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Made some controversial comments on a date . (self.asktrp)

submitted by spiritletshereit

I went on a mostly successful date on Saturday. We got on great. Shared a bottle of wine. Walked around London. Laughing the whole time and spent a big portion of the day together. Kissed at the end. Lots in common.

After the date she text me saying 'I'm not sure what I want going forwards. You're smart and handsome and I had a great time, but I had a couple of issues.'

Here are the issues,

In the lead up to the date she asked if I could send her a selfie so she could identify me on the day.

I said to her - 'I don't have one from you yet, you could be a huge black girl for all I know.' She's a tiny white girl and the complete opposite so it was meant as a joke and I just said it without filter. She's now worried I'm a bit racist.. which I'm not.

On the date we somehow ended up talking about feminism. (I know...) It wasn't a serious conversation, we were teasing each other and laughing but at one stage I was trying to illustrate a point about how I think men and women are essentially different and so will always have to deal with issues related to their sex. I used a deliberately extreme example to illustrate my point. I said -

'I'd happily take a grope every so often if it meant I could pick and choose my sexual partners at will. Girls are just at the opposite end of the spectrum.'

My sense of humour is basically to just say outrageous shit which is clearly a joke or to provoke a reaction. It's never caused an issue before because it's clear I'm joking or exaggerating and has led to some very funny situations.

I KNOW that she had fun on the date. It was obvious. She was giving me lots of IOI's and the kiss at the end was great.

Presumably my course of action here is to just ignore all this and move forward? As I'm tempted to try and 'clear things up.'

I know that holding frame is the way to go - but also concerned that I've actually offended her or that she thinks I'm something that I'm not.

Should I clear things up?


[–]person8445 229 points230 points  (5 children)

Do not explain yourself. Tbh agree and amplify might be the best. Tell her you are a high wizard of the patriarchy and looking for a new Tuesday sandwhich maker.

[–]rothkochapel 34 points35 points  (0 children)

This, when in doubt A&A always.

[–]lololasaurus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This. A high wizard of the patriarchy 😂😂😂 I love it

[–]newflame97 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is a good word

[–]DadOnDabs 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lmao this guy

[–]sonnydanger 101 points102 points  (14 children)

Stay in your frame, this is sidebar material 101. Shes trying to shift the power to herside (sub consciously) and is waiting to pounce at any weakness you show. Assume amused mastery, you are the prize. If you like to say outlandish jokes, do it. Don't chnage who you are because of someone else.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 26 points27 points  (12 children)

Got it. It's slow going. I'm having to reset a lot of long term learned behaviours. That I picked up on this and asked about it rather than giving a her a big apology and clearing the air and trying to 'fix' things is a huge step forward.

[–]sonnydanger 16 points17 points  (11 children)

Good stuff. There is nothing to clear up, you made your statement and you stand by it, hold frame. If you genuinely fucked up, only then should you apologise and explain youself. This is also why trp preaches to text only for logistics during the dating phase because it lowers your chance to fuck things up.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 7 points8 points  (10 children)

Speaking of only texting for logistics... Here is a conversation that happened via whatsapp prior to the date while waiting for the bus-

Me - I'm having a double espresso.
Her - Hardcore.
Me - Gateway espresso , I'll be on heroin by the end of the day.
Her - Cool! Always wanted to try! (sarcasm)
Me - Well now we have a plan for the day.
Her - I'm not leaving until we've robbed a bank.
Me - I'm not leaving until we have raped and killed a homeless man.
Her - Well that escalated quickly.
Me - Just don't kill the dog, you monster.
Her - I'm known for my dodgy humour.. but you are worse.
Me - Yep, see you in a bit.

As you can see, I thought I was safe.

[–]Random_throwaway_000 33 points34 points  (3 children)

Maybe it's best not to joke about being a serial killer/rapist when you still getting to know a chick. A better way would've been to joke about getting locked up in jail vs going down in a gun shoot out.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

lol yeah I imagine you're right.

I've been finding recently that I've been able to get away with saying literally anything as long I say it in a certain way.

Had a girl (not attractive) following me around at pub recently because I kept referring to her as 'bitch' and telling her to 'go away,'

She kept popping up everywhere and shit testing me.

The problem is I eventually fall apart when I like them. Working on it.

[–]Random_throwaway_000 14 points15 points  (0 children)

saying

Talking is 100% different. It's hard to show a joking tone through text. Save 'harsh' jokes for in person. You're off hand jokes in the OP are just fine, and I agree with everyone else (shit test/ A&A).

[–]kendallb183 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have the SAME effect. I can say anything. But, I learned the hard way in text it isnt the same. In person the girl can feel your energy and is wrapped up in it. Your excitement, spontinaety, plain old positivity. In text she can't feel anything at all.. just use her logic. Kind of puts a damper on thing. I think it's why witty banter works through text better, it plays to logic not emotion. Bold crazy fun energy is best for in person.

[–]RaccoonJanitor 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Yeeeeah... I'm gonna advise tone down the shock humor by like 300%. Just be more chill

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I am chill. It's not as autistic as it sounds, honestly.

