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Ways to Be a Red Pill Parent (self.RedPillParenting)

submitted by -Lowbrow-

This is what I do, as a husband and dad of three boys.

  • I severely restrict video-game and TV time. I make them play outside. Kids need rough and tumble physical play.
  • We eat together almost every single night, at the dinner table. Kids benefit from shared routines.
  • Each morning, either I or my wife reads that day's chapter from the book of Proverbs. Kids need to learn wisdom.
  • Each boy will have a "Rite of Passage" which I have planned. We have certain milestones planned for age 12, 13, and so on to initiate them into manhood. Kids need help in growing up.
  • They are taught to say sir and maam. Kids need to learn how to treat others respectfully.
  • Once or twice a month, I take one of the boys on an outing (with just me and him). Each boy gets his turn in order, and they get to pick what we do. (Usually we go out to eat or go on a walk. Something simple.) Kids need one-on-one time with their dad and mom.
  • The boys don't get an allowance. However, they often get the chance to do a small job and earn some money. Kids need to learn the value of money.
  • The boys have to finish whatever they start (within reason). If they want to try a sport, they can't just quit if they don't like it; they have to finish the season. If they do a chore, they have to do it completely, clean up, and put the tools away, etc. Kids need to learn good character traits.
  • I read to them almost every single night. We read older books usually (ex: the Little House on the Prairie series). I read one chapter each night. Kids will be lifelong readers and value books when you instill the habit in them through shared experiences.
  • I encourage and allow them to try new things. If they have an interest in something, I try to give them the tools or materials or knowledge they need - and let them run with it. (Ex: one son wanted to try stop-motion video, another wanted to learn soldering. I set one kid up with a tablet and stop-motion app. The other kid got a soldering iron and electronics kit for Christmas.) Kids need the freedom to express themselves and have new experiences.
  • We allow and encourage them to test their limits. Whether it's setting up camp (and trying to sleep alone in their own tent), building a fort out of pallets and using real tools, cooking dinner (on the stove) for the family, trying "sophisticated" new foods, going on a 2-mile hike, or any number of things they might be trying for the first time - I want to allow them to do as much as they can bear. Kids need to try new things and see what they can really do and what they really like.
  • They all have to take one year of a martial art. They are given no choice in the matter; they have to go at least one year. All of them stuck with it of course after the first year. Kids need to learn discipline of body and soul. Martial arts incorporates many good things.

These are just a few things that come to mind.


[–]nikdahl 7 points8 points  (5 children)

Great stuff. The only thing I disagree with (well, besides the Bible reading) is the allowance. In our family, doing the small chores is an expected part of being in the family, and living in the house. Paying them money for small chores gives the impression that these chores are optional, and that they can expect payment for the deeds that everyone should be expected to do.

An allowance also allows you to teach them to budget with a steady income (so that you can put your financial goals on a calendar, assuming they save X percentage). I'd also add teaching volunteer work and/or charity to the things that are part of being a good RPP.

[–]-Lowbrow-[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I actually agree with you - and your point is important. I should clarify something regarding the chores: the boys DO have assigned chores for which we don't pay them. It's just that sometimes we give them additional ways to earn some money.

Some of the daily chores they divide up are things like: sweep the floors, empty the garbage, empty the compost, walk the dog, clean the table, clean the bathroom sink, do their own laundry. My wife made a chart for the boys so they can see who does what on each day.

[–]galt88 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I do commission instead of allowance and it works great.

[–]mrprm 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What system do you use for commission? I've been trying it out and haven't had a ton of success yet. My kids are 6 and 3.

[–]galt88 2 points3 points  (1 child)

We use the Dave Ramsey system. He has a kit for kids on his website with envelopes, chore stickers, etc. My daughter has been do I it for almost 3 years (she's almost 11) and she loves it.

