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It always continues to bother me when SHE ends it. (self.asktrp)

submitted by enterim

Is anyone experiencing the same? Whenever it is the woman who ends the relationship ( what ever type of relationship, LTR, Plate, ... ) I can't get it out of my head. I keep wondering where did I fuck up and what went wrong. Not knowing really bothers me. It is not that big of a deal because it only affects 5-10% of relationships I had till now, most of the times I am the one ending stuff.

How do I get rid of this? 2 weeks after one of my plates broke I have a new one. She is easier, she treats me much better and sex is 10 times better as well - overall it shouldn't be a problem, but still I ask myself what went wrong with the old plate and I keep thinking about hitting her up and trying to set up a new "date".

I experience this kind of thought pattern everytime a relationship ends on her terms. Is this an ego thing? It is not because of oneitis, I have multiple sex partners and she really isn't a "loss".

Do you try to get feedback / learnings out of failed relationships / plates or is it a waste of time?


[–]1KirthWGersen 82 points83 points  (8 children)

It is ego. It is why so many people go for a preemptive breakup or the childish "No, you're not breaking up with me, I'm breaking up with YOU!"

In your current case, I'd say she did you a favour.

It is not necessarily your fault someone doesn't want you. She may not have liked something about you that is an inherent part of you. You can't change it, so it doesn't matter.

[–]UniversalFapture 7 points8 points  (6 children)

The feeling is an annoying one, however.

[–]warlordchad 2 points3 points  (3 children)

One thing I've found is that plates break for reasons that are out of your control--and sometimes even just a one time thing won't have anything else develop.

Quick example: this girl and I went on a few dates, had a really good rapport, etc. and after the third date we end up smashing. After, I kind of throw off this casual/friend vibe, hoping she can be a FWB. She goes from being very chatty texting to not replying for stretches of time, to not replying at all. But when I thought about it, she'd been talking about really wanting a partner in life, being tired of dating, and all that stuff. Well, she's 33 and hitting the wall, she's not interested in a casual relationship, and when fucking me didn't alter the frame of how I saw our relationship, she bounced.

This is where women between 27-35 can be extremely difficult to plate. Additionally, sometimes if women want more out of a guy, they'll pull back and try to get you to chase.

I mean, are there any common things you're doing that you notice causes plates to break? Are you explicitly talking about your relationship status?

[–]UniversalFapture 1 point2 points  (2 children)

No. We went out. She said she had fun, suggested a place to walk around at even after we ate.

“Phone issues” then the “great guy but...” excuse comes along

[–]warlordchad 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You're confusing a "plate" with a "date." Sounds like you need to read the side bar, study some more game, and learn how to escalate--if you have a date with a girl she should want to see you again. If she doesn't, it means she sees you as beta and/or low SMV.

A "plate" is a woman you're fucking on a semi-regular basis, from FWB to she thinks you're BF-GF to someone you hit up for a booty call.

[–]UniversalFapture 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for that

[–]statetransferz1 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It is quite annoying.

[–]UniversalFapture 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Deadass

[–]Shoregrey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"You can't break up with me! I've got hand!"

[–]infamous3238 40 points41 points  (1 child)

It’s always going to sting a little. What helps me when a plate breaks is remembering:

  1. Plates eventually will break - shes not yours it’s just your turn
  2. How all the plates YOU ghosted must’ve felt when you ended it
  3. Abundance mentality - there’s a million girls like her out there

[–]someonesopinion6969 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sadly sometimes you do need to fuck to get over the thought that the one person you thought that was 'magical' is only a illusion.

Abundance mentality - it's a tough bitch to crack when sex is such a powerful feeling, that one girl knew how to blow your mind, well yeah there are lots of girls capable of doing that

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey 16 points17 points  (0 children)

For me it seems that if a girl stick around for 1-2 months they don't go away, i never had a girl break things up with me (they do ghost me when its on early stages). Plates I don't count since sometimes they find a dude to settle so i'm happy for them. You shouldn't worry about plates dropping dude.

[–]omega_dawg93 16 points17 points  (2 children)

it's your ego.

but think of it like this... she was only a plate to you, and longterm, what's best for her is to find a guy that considers her as more than just a cum dump.

and she found that guy.

so, find another plate or plates to replace her, let her go, and be happy for her.

just FYI - your agreement, comfort, and ability to move on with her decision and wishing her the best will likely bring her back to you, i.e., you're not butt hurt. women find that attractive. when that new relationship blows up, she will more than likely seek comfort with a known (former) lover.

say, "welcome back," and pull out your unit.