[–]TheShearerComplex 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s the issue, it does come across as autistic over text as people can’t tell tone. I’m sure it would be funny in person.

[–]smolzino 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I thought it was funny.

[–]MotorAdhesive4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's not trying to sleep with YOU.

[–]RedHoodhandles 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not my type of humour and I think it's pretty cringey. A&A. I get it but dude you don't always need to one up every basic shit that chick spews out of her mouth.

[–]moonunit0103 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If someone accuses me of bigotry or racism, my reply is, " No I am not, since I hate everyone equally.". If anyone doesn't laugh at that, they are too stuffy and uptight.

[–]empatheticapathetic 11 points12 points  (20 children)

Testing your frame. How secure you are in yourself and your decisions. A high value man (which she wants you to be) with abundance would not give a fuck about what she said.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 5 points6 points  (19 children)

I've gone back over what was said and re-read the messages and I think I pretty much held frame through out.

I'm lucky she cant see me hamstering.

[–]onpuzzle 34 points35 points  (18 children)

Don't take what she said seriously. Ignore, deflect, laugh. Continue as normal. If she puts up a fight, screw her. Plenty other hoes left.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 20 points21 points  (5 children)

That's what I thought. At the end of the day I would laugh in the face of anyone else who said I was racist because of this.

The only reason I'm worried is because of vaginas isn't it?

[–]Xkirbyx 4 points5 points  (4 children)

To me it seems she comes off a bit uptight. Either she will fall under your style of comedy and negging or it’ll turn into soft shit test at every turn from her.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

She was getting into it. There was a lot of punching me and looking at me sideways and saying 'fuck off Shaun!' for no reason like she couldn't think of anything better.

At one point I was just stood there and she accused me of 'flexing my pecs' at her. I was literally just stood there. In a jumper and parka.

I was all like 'Thanks for noticing ;)' and she got all defensive. She is one of these girls who 'doesn't like muscles.'

Which as an aside - the advice to lift on here is a godsend. I've always been skinny until recently.

[–]Xkirbyx 6 points7 points  (2 children)

She seems to be retaliating against herself lol fuck the muscles but wants a muscular guy to ‘ravage’ her. I’d say be careful bro I’ve played with girls like this the delusional kind and they’re very unstable

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Not even that muscular tbh. I just now have pecs when I didn't before and you can tell I have shoulders and arms underneath my clothes.

[–]Xkirbyx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s her own bullshit hypocritical mind that can’t take the fact that she says one thing but biologically she wants another and that’s where her bullshit is at. It’s on you sir play with fire if you’d like but id next her already very gently lol

[–]2SirKolbath 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Come on, man, this is basic shit test 101.

Ignore what she says. Pay attention only to what she does. You said multiple times that you know she enjoyed herself. She did. So much that she is trying to claw back power from you because she knows she’s been in your frame and wants you in hers.

Stay in your own frame. Ignore what she says and take her out again. This time, make damn sure you drill for uranium through her pelvis.

[–]2chazthundergut 16 points17 points  (3 children)

This is a shit test.

If you get all defensive or apologetic or ask her what did I do wrong sweeetie!?? Then you fail. The only way to pass this one (at this stage) is to demonstrate how little her objections concern you and how unphased you are with the outcome of this.

She isn't sure she wants to go forward?

Lol.

She shouldn't be sure if you want to go forward.

I would wait a couple days without texting then say:

"Yea I think we have a pretty different sense of humor" ... and that's it. Let her hamster do the rest, and be ready for her to walk.

Remember: you are vetting her. You are the prize. You aren't gonna compromise your humor or your personality for a bitch. Especially one you barely went on one date with.

Also in general stop validating her I bet you've been texting her way too much. After your date who reached out first?

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Yes it's when I know that I'm into someone that I fall apart.

I text her the next day and said that I enjoyed the date and we should do it again - yes that's a mistake.

I've backed off since her rejection though and I've not tried to apologise or whatever.

Btw she actually brought up these 'concerns' on the date and I just rolled my eyes at her and teased her about it.

Believe it or not all of this is progress.

[–]2chazthundergut 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Keep it up. You're getting dates, doing well on dates, and closing with a kiss. You are absolutely on the right track.

Just dial in your game. Stop texting. Stop validating. Try a little less hard. Talk less and let her do the qualifying.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also I'll put your suggestion into practice.

[–]mrpthrowa 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Maintain frame. Do not change your story, or try and explain. Getting you to explain is a giant test.

I would even send this gem...

"yeah i agree, I'm not sure whether we have enough in common..."

And watch her try to qualify.

Also have a filter on what you say you autistic twat.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

hahaha ok

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Although Patrice O'Neil says don't filter.

[–]seedster5 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don't apologize for speaking your belief as long as it's not way our there like being a pedo should be legal or some other insanity. Hold frame. Continue to show the girl a good time.

[–]muddynips 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Don't mix jokes with beliefs. You want to keep it light and fun, and you don't want to be the "I was only joking" guy.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was light and fun. It's hard to get across to you guys. I wasn't being a dick and it was all fun banter.

I just think she has read between the lines of the actual content a bit.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Also she was bringing the stuff up. I stand by that my approach is way more effective (and fun) than being boring and having a nice conversation.

