How to meet high quality/like minded men? (self.asktrp)

submitted by ChrimsonChin988

I'm only 21 and I understand these men will appear to me later on if I keep developing myself and my skills, increase my own value basically, so I need to have patience, yes. (I'm still in university for another 3 years btw.)

I'm just curious what are ways to speed up this process. The problem I'm having right now is that the people I know can only mentally stimulate me up till a certain point. After a few hours of hanging (3-5 hrs) I'm ready to leave. My chess friends are nerds. My motorcycle friends are kinda dummies. My clubbing friends are too much about that pussy & alcohol. Almost all of my fraternity mates are from a wealthy family, same for my fellow students as I go to a private school and therefore they're not really motivated to push themselves any more than is absolutely necessary.

I fuck with these friends from different social circles once every two weeks per circle. Any more would be too much for me and I get very bored/feel like I'm wasting time. Usually I rather spent most of my time on my own.

I want to fuck with people who can stimulate me more mentally. I'm reading Seneca - Letters from a Stoic - right now and the connection he has with his friends/students and how they write letters to each other is what I'm more or less after.

Someone I can discuss business/philosophy/psychology/self development with. Eventually I want to become wise as shit and forums like this one help me tremendously, yet I just feel like there's a personal connection I'm missing. I'd be really excited to have some sort of a RP vanguard as a mentor in RL for instance.

[–]bluescubidoo 125 points126 points  (12 children)

Wisdom comes from a big part of modesty. You're eager to meet wise men but are not ready to indulge into wisdom.

Calling out your current friends as lacking to stimulate you mentally and talking them down is your problem. You probably have already come across those men that you seek but couldn't recognize them due to your arrogance.

[–]Khiv_ 36 points37 points  (2 children)

I agree with this. Most people are far more interesting and complex than what they seem. If these people aren't showing you their full depth it is because they don't feel comfortable enough around you or because you yourself haven't tried to fully explore their personalities.

Also many of these works of the past are romanticized. Yeah Seneca wrote a bunch of letters but there is no guarantee that his daily life was always that profound. Even if it were, you have to realize those were different times. Chatting about philosophy might have been to the greeks what shooting shit in a bar is to the modern day man.

Don't idealize too much, you can enjoy deep connections without constantly discussing about deep stuff (this would be quite taxing in my opinion, even though I have a lot of deep thoughts I wouldn't like to be talking about that kind of stuff for the most part of my time).

[–]HurricaneHugues 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wrong. Most people have no depth to them. What u see on the surface is all there is.

[–]ScratchinCommander 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Assuming everyone is super interesting is a BP belief

[–]DrizzlyShrimp36 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Yep. To add to this, OP, I suggest you try to get some 1 on 1 time with some of those friends to dig into their personal lives and see if they might have the same mindset as you. Most people are very subtle about it. I don't go around preaching about how I'm getting shit done, I just get shit done.

This summer, a good friend and I became closer than ever since we sort of both discovered that we had the same 'fuck wasting time' mindset. I discovered he was into meditation, reading, self improvement, etc. And I hadn't known that all these years, because he didn't really tell anyone.

So yeah. Try to get to know your friends better. They might surprise you.

[–]santlaurentdon -1 points0 points  (3 children)

what kinda bitch ass friends don’t share their goals with each other or tell each other what they’re interested in... you prolly have some sneaky fake ass “friends” who only care about themselves

[–]DrizzlyShrimp36 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Are you okay? Damn

Of course we share our interests and hobbies. But some of them are not as easy or even just not necessary to publicize. For instance, I never randomly blurted out that I meditate because there are very few natural conversations that lead to that topic. We talk about music, careers, sports, politics, loads of things. But some things are just not easy to plug into a conversation.

You should not make such stupid assumptions based on one comment by the way. You sound pathetic.

[–]HurricaneHugues 1 point2 points  (1 child)

That's exactly what it is. Those "convenience" friendships where they share a common activity or two.

[–]ChrimsonChin988[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. You're right about the arrogance. I used to be on the other side and now I'm overcompensating. Modesty will come with age (I hope).

[–]nateydanger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hard truths. that cut real deep.

