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Anyone else feeling burnt out? (self.asktrp)

submitted by MG4L

I've been working on self improvement for the last year and I'm not seeing any rewards from it. I've definitely gotten bigger, my posture has improved, I went to college (19y/o), dress much better. But I've seen very little from my improvements.

I don't notice any visibly different treatment from people as before I started. Just feels like I've wasted all this time improving when none of it really matters.


[–]lifeisweirdasfuck 100 points101 points  (6 children)

That’s the trap most guys finish into. Me included. That’s the monk mode trap.

You are self-improving and (possibly) experiencing body dysmorphia and always feel like you are not enough.

Chances are you are not even TRYING to approach women, and so wrongly assume that you are not enough. You are probably expecting women to approach you, and when they don’t, you keep assuming your SMV is not high enough.

This is what I’ve been experiencing since when I went monk mode. Constant self-improvement with the end goal of getting women.

There are many wrong facets of this mindset. Firstly, you tell yourself you won’t approach women because you don’t have money yet or because you don’t look like a fitness model. This just leads to loneliness and a shitty life.

All you need to be is above average. Once you are, you must start approaching women.

You feel burnt out because you are not seeing results. Same thing happened to me. Let me ask you a question. Are you actually trying to game women?

[–]RedHoodhandles 29 points30 points  (2 children)

The endgoal of self-improvement is self-improvement. The hunger for more, you should do it because it is enjoyable. Never make women your mental point of origin.

[–]lifeisweirdasfuck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are right, even though it’s easier said than done. The desire for women is hardwired into the subconscious of many guys who were nerds in the past and never received sexual validation from females. Reading stuff or “consciously” deciding not to make women their mission, is not going to help. It may help for a few minutes, hours, days? No longer than that. It’s like filling a bucket with a hole.

I guess a different approach is needed, which I’m honestly unaware of.

[–]masterbaterchief 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand why you'd brush women onto the wayside for mental wellbeing and whatnot, but I say fuck that. I want to fuck big booty hoes, and I'm okay with that. Can I live without it? Sure I can. Do I want to? Fuck no. Tell me you don't feel like a fucking KING when you successfully tame some ass, because I'd bet my bottom dollar that you'd be lying. I think it's counterproductive to cease your game for any reason. At least game a few women a week with a simple "hi", a cheesy joke or some gay shit, and then her number and a date. And if she rejects you? So the fuck what? Go home, cry about it, and grow some balls and try again.

[–]kweikum1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mindset must change. You changed the shell but not the nut. Even unattractive fat slobs can land women with the right personality. Read no more mr nice guy.

[–]IBeMadToo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Chances are you are not even TRYING to approach women, and so wrongly assume that you are not enough. You are probably expecting women to approach you, and when they don’t, you keep assuming your SMV is not high enough.

This. I had this mindset right out of monk mode. I did have a couple of women approach me but it's up to you to put yourself out there.

[–]Thizzlebot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point on the monk mode shit. It's supposed to be a few months tops but a lot of people like it because then they have an excuse to not leave the house.

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl 72 points73 points  (4 children)

"dress better, posture improved, got bigger"

judges his improvement only by how others treat him. yeah, that's where you are wrong and where you will keep going wrong. Do not value yourself based on how people treat you, but on how valuable you are. If you are prone to search for validation, it doesn't matter how much you improved cause the mindset of validation seeking is off putting.

[–]StudyHacks 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Do people give this vibe off to other people around them? So, if I were a shallow, and constantly validation-seeking person, would others notice this (sub?-)consciously?

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes. We all know these people that "try to hard", these are the people who are searching for validation from others, it's the most extreme one, but it's definitely noticable. For example how serious people take your banter, or how they respond to simple criticism that wasn't meant personal.

[–]MG4L[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah, you're probably right, but it's difficult. I don't nessiscarly seek attention from others, but getting dates, meeting new people, shows me I'm doing something right. When it doesn't happen I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

[–]Johnnadawearsglasses 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your personality. Your willingness to put yourself out there. What about those things?

[–]2stoned0jaguar9tre 53 points54 points  (2 children)

Its not an overnight celebrity thing. Its a steady incremental thing over a lifetime/lifestyle thing. You have to get your money right which takes time and career focus. Thankfully you can improve ur physique now and that can change your life way sooner than the money part. Take breaks, relax, but never forget why you started. Remind yourself of the payoff when it comes.

