exhibit A: how to be a bad girlfriend. (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by philomexa

I don't even know where to post this without being eviscerated, insulted, and shamed, so RPW, here's a little anecdote from my weekend.

ETA: There's a TL;DR at the bottom, as apparently this is 'blather'.

On Saturday my husband I planned a group outing with some friends to celebrate my (belated) 30th birthday. We settled on a local dive-bar within walking distance; cheap drinks and no one has to drive afterwards. :) I may have been a bit over dressed for the setting, but its my 30th birthday party, of course I'm going to look beautiful and stylish.

We get to the bar, and the first thing I notice is that myself, and most of the ladies in our group, are the most attractive women there by virtue of possessing a BMI below 25. So right off the bat we turn heads as we walk in, but I clung fast to my husband and I could see him swell with a...possessive sort of pride when he noticed the other men looking.

So with all that being said we're having a good night. At some point I head to the bar to get a drink (which was becoming crowded), so I squeeze into an opening and try to flag down a bartender. The guy next to me says "oh, you're in my girlfriend's seat" so I say "ok!" and scoot over. He then leans back over and says "by the way, my friend thinks you're the hottest chick here." and points out some dude hovering behind him. I laugh, blush, and say 'thank you', but then I hear a woman's voice behind me say (rather snottily) "excuse me, you're in my friend's seat". I look behind me and I'm face to face with original guy's girlfriend. She looks to be in her early to mid 30's, face is a bit haggard, about 5'5" and 180lbs? I'm terrible with weight, but she was fairly pudgy with rolls of fat, but not terribly obese or someone I would normally notice for her size. She's dressed rather poorly (ill fitting, tight clothing), not much make up, and her badly dyed hair is scraped up into a messy top knot bun. She wasn't much to look at, and her friend was entirely unremarkable, albeit fat. Anyhoo I apologize, scoot over some more, and then finally the bartender comes over, takes me order, gives me my drink, and that's that.

Later in the evening I'm outside with some girl friends getting some air. The girlfriend from the bar comes up to me and says "oh, I just want to apologize for my tone earlier. I'm having a really shitty night and I didn't mean to take it out on you." So I'm like "oh ok, thanks, I didn't necessarily think you were being bitchy, but I appreciate the apology." From here I assume our pleasantries had ended but oh, I was wrong.

so. very. wrong.

Now that we've established some manner of politeness, for some reason (alcohol) homegirl decides to unload all her relationship BS onto me.

Long story short, homegirl has been fighting with her beau for 3 nights in a row at this very bar [why would you keep going back to a bar if you're fighting with your SO there?]. Apparently the beau has been checking out every pretty girl that walks in, so when he leaned over to speak to me, she assumed he was hitting on me. Plus (and god only knows why she told me this) the sex has been lackluster as of late. Before he'd want it 5 or 6 times a day, now they barely have sex in a month. Additionally her beau is a 'sexy engineer' who makes a lot of money, but she "doesn't understand" why he expects a clean house and dinner on the table every night. per her words; "its like he wants a housewife....or a salve. I mean I have a job too [as a bartender at that bar it turns out], and my career is just as important to me, so I don't have time for that stuff, you know? I told him he should just hire a maid and a chef if it bothers him so much, I mean, its not like he can't afford it"..."and he's been getting on my case about losing weight and I'm like fuck you buddy! if you love me, you gotta love allllll of me, through the good times and the bad."..."he just needs to understand that I don't like giving blow jobs, its demeaning and I refuse to do it, so he can just deal with that"...."plus I brought out [nondescript, fat friend] so she could meet [shy bro who said I was hot], but he's been ignoring her all night! like oooh my gawwdd, guys are such shallow pricks, am I right?"

Needless to say, it seems like she was looking for a cheerleader, "you go guurl!" sycophant to back up her shitty behavior and beliefs. I had...nothing to say to her. Really, throughout her entire spiel all I could think of was "this is what feminism has wrought". An early to mid 30's, overweight, unattractive, ENTITLED, bartender princess who doesn't know anything from anything other than what makes her happy.


And she wonders why her 'sexy engineer' checks out all the pretty girls at the bar.

Oh and if anyone is curious, after I went back inside and for the rest of the evening I noticed 'sexy engineer' and his bartender girlfriend spent then entire night fighting with each other, with her eventually leaving in a huff of tears and 'sexy engineer' reluctantly following her.

TL;DR version: Head to the bar looking fly. Make some small talk with a bro. His 'average american woman' girlfriend takes offense and is a bit snippy towards me. AAW apologizes to me later, and then drunkenly tells me about the sorry state of their relationship. Looks for camaraderie, I have none to offer. I realize the AAW girlfriend is absolutely clueless as to why her boyfriend has a wandering eye. My friends, I give you the expired fruits of modern feminism.

[–]HeadingRed 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Pretty sure she expects to be kept in style and for her man to generate revenue for the household- she just thinks all she needs to do to carry her weight is the remain breathing.

If more women would understand how much we do value your keeping the household running while we are out earning it would go a long way towards keeping the divorce rates down. Yes, guys need to let you know we appreciate it- but each time a woman sneers at another woman for running a tight household instead getting a 50 hour a week job we wind up with more disrespect towards mothers and extra drama at home that does not need to be there.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (3 children)

but breathing is hard work!
Men have larger lung capacity, it's easier for them, MALE PRIVILEGE! PATRIARCHY!

[–]HeadingRed 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Would have read your post history but I was late for my bi-weekly patriarchy meetings and needed to shop for a new fedora and get some gel for my neckbeard.

