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Field ReportOlder woman gets mad after I drop her for another woman. [FR] (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by djsigma

Background

Decided to get back on the dating apps since the girls I had been seeing were not leading to anything long term or plate worthy. I reactivated my Tinder, and Noticed that I was still matched with a 38 year old from three months ago. I'm 28 so all I was looking in this from her was a simple FWB. Messaged her and after a few brief messages she decides to give her number to me. We exchange further texts and I ask her to meet for drinks on Friday night.

Date Night

Meet her at the bar, and we start with simple small talk, how are day went, etc. I get some IOI's as she quickly touches my arm in agreement with somethings I said. We move on to talking about movies we like, and she's fairly agreeable. A few more drinks in, she babbles on about how her nails are chipping, asks me to look at them. I tell her they look terrible and she needs to do something about her nails while running my hands all over hers. Conversation moves to weed and how she has some and if i'd like to smoke.

Before we make moves to leave the bar, there's an older guy, probably in his forties, no ring on, comes up next to her to order a drink. He's got some leftovers from the Chinese restaurant next door. This chick then begins to give him all the attention. Starts asking him about what he got, and then progressing to what he does for a living and taking a huge interest in it. At this point I feel like a fly on the wall and it's where I should have gotten up and left punishing her for not giving me attention. However I listened intently to the conversation, tried to interject when I could and after the guy gets his drink and leaves, I say we should head to another bar or go smoke.

She agrees, and shit tests me by saying, "Well you're in charge where do you wanna go? what do you wanna do?". (I think to myself, damn even though she's ten years older than me, she still wants me to take control. AWALT!) Anyway, we leave the bar to smoke weed in her car. After taking a few hits, she suggests going to another bar, I interrupt and just go in for the kiss. She's totally into it and after a few more minutes, I ask her, "So, what do you want to do?". Which she replies with "Well, im not going to fuck you, so we can go to another bar and talk or i can take you to your car". I tell her, I should just go home but before I leave for my car, we make out some more and i just bolt out of the car. I had nothing to lose here in not having sex with her the first night and I was content with making out a little bit.

I get home and text her saying I had fun and we should do this again sometime. She responds with "Fuck you for kissing me like that. I respond by texting her my address to which she responds, "fuck you and your address". I ignore her. Few minutes later I get a response saying "alright I've already mapped it, im coming over". After we have sex, I have her leave and the next morning I get a text saying she wants to hook up/hang out again and comments on how much she enjoyed the sex.

Afterwards

Fast foward to later on the week, we meet for drinks and then dinner. As soon as I pay for dinner and we leave the restaurant, I ask if she wants to come over. Again, she shit tests me by saying "Come over and do what?". I say, "fool around if you want". She agrees, we meet at my place again and hook up.

At this point, I have several dates lined up for the week and much more attractive girls that want my time and I'd much rather be spending it with a chick that would lead to LTR. However we'd already agreed on going to the movie later in the week, so after the movie, I tell her directly that I want to see other people. Then instead of just accepting it and understanding that there's nothing that's going to change my mind. She says this (from what I can remember and summarize):

So you dont wanna hang out with me? You're already talking to other people? You're treating me and some of these other girls like we're disposable. I have marks on my body from you! I don't even know your last name! I was starting to really get into you... maybe it was the sex.... Also, I want you to pay me back for the food I paid for because I don't need to be paying for your shit.

Mind you that, I paid for the dinner one of the nights we went out and I paid for the movie tickets. and Now she all of a sudden wants measly 15 bucks for a sandwich I had? Ridiculous. I venmo her the money and leave.

TL;DR

Match with woman ten years older thinking it would be just a fwb and that she wanted the same but after a few hook ups I decide to stop seeing her, and she get mad because she was getting into me. Then demands I pay her back for the sandwich she bought me at dinner.


[–]mette13 164 points165 points  (6 children)

Older women dont want a FWB... they want their BetaBux they are "entitled" to.

[–]Imperator_Red 61 points62 points  (2 children)

Some know the game. I've had tons of fun with a few older divorced chicks that knew I wasn't gonna commit. They already had their betabux from the divorce. Others are delusional and think a guy in his 20s is going to commit to them.