[–]bush2874 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The over the night celebrity is 10 years in the making.

[–]sonnydanger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Make the reward/results seems effortless, for you have put in 10,000 hours for that specific result. Nothing comes easy, you have to work for it.

[–]inspiredshane 17 points18 points  (4 children)

I have a theory.

Your mistake lies in the assumption that other people’s opinions or recognition of you matter more than your own.

You are therefore needy, because you can’t see the value in yourself, and you can’t validate yourself. You look to others to tell you this because you think that’s the only way it’s real. But the truth is that your value is real whether or not anyone notices or agrees with you. This is the nature of true self-worth.

You likely suffer from low self-esteem and are really hard on yourself in an unfair manner, and you’re afraid of failure and a bit of a perfectionist.

Am I close to correct?

[–]Vithonil 1 point2 points  (3 children)

you certainly hit the nail on the head for me lol

[–]inspiredshane 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Here’s where you can start, if this is you:

Grab your phone and some in-ear headphones and load this up

https://youtu.be/ddrY2zjzLYM

Then, take a nap while listening to that, or fall asleep at night listening to that, for at LEAST 90 days. To be honest, 6 months or more of doing this daily is best.

It may seem like a big investment, but remember the idea is to do this as you start to fall asleep, so in reality it can’t get any easier.

But you’ll miss a day still, because that’s what humans do when they’re trying to change. So don’t quit if you miss a day. It’s OK, that’s just one of the symptoms you’re trying to deal with manifesting. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved, my dudes.

Over a long enough period of time, this should start to affect your waking thoughts and behaviors. That will make any action you take while you’re awake easier.

There are lots of these out there. BE VERY CAREFUL WITH WHICH ONES YOU CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO, AND MAKE SURE YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT THE AFFIRMATIONS ARE BEFORE YOU LISTEN.

If you ever hear one that you believe might harm you, turn it off immediately and never look back.

Edit: I forgot to mention to keep the volume low. You don’t want to mess up your hearing.

[–]Vithonil 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thanks a lot, I'll try those out :)

[–]inspiredshane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem. For what it’s worth, they help me a LOT

[–]58021 18 points19 points  (1 child)

You’re only 19. Only people younger than you are going to take you seriously. Keep it up and try to be a beast by 29

[–]isaiahexe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not OP, but needed someone to put this perspective into words and then say it. I know it's true, but seeing someone else say it helps to show how I need to make it a concrete belief and don't allow myself to be dissuaded because of a lack of overnight success.

[–]1redhawkes 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You'll fail as long as you depend on external validation. You can't think RP with bloop mindset.

[–]FemtoG 16 points17 points  (0 children)

its cause you didn't improve socially when in actuality social is 80% of the game.

how many new friends did you make? how many new girls did you meet?

or are you measuring your success on magnetically drawing them to you through your improved physique and more self controlled nature? thats wrong

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy 6 points7 points  (7 children)

Have you worked on your mental state yet?

[–]boredathome19 1 point2 points  (4 children)

How does one improve that? I can't force myself to just have different opinions resulting in having a different mental state

[–]5xEBITDA 5 points6 points  (3 children)

You're not approaching it correctly. Your mindset and beliefs all influence your emotions, whereas your emotions are what you actually experience and where your intrinsic enjoyment in life comes from. If you want to change your emotions, you need to review and adjust your thoughts, beliefs and mindset. Do you experience any self-doubt? How about pessimism and a lack of faith in your ability to achieve your goals? Be honest about what your beliefs are in life, then you can make adjustments where possible through affirmations.

[–]isaiahexe 1 point2 points  (2 children)

How does one take solid steps towards this though besides positive affirmations and meditation? Meditation needs to become a habit of mine, but besides that what other advice might you have?

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not OP but I personally started with just simply being aware. About the negative and positive things surrounding me. You then slowly start to realize that there are just things that are outside of your control. Bad things will happen and you will have to just simply deal with it.

Meditation is so good for this because it keeps you present. Because at the end of the day, it's not the negativity that you have control over. It's how you react to it. It's one of the basic keys to stoicism.