Oh wait, I'm just a guy looking to do better for myself and have a good life for me my family and friends.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

lol I'm sorry I'm an active commenter in /r/fatlogic and sometimes the tone of that shows in other comments.
Not sure what the post history thing is about, but I assure you I agree with what you said before.

[–]HeadingRed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here's what its about. I'm in my 40's and have been present for many conversations when a woman is lamenting the fact that she does not have a man in her life. I see a similar trend when the woman is looking for a date, boyfriend, LTR or a husband. Here is what is breaks down to-

Who she is-

Usually in worse shape than her peers- physically, professionally and value. And I don't mean SMV, I mean how much value someone brings to any given situation. Quite often they are overweight (not a little, a lot), broke (often have collegedegree but struggle to leave poverty) and high dramalow value (will come to the party, bring nothing, demand plenty and create a scene).

What she wants in a man*

  1. Attractive
  2. Successful
  3. Want to do allmost the things she does
  4. Doesn't want to do allmost things she dislikes
  5. Generous (codeword for I'm broke and won't be able to contribute)
  6. Wants to grow (willing to change wayswants eeds to suit her)
  7. Attractive

What she truly believes she needs to bring to the table to land her next dateoyfriendLTRhusband

  1. Herself exactly how she is right now
  2. Nothing else

I just had a talk with my GF's friend. She is about 6' tall and about 250-275lbs. She is broke and a single mother. She flirts with pretty much every guy she sees (myself included). She has a special needs teenager. So she is unhealthy, broke, flirts with other women's men and has very little free time.

And rattled off a list of losers she criticized for being broke, not spending enough time and being unattractive.

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I sympathize with you for not helping, some people are just not willing to hear it, but in the privacy of my own head, I can't help from wanting to shake this woman to her senses. "What's wrong with you, you could fix your life so easily."

[–]VarsitySlutTeamCpt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Man what happened in women's lives for them to be so entitled and self-centered

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

I don't doubt that this is a good example of what's going on in today's society with your average woman, but I also don't think that the way this post was written is a good mindset to keep around here. To put it blatantly, this post came off a little snobbish imo.

I remember reading that being a good woman encompasses 'treating everyone equally' and 'not looking down on others'. I know this is hard. Really hard. But we have to remember that the average person is taught to be this way. You really can't blame them, this is the reality they live in, as sad as it is.

I try to remind myself that I was once completely unaware of rpw/rp, and therefore I have no right to judge anyone else for their lifestyles. I have my own faults, I was there once, and years ago I would have refused to buy into any of the red pill theory. The girl you spoke to is also completely unaware, I feel sad for her, it's too bad she can't see it or be lucky enough to come across information like the red pill.

But yes, this is a good example of what feminism has done. I think I would just reword the post differently so it doesn't sound so condescending, especially since she didn't do anything to directly hurt/upset you etc.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I respectfully disagree. The whole idea behind redpill theory is to accept reality for what it is. An important part of that is recognizing the sorry status-quo of modern relationship culture.

I remember reading that being a good woman encompasses 'treating everyone equally' and 'not looking down on others'.

OP did treat this girl with patience and grace. She wasn't offended by her initial tirade, and then was kind enough to listen to AAW's woes. OP refused to allow herself to be drawn back into the grrl power frame or fuel the fire of this woman's SO-bashing. In those respects, it's a good field-report.

As far as 'looking down on others' is bad, OP only responds negatively to AAW's actions and stated beliefs. AAW's willingness to air out dirty laundry and cast her SO in a negative light were cringe-worthy. It's one thing to look at people and assume the worst about them, and another to hold out against and reject worldviews as being antagonistic to your own.

RP theory is not in the business of allowing people to feel good about their own bad behavior - it challenges people to understand their shortcomings and change in a way to more effectively achieve their relationship goals. You're right in that this is more appropriately applied to introspection on one's own inadequacies, but vigilance against the negative influences of friends, acquaintances, and culture is important as well. OP's post is a good example of recognizing and resisting these influences.

I don't think poorly of AAW, but I resent her attitude towards her beau. It sounds like he's a high SMV guy who's attached himself to a woman who thinks she has a right to a relationship while letting her own SMV wane to shrewish levels. Women like this get away with such bad behavior by attaching themselves to guys who put a large amount of value in fidelity. I'd almost congratulate her for duping the sucker without having to put in any personal upkeep if her strategy lead to her happiness. Instead, they both get to be miserable.

On the bright side, it seems like her beau is trying to run dread game by talking with attractive women at the bar and letting her hamster run. Hopefully AAW gets the message and realizes that it's her turn to step up and do something about the way she's become.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thanks for your comments.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was talking about the way the post was written. I never denied that it was a good example and agree with your above points.

[–]WilIjR 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went out to dinner with my boyfriend for a date night this weekend. I was the only female in the bar not wearing black or gray. People stated at me (I was wearing a red polka dot knee length fit and flare dress. I definitely stood out lol). I did not realize how feminine I actually am until I was waiting in line for the bathroom and this woman built like a linebacker wearing clothes two sizes too small started loudly complaining about her boyfriends inability to accommodate her, on her cellphone. She was swearing and lumbering back and forth and just overall had a very mannish demeanor. And I suddenly realized I 'm not so bad lol.

It is kind of sad they're so unaware of themselves though. Self awareness is really a great thing to have. Especially in public places.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

What happened in this pile of blather?

[–]philomexa[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

There's a TL;DR at the bottom if there is too much blather for you.

[–]aTweetingBird 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I don't see how it was blather--most of the back story was needed for it to make sense.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It asks no questions and leaves not much room for commentary? That's sorta blather but w/e.