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LIFESTYLEDressing for Mr. Right (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor

One of the primary pieces of advice given on this forum about how to snag a great guy is to take care of your appearance, to dress well. But many ladies with little to no sense of style always ask, but what do I wear?

The answer: it depends on the type of man you want to attract (and your personal preference which, guess what, are related to what kind of man you want!). There is more than one way to look good, and each man has his own inclinations. What we wear is a reflection of who we are and what we think about ourselves, and men and women alike pick up on it.

When you're trying to build a wardrobe, first imagine your (realistic) dream man. Is he a wealthy businessman, who dresses like Patrick Bateman (without the personality flaws)? Is he a cowboy-type? Are you looking for a mature punk, or a middle class "normal" guy? Once you have figured out who you are trying to attract, try to picture the women they'd likely be seen with.

For example, if you are trying to attract a businessman, look toward women like Melania Trump, or for a more modest look, the Duchess of Cambridge, for fashion cues. If you're trying to go for the cowboy, look at country singers like Carrie Underwood (not in their red-carpet outfits). To entice your above-average Joe, try going for the "hot mom" or "girl next door" look (depending on age), a la Claire from Modern Family or Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls.

You get the picture. Men of any kind can appreciate beauty no matter what it's wearing, however, what is critical here is how comfortable would they feel approaching you, and what does your style tell them? Your country-boy may find Melania Trump stunning, but if he saw her on the street, he would probably either be intimidated or read her as high maintenance. He is making an assessment of your character based on what he sees.

This post came to me after an interaction with my SO the other day. I recently purchased a shade of bright red lipstick that goes very well with my complexion. I associate bright red lipstick with beautiful, stylish women and was excited, so I showed him the shade. He was unenthused. He told me that it wasn't "my look" and explained all the things I normally do that do work really well for me. I was disappointed, but then he proceeded to tell me that he didn't particularly like that shade of lipstick on any woman, because he associated it with strippers and hookers (unless they are dressed like a 50's housewife). Given that I dress like a 50's housewife only on special occasions, I conceded that it really probably wasn't for me (at least not most of the time). He said that usually I look a little "frumpy," and that's always a look he's liked (his definition of frumpy is what I'd call girl-next-door). He also shares my dislike of most high-heels, and was attracted by the combat boots I was wearing when he first met me. Ultimately, he reinforced my confidence by saying I was already doing it right.

However, some men love red lipstick. They love it when their women are always dressed to the nines, in heels, never with a hair out of place or a pantyline in sight. However, that's not me, and when I think about it, I wouldn't want a man who desires that anyway.


[–]meh613 19 points20 points  (1 child)

As a male, I agree with this. We are not attracted to the same thing. My brother wanted a Niqabi. As a result, he doesn't like my cousin's wife. By the same token, said cousin doesn't like my sister-in-law. Which is fine, because they don't need to sleep with each other's wives.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha exactly!

[–]AndyKane 16 points17 points  (5 children)

Men of all ages and races, surprisingly, love when I wear my hair in an Afro. Idk what it is lol, they like touching it and falling asleep on it :)

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Because it's bouncy and different? Haha. My dad loves bouncing and playing with my mom's curls.

[–]AndyKane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aww that's so cute!

[–]duruga 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love afros. A well kept afro is gorgeous.

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I remember watching some TV show and they were talking about liking curly hair because "how big is her head? it's a mystery!"

[–]AndyKane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol that's funny! girl jumps in pool mystery solved 😂

[–]Aomicb 9 points10 points  (1 child)

ive noticed a blood red lipstick looks good on me when my hair is darker and skin paler. When I get lighter highlights in my hair and am more tan I will mute it, blot it and powder it to make it a lighter shade of red. Make up and clothing needs to work with you body shape and coloring. Most men I know just think something looks good but don't know why, usually it's cause it's something that suits you, your shape and reflects your personality.

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Very true. I think the keys are:

  • put some effort in! half of women are wearing athleisure these days so if you dress well you WILL stand out.
  • flatter your figure.
  • get some dresses and skirts in the rotation.
  • know the difference between classy sexy and trashy sexy. stay away from flammable materials and anything with rhinestones.

Personally my husband loves heels and sexy looks. He definitely likes me in makeup and with my hair done, so not all men prefer the "natural look." If I ask him to pick me an outfit it is invariably the tightest/shortest dress in my closet and stripper heels...

[–]oasie 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Haha flammable materials...I love this.

Yes to the athleisure thing. I have a rule about sports wear...think about it as not real clothes. That's my rule. It doesn't count as getting dressed lol. ETA : I mean leggings and tee shirts or any spandex styles.

That is cool, lots of men say they like the natural look best so either your husband is unique or other men are just trying to sound good.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think some of it is less purely aesthetic and more about the expectations it puts on a man/situation and the approachability factor. My SO once explained that yeah, men might like women with perfect bodies and flat stomachs, but it puts pressure on him to keep up and have rock hard abs etc. Not really something that's part of RP thinking, but it certainly made me understand more why men are often drawn to the girl in jeans and a t-shirt.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol! It's flammable, it probably ain't classy!