[–]5xEBITDA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with the other response to your comment. Meditation and actually practising being aware is big. Another thing which I feel a lot of TRP overlook is stoic philosophy - it’s particularly relevant to trials and tribulations associated with personal growth I’ve found.

[–]MG4L[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

As in therapy? I haven't tried it although I've been heavily considering it. I've been reading into Stoic philosophy and some self-help books which have given me a different perspective.

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

By mental state, I meant your mindset. It seems to me that you're looking for external reactions rather than internal. You seem to be focusing on all the negative results. The quest to self actualization isn't dependent on anything external. It's all internal. Changing your mindset will lessen the "burn out" feeling you're having right now. It may as well remove it all together.

To start off, try focusing on all the positives first.

[–]5xEBITDA 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you're associating the 'reward' of self-improvement with 'getting laid' then you've got the wrong approach. There are many areas to life; your physical health, emotional health, finances, career/business and so forth. You should be developing a vision (big picture) and purpose (validating 'why') for each area of your life that you deem important (think of these as 'areas of life' or categories to improve in). Set monthly goals and plan each day out proactively.

Good work with the posture, upping your fashion and going to college thus far. Continually strive for improvement in all areas of life and remember, do it for you - not for women. Women will come and go, the only way to ensure you remain attractive to women (read within the top percentile of men within your demographic) is to continually improve yourself and strive for growth.

[–]biitchling 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Why are you in such a rush? These things take time.

What are you using as a measure of success from your improvements?

[–]MG4L[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I hate being mediocre. Started improving myself to become better, which only made me realize that there's always someone bigger, someone smarter, always someone better. Idk why I expected results to come faster.

Mainly using success with women. I've had three dates, with 2 girls in the last 2 months, and one month-ish thing with another girl. Been kind of on a dry streak the last few weeks. Kinda just demoralizes me seeing the success others have here.

[–]bucSlayer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"I hate being mediocre. Started improving myself to become better, which only made me realize that there's always someone bigger, someone smarter, always someone better. Idk why I expected results to come faster."

Yes there's always someone better. SO WHAT? Are you gonna cry or live your life like a man with no fucks given?

"Mainly using success with women. I've had three dates, with 2 girls in the last 2 months, and one month-ish thing with another girl. Been kind of on a dry streak the last few weeks. Kinda just demoralizes me seeing the success others have here."

2 girls in 2 months at 19? I'd say you're doing pretty good for yourself.

[–]11NV0K3R 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can already tell you're not doing this for yourself, but for what it will get you with others.

That's not the mentality you need to be going with.

[–]eazy_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

From what I read your life is better than it was a year ago. You made improvements in 4 areas. What reward were you expecting to see? Do you have goals? Are you making progress toward those goals?

Progress toward your goals is the reward.

[–]cluelessguitarist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Focus in selfvalidation , you are your own source of happiness

[–]rpthrowaway1104 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro, getting bigger, improved posture, academic achievement, dress better

Those are the rewards you ingrateful, egotistical bitch - you're literally saying none of those things matter unless they result in external validation? Lmao - back to level 1 with you

[–]darkwingduckdunn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go out there and get it :)

[–]2comment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you approach people? What's your goal?

[–]OfficerWade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. You workout in the gym for what 30-45 minutes on a good day? Think about how much time and effort it takes to get the food, sleep and overall rest before your next workout. This is how you should feel coming to this community. You can OVERDOSE on it if you’re not careful

[–]RompeChocha 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No.

[–]sonnydanger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it was that easy, everyone would be doing it. It's a life long process, learn to enjoy the process cause once you reach your destination it might not seem that significant. Keep on going, you honestly can't expect pussy to be handed to you on a silver platter just cause you started to sort out your life in a year. Be realistic.

[–]onepill_twopill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yep

[–]_lock_down_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Give this a read.

[–]ThreeEyez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meditate and learn to accept and love your present self.

[–]Velebit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here is another guy similar issues and my reply to him. It probably applies to you also.

Head shape and face and big five are more impactful then gym and what you mentioned

htt ps://ww w.red dit. com/ r /ask trp/co m ments/a0bn58/my_overweight_friend_has_more_luck_with_women/eah9z64?utm_source=red dit-andro id

Remove spaces for link... the bott has gone crazy with removing links.

