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Deadbedroom fixed by wife totally submitting to husband (redditlog.com)

submitted by [deleted]


[–][deleted]  (12 children)

[deleted]

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Hi and welcome to RPW. It's really amazing how... Liberating... it is to just sit back and let the man be in charge. People like the person you used to be tend to not be doing because they want to have control, but rather because they feel like they have to. They don't want to feel like their husbands are incapable of making decisions, but they simply can't trust him to handle things.

Rather than feeling "empowered" by being in charge, it becomes a burden. It makes us anxious, worried, and stressed. When we let men do it, it's like a huge weight is lifted off our shoulders. And here's the crazy part, they actually like being in charge.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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    [–]raziphel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    hop over to /r/bdsmcommunity. "Dominant in life, submissive in home" is actually very common and nothing to be ashamed of.

    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    We are thrilled for you!! :-)

    [–]Pfadfinderei 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    You're such an inspiration! May I ask more closely how you submit in daily life (not only the bedroom)? Financial, managing the household/family et cetera?

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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      [–]BakerofpieEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I do wish he'd be a little more strict, maybe even helping me direct my day-to-day.

      I relate 100%. I have only been married two years, so sometimes I feel like I'm not quite sure what I can best do to please him when he doesn't tell me. He tried to do it for awhile, but it was purely just to please me, and he became resentful of having to waste his energy by dictating my to-do list when he had his own to worry about (this is his perspective, obviously, not to say I think all men would find it a waste of energy). In your OP you said he is only pushing the dominance 60-70% of what he would prefer. Is helping you manage your day-to-day duties something he would like to do and just hasn't gotten there yet? I am curious what sort of solutions other couples have come up with since I've been sort of looking for a middle ground with my husband.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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        [–]Kinned 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        This. This is brilliant :)

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Cool. I'm glad this was the link I chose to respond with.

        [–]raziphel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        It's not a feminist nightmare if you choose to be a doting housewife. From what I understand, the choice is the whole point.

        Pick up some D/s literature with your husband, read it, and discuss it together. Having a healthy vocabulary to talk about these things together helps immensely. Find ways to be happy, healthy, and supportive together.

        [–]TheToastTotEndorsed Contributor 31 points32 points  (3 children)

        I like how everyone congratulated her for using RP techniques, but when it was pointed out that it WAS RP everyone was like "Oh, well I'm glad it worked for YOU but let's not go there."

        [–]DoesNotMatterAnymore 7 points8 points  (2 children)

        well done for finding a solution that worked for you. It's really very nice that you have a partner/husband that you trust so implicitly, and have the kind of relationship that you want.

        Everyone doesn't have that. And everyone doesn't want the kind of relationship you describe.

        This is my favorite. I love this: "I'm really happy for you, but keep this shit for yourself" vibe.

        [–]TheToastTotEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I swear, if this wasn't labelled as RP, it would have a LOT more upvotes and positive comments.

        [–]BakerofpieEndorsed Contributor 13 points14 points  (6 children)

        I still find it kind of weird when women talk about all the new things their husbands instantly wanted to try in bed as soon as the wife says they can do whatever they want. How long have these dudes been sitting on these fantasies and were the women really that uptight before? I just keep thinking "poor guy, he had these fantasies for years and never got to live them out, and there are other men out there whose wives never will let them fully explore their sexual selves." If you can't bring out your dirtiest self with your wife, what's the point?

        [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

        It makes me feel really sad, too, because I had always prided myself on being open and honest in relationships. There's so much that men are afraid to say... It's as though they hold women in a godlike esteem.

        [–]BakerofpieEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (4 children)

        It makes me seriously curious what these wild sexual adventures are. I consider us fairly kinky and I've always been very encouraging of him sharing and acting on all of his fantasies as long as they don't involve putting his penis in another woman. I have even played the role of my friends he thinks are hot since that's the least I can do for not allowing outside booty. But sometimes I wonder if we are actually way more tame than I imagine when I hear about how couples have started doing things the wife turned him down on previously because they freaked her out. Not that it matters since I know he is free to do whatever he wants in the bedroom and it doesn't matter how "out there" he gets with his choices as long as he is satisfied. Just makes me wonder what sort of boring or vanilla sex people were having before.

        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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          [–]BakerofpieEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Half the time hurting me is pretty much the whole point anyway, but of course he is careful not to cause serious injury or long-term emotional trauma. I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but for me there are things that could potentially be really emotionally damaging and send me into a tailspin if he were apologizing for them or had been asking for them, but if he just does it and makes no apologies I'm alright.

          I might be a little distraught and I've mentioned it to him before, and when he used to apologize it would stick with me for longer. But when he just acknowledges that I'm upset and kisses my forehead but doesn't make any sort of apology at all I almost immediately feel better about it. I guess because it shows that he is completely in control and knew what he was doing, so I don't have to worry about him accidentally pushing me too far.

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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            [–]BakerofpieEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            It definitely takes a certain kind of man to give yourself to in that way. It would be an absolute disaster if I asked for this from a man without the best of intentions.

            [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (3 children)

            Everyone go watch Gone With The Wind. See Ashley Wilkes and Charles Hamilton? NO. YUCK. Now watch Rhett Butler. He gets what he wants on his terms when he wants and, and if Scarlett isn't going to give it, he takes it. YES YES YES. Let Rhett Butler be the inspiration to men everywhere.

            Gone With the Wind, ALWAYS applicable!

            [–]MrsStrom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            I immediately thought of you.

            [–]Kinned 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            Hmmm I still haven't gotten around to watching/reading Gone With the Wind but if you girls like it I will definitely finally sit down and watch it

            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Read it first, then watch it.

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Just let it happen.