Best way to let a girl down in a reasonably nice way? (self.asktrp)

submitted by gunman777

Smashed her last night after 2nd date. She is OK but I've got better options to pursue.

I don't want to just block and delete because: a) we have mutual friends and I'll see her around anyway, and b) I might run out of options.

[–]Son_of_Gatsby 147 points148 points  (13 children)

Under no circumstances you admit you are letting her go. Do what girls do.

Always be “busy”, cancel things because of family business etc.. do this a few times and she’ll get the message

[–]gisking 61 points62 points  (3 children)

You gotta be smart about it. You have to make it seem like it was her decision. Don't just ghost her and flake. She'll know what you are doing immediately and it'll leave a scar and she'll shit talk you to her friends.

What you do is give her just a little less and less attention each day. So let's say y'all text every day. Start texting her every other day. If you use to see her every day see her every other day. Once she gets use to that turn it down a little more. Start texting her maybe three/four time a week. And seeing her every two day. And then once she gets use to that turn it down even more, and so on. To her it'll just seem like you weren't the right guy for her and she will think it was her decision. It's gotta be gradual. But if you really wanna be an alpha just bounce and don't look back haha.

[–]exit_sandman 29 points30 points  (2 children)

You have to make it seem like it was her decision.

This is key and would be what you do ideally.

[–]pootaboo 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Username checks out

[–]wiffofass 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]gunman777[S] 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Good advice. Thanks for reminding me. Worked well for me in the past.

[–]IWonTheRace 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Let's hope she doesn't pull a #metoo on you if she really, really is into you.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm convinced that men who are particularly concerned with this don't have much experience with women. Maybe I'm wrong but I've never met a guy in the real world who got a lot of pussy and was also, in any way, outwardly concerned with being accused of some kind of sexual misconduct.

It's something that gets overrepresented online. So guys who haven't fucked many women, or had much experience with them in general, think it's some kind of common occurrence.

[–]Flintblood 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Good move. Or go hardcore beta and smother her with attention and ask her for constant validation - or be the opposite of whatever her political affiliations is.

Safer to create an organic reason that allows everyone to save face.

[–]assholeofthesky 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Yeah, dont go hardcore beta unless you want other bitches to think you're a beta bitch yourself

[–]JonathanMekerset 4 points5 points  (1 child)

It’s also not fun to do at all. I’ve got my ego way too invested in my alpha complex

[–]assholeofthesky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

exactly man, plus being a fake ass bitch = we don't need anymore cunts like that in the world.

[–]Flintblood -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s assuming you’re both in a social circle where everyone knows each other. What if this is just some random girl you met off tinder or at the bar who doesn’t know anyone else that you know?

[–]319Skew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like this. Simple and effective with a nice hint of plausible deniability. If you ever want to fuck again you can just say "I wanted to hang out with you because you're so awesome but just things kept coming up! Let me make it up to you, bring wine and I'll cook you dinner at my place."

Otherwise, you can chalk it up to "life just got in the way"

[–]1redhawkes 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Keep her on the back burner.

This means, minimal to no contact, but don't make it obvious.

[–]eightandsix 13 points14 points  (0 children)

b) I might run out of options

Gotta drop that scarcity mindset. You always have options.

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“Hey I had a really good time last night but it made me realize that I’m really not ready to date right now. I’ve got some issues in my own life that I have to unpack and don’t want to lead you on and get your expectations up. I wish you all the best in the future. Take care.”

[–]Notreallyme001 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Gradually reduce affection and attention, she will get the message.

[–]TimPartendale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ironically reducing affection and attention may lead to her wanting OP more. As long as he realizes that.

[–]APSTNDPhy 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Something like you are still attached to your ex and didn't realize.

Can't really argue that. Unless they know you well.

I've seen a girl recieving this from a guy and they took it well.

Could potentially leave the door open in future as well.

[–]Lambdal7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This one or say you Have mental problems kr something like that.

[–]boardrider73 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Slow Fade

[–]exit_sandman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]Aarxnw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why do you have to let her down, does she think she’s moving towards a relationship?

[–]throwawayycheyeah 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You could try to let her down in a reasonable and nice way.

[–]exit_sandman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That might blow up into his face since he already slept with her.

[–]assholeofthesky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just fade out of the picture and do your thing. truth is ugly and painful, learn to tell white lies i guess if you want to still have an open hole

[–]10211799107 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you talked enough with her there is at least something you can leverage to say "we're too different it seems" or disagree with a core principal she has repectfully and use that.

[–]Morphs_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gray rock and just be busy. Gives her the least reason to hate you and gives you the best chance of reconnecting in the future.

[–]TheReformist94 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why the fuck do you care?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want to just block and delete because: a) we have mutual friends and I'll see her around anyway, and b) I might run out of options.

Don't assume you'll run out of options. Don't try and keep her around if you don't want to.

Just tell her that it's not working out for you, you don't think you're compatible, etc.

No blame, just "this isn't right for me".

Don't be baited or cornered into any sort of blame or "not hot enough", this will just trigger a massive hatred/backlash against you.

[–]askmrcia -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Just be a nice guy. Just act clingy and she will eventually hate you

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This is terrible advice. Don't degrade yourself to get what you want.