How wpuld you feel if your girlfriend hung out with her guy friends alone? (self.asktrp)

submitted by 14thCluelessbird

I have never posted in this sub before, but I feel that people in most other subs will be too naive with this situation. So here goes. My girl has this guy friend (she's known him longer than she's known me) whom she occasionally hangs out with. She has hung out with him alone in the park at night several times, which makes me uncomfortable. She also went swimming with him in a public lake once. Now, I don't think she is or has cheated on me, but my fear is that this kind of one on one hanging out can lead to romantic feelings for eachother. I don't know what this other dude's intentions are; never met him before. This has happened with 3 of her other guy friends since we started dating (we've been together for 15 months). Same exact story, except all 3 eventually admitted over text to having romantic intentions. She politely broke off contact with them each time this occured. So now there's one guy friend left. She tells me he doesn't seem to want to be anything more than a friend, and that she would never give in and compromise our relationship if he ever tried anything. But I'm still a bit worried. Am I being insecure? She's never given me a reason not to trust her, but I just want to be careful because this relationship has been going so well so far, and I don't want it to get ruined because of some guy.

[–]herrLitschka 44 points45 points  (3 children)

I got cheated 3 times.

The first one: she went back to her ex that I "stole" her from. There was no way that this relationship could've worked.

2nd: she had a best male friend. They were together for several years and kept being friends afterwards. I was always having this feeling that he is still into her. Fast forward: She left me for him although she always told me she would never ever get back together with him. In this relationship I just told her that this best friend bullshit is unpleasant for me and that it sucks, I didn't put pressure on her.

3rd: she wanted to drink a coffee with her first boyfriend ever that she met after not having contact for years. This time I told myself: fuck this bullshit, I don't want this to happen. I put pressure on her and told her that I don't want this. I told her that I would move out if she meets him. Side note: she also had a best male friend and I also felt uncomfortable with this. Fast forward: she left me for another guy (not the ex).


You can't control her nor forbid her anything. If you forbid something it makes it even more interesting for her. If you control her she will dissociate herself from you. If she wants to cheat, if she starts getting feelings for this dude you can't change this.

Abundance mindset is key.

You also should go on "dates" with other girls, give her this feeling that she gives to you by doing this.

If I'm honest: look for another girl. She needs so much attention from males (4 fucking male friends - like wtf), there is surely something wrong with her.

[–]hanexs 23 points24 points  (0 children)

This guy gets it

[–]edargham -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Why did you cohabit with the chick?

[–]herrLitschka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wasn't officially living with her but it was nearly like that (she was living in her own flat, I was there nearly every day). And, you know, being blue pilled makes you do this stuff.

[–]Zoddo 136 points137 points  (17 children)

To answer the question asked in the title; I wouldn't feel anything because I'd never get in a relationship with a girl who has guy friends (AKA guys who will try to fuck her the first chance they get). While this chick is openly going out on dates with other men you're sitting here trying to make up excuses for her. Wake up sweet summer child, your instincts aren't going off the rails for no reason.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 19 points20 points  (15 children)

Well the question I keep asking myself is this: I have seen guy/girl friendships that have lasted for years in which no romantic/sexual feelings were had or acted upon, but then I have also seen situations where the "friend" steals the girl away from her bf. With this in mind, I know that this could be a "just friends" thing, at least for my girlfriend. But I'm still concerned with the what if. I don't want to break off a great relationship (aside from this situation this girl is literally everything I've been looking for) out of fear.

[–]innominating 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Take other girls on dates to the park. Swim with other girls in lakes. If your LTR cheats, you have options. And, you might find one of these new girls is a better fit for you, which would be better for everyone involved.

[–]Zoddo 49 points50 points  (1 child)

As far as I'm concerned she's already cheated on you plenty of times, and you're better off doing a host of other shit with your life. That said you have oneitis, and clearly aren't going anywhere. I highly recommend you start surrounding yourself with other women. Go do some yoga or take salsa lessons, gym classes, etc. Best case scenario your girl feels threatened, and falls in line. Worst case scenario, you have some options after she inevitably sets you on fire.

