DISCUSSIONAging: be aware, but don't panic and obsess (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by Rivkariver2 Star

As you all know, our culture is in a state of denial about women's bodies and the reality of childbearing age. It teaches women to "have it all," and to completely ignore the reality of when to start seeking a spouse, if they so desire a husband and kids. Articles exist with interviews of women in their 40s who had no idea it would be harder to conceive than at 25. They were also taught that only a man with no flaws is acceptable, so many kept dropping very decent guys. Later they mourned being alone. I don't totally fault them, since we were all brainwashed to an extent.

Having an awareness of these realities is advantageous. Any woman who bears aging in mind has an edge.

Still, I see a lot of fearful posts about "the Wall" on here. Girls who are 21 who read a lot of angry trp posts written by men who for now only seek one night stands, and then decide it's all a decline from here on out. Cue angst and panic.

When I see this I can't help but think that their thinking is far too rigid.

We all know the stereotype of the desperate over 30 woman who tries to force relationships for fear of her "biological clock" running out. This is not attractive or a healthy frame of mind.

I've never liked the term the Wall, I think it' misses the mark. It's a modernized catchphrase for an idea people have known for millennia, but the truth is for most women it's a gradual thing, and a wall image presents something you suddenly smack into after being at peak previously. Unless you destroy your body with alcohol and food and drugs and tanning, that's unusual.

Anyway to get to the point. It's counterproductive to angst and despair about these changes. If you're from the US you are bombarded with media telling you to stay young. But a woman of a certain age trying too hard to act 19 is embarrassing herself.

The best strategy is to be aware of the realities of nature, and use that to your advantage. But don't mentally decide to give up. That's how women end up cutting off all their hair and wearing pajamas outside. (I don't mean to insult women who truly do that with 100% of their free will; this is about women who don't want to stop being feminine but feel there is no other choice. I'm also not referring to your grandmother who looks elegant with short hair.)

Once you mentally give up it's hard to fight.

The choices are to age gracefully or to struggle. To be desperate, or a "femme d'un certain age" who has attractive wisdom and is old enough to wear jewelry and perfume and clothes she wasn't distinguished enough to wear before. Who doesn't try to mimic the personality of a teenage, but exploits what maturity and life lessons are helpful.

Would love to hear some discussion on how to navigate this, avoiding the extremes of denial or despair. I don't want to see anymore women giving up hope.

[–]abdada 29 points30 points  (12 children)

I'm old enough to have watched a lot of beautiful women smash into the Wall at high speed. Not pretty.

Now in my 40s, I can honestly say that the women who ate a reasonable diet AND do some weight training are the hottest ones for sure. My ex-LTR's grandmother is in her 70s and she is smoking hot to this day (we still tennis and horseback together sometimes). For an old broad, she's gorgeous.

One of my ex-business partners is a gal in her 50s, no plastic surgery, always ate great no smoking no alcohol no drugs, hits the barbell a few times a week and she's got a better body than most gals in their 30s. She looks great in a dress or a bikini.

The worst thing I've seen a woman do other than poor diet and no resistance training is a shitty haircut. "Mom hair" can age a woman 10 years.

Also: a healthy WHR really makes a gal look younger.

[–]radioactivities9 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Good genetics go a long way too. Just look at your older relatives right.

[–]abdada 9 points10 points  (1 child)

My mom is obese and my dad is a blind bald diabetic, lol. I fought my genetic predispositions with better lifestyle behaviors and activities.

[–]Willow-girl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You CAN succeed! My man is the only one in his family who doesn't have T2D. He eats really healthy ... puts me to shame sometimes! :-o

[–]Landry86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yay! All my aunts are hot! And great aunts.... I'm actually looking forward to aging! 😌

[–]neverheardofthat 2 points3 points  (4 children)

What does WHR mean

[–]abdada 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Waist-Hip ratio. 0.9 for men, 0.85 for women, or lower. Higher than that = higher risk of all diseases, diabetes, death.

[–]neverheardofthat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Think I have been genetically blessed with that for sure...but if I keep eating like a pig every day it will probably change

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I thought the ideal for women was .7?

[–]abdada 3 points4 points  (0 children)

0.9 for men and 0.85 for women is the maximum before you are considered abdominally obese.

Ideal is actually 0.9 or lower for men and 0.7 or lower for women -- ideal defined as the body having the best luck at procreation. Women with WHR over 0.8 are not abdominally obese but their chance of pregnancy drops significantly.

Men with WHR below 0.9 tend to have far lower testicular cancers and prostate cancers.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Very true. What did you notice with the women who "smashed in at high speed," in terms of their lifestyle?

[–]abdada 10 points11 points  (1 child)

In my broscience opinion, I'd say they had too much cortisol going on from stresses piling up. Too much socializing with not enough sleep, the burden of higher debts accumulating even though they were making more money than ever, and sometimes age related metabolism decrease leading to higher belly fat storage.

