help with the measuring and weighting. It was him who handed LO to me- again an acknowledgement of him being my Husband and the father of LO.
During PP he had ample opportunity to relax and bond in peace. I did not make him do things for me, as I read and saw is all too common. I loved being able to park Lo on him and shower while they had time together.
We learn together, we joke about the midwife checking up on us and her telling us that LO might feel a bit too hot with the clothes on DH put on LO. (It was 36°C and LO had a thick body on and wool socks, DH exchanged the body with a lighter one and removed the socks entirely.)
Things I will improve if we get into the situation again:
- involve DH more in the appointments during Pregnancy
- write it out more clearly that he is to be respected during the birth