[–]jhx264 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If she's honest about where she is and who she's with and what they are doing there is no deception therefore no cheating. If anything, OP is cheating himself out of his own self respect

[–]Terra501 14 points15 points  (0 children)

A blue pill theory promulgated over the last couple decades in particular suggests that attractive men and women can be friends in a purely platonic matter. this is blue pill propaganda. your girl is currently dating another man.

“I don't want to break off a great relationship (aside from this situation this girl is literally everything I've been looking for) out of fear.” — scarcity complex.

you are also second-guessing your instincts and tiptoeing around her, so that she is controlling your frame.

i’m not you but if I were I would confront her warmly and respectfully as follows: “I’m not comfortable with my girlfriend dating other men.” no additional commentary on it. she will either seek to understand and engage you in a conversation because she cares about you and this will lead to her changing her behavior, or, she will argue with you and you both will soon separate. don’t argue back just watch her response. she would never be happy with you doing the same with another hot female. so at worst when all is said and done you will get to work on yourself and eventually find another better girl who isnt going to cuckold you.

[–]HurricaneHugues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude, don't risk. Youre playing Russian Roulette. There is no need for that type of drama or stress in yoir life. Just make your exit. There are plenty of girls out there who wouldnt do that.

[–]askmrcia 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Well the question I keep asking myself is this: I have seen guy/girl friendships that have lasted for years in which no romantic/sexual feelings were had

Yea bullshit. There's romantic feelings there. Trust me. No man or woman will ever admit that they are in the friend zone. Males especially.

Men will say he's fine with just being friends with the chick. But I've seen it first hand. My roommate and best friend who is a guy for years was like this with two of his female friends.

He always wanted to fuck them but just never admitted it.

You ltr going with male friends alone is a date. It's that simple. Yea they might not be fuckin but you're ignorant if you think that the guy she is hanging out with isn't hoping she give in and fuck her.

I don't want to break off a great relationship (aside from this situation this girl is literally everything I've been looking for) out of fear.

No one here can tell you what to do. If I were in your situation I would ease myself away from the relationship. It's disrespectful for my ltr to be going on dates while she is with me. Also the guy she is with should respect your relationship.

If I have female acquaintances or friends, I'm not taking them out on dates.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I think you're probably right in that he is waiting for a chance to make a move, but I think part of the problem is that my gf doesn't see this as a date; they're just "hanging out" or "catching up". Technically, I don't really think that something is truly a date unless both parties mutually agree that they are going on a "date". I would call this more of a "testing the waters" situation, at least from the guy's perspective. Doesn't make it any less weird for her to be spending time with other guys alone. Even if I'm not around, I just don't think she has any good reason to do that.

[–]xddm2653 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's a date. Trust me. Your gf is dating other guys.

If your cool with this do nothing

[–]HurricaneHugues 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your gf is not a fucking retaed dude. She knows exactly what the fuck is up. You need to understand that your gf is not YOU. She is a human entity that is completely seperate from you. She has her own dreams and aspirations, her own strength and weaknesses, and most of all, HER OWN INTERESTS TO PROTECT. She is not in this life to protect YOUR interests. So think about it. It is in HER best interest to keep you trusting her, while she explores her other options. If one fails, the other will hold. She is not looking out for you or "us". She looking out for heeself. Take her words as just words and not facts.

She knows very well what she is doing. She must keep their veil over yoir eyes long enough so that she can accomplish what she wants to accomplish. Leave!

[–]IVIaskerade 0 points1 point  (2 children)

in which no romantic/sexual feelings were had or acted upon,

Not acted on possibly. But you have no idea about whether feelings were had.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

So do you think it is possible for a guy and a girl to be friends without one or both of them ever having any romantic or sexual thoughts/desires towards the other person? I think this should've been my question to begin with.

[–]3nebder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its possible to have friendly cordial intergender relationships. There is always a level of attraction between the two, often heavily imbalanced on one side. Its possible to maintain this relationship and set aside the potential sexual benefits in favor of other benefits like connections, social benefits, etc.

I have a few female friends and quite a few female acquaintances. I have thought about fucking every one of them, even the unattractive ones. Some I may pursue if opportunity presents itself, yet I’m not actively seeking to undress them. To think that sexual thoughts do not occur between men and women is quite simply extremely naive. That said we are in control of our actions and can control base desires when it suits us to.