Also you should add a flair here so we know some basics!

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Very good point about stress. I've taken to going out much less during the week, whenever I need to chill. I know women older than myself who go out socially every weeknight and barely sleep. I can't understand how they do it. It can't be good.

Whenever I stress about life I remember that if I live to 70 or 80 I will want good health.

[–]asteadyheart 9 points10 points  (11 children)

Take care of your skin.

Hydrate, protect from the sun, use vitamin E oil or something like it to remove scarring. Don't neglect taking care of your hands and neck, as well as the rest of your body.

Doesn't matter how much makeup you put on, if your hands look old then the jig is up. You can also take of your skin by not drinking alcohol, staying hydrated, eating a balanced meal with plenty of vitamins, and realizing that your skin needs extra hydration through lotions/natural oils.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Adding to this - stay happy. Seriously. Mental youth is just as important as physical appearance. If you're just cynical and angry about everything, you age quite quickly. Frown lines or forehead stress wrinkles...

Enjoy your life, whichever phase you're in, appreciate what you have, look forward to what's coming up next, whether it's getting married, getting promoted, having children, seeing your child go to college, seeing your child get married...

[–]asteadyheart 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is big! It is also heavily related to sleeping well. If you aren't happy and full of anxiety and worry, you don't sleep. If you don't sleep well, then you will look older, feel older, and cut years off of your life.

If you don't sleep well, you will feel even more miserable and I promise you, your skin will show it.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amen. If you work, and you're stressing, ask if it's really so serious a life or death matter, and if you need to be so worried or frustrated. Actually this goes for everything.

[–]Willow-girl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Doesn't matter how much makeup you put on, if your hands look old then the jig is up.

Can't I just claim to have gone riding without my gloves? Oh wait, that didn't work for Scarlett O'Hara, did it?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

HGH is your best friend after 30.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

What's HGH?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

It's the fountain of youth.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Oh, yeah. I have one of those. But what does HGH stand for?

[–]Rommel0502 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Human growth hormone.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Reeeeally?! Hmm, what a good source for more info?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Google and training forums.

[–]Willow-girl 6 points7 points  (1 child)

My parents drilled it into me to respect my elders, so I grew up with a positive few of aging, I think. My grandmother was the head of our clan in my childhood (my grandfather had already passed on) and so I didn't see being an older woman as a low-status position at all ... quite the opposite.

I'm 50 now and I have never used anti-aging lotions and potions, or any of that crap. My hair is just now starting to turn a little gray -- jury's still out as to what I'll do about it. Quite possibly, nothing. Are there wrinkles? Yep, and so what? At least they don't slow me down, like the occasional aches and pains in my 50-year-old body. (Now, THOSE I would like to be able to get rid of!)

With a great deal of effort in the sprucing-up department, I might be able to pass for, say, 45. But why bother? Everyone who knows me already knows how old I am, and what would I gain by misleading strangers? Isn't that silly?

I guess I've made my peace with that face in the mirror. It is what it is, and so be it.

[–][deleted]  (7 children)


[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

I am so glad. I like the biblical phrase: "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." If the advice here is helping then take it, but the minute people start trying too hard to conform themselves to the concepts even if they don't fit, it becomes destructive.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I find this to be so true. I hated the "I'll never be RPW" post. How many of us actually call ourselves a Red Pill Woman? I feel the majority just enjoy a traditional environment to discuss relationships, not a strict rule book. I swear like a sailor, enthusiastically debate my opinions with my fiancé, had a masters degree at 25, and wanted nothing more than to be married by 30 and have a family one day. I don't have to check all the boxes to get value from this subreddit.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

When you boil it down, I'm basically here for one reason: I can't find another women's forum in which it's ok to ask how I can improve my relationship or be considerate of my SO.

I feel like so many other places just get this sassy attitude of how it's always the man's fault, and looking in the mirror as a woman to ask how you contributed is sacrilege.

This place isn't my gospel. I even believe from experience and speaking with men about relationships that most men also need firmness (in a gentle way) from a woman, which they aren't always aware of. I don't let roles become too rigid.

I'm here because it is nice to be able to be constructive and honest and open about wanting a good relationship.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree. This is the only non-feminist environment I can find, in which to discuss my relationship.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]redpillschoolModerator Extraordinaire[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Please refrain from "as a man" posting.

[–]wsba910am 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (0 children)

About a month ago I wrote a follow up post to a post by u/MsSadiedunham whose post is linked inside my post. We both discussed this very topic.

You raise another issue which is very important - looking good at every age. The notion that you need to always be young just adds unnecessary pressure on people. It's an unhealthy attitude. People can look good, handsome, elegant, beautiful at all ages.

Overall good post! Keep on writing.

[–]Rommel0502 1 point2 points  (1 child)

The lie that is being hushed by feminists is that their version of "Having it all" ultimately results in "Having nothing."