[–]ComplexProjection 25 points26 points  (1 child)

You can find men being good at being men literally everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Even in the video game world, there are leaders and good quality men. The reason for that is that being alpha is situational. You are never an absolute alpha, you are the most alpha considering the context.

So what's important is to find things you like to do, things that make you move the direction you want. And while doing that, find your elders. Look what worked for them, and what didn't.

[–]crabracoon 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Join a brazilian jiu jitsu or MMA gym. You will become a better physical version of yourself, and you will meet life long brothers along the way.

Everyone does BJJ or Mma. Doctors, Lawyers, Real estate ppl, artists, construction workers. All walks of life.

At 23-24 you will have an opportunity to be looked at as an equal amongst men 10-20+ years older than you, because you all share in common daily ass beatings.

[–]Lostitink 15 points16 points  (4 children)

I honestly haven't found a group that really does it all yet. Though with time the bullshit settles and you start to see some friends become successful in ways you never really thought that they would.

I have friends who are salesmen and they are great with people, and generally very smart in a streetwise sort of way. I have friends who are in school and they push themselves to do the best they can in class, it's always good to compete with classmates for the best grades it makes you better. I also have buddies in the military, who know more about life and death than any young man should. The real key is to find those who are driven to succeed. Those are the people you want around you. Don't have a small circle have a huge one and become a well versed man and people will just talk to you about everything, because you know a little about it all. You can start to steer conversations and find the good bits people have to offer.

I have friends in many social circles and i think the real key is to try to bring them together. You can learn a great deal from people, I mean every person has some good advice, they also have bad advice. It's up to you to decide which is which, as you continue in life.

[–]cptkong 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Totally agree, I started doing this unconsciously in high school cause I have conflicting interests and hobby. I kinda learn to appreciate each group mentality and develop their best part into my life. Even the most "basic" people can give you something beneficial.

[–]TheGoldenLeprechaun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Soliid advice. /thread

[–]markinsinz7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you have so many friends damn. Nvm I think I know. It's just hard starting from scratch at ground zero

[–]ChrimsonChin988[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I guess indeed there's wisdom to be gained from everyone. Be it what to do and what not to do. I agree there's no one social circle that can satisfy all our needs.

[–]xx-Rain_Maker-xx 13 points14 points  (1 child)

You remind me of those girls in high school that ignored men with incredible potential just to hang out with the jackass of the school. Some of those men you're a complaining right now are gonna be great men in the future, you are just being blindfolded by arrogance and a complex of superiority.

[–]ChrimsonChin988[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your response, definitely struck a chord.

[–]rambler429 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Everyone has something to teach you if you're patient enough and observant enough.

[–]2chazthundergut 6 points7 points  (1 child)

When you are climbing out of the bucket, most crabs will try to pull you back down.

But if you pay attention, you'll notice that some crabs aren't pulling you down. Some crabs are trying to get out of the bucket too.

Find those crabs. Help them out when you can. But most of all keep working on yourself. You will find the others.

[–]SnowCarpenter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup, nailed it...

The higher your standards, the less people you'll find. Quality over quantity. It's a balance between sticking to your standards and still be open-minded.

Btw, I know it's not a quick solution, but if you cultivate an inner self where you stick closely to what you want, to your standards and values, somehow you'll start to meet like-minded people. Just don't forget about being open-minded and flexible sometimes. I miss judged a lot when I was younger, and I'm sure I lost opportunities to meet great souls on the road.

Wish you to build a great wolfpack ;-)

[–]misterpoopycaca 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Try to join the closest RSD inner circle, sure most of them are just out to pick up girls (which you should be doing as much as you can too). But pretty much everyone you meet is motivated and wants to keep growing, I'm sure you can find some like-minded individuals there.

[–]0ggles 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Most are at coffee shops working on something or on their way to work. Usually, they have only like 5 or 10 minutes to spare. On the weekends, they are at festivals and outdoor events with friends.

[–]0ggles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also attend any type of conference. I've met a couple of interesting people that way. Other places to meet deep minded people are in alpha sports like sailing, climbing, and martial-art classes.