OP- your girl is being disrespectful, whether it’s intentional is beside the point. She likely doesn’t even think it’s disrespectful or even given it any consideration. You are looking for ways to excuse her behavior. Frankly it makes you look like a tool, who are you going to tell “my gal goes on dates with other dudes” and get any measure of respect for that. Anyone hears that story is gonna think what a sorry son of a bitch. Get yourself out of that garbage. Sack up for yourself and also find a better girl.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 0 points1 point  (1 child)

but then I have also seen situations where the "friend" steals the girl away from her bf.

This is asinine. She's not "yours," it's just your turn.

Someone else can't steal something from you that doesn't belong to you. Understand this fact. Betas guard their mates-alphas disregard.

[–]Terra501 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see what you want to do with the play on words there, but no, alphas do not disregard their mates.

alphas have high value mates, and high value mates require respect and reciprocal honor. No Alpha is disregarding a mate and then that mate is returning the disregard by worshiping his cock. no. high-value mates have other options.

[–]10211799107 49 points50 points  (5 children)

  1. Get yout balls put of her purse and make it clear you don't approve of her behaviour.
  2. If she protests with excuses then break it off. Seriously man it's not worth it.

[–]trp1784 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't date a girl in the first place that has a lot of guy friends, but there is really no point in trying to control her. If she wants to cheat on you with that guy she will whether you allow them to hang out or not, and showing insecurity or jealousy just turns women off. Considering she broke off contact with all the guys that expressed interest I think she's being genuine with you. Some girls do have a guy friend or two that go way back and they don't have any interest in them, if I were you I'd ask to join the next time those two want to hang out. Don't mate guard or try to intimidate the guy, just act like you always would and observe. It should be pretty obvious if there is any connection between them beyond just being friends.

[–]idontevenlift37 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The way I see guys and girls being just friends is this: guys pretty much only hangout with girls they find attractive, and girls do not associate themselves with guys they wouldn’t have sex with. This doesn’t mean that your girl is hanging out with him only for that reason, it just means that on some level deep down she would give into him if he tried to at the right place at the right time, even if she doesn’t realize she has these feelings yet.

[–]0x9A30D7C49714D98000 26 points27 points  (4 children)

I was gonna say tell her you find it disrespectful, but it sounds like you've already done that and she's well aware that this is crossing a boundary for you. So, my advice is to find a new one. Things might be going well with her, but they'll go even better with another girl that doesn't treat your boundaries as an afterthought. Regardless of whether anything happens with this particular guy, orbiter or not - the red flag here is she knows how you feel about it but you're just not important enough to her to want to change.

Believe me, a girl that is really interested in you and really "in love" with you (well, as much as one can be) will ruthlessly ghost her orbiters rather than risk the good thing you two have. She hasn't, so what does that tell you?

You tell her goodbye, and if she wants to know the reason - hell why not tell her that too. I'm sure she'll say she'll do better, she'll change, whatever it takes when she's feeling all hurt and upset in that moment. But she won't, because if she would, she would have already. If you let this slide you'll only show her she was right not to respect your boundaries since they're meaningless if she can just turn on the tears and talk her way back to you.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I think this is good advice. The last time I talked to her I don't think I did a very good job of helping her to see things in my point of view. I told her that it made me uncomfortable, and that guy/girl friendships can potentially become romantic, even if that was not the original intention at the start of the friendship. However, I didn't tell her how I found it disrespectful. I didn't tell her that why it makes no sense to me why she would want to spend time with other men, why am I not enough? ( I should add that she only hangs out with friends when I'm not available to hang out with her, so it's not like shes hanging out with them over me). Also I didn't explain to her why I don't think male friendships have a place in a serious relationship.

So, perhaps you're right. Maybe she isn't really interested in me and I would be better off ending it now. However, since there are a few important points that I haven't mentioned to her, I want to talk with her about this one last time before I pull the plug. If nothing changes after that, then I'll most likely break it off within a week or two. Also, it's not really the physical cheating that I'm concerned with right now, but what she's doing feels like emotional cheating to me. I don't like the thought that she is hanging out with other guys, even if nothing is happening.

