DISCUSSIONHow to stop comparing yourself to other women (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by scoutnsammie

While working on myself to raise my SMV and RMV, I find myself envious of women that I perceive to have a higher SMV than me. How do you ladies get over this?

[–]CalvinRichland 110 points111 points  (1 child)

Someone will always be prettier, but you can control if you are the most pleasant to be around.

[–]maddaboobles 22 points23 points  (0 children)

This is an amazing answer. Thank you

[–]ConservativelyRight 35 points36 points  (1 child)

My LTR had a huge issue with this, and it was becoming concerning. I'd say try to get off social media entirely, if you can. If not, highly limit your use of it. She was very into the "instagram models" and it was extremely obvious to me that they made her feel insecure and inadequate, even though she was far more attractive than all of them (and this is not the 'oh she's the most beautiful woman in the world' in me talking; I am very particular about a woman's looks). She was a solid 10/10 and yet allowed other women to make her feel this way. It almost got me to the point of anger and resentment toward those women, since it seems to me they know they are posturing themselves to make other women feel inadequate. In fact, that only boosts their ego further. I would say the best thing you can do is just withdraw attention from those who are clearly feeding and living off of it, as many women on social media sites are attempting to do.

If someone looks good, that's great, but no need to become envious. Everyone has their gifts. You might be more intelligent, have a better personality, better career, closer friends and family ties and other things that fulfill you in ways this person may never be fulfilled. That said, there's always going to be someone out there who is almost all around better than you (at least on the surface). And that's fine. No one said you have be better than every other person on earth in at least one area. Life is not all about SMV, and it's not about being the prettiest, smartest, sexiest, most highly accomplished woman in the room at all times. I think it's great to strive for that, but you'll drive yourself mad feeling like that's always got to be the case. Work on what you can change, accept what you can't change, and be thankful for your natural gifts (beauty, intelligence, etc.). Beyond this, I'd say it's more therapeutic to just be happy for people instead of constantly being focused on "the competition" of SMV. Complement them. Get to know them. Forget about how they look, or their social status. You'll be much happier and more content turning the vice of envy into the virtue of mutual respect between yourself and another human being.

[–]bloobird08 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Great post!! I don’t get why women bother to follow Instagram models. Nothing good can come of that. They are also deceptive photos and bad for a woman’s psyche. They edit their photos, even the unedited ones are being posed and taken in certain lighting to make them look hotter and cooler. Even if you are confident, consuming these photos will play with your head. this video is an example of these deceptive pictures. These women don’t completely look like their photos. They edit their noses to be smaller, eyes bigger, thinner arms and waist. All this nonsense.. for what?Awareness needs to be raised about this! It’s silly to compare yourself to something that’s not completely real.

[–]Pixie03103 Stars 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Controlling my thinking.

There's a baseline of female attractiveness. Be thin / fit, have nice hair, wear some makeup, smile, dress to flatter your skin and body.

Beyond that, it's largely a matter of opinions and tastes. There is no one set "most" attractive. The women you perceive to have a higher SMV - some men might find them gross. Some men like tan women, some like them fair. Some like blonds, some love redheads. Some like thick, some don't. Short, tall, curly hair, dimples, freckles - there's no end to variety, and there are guys out there who love every different variety.

Don't assume your own personal evaluation of SMV is the same as every man's. Just try your best to reach that baseline, and work your own unique brand of beautiful.

[–]ConservativelyRight 16 points17 points  (1 child)

This is exactly what I always tell women. You call it a "baseline." I usually say it's a "threshold" beyond which you are defined as attractive and therefore the only thing distinguishing you from another woman is going to be those little things that are pretty much entirely dependent on personal preference. A lot of women don't understand this and impress their own personal preferences onto other people and themselves, thereby losing sight of their own attractiveness and excessively elevating other people.

I mean I know guys who would choose one girl over another on the basis of forehead size, for chrissake. Everyone's got their little preferences. It's so finely delineated that there's no way you could possibly ever account for all of it with every person. Just look your personal best and people will find you attractive. Period.

[–]bloobird08 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Another thing is that when people judge women, they are usually judging them with clothing on. There are certain naked body parts that may affect a woman’s SMV for better or worse, but you won’t know until you see them fully nude.

I recently saw some nude photos posted of Kendall Jenner from a photo shoot. A lot of people were saying she looks less attractive naked and I agreed lol. Something weird about her proportions. Some women do look better with their clothes on, I think a lot of tall flat women are like this, and overweight women. But a lot of short, curvy-fit girls seem to look better naked, like a Scarlett Jo.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

For me, stop using social media. I hardly even use Facebook and I don’t have any other social media platform. Also, cut your TV usage. I don’t watch TV at all. I spend time reading, going to the gym and reaching goals that I do have. Besides, my kids and husband keep me insanely busy already.

Like others have said, there’s a baseline like don’t be overweight and bitchy but I realize that men will have different taste.

[–]curious__kitty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, exactly this. Not watching TV and coming off social media (aside from reading/posting here) was one of the best decisions I’ve made. Like /u/black-and-white-keys , I spend my free time the same way: gym, reading hobbies. I think (feel free to disagree), it not only makes you happier, it also makes you more interesting.

[–]Ari3n3tt3 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I still deal with this, but I just started saying it out loud.. made me sort of see how silly it was to be angry jealous, and instead I could be friendly jealous.. oh man.. that doesn't sound right.. but I'm not sure how else to explain it.

If I never told anyone that I was feeling jealous because I thought another woman was better than me it felt angry inside me.. but if I was able to go to a friend of mine, and say 'wow I'm so jealous of her hair (or whatever it was)' it didn't feel angry, and sometimes I would end up talking to her and learning her beauty secrets.

[–]masterofthebarkarts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just remember, never judge your outtakes against someone else's highlight reel.

That perfect selfie some girl just posted to the 'Gram? Yeah, she took fifty pictures and an hour of makeup to get it. That humble-brag post on Facebook about her amazing trip to Costa Rica? You don't hear about the one night the restaurant was really bad, or how her husband wouldn't stop complaining the whole flight. Your tall, statuesque coworker won't shut up about her engagement? You don't see how cruel and selfish her mother is.

The point: people aren't going to tell you all the ways their lives suck, because that doesn't get them the validation/praise that they're looking for. That doesn't mean they don't have issues and struggles. Perfect is an illusion.

There will always be someone taller, skinnier, with a better ass or smoother skin. You can only be yourself, as best as you can. Try to remember that there are girls out there looking at you and thinking "if only I could be more like her!"

[–]IBakeDaCakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beyond doing the obvious in terms of self improvement, everyone is going to hit a wall. There is only so much a person can do (or so much they are reasonably going to want to do). What I try to tell myself is that there are other women with my hair color, my body type, my humor, my attentiveness— but it’s going to be hard for a man to find my particular combination of those traits in another woman. My background lends me different opinions and ways of doing typical things. I may choose to wear a common style, but it’s going to be worn the way I wear things. You are not unique because you do X thing or have X feature, you are special and unique because nobody can be the exact combination of X Y and Z that you happen to be. X Y and Z do not have to be unique traits, either.

Whatever is natural to you, capitalize on it, and I mean that physically and personality wise. Not all traits are inherently good or bad— so remove judgement for a moment and ask yourself if maybe the flaws you’re worried about can be an asset. I have a few physical characteristics that do not make me unattractive, but probably disqualify me in the eyes of some men. But the men who do like me seem to love those traits. Social media tends to display women who have all around good traits, but are rarely polarizing beauties. You may have a look, a trait, or a combination of characteristics that is of particular importance to a particular kind of man.