40
41

MORATORIUM ON "HOW CAN I GET MY MAN TO..." POSTS (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by [deleted]

This is not the point of RPW. You are not his mom.


[–]IanIronwood 6 points7 points  (0 children)

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They say 'you can only change a man if he is in diapers'.

[–]tmpjb 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Serious question. I thought a big part of RPW was getting men to be more alpha? (e.g. various encouragements, no shit testing etc) Or is this talking about specific stuff like take out the trash?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not about "getting men" to do anything. At MOST it's about getting of out the WAY of his leadership. If you married a submissive or beta male there's only so much he'll step up to the plate no matter what power vacuum you leave. It is not about manipulating men

[–]NittanyLioness84 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah, me too.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To quote /u/homo_homini_lupus:

It's not about "getting men" to do anything. At MOST it's about getting of out the WAY of his leadership. If you married a submissive or beta male there's only so much he'll step up to the plate no matter what power vacuum you leave. It is not about manipulating men

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I think it's really important for ladies to use the search bar before making a new post. There are a lot of repetitive comments that new members to the community can learn from. Over in asktrp you see a lot of the men simply saying "read the side bar" same thing here....do your research first as it will help the conversation.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

While I do agree, if a user has a question, I think it's good for them to ask. Doing so allows the other users to try their hand at giving useful advice. It's always really encouraging to see new users writing solid comments.

This sub will always consist of users at various stages, and it's (partially) up to the users that have settled in a bit to help the new users get their footing. I don't mind repetitive posts to a certain degree, but certain topics (example: "How do I get my man to change?") are disagreeable (and concerning).

[–]tofeelforever 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thank you!

Really disturbed with the amount of people lately who want to come in and change their man.

[–]ALadyLikeMe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If say there's a difference between "changing" a man (from a primarily beta to primarily alpha) and encouraging a man to be more of the alpha that he already is.

A man who was once alpha but who has been browbeaten into being beta can "change" back to his alpha self with the right kind of support from a feminine woman, as Ian describes in his post.

A man who is fundamentally beta will not change into an alpha unless he does a serious cycle of pain, soul searching and finally rebuilding. Most likely a breakup or other traumatic event is required to trigger the transformation of beta into alpha, requiring alone time without a relationship holding him back to his old self. Thus the only thing a woman can do in this scenario is be the horrible woman who forces him to change, or be the amazing woman who rewards him on the other side of his transformation.

Women asking "how can I make him more alpha and less beta?" need to seriously reflect on what kind of man he is at his core and what kind of man was he when she chose him.

[–][deleted]  (10 children)

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he drinks too much too often, for example, or is physically abusive, clearly those are situations where more is needed than just for the lady to make sure she's fit, sweet-natured, and well put together.

  1. This is why you pick a good man that you can respect, look up to, and trust. If he has a debilitating habit, or is any way abusive - then you leave. Immediately. We don't advocate dating bad/sleezy men.

  2. Even if he does have bad habits and issues - you cannot change another person. Nor should you try to. You can only control and change yourself.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

It doesn't matter if he's wrong or right. You can't change other people. You can only choose as wisely as you possibly can. You put drinking too much and "physical abuse" in the same sentnece, but they are not the same species of thing. Men become violent when their women are trying to dominate them, the drink when they are alcoholics. you can always stop trying to dominate a high dominance man and he will stop "abusing" you, but an alcoholic is going to drink til he either stops, dies or you leave.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

    Because many women exaggerate, tell half-truths, and omit important facts. When you cuss out, brow-beat, and yell at your man five days a week and he finally snaps on the sixth day and pushes you away - women will conveniently "forget" how destructive their behavior was leading up to that incident. This isn't always the case, but more often then not - it takes two to tango. We're big on accountability, problems are very rarely one person's fault entirely. Where there's a problem - there's plenty of blame to shoulder.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]ALadyLikeMe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      True abuse is not acceptable, but RPW are aware that the word "abuse" and "abusive" are often thrown around carelessly by women these days.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      There's no place for violence in any relationship (romantic, familial, or friendship-based). Yelling is inappropriate behavior to me, regardless of whether a man does it, a woman, or both people yell at each other. Anything/everything above yelling is also unacceptable - but if either my SO or I ever got to the point where we were yelling at one another, that would be a huge red-flag. If you cannot communicate effectively and calmly with another person, then it's unrealistic to think that you can work successfully navigate problems as a couple. If you wish to create an stable relationship, you have to interact with one another in a stable way.

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

      someone completely missed the point of RP in general, let alone RPW

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Red pill is an ideology where you completely change YOUR behavior, YOUR responses, and YOUR way of thinking.

        [–][deleted]  (7 children)

        [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (5 children)

        1. You can still answer the people who posted

        2. Yours wasn't the only "how can i get my man to..." post that was pulled

        3. I think you're a troll

        [–]MorePancakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        This person. Be like this person.

        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

        [deleted]

          [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

          You aren't a mod here. you don't decide What's necessary.

          It was deleted because it was part of a slew of posts asking how to change men. This is not what we are about. Your post contained tons of troll bait, there's no possible way you read ONE word of what this sub was about and then posted that here. Cutting your hair short? getting your husband to dance to your tune? This isn't /r/relationships or /r/AskWomen. Your attitude is demanding and entitled and not welcome here

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          The post was removed from the sub because it's off-base and works from a polluted pool of assertions. You want(ed) to know how to change your SO, as I (and the other Mod) have explained - that's not how this sub works.

          Whether you are sincere or not remains to be seen. Your post hit a host of subjects that trolls often turn to in an effort to stir up problems. I'm not saying you are a troll, only that it's a possibility and you arguing on this thread is not a good way to go about things.

          Refrain from trying to concern troll, and police tone. The Mods decided to remove your thread, you have received feedback and you're still free to respond to those comments when you have the time.

          I also suggest that you read this post. You need to be mindful and re-think how you are going about interacting on this sub very quickly.

          [–]little_red_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Maybe rather than arguing with mods and long time posters of RPW you could read our sub and try to understand why your post was out of place

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          There has been a string of these kinds of threads that were posted prior the one you submitted. As homo_homini_lupus pointed out, you can still respond to the users that commented on your thread. In the future, if you have a concern or believe you are being called out, feel free to message the Mods directly. You are new to the community, so it's not surprising that you aren't aware of the other posts that have been made along the same lines.

          In the future, it would be better to ask questions before assuming everyone is talking about you. If you had instead written:

          "I'm not sure if you're talking about my post or not, I apologize if my questions were out of line. If you could explain things to me, and provide some more insight I'd greatly appreciate it."

          People would be more inclined to fill you in and explain things to you. The whole idea here is that you can only change yourself, so looking for ways to change your SO is seen as subversive and manipulative. Improve yourself, focus on what you can change, pick a good man - these ideas are at the heart of many of the things we talk about here.