[–]GottiPlays 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It wont change, she will argue about you being a tyrant oppressor that does not want her gf to have friends in the future, and everytime there will be any argument she will use this as a weapon to keep you in check. I had the same issue as you when i was bp, i left her in the end for this reason after 8 years but guess who fucked my ex the very next day? There is a reason you have that feeling when something is not right, dont ignore it

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't tell her that why it makes no sense to me why she would want to spend time with other men, why am I not enough?


[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude she knows exactly what its like from your perspective. Her job is not to protect you interests. Her job is to protect HER interests. The truth is that if it really bithered you, you wouldn't be talking about it. You would just pack up and leave.

[–]Cametotherightplace 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hang out with other girls alone. Surround yourself with girls. See what she says. If she tells you to stop, but wont stop herself from hanging out with guys alone she sees you as lesser than her. If she doesn't mind it, she probably trusts you or doesn't care. Either way start meeting other girls.

[–]wiffofass 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Guys and girls can never be just friends. Someone aways wants to fuck the other. She knows it very well. Your girlfriend is just shopping around and keeping you in her back pocket. Train wreck waiting to happen. I'd never date a girl like that. It shows she doesn't respect you.

[–]volvostupidshit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. Let the AFCs handle these kinds of girls. They don't deserve a valuable guy like you.

[–]beefthathasredmiddle 16 points17 points  (9 children)

I don’t think it matters man. What’s in your control right? What can you really do? Tell her to stop hanging out with him? RP mindset isn’t about controlling relationships it’s about having options and picking relationships that suit your needs.

That being said, don’t just go out and break up with her. Ask yourself, is this something that you’ll tolerate, or is it deal breaker?

The one thing I stress that you absolutely should not do is tell her she needs to stop hanging out with him, or threaten to break up with her. If you breakup with her, and if your reason is “I’m uncomfortable with you hanging out with an old guy friend”, not only are you giving that guy friend a better SMV, because you see him as a threat, but you are giving into your insecurities and letting fear and doubt control you life. That is no place you want to be in, so if that’s what you are thinking of doing, you have work to do my friend.

[–]gainz88 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I disagree. You definitely should not tell her to STOP but you should tell her that you think it isn't OK and that you don't want to be with someone who does that. If she agrees and doesn't do it again, move on. If she disagrees or ever does it again, you know she doesn't give a shit about whatever you have going on so you can next her.

Being alone with the opposite sex isn't fine if you're in a relationship. I'm way more flirtatious when I'm alone with a girl even if I'm not attracted to her, it's like an instinct. Besides, if your LTR chooses to put herself in those positions she really isn't worth your time as eventually shit will go south.

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What the fuck are u even saying? He already knows he doesnt like in and youre over here telling him not to break up? Shut ur bitch ass up, chump.

OP needs to pack his bags and dip.

[–]beefthathasredmiddle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s okay man, we all have bad days.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

Thanks for the in depth reply. I definitely would never consider telling my gf who she can and can not hang out with. I know for a fact that more harm than good will come from that behavior and at the end of the day, I am not her keeper. I definitely don't want to break up with her, I think we're great for each other and we both love each other very much, so I'll do whatever I can to keep this relationship together. It's not a dealbreaker to me, however I can't shake the feeling that this could turn into a compromising situation. I have a lot of trust that she will make the right choice if he tries to make a move, but there's always that "what if" on the back of my mind whenever they hang out. I guess I really just want to learn how to be less anxious when they hang out.

[–]beefthathasredmiddle 4 points5 points  (4 children)

What if it does happen? You find out that she is not someone you want to be with. At the end of the day there is nothing you can do, and if it happens, it happens. I mean, are you going to stress out about earthquakes and volcanoes? If it happens, just be willing to move on without looking back, that’s all you can really do.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I understand. I just hate the thought of being stabbed in heart by a cheating girlfriend, and my instincts are telling me that I need to prevent that feeling from ever happening. I guess I'm just letting myself be irrational, because we can't prevent everything. So what it comes down to is that I've told her politely that I'm uncomfortable with her spending time alone with other guys, friends or not, but she feels confident enough in herself that she can hang out with this guy and not let anything happen, so that's what she's decided to do. I guess my only option now, since this isn't a dealbreaker for me, is to basically suck it up and try to trust her to make the right decisions. If she ends up cheating, then I'll have to face that pain like a man. I don't think there's really anything else that I can do.