[–]djsigma[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

agh, this is a mistake i made thinking that she was expecting me to commit when deep down both knew it was just hanging out and sex.

[–]btrpb 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Fucking aye there's tons of single mothers out there getting their payments who will happily spread their legs for a ONS. Then they can get back to the school run knowing some beta isn't gonna blow up their phone.

A legit target as far as I'm concerned.

[–]grumpieroldman 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Older single women will have their material life around them far more together than you do.
They don't need your bucks.

[–]aRedLlama 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Unless she bought you a sandwich in which case all bets are off.

[–]Ffsgoddammit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This isn't true. She wasn't being honest, she was playing the game. The "I really liked you"says it all. My first ons and worst sex I've ever had told me she came "so many times" and wanted to see me again. She didn't, because I'm sure she didn't, not even once. But she was a good player in the game, from the projects, and I had a very good car and apartment, both of which she got into.

Oh, and on the drive to my place she had "never done anything like this", despite being the one guiding me and making do without drinks at my place. Right.

[–]SuchZone 99 points100 points  (12 children)

You told her about "seeing other people", why? That's already the default, does it need to be said? If a woman asks me directly, I'll just comment on the weather and move on; she'll get it.

[–]ElegantCyclist 15 points16 points  (3 children)

More people are experimenting with verbalizing non-monogamy right up front. I haven't personally tried much of this, but it's an interesting strategy, and I'd be curious to hear more from those who have.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I tell girls that from the jump but they hear what they want to hear hamster

[–]Whereyoursisterwent 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ve just called that being real with women in the past. Women will either respect it or try and check it and It clearly lets you know where you stand

[–]Blackhawk2479 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Not only that but he told a woman who’s about to - if she hasn’t already - hit the wall.

Also, the fuck are you paying her back for OP? You have some frame issues my man.

[–]djsigma[S] 10 points11 points  (5 children)

I tried a different approach with this woman because I thought it would be better to be direct with her. Nope! Caused more headache then anything. Should have just told her over text.

[–]SensualSeduction01 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lol yeah u broke ab iron rule there

[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Why tell her at all? Aren't you supposed to wait for her to bring it up?

[–]erthian 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There’s no need either way. There’s not some unwritten law that you are supposed to be exclusive with someone you barely know.

[–]PsychedelicDentist 1 point2 points  (1 child)

learn to ghost

[–]djsigma[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The issue here isn't that I don't know how to ghost, just that I didn't do this time round. Definitely learned from my blunder and movin' on.

[–]1SirKolbath 63 points64 points  (9 children)

You spent way too much time asking her what she wanted instead of just doing it. Take the lead. Don't ask if she wants to come over, just put her in your car and start driving. You gave her at least three times to say "I'm not fucking you" just in this field report.

You brought up other women for no reason and now she's sandyassed about some sammich.

Just next her.

[–]Seaay00 25 points26 points  (1 child)

That's the alpha-sperg for you. Of course she goes haywire after dumping her in the most blatant way, what did you expect? If you don't want to see her, just ghost her.

[–]djsigma[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

yeah, I learned from it for sure.

[–]Fortnite_FaceBlaster 34 points35 points  (8 children)

You shouldn't have Venmo'd her shit.

[–]1TheProphetPhysiquiel 14 points15 points  (4 children)

$15 is well worth a clean break. Getting into a battle of wills over something small like this isn't worth your time nor energy, especially with a plate you're dropping.

[–]Victor-James 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Def agree. 15.00 is a small price to pay to ensure a clean break. In this era of Metoo, you can never fully trust a girl (who knows where you live) and you want to do as much as you can to limit hostility and resentment.

[–]ADLINKS 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Yeah especially when she mentioned she had “marks” on her body. Can’t fuck around with crazy.

[–]LateralThinker13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“marks” on her body

Yep. That's a not-subtle threat and $15 is a small price to pay.

Save those texts to show consensuality in future. She sounds crazy.

