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DISCUSSION"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by liquidswan

I remember when I first heard this quote, which was a lot different than when I heard it in proper context years later. Essentially what I've broken it down to is as follows:

"If you can't handle me at (something really bad), then you don't deserve me at (something not really bad)."

This is problematic I've found, because people often have very blinded perspectives on what constitutes "bad" versus "good/not bad".

I find it binds itself into becoming a sort of excuse for bad behaviours in relationships. Now I'm not saying that this is wrong because it recognizes our own human weaknesses, but I'm saying it's wrong because it seems to be acceptance of negative behaviours rather than imploring self-improvement. I personally see nothing wrong with being human, but I see something wrong with accepting your own bad behaviours and refusing to deal with them in a constructive, positive manner.

Anyways, I was just thinking about this sort of thing in relation to my own relationship experiences and was wondering what others might think about the topic.


[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor 29 points30 points  (1 child)

I handle my own "worst"s and spare my husband from them.

Diarrhea is a good analogy: My husband can smell it, and he might need to go out and buy me charcoal tablets or bring me new tissue rolls, but I will never expect him to clean me up or even have to see it. I take care of my own shit.

[–]bewareofmeg 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is perfect.

The weekend before I got married I got incredibly sick. I threw up on my fiancé TWICE. After the second time I felt much better, and I thanked him and immediately went to clean up everything.

He still married me the next week, thankfully :)

[–]SirKolbath 40 points41 points  (2 children)

In my experience, this line is used as an excuse for a woman to be at her worst all the time. It's the prelude to an astonishing number of shit tests.

Here's the reality: if you care about someone, you don't want to be at your worst for them!

What man says this to his woman? What man tells her, "If you can't handle me when I'm emotionally abusive, you don't deserve me when I'm loving and nurturing."?

None. Because any male who says that is absolutely not a man.

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I never thought she meant it like this until it was co-opted by crazies. I always thought it meant: a lot of men like the idea of being with someone beautiful and sexy and famous like Marilyn, but they have no idea of the baggage that comes with that. I'm sure a lot of men want a woman like her on their arm, but they don't realize that they are people too with feelings and idiosyncrasies.

[–]SirKolbath 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never thought she meant it like this until it was co-opted by crazies. I always thought it meant: a lot of men like the idea of being with someone beautiful and sexy and famous like Marilyn, but they have no idea of the baggage that comes with that. I'm sure a lot of men want a woman like her on their arm, but they don't realize that they are people too with feelings and idiosyncrasies.

That's actually the exact same thing.

Baggage? I nearly chortled. Don't get any on me. Baggage isn't an excuse to be emotionally abusive, manipulative, or vindictive.

I don't want a woman like her on my arm. "Happy birthday, Mister President". Norma Jean was probably a very sweet girl (Certainly Joe DiMaggio thought so.) but she was a shitshow. She had absolutely no control over her impulses or her hypergamy.

Her "worst" involved her embarrassing her husband and the president of the United States with an overtly sexual display that would be scandalous now, much less sixty years ago. Her "worst" involved leaving a husband who loved her to die alone while she choked to death on her own vomit after overdosing.

Her best was to be pretty. I'm sorry, but pretty isn't enough to subject someone to that kind of emotional abuse.

[–]HB3234 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I find that, almost without exception, the people who share this particular quote are using it to emotionally blackmail people into tolerating their misbehavior. These people are also

(1) In posesssion of a "worst" that is leagues worst than the average "worst" - a personality disorder, or unmanaged mental health problems, or terrible financial habits, or an eternal yo-yo diet, etc.

and

(2) Bring to the table a "best" that is markedly less impressive than what others have to offer.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I cringe every time I see this quote. I think it is most definitely an excuse for bad behavior. When I see it on Facebook, the person who posted it is always prone to drama, public hissy fits and temper tantrums, and is usually very confrontational. These peoples' "best" is usually just what most would consider to be normal behavior. It's a total cop out that says "I'm out of control most of the time, so deal with it."

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Put this quote in front of a picture of a man drinking and a woman on the floor obviously in the middle of being beaten, and it shows just how absurd it is.

Moreover, getting life advice from a self-professed lifelong slut who died of a pill overdose probably isn't the best idea, but that's common sense.

[–]carefreevermillion2 Star 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've dated men who would shut down or have panic attacks if I got angry at them ever. They couldn't handle me being unhappy with them (my "worst").