[–]beefthathasredmiddle 5 points6 points  (1 child)

And that’s why it’s important to vet for relationships, and to make sure you aren’t committing to someone who would do something like that to you. Even after she said that you had nothing to worry about, and even if something happens. It really reflects her character and you could be thankful that she cheated on you before anything got too serious. But it’s no use worrying about it.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

[–]lazydogg9 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'll have to face that pain like a man

You are as dumb as they come. No offence. LIKE A MAN you say. You need to do yourself a favour and replace her. Do you have other women in your life? Does your GF know that?

Why and how does she know that? That woman is willing to trample over your boundaries and you say

"I'll do anything to make this relationship work". This is the most PATHETIC thing any man can ever say.

WE are awesome and we shouldn't have anything less than awesome in our bed and life. Get this. Women are not dumb. Your girl very well knows what she is doing. And the dudes she is hanging out with know it too.

Their thought process goes about smthin like this: "WOW! This chick has a boyfriend but still hangs out with me alone and even sometimes at night. I hit a jackpot! Her guy just doesn't do it for her anymore I guess. I'll NAIL her sooner or later"

Remember mate. Sometimes it doesn't take a full fledged plan to cheat on your partner. It only takes a small moment of weakness. At that moment it doesn't matter how strong your love is for your GF/BF or how much you had trusted yourself to not cheat.

And do you hang with other women? Let her see you with other women. Hang with them alone. See how she reacts. i mean this is just for your own fun BTW. Your relationship is totally doomed BTW.

Remember the Cardinal Rule of relationships (from The Rational Male):

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least .

You have most certainly become weaker person in your relationship. The power dynamic has got you crippled.

PS. You've got severe ONEITIS

[–]omega_dawg93 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"blah, blah, blah... never met him... blah, blah, blah."

if a woman has males friends, they need to be one of two things: first, a flaming, openly gay hyper homosexual, or a guy that's in a relationship that wants to meet me in-person as soon as we started dating. the kind of guy that says, "i've been knowing her for a long time, and i consider her like a sister to me; we (him + his gf + us) should get together soon."

OP, have you ever noticed that girls don't hang out with or have friendships with un-attractive guys... guys they would not fuck? there's a reason for this, and that reason is simple: they are orbiters that are time whores to her. she's getting a shit ton of non-sexual attention from them, and in woman world, that's super valuable. there will be a point where she considers sex, and that's gonna be when they're alone, and that's already happening so guess what...???

sounds like she's "the one" for you, so i'm not gonna suggest putting 2 or 3 plates back in rotation, but what i will suggest is you giving your time & attention to a few of your 'friends,' esp. when she's with her 'friend' (that's likely fucking her silly).

[–]askmrcia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hands down my fav answer on this thread. Blunt and straight to the point.

Only thing I'll add is a male or female will never admit to being in the friendzone. Ever.

This is why when you go to other subs and they brag how they are friends with attractive members of the opposite sex and claim they are not attracted to them are full of shit. They don't want admit that they are orbitors. No one does.

[–]antariusz 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So you’ve been “dating her” for 15 months, but she hangs out with a guy, multiple times, that she had known longer than you, but you’ve never met him before???

Dear god man, how naive can you be. She had definitely banged this dude, if not currently banging him behind your back.

[–]1walawalawa 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is where you have to walk away. I've had plates who start "hanging out" with my "friends". I told her it was off-limits.

She continued to "hang out". I put distance between us, banged her one last time and ghosted her. She could have them.

I think the goal here is not to make these types of girls your "GF". Bang them, hang out with them but don't get into a position where it matters.

[–]yahyasafe7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not sure what the situation is, but she's probably fucking her male "friends" and using you for emotional support or money or whatever the fuck that you're providing her with.

Trust me on this. I've hanged out as friends and made out with so many girls who have boyfriends. There is no such thing as normal friendship with the other gender. There is only friends with benefits, unless they're absolute losers, which I don't think the guy is. Cuz if he were, she wouldn't be seeing him regularly. So I would go as far as assuming that she's 70% fucking the life out of him.

With that being said, here's what you can do:

  1. Accept it and be her bitch for the rest of your time together

  2. Stop giving her the attention you once gave and start working on yourself and be aware of your value. Women will get absolutely maniac if their partner suddenly "changes" and starts taking more care of himself. There is no worse thing to a woman in a relationship than a guy who knows deep in his mind that he can let her go whenever he sees fit.