[–]TheBunk_TB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting. One of the few folks who can be honest.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 8 points9 points  (7 children)

An aside....I will never understand the mystery of why women's magazines absolutely insist all men adore red lipstick on a woman bc "science", while IRL I'd say ballpark 50% or less of men really do.

All the women I know who regularly wear red lipstick are single still. The married ones wear nudes or gloss. Not a judgment, just observation.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I actually read a study once that many men are attracted to bleached blonde hair when they are looking for hook-ups and brunettes when seeking relationships. Their theory was that bleached blonde hair was attention seeking more than it was inherently more attractive. Red lipstick is certainly flashy and makes people pay attention to you. Now whether that's positive...

Of course, just because it's in a study doesn't mean it's a fact, but I thought their explanation was interesting.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The general idea that women's magazines are selling ideas that work for hook ups only and not love--definitely true.

[–]Aomicb 2 points3 points  (1 child)

And red dresses, they want you to buy a red dress lol.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"It's the color of power!"

Nevermind that red looks terrible on me.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Haha so true! Now that I think of it, all the lipstick-wearing women I know are single. Too boot, I always have my little appearance crises (too fat/hair too frizzy/too whatever) when listening to ads/magazines/tv instead of what my man actually likes!

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It was just my anedctodal Facebook stalking study, but it stayed with me. It was the single and looking girls, who while they had many friends, they couldn't get a man, who proudly wore red lipstick every day. I looked at recently married women and it was nudes and gloss. I think one girl had one photo with more bold reddish lip color, but it was after she was married, at a formal event or something.

A lot of these are churchgoers which could skew it, since church guys love to freak out about signs of immodesty in women.

But yeah.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, church goers like marriage, so...the point is apt.

[–]oasie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Also would like to add a reminder that first impressions are made in under ten seconds. So yeah clothes are important.

[–]oasie 5 points6 points  (1 child)

In this day and age, it is so EASY to use clothing to catch a guy's eye and gain respect for yourself. Just dress a notch above all the other ladies in sweats and tee shirts and slept-in buns. Glad you and your SO agree on style, OP.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right. It's so easy to dress to impress these days.

[–]lidlredridinghood 2 points3 points  (11 children)

I only got into make up heavily 6 months ago... before i just did bare minimums, or skipped make up for most days. I totally agree about different styles, and make up signaling different statuses.

However, after a certain point, I dont think most men care. They like the general appeal, enhancements, the way a look feels.... but i was talking to my Captain about starting to do contouring. He commented that hed enjoy the effects, but wouldn't like it better than what i normally did. I explained i had noticed there was a status difference between women who did contour, and those who didn't... and he agreed that a lot of make up is actually women signaling to women.

[–]Aomicb 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Contouring makes me feel good about how I look, so I feel hot, pretty etc. result is if I feel pretty I'm more flirty and feel more feminine. I love the snapchat filters etc. I noticed in some that I look better with darker thicker lashes. I bought lattisse and started making my eyes a little bit darker. I think I do look better now. Keep experimenting. It's like lingerie it's not for him it's for you, because you will feel better about yourself when you feel pretty.

[–]lidlredridinghood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. Theres a level of feeling like you're a certain level class, and being able to communicate with your social context what way you want to be interested with in. These things few together... and get easier as we practice them

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

and feel more feminine. I love the snapchat filters etc. I noticed in some that I look better with darker thicker lashes. I bought lattisse and started making my eyes a little bit darker. I think I do look better now.

Would you recomend latisse? I've never known anyone to do it and haven't wanted to spend the money if it didn't work. How long until you saw results if it did work?

[–]seashellprincess 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I'd recommend getting lash extensions, they look natural and sometimes make wearing makeup obsolete

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do you by chance know how they attach them? I have pretty sensitive skin

[–]seashellprincess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's a lash glue! my girl has one for sensitive and nonsensitive skin so I'd check for that before you make an appointment

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I think men notice the whole thing together, but couldn't specifically tell you what it is they like and why.

[–]oasie 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Very true, an aura of polish and respect for the self work better than any one technique.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

My former SO always seemed more into me when I had my nails done and my jewelry was on point but then if I actually asked if he liked my manicure (or other small detail) he would be surprised it was different.

[–]oasie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, exactly, have had that experience as well.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. It's a message we send to everyone. However something like contouring is still going to signal higher maintenance than no makeup to a guy, whether or not he finds it attractive. Nothing wrong with that of course.

I've heard a guy say he hates makeup, but loves red lipstick (doesn't really hate makeup, I know). But how would a girl know that before meeting him? I'm sure there are plenty of women he's dated who have never worn red lipstick. So yeah, I don't think it's necessarily a deal-breaker or anything, and naturally working on a sweet, approachable personality is still critical.

[–]suddenlystevie 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Or, just wear what you want and don't overthink it. Your partner isn't the person wearing red lipstick, you are not just there for him look at.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I'm going to refer you to the sidebar now.

[–]suddenlystevie 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Sidebar?

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The information that describes the community, basic info on rules for posting, basic reading materials, and basic ideas that we operate on. Also known as "community info." People will tell you to read the sidebar if you seem to be missing the basic info. This is true for any subreddit.