[–]someonesopinion6969 2 points3 points  (1 child)

that's actually a great point, most girls are seen as a cumdump to men but sometimes a woman might want to be more appreciated than being the reciever of a load that could be shot by any man. sometimes you know there is more to life than sex and some of the dudes here should probably realize that

[–]omega_dawg93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

there's someone for everyone.

girls that seek attention thru their vaginas know what they're doing.

when they get tired of it, they usually seek better treatment (from men).

the ones that confuse attention with 'power' get addicted to it and remain cum dumps long term.

[–]MR3790 12 points13 points  (0 children)

HAHA I ended it with a girl and a week later she showed up at my place and ended it with me after not talking for a week.

[–]warthundersfw 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It stings them when you’re just like ok and move on without imeffort. That’s the one where faking it will make it

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is completely natural. It is your lizard brain fucking with you. You're on the shit end of a power play is all.

This has been talked about in the sphere before and the best advice is, if you think a girl is getting ready to break up with you, break up with her first. You better believe she would and will do it to you if she thinks you're about to. You've broken up with them, you see what it does to them. Simply being the one to end it assuages a lot of the ego trauma.

That last part you're asking about is tantamount to "closure". Closure is for women, don't worry about it. You are a man, the only way out is forward.

[–]1kick6 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Outcome independence, you lack it. And it’s probably because you have no SELF esteem, and instead rely on the quality of women attached to you to fill that void.

[–]TFWnoLTR 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Its rejection, and nobody likes rejection. It's especially bad when you're rejected by someone you were convinced would not reject you. You build up that ego thinking you have her and then she leaves and your ego is bruised and you want to question everything and pursue her more in the hopes that you weren't actually fully rejected.

I still miss my ex, even though I clearly recall being miserable with her and she is now trying to take my son from me, not because she doesn't want me to see him, but because sole custody would get her more child support. I should hate that woman, but a part of me that won't go away wants her back.

It's normal, there's nothing wrong with you. Just try your best to keep focused on improving yourself and moving forward and away from the exes.

[–]leolanik14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s something you have to practice with, part of it falls into the FRAME, part of it it’s your ego hurting and you feel threatened... Learn to control and maintain by practicing meditation. I would suggest get on an app for meditation and the other about frame, read a lot about on Marcus Aurelius.

[–]someonesopinion6969 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because you've been rejected by mother nature for not being good enough.

It's gonna suck regardless, there is no way to hack that feeling.

but like at the end of the day, if you're oneitusing every girl you sleep with then you're only going to feel pain.this is a problem on your behalf, fix it otherwise you'll continually be getting broken up with.

[–]thetotalpackage7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I learned a long time ago that in a breakup, there is only ONE parachute. Usually the one doing the dumping has a soft landing because they control the terms. However, on rare occasions, the parachute can be exchanged mid-air when the dumper changes their mind only to be rebuffed by the recently dumped who has moved on quickly.

[–]Chadster113 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's worse when you think a girl manipulated you to break up with her

[–]wobbleelbbow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

either way it's a win. If you find out of course.

[–]wobbleelbbow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Learning is a must. Wondering about her is beta. So try to minimize wondering about sluts and learn from your bad behaviours (or blindness to red flags).

[–]ArthurTheAstronaut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck man I've struggled with this my entire life. Ego is a fucking bitch.

[–]bigkids 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can ask why, once. Tell her to name 3 virtues she saw in you and 3 vices. You can do the same to her, is she agrees. Then move on. You’re not meant to please every woman on earth, physically or psychologically. Sometimes it just does click. You’re a nurse and one of her friends is suddenly dating a doctor, she thinks she’s hotter than her friend and deserves better, she wants to date a doctor now as well. She wanted a bad boy, you were it, she reads a magazine on how 4.2/5 guys that drive motorcycles and have long hair leave their girlfriends after 12 months, she wants a nice guy now to build a family. Her vegan friend told her meat eaters are liars and are naturally hurtful, also they have no feelings for sentient beings. You’re out of the picture.

[–]ArcangeloPT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s fine to think about where you went wrong but definitely don’t dwell on it. Plates will eventually break so just focus on your mission and trust me, if you’re really focused, you’ll just move on seamlessly and find another plate.

Besides, what usually ends up happening is she contacting you down the road. And if not, no loss there either way.

[–]ArdAtak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its' normal. But understand that sometimes it has nothing to do with you. If you have a high success rate then embrace it and enjoy life. Look ahead, not back. Plates break and no one bats a 1000.

Move on. I know it's easier said than done but if you consciously work it then it gets easier over time.

[–]imtheoneimmortal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think is about scarcity mentality

[–]Cirrustratus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im more of the opinion that it could been something like super fast and casual, you should have made more direct questions, she didnt need to know what to order nor your instagram. even if she was going to just do the same you could have got sure about the fact that she was wack and still have to possible option to go down with her.