[–]Fortnite_FaceBlaster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would just say goodbye and block her number.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shit is hilarious. Worth it. That's a 20 year story right there. It's got legs. Live a little.

[–]QuintonRammedMyPage 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I would've paid extra to have 15,000 pennies delivered to her house

[–]Evanity_Visions 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Give her childish ass 1500 pennies.

[–]ShavedApel 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You don't have to tell her you want to see other people.

[–]SteveLorde 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Older Women ghosted.... demand sh*t from you.....AWALT never changes

[–]Tousen71 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Interesting story. I would’ve kept her as a plate though if she was a HB7 or above. Getting some pussy from a milf every other week isn’t a bad deal and it seems like all she wanted to do was fuck. Just stop taking her out on dates.

Especially if you’re still single.

[–]redvelvet_oreo 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Can’t quote on mobile but why did you give her so many chances to lead you? Why even ask her where she wants to go? You should be telling her where you guys are going be the leader.

I can bet you she was just some horny ass chick because I can pet money if it was another post wall bitch she would have been trying to lead you around and then get turned off by the fact that you let that happen. I noticed a lot of post wall women always trying to be the man these days and are miserable for it.

[–]djsigma[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She didn't lead, I suggested leaving for another bar or to smoke, but she just shit tested by saying "take charge what do you wanna do?" At that point i just wanted to leave so she wasn't flirting with any other guys. You're spot on about her being just another post wall horny ass chick.

[–]JuliusTestvola 20 points21 points  (4 children)

Dude, why in hell did you Venmo her money? You could just ghost her. You have no obligation to this woman. You seriously gave her too much. You gave her closure and $15. What a ripoff.

[–]SpectacularFox 11 points12 points  (3 children)

She will claim rape if he doesn't.

[–]shr3dthegnarbrah 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Simpler than that, $15 is nothing. Sending the money erases a bullshit "injustice" (shuts her mouth) and communicates that he'd rather not see her again than have $15.

[–]JuliusTestvola 5 points6 points  (1 child)

If you're willing to stick your dick in crazy, carry a pocket recorder.

[–]SpectacularFox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. The best advice. Try to bait them into admitting their bs too if possible.

[–]10211799107 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Her comment about you treatong them like disposable people is alarming. Dont tell her you're seeing others.

Look at mentorpheus post on trp.red about letting them down easily if you have to. I prefer it that way because if they feel good about the breakout there is less chance of them feeling used and you getting a call from the cops.

IMO you didnt hold yourself strong the whole time. Questions you asked about what she wants to do etc.

[–]djsigma[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yeah looking back I agree. I do normally ghost, but my problem was thinking that she'd want it more directly because she was older. Forgot the number one rule of AWALT.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Over all, not bad. Here's where you could have done better:

I ask her, "So, what do you want to do?"

When you are seducing a woman, the responsibility for getting to sex lies with you and you alone. Never put any of the responsibility (and by extension, the blame) for the act on her, or she will happily drop the ball for you. Luckily for you, you recovered from this by DGAFing and giving her your address with the expectation that she come over and polish your nightstick.

I tell her directly that I want to see other people.

First off, she's a plate, bro. What you do with your free time is none of her business. She hasn't earned the right to know that much about you.

Secondly, telling her you want to see other people solidifies her status in the fuck toy category. Women don't like to think you're using them as fucktoys while you're using them as fucktoys. They need to believe, even if remotely, that there's some meaning to it. If you make them feel bad about being sluts, they will lash out.

Next time, just keep chasing skirt and keep it on the down-low. If you're always busy, she'll just assume that you're getting laid elsewhere. This will produce a dread deep within her that will drive her to please you more than her imagined competition. You benefit from this extra effort, regardless of whether you intend to make her a gf or not.

[–]djsigma[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate the response! Huge learning moment for me

[–]ahab_dies 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I'm 30 and sometime last year I got tired of women my age and younger than me, thinking that the problem was they're too immature. I wanted to try out older women, thinking that maybe they'd be a lot calmer and saner than the women that had driven me nuts up to that point. I figured time and experience would have mellowed them out a bit.