As long as you're treating her as THE girlfriend, she might as well ask you for some space to fuck the guy and you shouldn't be doing anything.

You should be cold, give vague and short answers, never bring up the topic, let her nag as much as she wants and never discuss the matter. Just ignore her by being playful and never take anything she says or does seriously. That's the only way to tame her.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I respond only to your title.

I would feel this unscratchable itch. It would make me umcomfoetable. But then i would realise i am being her bitch. I would drop her and call 10 other girls.

Key is to drop them before this happens.

[–]yamial 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Always amazes me to see how old religions like Islam or Judaism knew how to handle these shits thousands of years ago. They said no opportunity for them to interact with unmarried or unrelated males so they can’t have guy friends. We objected that is inhumane and barbaric. But they ended up using the freedom exactly the same way those religions predicted.

[–]jhx264 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Oneitis. Read the side bar. Read the rational Male. Start spinning plates. Downgrade this one into a plate or let things end.

If you are only seeing one girl, you are her plate

[–]buddhismo_communismo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This guy fucks.

[–]CalvinRichland 2 points3 points  (9 children)

How old are you and how serious do you intend this to be

[–]Store_Front_Door 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stop trying to turn a woman that isn't relationship material in to one that is. All mentally "healthy" individuals know how to behave in a relationship, women especially. She knows she shouldn't be having an active relationship with her orbiters while shes committed to you, but she does it anyway, because you didn't establish boundaries soon enough.

She's not really at fault, she's acting this way because you let her.

Your mistakes on the other hand are:

Bad vetting.

Didn't establish boundaries soon enough

[–]koedeloe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't put up with it. We all know how guys think. When they hang out with a girl it's because they're interested in her. This has happened 3 times so far. You might trust your girlfriend but I wouldn't trust her male friend. You've been together for 15 months and you've never seen him? Sounds fishy. If they really were good friends before u two dated, why haven't u seen him then?

This has happened 3 times and your girlfriend still does it. Either she is dumb/naive and doesn't realize it's disrespectful towards you or she doesn't care. If she thought about the situation and what happened in the past, she would know it's not a good idea. Your choice but I'd start seeing other girls.

[–]TheRedPillMonkey[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Jesus Christ the mate guarding in this thread...

You're new so let me tell you 2 things you'll read on the sidebar:

  1. Never mate-guard. It's beta as fuck. You having an issue with this makes you look worse than her.

  2. Women have what are called orbiters. These are guys they keep around for validation with no intention of fucking.

Do you honestly think women randomly fuck dudes in the friendzone? All evidence points to the contrary so really, you're lack of confidence and frame is more of a problem than her hanging with friends.

I agree with others that if she doesn't respect your boundaries, it will never work out and you should dump her. But that said, never made guard. It's beta as fuck.

[–]YesVeryKewl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

don't mate guard. Don't even show a hint of mate guarding if your girlfriend wants to hang out with her friend or if she wants to go on a " girls night out".

Girls deep down on a subconscious level understand that their "guy friends" want to fuck them, but they like to convince themselves that they don't because they want to get the attention without feeling slutty. Most guys who "hang out" with girls don't stand a chance, they're friend-zoned beta orbiters. This is true to 100% of women, I guarantee you that. She is not hanging out with him to hurt you or to make you feel jealous, it's just pure hypergamy; she wants to feel desired by other men and feel the power of having options.

Guy "friends" (aka beta orbiters) come with the territory of dating any girl 7/10 or more. 100% of hot chicks have beta orbiters. If you don't like that or you're too insecure for that, then break up with her and don't get into an LTR.

The guys who are dating hot chicks who think their girls don't have beta orbiters are just oblivious.

[–]Notreallyme001 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Always trust your instincts. That being said, you being afraid of your GF's friend will actually make him more attractive in her eyes. Under no circumstances do you confront her on it.

What you should do is dread - start hanging out with women alone. Chicks get more insecure and more jealous than men in general, and they'll get it. Sometimes all it takes is to take out your phone while you're chatting with her, and start sending snapchats/messages to randoms. She'll more than likely ask: "who are you talking to". This is dread, and will help you regain frame.