[–]mrprm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks

[–]sig_ 6 points7 points  (1 child)

All of that sounds reasonable parenting advice (well, maybe not the Proverbs... matter of taste, I guess that stuff is important to you; also any sport is as good as martial arts), and it makes sense without any of this red pill non-sense. It makes sense without the whole gender thing; all of the above works for girls just as well as boys. Good luck, may your offspring discover at least one talent and lead a fulfilling live.

[–]-Lowbrow-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Yes, none of this is necessarily for just boys or girls - it works for everyone. And it's sort of a shame that we call normal common-sense stuff like this "Red Pill". It should just be the way things are.

I happen to think there IS something really great about discipline and order found in a martial art with the added benefit of learning self-defense simultaneously. YMMV of course, I am just stating my thoughts and not making a dogmatic statement. Just trying to share something helpful. But yes there are other sports I would recommend in a heartbeat. I especially like lacrosse. But any sport is better than nothing!

Not so sure why so much dislike of the Bible on here. I know this IS Reddit, but come on: that is an amazing book full of genuine wisdom. Proverbs was and is enduring wisdom that will improve anyone. At the very least, a kid could certainly do worse than to read it, don't you think?

[–]I_NAILED_YOUR_GRAN 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Each boy will have a "Rite of Passage" which I have planned. We have certain milestones planned for age 12, 13, and so on to initiate them into manhood. Kids need help in growing up.

That's not 'helping' them grow up. This is indoctrination.

[–]kogdiesel2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent choice of significant activities for your boys. Very similar to mine. Your Proverbs reading I will definitely incorporate!

Please share more later! Thanks

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

[–]-Lowbrow-[S] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I have thought about these a while and they might change, but this is what I have so far for one son. (I expect to change what I do a bit for each of them. They're all different in talents/personalities/needs somewhat.)

When he turns 12, just he and I will go primitive camping for a weekend. We'll hike and set up camp and cook, etc. I want him to be just as much of a planner and worker as I normally am when I take the family camping. I plan on presenting him with a nice, good quality pocket knife.

At 13, we're building a motorized bicycle together (basically a homemade moped, from a kit). It'll be his when we're done. Hopefully he learns something about repairing and maintaining machinery. (He's fairly responsible even now, and I'm thinking by that age he'll be fine owning a moped.)

At 14 my plan is to help him start a small business whether it's cutting lawns in the summer or making websites for people. (I'll have to see where his interests/talents lie by that time.) The milestone gift is a quality, real wallet.

At 15 he should be able to dance. So, it's dancing lessons for him (swing, ballroom, or something else legit) and one of the weekend etiquette workshops that teach boys/girls social skills, proper manners, etc. The gift will be a trip to a men's store where I plan on getting him a proper suit, tie, belt, and shoes.

Haven't planned out the rest of the years yet. And these plans might change. But another milestone will be for him to take our state hunter safety course (and us go on a hunting trip), and another gift I plan on giving him when he's older (probably when he turns 18) is a really nice watch.

Basically, I want to gently "push" him a little more each year in some aspect of his character and abilities. And along with each small new experience I want to give him something to help cement it that he can treasure.

I love these guys and I want to let them know they can do almost anything they set their mind to, and they need to know that to meet that potential, they need to be equipped. So my milestones (and the whole process of a planned "rite of passage") are intended to help them along the path to adulthood.

A lot of this stuff I had to learn on my own, and it was after I left home (so, in my 20s). No one formally had "the talk" with me, no one taught me how to properly have a conversation in a social gathering, no one taught me how to handle finances, etc. I either was fortunate enough to happen upon mentors, or I actively sought out books and classes on things in which I knew I lacked ability.

But my kids have me. And it's my job to show them the way, support them, and help them become men.

[–]monobrauw 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thanks for the long responses. Will each "Rite" be a yearly, official, instituted event?Like, explicitly after their X birthday? Are they aware of this or will it be surprise each year?

[–]-Lowbrow-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Every year. Not a certain time, but yes soon after the birthday. I like surprises so for my kids, it's a surprise.

[–]rae1988 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds super gay. Your kids are gonna become the automate tools