[–]ChadTheWaiter100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can still fuck and get pussy now but you won’t really feel like a complete man until you graduate college and get a good job.

[–]fixzzz123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Self-improvement never ends my man

[–]Flintblood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are doing more than most people. That’s awesome. Now learn to do it just for you. Or keep working on improving yourself for your family if you have one that depends on you.

[–]chim_city 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk more to people. Get a people job, sales etc...

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will make this the subject of my next guide. This concern gets posted more often than any other, and in many different forms.

It's time these no-progress fallacies be squashed.

[–]CaptainBW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As others have said, the self improvement/monk mode lends itself to a loop. You need to go out and do stuff. But if you're like me, you need to understand the underlying reasoning of things and you need to "feel" an "important" motivation for effort. When dudes around here talk about focus on your mission, the mission comes first then the bitches...it's true. You need to focus on your mission and actually write out your goals and what you want for yourself. Self improvement makes you healthy and keeps you alive longer, but self improvement itself is not a mission (unless you're in a real hole, which you thankfully are not).

[–]MGRaiden97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok you improved yourself, but did you improve your conversation skills? Vocabulary?

Being physically attractive is like 30% of the game when it comes to picking up a woman. They give less fucks about looks than you do

[–]Jace910 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You mentioned youre in college? Its possible that youre in or about to hit Finals Time. Where quitting life and crying like a beta bitch is just about inevitable.

Good luck.

[–]319Skew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I swallowed the pill after my divorce. I've been reading, self improving, and learning as much as I can for the past 1-2 years and have come a long way. Occasionally, I stumble and default to learned habits that I have to work on destroying and being mindful of.

I find that it's easier to just curl up and blame everyone else for my failing but harder to own it. This is making me feel like I'm constantly struggling and being aware of myself constantly feels tiring but it is what it is.

In nature, you'd be constantly trying to survive. There's no 'rest' period. You struggle to eat, find a place, compete for a mate, defend your property and your family. Once I internalized that, I realized that the inner child in me is what's holding onto the beauty of the lie and complaining about responsibility that's required with being a man. The man in me takes pride in accomplishments and overcoming obstacles and challenges.

That leaves interactions with women. It's just exhausting sometimes. There's just so much bullshit that they dish out and the return (aside from sex) is virtually not there. So sometimes I clear all my plates and just spend time with me. This makes me feel lonesome and I start a new roster of plates only to repeat the process a few months later.

[–]Musicgoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like your seeing improvements in your physical self, but you're not being honest about what you want...

If you want more muscle work out. If you want better health, change your eating and sleep habits. If you want more girls, work on your game and then go talk to them.

It sounds like you have a defeatist attitude. That won't get you any women. Did you expect women to swarm to you for having more muscles?

Sack up and start being social instead of passive aggressive..

[–]HectoSexual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m big on the idea that “you get what you put your attention on”.

So you put your attention on self improvement, and you are improving. That’s good. But is it what you really want? Or are you self improving as a road to some other purpose?

Run towards that. That’s what will get you out of the burnout. You’re not pursuing your true purpose.

[–]Ansec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're doing it for the wrong reasons. Improvement should be for yourself not for the approval of others.

Chasing after approval will burn you out. You must do the things that matter to you and not give a shit what others think about it.

[–]swolingstoned 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's okay to transcend your past goals. To be more.

But it's stupid to waste your progress.

Do more, do less, switch things up. Self improvement isn't about sticking to a routine, it's about constantly keeping the challenge high, and overcoming it. The high comes from overcoming challenges, that's what you're missing, it's not pointless. You've just improved.

Don't you think there's room for more? IS THIS REALLY YOUR FINAL FORM?

TRP isn't a cheat sheet, it's not a prescription you take and boom. It's a begginers list, of things you're likely suffering from. Maybe you dress better, buy you always stink, maybe your face is shitty, maybe you need some specific questions about yourself answered, and you are not asking them.

Dig deeper, focus on your self worth and being the best you. Once you start believing it, other people will agree

[–]Granite_Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been going to medical school for an entire year and I'm still not a doctor! What gives!?

[–]trpboy123 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah take a break mate. I am also going through that phase now. Just take a break from everything and start after sometime.