Nope. The women in their mid/late 30s were even more batshit insane. Whole new level of crazy. Lesson learned.

My take away was that they're having a really hard time dealing with not being in their 20s any more. Not having found a LTR/husband, having no children, and seeing their looks and tight bodies begin to fade away really, really fucks with their heads. I'm so glad I'm a dude lol

[–]otakuzod 1 point2 points  (1 child)

There's still a saying about that. Men age like wine, women age like milk.

[–]ahab_dies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dunno, I think women in their 30s are really hot. The problem is that if they're unmarried, no LTR, and childless they can tend to go a bit crazy.

[–]1nc3l1 3 points4 points  (2 children)

metoo incoming

[–]ImshortandIhateit 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ugh, it can be dodged with a fake name.

[–]aryancel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello babes my names mike hunt

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, I want you to pay me back for the food I paid for because I don't need to be paying for your shit

Hahahaha that's great... is she also offering a refund to all the guys who have bought her dinner over the years?

[–]morexel 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Don't make her feel used, even if you are using her. Be smarter with your exit. Women are fire now adays and she gave lots of metoo red flags. Exit gracefully. Let her hamster it.

[–]djsigma[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks! learning experience for me for sure!

[–]morexel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best exits are when they think it was their choice. But that doesn't apply here. She sounded hella annoying tho. Grats on escaping.

[–]blazze 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A 38 year old female career female dating a 28 year male has hit "Sex and the City" you go girl jackpot.

All those years of riding the carousel builds up quite the libido.

> You're treating me and some of these other girls like we're disposable.

> I have marks on my body from you! I don't even know your last name!

Ahh guilt tripping ! Boo hoo.

[–]ML_18 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wait did you just paid dinner on a date with a woman???

[–]grewapair 5 points6 points  (3 children)

You made the mistake of thinking someone who spent her whole life or the top of the food chain, is somehow going to accept the fact that her SMV is lower.

My experience is they finally figure it out in their 90s. Until then, you're completely wasting your time. They don't expect less, they expect more.

You date only one woman over 30. Then, never again.

[–]SpectacularFox 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Here SMV is still high. She can get young guys to fuck and pay for her nights out at a moments notice.

[–]djsigma[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

LOL, yeah this is the second over 30 girl I've dated. Both thought they were cream of the crop.

[–]grewapair 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You pay more and get less. No thanks.

[–]grumpieroldman 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You guys do know that the subset of women you deal with 99.9999% of the are the sex-addicts right? That's why they hate themselves for what they're doing and hate you for enabling them yet still jump on your dick like it's the last chopper out of 'Nam. That's why AWALT.
If you want to be single and get laid often this is definitely the thing to do.

[–]trele_morele 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I fucking lost it at "the last chopper out of 'Nam" 😂

[–]cbakez 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You actually went on a date with an older woman? Lol bro if they aren’t interested in having you over for the first time you meet, I avoid at all costs. You take a bigger hit wasting your time playing games with them at the bar or restaurant as opposed to just meeting up with them at their place. If they ain’t going to let you come over via text it ain’t worth it IMO

[–]friendlynaboureeno 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She sounds annoying and desperate, just dump her ass

[–]DadOnDabs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to work on leading bro

[–]Lkeacentipede 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Experimenting with different approaches is awesome.Congrats for not getting into drama and just leaving brother

[–]okkyle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From what you described in this FR, your game is suspect. You came off passive at several points. You're lucky this was a low-SMV 38 year old spinster. You likely would have gotten shut down by an HB closer to her prime.

[–]Ananonguy88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her rant was exactly the same like hearing angry beta male orbiter neglected by his oneitis he paid for. Especially the "we are disposable" and "give my money back I paid for sex and commitment" part. I love it when they fall into male position in SMP and feel it from the other side, gets a taste of their own medicine.

I'll add to the story how the hot girl I had oneitis for that used to flake me after some time of FWB took me on a date, bought me a dinner and a drink the moment I stoped giving her attention. At the end of the date she basically started physically molesting me and trying to bring me into her flat every way possible, but I just said bye and went home like nothing happened. Felt so much better than fucking her. Oneitis got cured instantly.