Now if I'm angry my boyfriend stands his ground and sets me straight on what I'm wrong about, and won't give in until I'm calm enough to have a healthy discussion (and I do the same for him). He can handle my "worst", and my responsibility is to make that as short lived and contained as possible.

[–]Xoramung 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Lets be honest, most people who quote that, are usually always at their worst.

[–]xtc1984 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If any potential mate tells you this, male or female, then RUN FOR THE HILLS.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]mrpthrowa 4 points5 points  (1 child)

If a woman is 50 pounds overweight, and a guy she desires mocks her and demeans her for her weight, but if she loses that 50 pounds and suddenly he starts hitting her up for her number and wanting to take her out on the town, my best guess is this is where this quote will tend to apply effectively. The mistake is thinking the guy is "nice" in the 2nd scenario. He was never "nice" or "kind" He's a douchebag, but in the first situation, he has no incentive to hold onto the "mask" he's wearing. In the 2nd scenario, he has something to gain/profit for himself, so the "mask" stays on.

I don't follow. Hitting on attractive woman, but not on an unattractive woman, is being a douchebag and having a mask?

[–]Atomicbebe 6 points7 points  (0 children)

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” Her worst pretty much caused her death.

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars 6 points7 points  (0 children)

First of all, Marilyn Monroe never said that.

Second, it's safe to assume that any woman who uses that quote as a a life motto has no "best"... just varying degrees of how fucked up she is on any given day.

[–]FEZwithWhiteGirls 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As a man, I've always hated this quote, and I'm glad you all agree that it's stupid. It's horrible as a 'female' defense motto.

A better phrase would be, 'To become my best, I must acknowledge my worst.'

Throwing shit at people, telling them 'they can't handle you' just sounds childish. There is definitely nothing adult about that quote. There is nothing for anyone to gain from it.

Just saying, there isn't a male quote equivalent to this that I can think of specifically. There are a lot of shitty bro quotes out there, but not one like this. This is a specific female tantrum.

[–]salamiforbreakfast 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This quote means "I have bipolar disorder and self medicate with alcohol".

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I have always taken this quote differently from everyone else. To me, it is like an informal version of marriage vows.

If you can't be there for me when I'm pregnant, big as a whale, and puking up dinner, then you don't deserve me when I'm rocking my 6 pack abs and fixing you dinner.

If you can't be there for me when I've got the flu and need to be driven to the hospital, then you don't deserve me when I'm taking care of our home, working, and caring for our children.

It is the "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad" thing.

I find it binds itself into becoming a sort of excuse for bad behaviours in relationships.

So I guess the difference for me is that I see it as bad circumstances rather than bad choices.

[–]liquidswan[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Well, I wouldn't say someone who is pregnant is at their worst, in many aspects they are at their best.

But I understand what you mean, if I were to give an example of one of my past relationships, the quote would be: "If you can't handle me at smash your TV, then you don't deserve me at undercooked chicken for dinner due to lack of diligence."

I have more but I will keep those away from everyone (for the best)

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"If you can't handle me at smash your TV, then you don't deserve me at undercooked chicken for dinner due to lack of diligence."

LOL!

But yeah, I've always read it as sometimes things will be harder than others. If you can't be supportive when things are hard, why would I want you around when things are easy?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think there's nothing with the quote in certain interpretations, such as in if your SO can't be there for you during say...losing a job or a death in the family, then he/she probably doesn't deserve all the good things you have to offer when you're not going through such an extreme rough patch. The problem is the quote is often used to justify people who are 80% worst and 20% best. These people tend to have personality disorders or are poorly socialized so they need to find justification for their behavior in some superficial quote. The person the quote came from, for example, is notorious for being morally deprived but physically beautiful.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One thing that women who like this quote all have in common is that their best isn't all that good, and their worst is terrible.

[–]CleburnCO 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Consider who said it... She was functionally a prostitute, albeit a prostitute with high social status and money...a purveyor of sex and sexuality for money who used sex to climb the ladder of power and influence all the way to the President. She willingly seduced married men (JFK) and exchanged sex for power, money, and status.

[–]UnskippableAd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also she had issues with mental illness and killed herself at 36.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Marilyn Monroe never said this. People are just stupid and will believe anything they read online.

[–]liquidswan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Assuming that is true still results in many women trying to use this quote as some kind of inspiration... but I guess even in that case your comment is correct

[–]liquidswan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We've probably all experienced something along these lines, I could give examples but only if asked. I've almost made a meme of it in a way.