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DISCUSSIONHave You Filled A Bucket Today? (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor

Recently I taught the children something I’ve discovered in a children’s book- a great concept that definitely encompasses adult life as well.

This book by Carol McCloud.

The storybook talks about a boy named Felix who learns from his grandfather about the importance of ‘filling someone’s bucket’, through helping others in being kind, respectful, and thoughtful, even when your own bucket is empty or becomes emptied. Filling other people’s buckets ultimately fills one’s own bucket too.

Gaining your own happiness through helping other, even through doing little things, is a great philosophy to apply to life.

Especially one’s own relationships.

One thing about loving relationships is that each party is always willing to give and focuses on that rather than receiving. When both parties do this, they are always receiving and ultimately don’t really have to worry about it. About receiving.

Both men and women have become bitter and entitled nowadays, no doubt since we have such a materialistic and selfish social culture. I’m not pointing fingers however you are surrounded by that social attitude and encouraged to be that way. I mean, there’s rubbish being thrown at girls from the media all the time about what they should expect from men.

‘You’re a princess, you deserve everything.’

Or worse, the dreaded quote by Marilyn Monroe.

‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.’

The keyword you see in both sentence is ‘deserve’. I can’t speak too much about how men and boys grow up personally, however as a girl growing up, especially in a Western country, you really are bombarded with the message that you ‘deserve’ a lot of things naturally. Simply because you exist and you are being you.

Wrong.

You only deserve what you give, so if you get the best, you better be giving your best. Women seem to know this when it comes to education or career most of the time, then don’t apply the philosophy in their own lives.

At its basic concept, you don’t deserve anything if you don’t give anything.

I understand when people say these things to encourage self-esteem, however esteem should be given for things that deserve esteem. Effort, honesty, loyalty, responsibility, initiative. Loving yourself is important, however what is more important is to recognise your strengths, work on yourself and give yourself something to have self-esteem about. You don’t just sit there and then get all the praise.

Which is why it is important, in relationships, to strive to fill your SO’s bucket. You can only work for yourself, you cannot control their actions- learn to give. Not just giving things, that is one part, give help, give care. Be generous in personality, be generous with your joy and cheer. Bring a bit of light into someone’s world everyday.

The more you fill your SO’s bucket, the more you will fill yours at the same time and then he is also filling yours all the while, soon you’ll find your own bucket is overflowing-

  • overflowing with happiness.

People seem to forget this simple piece of wisdom nowadays.


[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (3 children)

I've always taken the ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best,' quote so much differently than anyone else I talk to.

To me its the same as "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health". Like sometimes things aren't going to be good, but if you want to have good times together, you have to have to be there for the bad times too.

Just my rambling thoughts

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think some people take it literally and others don't. I like your interpretation.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like yours. But I think the quote is saying she's entitled to be totally nuts and do whatever, but makes no promises she'll accept the guy in return.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know that is actually another way to look at the quote, what I mean was most people look at it in a different context and use it in a very entitled meaning. Though I see what you mean!

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

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[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Thank you! It was just something that's been lingering on my mind for a while now. There is also a thin line about giving and being taken advantage of however, with how this sub is many people don't really cover that, I noticed. However, the way to check is just to vet and always, a good captain will make the decision but always factor in his first mate's view into that decision and how he gives.

[–]FlyingBaratoplata 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's a good metaphor. A similar one is relationship bank accounts: You can only draw on what you deposit. Sure, you can go into overdraft for a little while but do that too long and the account will be shut down.

IMHO this concept is key to why, in many relationships, one person "suddenly" stops giving a damn, and coldly just exits the relationship, never to look back. Their relationship account has been overdrawn for way too long, and they've been depositing without receiving any deposits in return.

The solution is.... communication. Tell someone their account balance is getting low, and what to do to remedy it.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I like that metaphor too! I definitely think I can use that one as well. It's important to be aware for both whether they or the other are overdrawn or not.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, this is very true! That was the fine line I was referring to earlier.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I've read this book with my students too. It's definitely a favorite! I actually read the title of this post hoping it was about the book. It has a great message and you've adapted it for women/adults here really well.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Another teacher! It is a great book and I know there are other picture books on the same concept, it's become popular. Thank you!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

They teach and reward this in my kids elementary school (public).

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh nice!

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I can’t speak too much about how men and boys grow up personally,

I can.

Men and boys have been fed the same feminist nonsense that the women and girls have been fed. The key difference is that many women have the luxury of coasting through a large part of life or even their entire lives, living in a protected bubble. Whether the bubble is protected by her parents, her husband, white knights, the government etc.

Most men don't have this luxury. If a man isn't attractive, women won't have sex with him. If a man doesn't work, he won't have where to live or what to eat. If he doesn't achieve, he's a nobody and no one cares. People care about the damsel in distress, there isn't a male version of the damsel because no one cares about a man in distress.

This forces many more men to face the realities of the world. Sure, many women today also face reality, but not nearly as many women have to.

I agree with you that you don't deserve anything you didn't earn (except for basic human dignity).

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very very true. That's all I can say since I know that you know what you are talking about. I think because of how men can be ignored for their troubles and the resentment from that, they can become entitled, like a lot of MGTOW guys and even some TRP. Being entitled is just wrong, either way.