[–]rewoomantle 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Plate her. Afaik she’s already cheating on you

If you see her as a GF its you disrespecting yourself.

[–]ainihon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just let it be. You can keep her if you want since that’s what I think you want, but keep in mind she’s not worth marrying if she can’t do the adjustment. She’s lost that privilege.

[–]Metalageddon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eh. This has more to do with you than her.

You want to be happy? Find a girl who doesn't do things that make you uncomfortable. Hell, find people who don't do that. Change your social circle.

This isn't to say you run from experiences, but the people who challenge me, I don't dislike. The people I dislike challenge me in the wrong ways, tending towards my moral dislikes.

[–]Bedtimeshine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not a reason to be insecure. But it is reason to not be committed and keep it casual and be open to another girl that actually meets your needs with no red flags

[–]Nergaal 1 point2 points  (2 children)

A girl that holds onto male friends, multiple of them, while not having girl friends, is a serious red flag which you ignored for too long.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does have a couple of really good female friends. Her last relationship was very abusive/controlling. Her exbf wouldn't let her hang out with any of her friends out of fear that she would do something (he was also physically abusive). She lost most of her friends, male and female, because of that guy. So now that she is out of that relationship, suddenly all these guys that she knew back in high school have reappeared and want to be "friends" with her. Honestly, I really think she just doesn't understand the differences between guy friends and girl friends. I think that she just wants to have friends again, but she doesn't know how to make new ones anymore. She wants to hang out with these old guy friends because really, other than a couple of female friends, their all she has. I don't think that makes it okay for her to hang out with other guys alone, but I think think is how she's feeling. She seems to believe that this guy is different because he hasn't done anything. And to be fair, I know that sometimes guy and girls can be "just friends"; I've seen it happen.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does have a couple of really good female friends. Her last relationship was very abusive/controlling. Her exbf wouldn't let her hang out with any of her friends out of fear that she would do something (he was also physically abusive). She lost most of her friends, male and female, because of that guy. So now that she is out of that relationship, suddenly all these guys that she knew back in high school have reappeared and want to be "friends" with her. Honestly, I really think she just doesn't understand the differences between guy friends and girl friends. I think that she just wants to have friends again, but she doesn't know how to make new ones anymore. She wants to hang out with these old guy friends because really, other than a couple of female friends, their all she has. I don't think that makes it okay for her to hang out with other guys alone, but I think think is how she's feeling. She seems to believe that this guy is different because he hasn't done anything. And to be fair, I know that sometimes guy and girls can be "just friends"; I've seen it happen.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I guess one of my questions is how can I know if he is covert contracting or really just wants to be friends? I know that might make me sound pretty naive, but in all honesty I have seen a few guy/girl friendships who have been friends for many years and never pursued anything romantic.

[–]demhashie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It doesnt look good man having guy friends is one thing but going out on intimate dates with your guy friend is a whole different ball game talk to her about you feel and tell it isnt cool ,dont assume the worst just yet but more often than not if you think she is being unfaithful your probably right...your intuition never lies

[–]alleyteris 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Oh boy you are in for a big surprise. That is a big red flag and if your girl havent fucked him already behind your back ,best case is that she is keeping him as an orbiter and next time you misstep or show signs of weakness she will fuck him. Since you already told her you dont like it and she continues doing it ,she is disrespecting you already ,would you tolerate this behaviour if you where married to her? What does that say about the woman you want to make your future wife? No woman is naive brother she knows what she is doing and that the other dude likes her. My suggestion to you is start going to places where you can meet other woman because its a win win situation for you because a) she will become jealous when she sees that she has competitors b) places like that prepares you to get over her and find a new woman if your current relationship goes down the drain . Read the Sidebar in the main sub and act accordingly .Good luck and keep us posted

[–]YesVeryKewl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I doubt that orbiters have a chance to fuck the girl. I've been an orbiter for many girls before I swallowed the pill and they always kept me at an arm's length.

[–]yourfavblackdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t try and restrict them from seeing each other. That will only make him like “forbidden fruit” and more appealing to her. Just pay close attention to how they interact when together, and how she reacts if he does ever try anything. The you react accordingly.

[–]Musicgoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you've never met him. She more than likely is doing something more than hanging out. I would ditch her.