[–]yunhaila 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have few friends here and there who are the type you outlined. I met them through mutual friends. These kinds of men lead their own social circles. They respect leaders of other social circles who have abundance.

To meet like minded men, put most effort into one or two groups, lead lots of mixers and meet the leaders of other groups.

That is one way I met my most successful friends. Leaders without followers are just egotistic men without success.

[–]akema94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If your actual friends can't stimulate you enough mentally, books can help, even though you don't meet them physically but you will know about the author's stories, what changed them etc. Check the thread named "Which are your favorite books? (Not game related)" in the main subreddit TheRedPill, it has some good suggestions.

[–]GrimTRP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you'd learn a lot from your friends if you tried harder to connect with them. The wisest men I have ever met was a group of Old Farmers (all between 60-80). There where 6 of them, they all dropped out of High School. They weren't smart men, but I learnt more from them, then I ever learned from any "High IQ", "Free Masons", or any type of meetings of higher intellectuals. You can learn about the pursuit of a fulfilling life from your clubbing friends. They are pursuing fulfillment through hedonism. You might think your motocycle friends are idiots, however maybe they know more about struggle and friendship then the average guys. The wealthy frat kids know more about living up to the high expectations that there parents set for them. Perhaps that makes them feel uncomfortable. I could be wrong and they could all be retarded. However I think you need get off your high horse and engage in some good discussions. Some of the smartest people are the people you'd never expect.

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (8 children)

Go to meetup.com and look for an appropriate club. You sound like you want to start businesses and stuff. Well, START a business. Entrepreneurs attract entrepreneurs.

[–]Russian_Bot_737 0 points1 point  (7 children)

I just have a feeling you’d meet more big-talkers and fakers on that site than authentic people.

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Yes, because your feelings are more real than actually going there and meeting the people in those clubs. How about you do the fucking work? Go on Meetup and look for Entrepreneur clubs. There are some real heavy hitters on meet ups. Ive connected with a multi million dollar Real Estate investment club from meet up.

[–]Russian_Bot_737 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Oh well that’s good to know! I didn’t know meetup.com was so legit, I made an account awhile back but never actually did meetup with anyone.

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Yes, because it makes perfect sense to have an opinion on something you haven't even tried.

[–]Russian_Bot_737 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I have tried it. But I got a certain impression from the service that obviously led me to never persure it any further.

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You haven't tried it. Have you ever actually gone out to meet peoplein those clubs? I don't think so. SO how can you say you've tried it?

[–]Russian_Bot_737 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Dude this isn’t that serious of a topic. I’m sorry if I offended you by saying meetup.com wasn’t any good. Do they pay you or something?

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because you're cheating yourself as well as other readers like yourself out of quality self improvement ressources. If you guys took more action instead of speculating, we wouldn't have so many repeat offenders here asking the same dumb questions. And when I mean you are cheating yourself out of a good ressource for self improvement, I mean it.

[–]trucknutz36582 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You must be fun at parties

Please try not to be a real life Ignatius Reilly (Confederacy of Dunces)

It sounds very pompous and disconnected from reality , and a bit introverted as well. Which is fine, I have the same low tolerance level... parties at fun for me for 2 -3 hours at most, then I am done. Sounds like you might be INTJ type or similar.

Anyway, don’t just ditch all your current friends.. seek to add people you look up to

Maybe a club like Toastmasters?public speaking skills are very handy

[–]ChrimsonChin988[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I can be quite fun at parties.

I'm definitely not trying to emulate them haha. I'm very practically oriented, not the mental masturbation kind of type.

I can get quite arrogant although I was slightly exaggerating in my post. Yes, I'm more inclined to introvert-ism although I don't like putting myself in those kind of boxes. In addition I have ADD, I simply get bored after a couple of hours of social interaction and want to do something else.

Not planning at all to ditch my current friends.. As I mentioned I'm seeking people to look up to in real life, online there are plenty.

I was merely looking for some tools to do this but this thread made it clear to me I'm not in need of any of those kind of tips. Rather I should do some more introspection, check my arrogance and keep my eyes open because there are 'role models' everywhere.