People project their own needs and wants onto others. We're all guilty of doing this. It's no different with regards to love, romance and sexuality.
Men love kindness. They want to be generous, caring and selfless. A man will gladly work to the bone to provide for his family. Most of what men do goes unnoticed. Most men go unnoticed. There's nothing that a man wants more than a woman who's kind to him.
This is why men try to be the nice guy. Because if you - the woman - are nice to him, you'll win him over. If you remain nice to him, you'll keep him. He assumes you want the same, so he tries to be nice.
But women find kindness to be boring. There's no excitement in being kind and gentle. Women want to be dominated and put in their place. A woman will stir up drama, nag, criticize, complain, bitch, scream and yell. She may not realize she's doing it, but she's testing him. It's a shit test.
It seems like almost every ex boyfriend was abusive. What attracts so many women to abusive men? Exactly! Because his uncaring behavior, his putting her in her place and his dominance give her the tingles. It's fun until it's not and that's when the guy is graduated from fun BF to abusive ex BF. (Of course, there are real cases of abuse which I'm not covering here).
In essence, with the shit test, a woman is treating her man the way she wishes to be treated - with a strong arm. Problem is that this is exhausting for men and eventually turns men off.
We all project what we really want. What do you really want? Do you want him to be kind to you and treat you well? How will you treat him?