If you don't like it, why do you tolerate it?

[–]shownothirstyo 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yeah, my LTR isn't doing that. That boundary had been established far before she got that title.

[–]14thCluelessbird[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Good for you man. This is probably something I should have spoken to her about before we got to serious, but I just wasn't thinking about this back then. These guys didn't show up until about 5 months into our relationship.

[–]shownothirstyo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't know your situation but if you can set that boundary now you should do it. If it would be weird at this point then it's time for dread game. She wants to hangout with mark? Cool, you're going to be hanging out with Marie that night, the one with the fake tits.

[–]Jaratee_Piss 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]nofilmynofucky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol your title ought to be

how would you feel if your girlfriend was going on dates with other men

Cos that's what you fuckin described dude, burying the lead a bit tbh.

I'd bet that not only is she cheating, but that you wont do shit about it. This post reeks of scarcity mentality. one of you is def 'naive' but it ain't her my man

[–]1RPLawyer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You mean my ex-girlfriend?

[–]Red_Ninja7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It isn't worth having a gf unless she's really, really into you. This chick isn't. Move on. No need to say anything to her about her friend.

[–]TryhardCore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dump her ASAP man, cold turkey style, you deserve respect, learn to have it for yourself first

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, leave this girl. Never trust any chick with some guy best friend. You don't need any further explanation. Just leave. Dont give her any argument or reason. Just say its over and youre moving on. Watch who she will be in a relationship with less than a month later

[–]COORDOORS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I fucked her in that lake

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading your post and your answers it's quite clear you are new here. You have a terrible case of not understanding intersexual dynamics at all, if you think that "communicating" your fears to your girl will result in anything else but her losing respect for you and jeopardizing your relationship further. The ultimate problem with your cluelessness is that your issues with that girl are but a spec of the issues you're going to face your entire life.

It's like you're a city boy who just got dropped in the Amazonian jungle and are pointing at a berry and asking a local if you can eat it or not. We could tell you it's poisonous, but then what's the point since you are so unprepared that something else is going to kill you in 5 minutes anyway?

I strongly advise you to go grab and read the definitive manual about surviving in the jungle ASAP: https://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/

But for specific answers to your current issue, check this out:

[–]hiddenpleasures123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bruh wake the fuck up. She's fucking this other dude.

[–]dirtdevil432 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an incredibly unpopular opinion on this sub but you’re girlfriend has a male friend, he isn’t by definition interested in her. She’s cut off other guys who had romantic feelings for her and told you about it. I wouldn’t worry.

Edit: also yes, you’re being insecure but that doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily unexpected or unhealthy. Figure out what at the root is causing that insecurity for yourself on work on that.

[–]seedster5 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Dump. You can't be with a girl that thinks this is ok. I bet she's white. Find yourself any other nationality. Thus is not ok

[–]omega_dawg93 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

i wouldn't call-out any race for this behavior because AWALT.

what will happen is that she'll be with one of her orbiters... one that's tired of being in the friendzone, and he'll present her with C.O.C.K.

and she will get curious, slip on a banana peel, get fucked tremendously, say, "it just kinda happened," then, blame OP for it because he was, "not being sensitive to her feelings & needs." then tears, blame it on alcohol, etc.

while OP's NOT watching, chad "friend-man" thunderdick is getting text messages that are 100% logistically related to fucking.

OP, if you want a clue, jump her as soon as she gets back from being with her 'friend.' if she does NOT let you finger or fuck, chad's cum is in there... and/or running down her thighs.

[–]seedster5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bruh you've been hitting trp so hard that it left you a little damaged.

You could it just left it at there a high chance that she may cheap on op with one of her friends.

[–]redpilledjoe -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Any girlfriend of mine does not have close guys friends.

[–]hugaddiction -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

yes, you are being insecure, but thats not necessarily a bad thing. If they have been friends a long time, and have not had a romantic history, I would worry less. I do however strongly believe that men that participate in platonic friendships with women are immature. There are exceptions, but for the most part, I think this guy is in the wrong, and is wasting his time with your chick since your giving her the D. I would take this as an opportunity to recognize your insecurity about this, reflect on why you think you could lose your chick to another guy in the first place, and use that as motivation to sharpen your edges and make yourself a little bit better.