[–]BobbyPeru 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tell her directly that I want to see other people.

Not sure why you brought that up - I’m curious as to what you had to gain .

I have marks on my body from you!

Huge red flag. Why would she bring that up? She could have just said you had sex. I’d next unless you want a metoo situation after you dump her. Phase her out ... make her think it’s her idea

[–]arythmetic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As much as I have an urge to tell you that, "you should have done this instead...," "this is not alpha, do this..." I won't do it.

I really appreciated your outcome independence in everything you did there. That's the part of inner game that no one can ever pinpoint which thing is best to do.

It paid off didn't it?

[–]memphisjohn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I know this chick... bullet dodged

[–]standardmissile 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Never explicitly tell a woman you're not in a relationship with that it's over. They fucking hate and can't deal with rejection and will hamster that you're an asshole/loser/creep piece of shit if you do. Hell hath no fury etc.

Just drop off the radar. You won't offend them, and it'll make their hamster run and they'll wonder what they have to do to get back with you. You'll always have the option and they'll be much more compliant if you exercise it.

[–]djsigma[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup, sometimes you have to learn this the hard way.

[–]tempolaca 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 40.

I cannot fathom dating a >30 women. They are often nicer than 20 yo, cultured, mature and funny. They make great friends. If they have amazing tits (and many have even at that age) then yeah, but dating one?

[–]AllahHatesFags 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why give her money? If she is going to be a little bitch about the fact a guy ten years younger than her isn't going to immediately go exclusive then don't reward her for it.

[–]SithDarkFart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice report. I lol'd when she said she had weed you could smoke.

[–]TheRedRand 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You used her as a human masturbatory object and she felt hurt and used so she wanted money back for the sandwich. Jesus. She is a grown woman so she should know by now that offering sex to a man does not gain his affection or loyalty, and a woman doing that is on par with a man betabuxing a woman in hopes of getting sex, but you realize that you completely used her and then tossed her out without any regard except for what was most convenient for you. Basically, if she were an ATM, you overdrew from someone else's account and then left town.

Women never want just FWB. If they say they do, they're lying to themselves and one glance into their histories will more than likely show extreme Daddy issues, abandonment, and oftentimes abuse. Women offer up sex in hopes that they won't be abandoned.

[–]AriesAsF 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You handled it nicely. Very classy for being the bigger person and giving her back her $15. I bet that made her feel incredibly small. Well done.

[–]mchief101[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When u guys go ghost, do u still post on social media even if she can still see ur stuff?

[–]ITS_A_MINDSET 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Weak frame all around

[–]drkinferno72 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Her ovaries are shriveling up she needs to lock down a man and now

Good thing you didn't fall for it

[–]vicious_armbar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Older women are delusional. They think they still have the same value that they had in their 20’s. But since they’re looking for a ltr they’re prudes on top of being entitled.

I refuse to date women over 29 and I’m almost 40. When I get to old to pull women in their 20’s I’m just going to pay for it. It’s just not worth dealing with their bullshit,

[–]meateatercat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She should've thought about settling down 15 years ago LMAO

[–]Revorob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had been seeing were not leading to anything long term or plate worthy.

When the women a man is surrounded by aren't even plate-worthy, that is a sure sign the world is f##ked.

[–]oytrp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good report about how to drop a plate.

[–]throwaway_ftb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

always go dutch. if she wont she will cause u more trouble, get out.

[–]ImshortandIhateit -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Why even fuck a post-wall woman? Not worth the time imo.

[–]Dark_T100 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You endanger others by choosing to get stoned and driving home. Not very wise. You can't wait till you get home to do that?

You can probably tell your frame needs work. You did a good job with the shit tests.

[–]DeadliftRx -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Don't spend money on women.

Don't ask a woman's opinion on what you want to do.

Don't end phrases with "...if you want" or similar.

[–]Dawnguards -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

tl;dr women get mad when they get ditched. Simps and men dont get mad. Are afraid to even tell they dont like their decisions.. Woman is smarter than man. At least she is vocal about it.