I know because I've done both.

There's obviously a middle ground...

[–]muddynips 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It may or may not have worked during the date, I wasn't there. But generally you want jokes to be jokes (and hopefully funny) and beliefs to be beliefs. Shrouding beliefs as jokes is a bitch move, and I see a lot of guys doing it. It should also be harder to get some of this stuff out of you. Fish don't want to hear about fishing, women don't want to hear about the sexual marketplace. Her bringing it up is a shit test that you failed to deflect.

It's just not a good policy to be talking about all that shit on a first date. You are not holding frame by allowing the conversation to go any which way. You shouldn't be saying things like "well it came up somehow". If your sense of humor is to walk this line on the edge of socially acceptable behavior, you should be able to exercise more refined control of the conversation. Or alternatively give fewer fucks about her concerns. But you can't do both.

All in all sounds like a fun date though. Hopefully she gets over her hesitation and reaches out.

[–]inspiredshane 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Would you concern yourself about the feelings of a guy who thought you were racist or sexist because of these jokes? Probably not. Likely, you’d think that guy was lame and couldn’t take a joke. That’s what this woman is. And tbh, how much fun can you really have with a lame woman that can’t take a joke? I ‘d be having mixed feelings about her too.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Exactly this. This exactly right. I only care because of vaginas.

[–]450k_crackparty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I will purposely say off-colour and outlandish shit right off the bat. Like, I will hold back on the worst stuff for the first few dates, but I try not to censor myself too much. This is for 2 reasons: the first is that it doesn't come as a surprise to her later, and you don't spend the rest of your life as a self-censored pussy. But the second reason is that it's an excellent gauge of attraction. You'll find that you can say the absolute craziest shit and she will laugh at it if she finds you attractive.

Of course hold back your most racist and sexist jokes for when you've really got her roped in. But overall: be polarizing. Be bold. Don't apologize for yourself. You definitely do not want to start off a relationship apologizing for who you are. Save those for when you actually fuck up.

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Yeah, take it easy on the controversial stuff -- bitches get triggered. That's why they're always trying to ban free speech.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

They do. But what happened to NGAF?

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar 2 points3 points  (1 child)

NGAF isn't the be-all end-all. Like, a lot of bums DGAF.

I think the point is to be results-oriented. Clearly, OP being unfiltered, in the way that he did, backfired.

[–]RaccoonJanitor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only good advice i've seen on here. well said.

[–]F_Dingo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Own what you say or don’t say it at all.

[–]RaccoonJanitor -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Or, consider what you have said and be man enough to admit when you are wrong.

[–]rp2626 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Theres a difference between being confident in your beliefs and actually coming across racist or sexist. I get that you arent but she probably thinks wtf is up with this guy. She doesn't need to be told about the double standards. She just wants to know if you're worth dating.

[–]SharpestMarbel 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Just ask yourself, What Would Trump Do?

WWTD?

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

/endthread

[–]alphabachelor 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This is why having an abundance mentality is key.

She folds and falls into your way. Or she remains a stubborn, silly girl and it’s her loss, you dodged a bullet.

You win either way.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have options but not options on girls I actually like. This is why Im fine until I realise i like them.

Fully agree that abundance is everything.

Before this date I actually couldn't be bothered to go on the date. I had abundance.

Now I don't.

[–]Jelagil 3 points4 points  (2 children)

You asked what are the issues instead of saying "we all have issues.. so you're free on Monday?"

Listen, you sound overly invested in this humorless, overstressed girl.

The sex is going to be terrible. I promise you that.

Move on.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

No she brought up the issues on the date but we were sort of joking around it.

It was only after when she mentioned them in the text that I realised it was an actual issue.

Honestly I read that 'dismiss... are you free on?' thing discussed a lot it just doesnt work.

For me, by far the best way to get a date is do something fun then invite them to it. If they don't go it doesn't matter because you're going anyway.

This date was planned... formally?... on match.

[–]Jelagil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look, you sound pretty young. And that's good, because you have a lot of time to learn.

Ask yourself:

Are you spinning plates? Are you dating more girls? Are you texting her too much? Are you giving her too much attention? Are you in her frame?

I will say this again. The pussy won't be good.

[–]0kool74 1 point2 points  (0 children)

" My sense of humour is basically to just say outrageous shit which is clearly a joke or to provoke a reaction. "

I'm the very same way. People who know me well are used to it and sometimes get a kick out of how sarcastic of an asshole I am. Those who don't, and aren't sanguine enough to stick around and find out that i'm just incredibly sarcastic and not (insert character degradation here) well that's their loss. I've gotten a LOT more respect out of just being me than being what snowflakes want me to be.

[–]Ricklogical 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Tell her you are worried about her being worried about some light talk on sensitive issues.

Tell her you aren't getting married tomorrow and it should be obvious that until she sees you more she wont actually know when you are joking and when you are serious.

Tell her your perspective is obviously biased and you can admit that, ask her if she can do the same. Tell her the important things you will probably agree upon and compromise is a big part of getting along.

All of it shouldn't be a serious concern of hers right now. Tell her to relax and get to know you better, you were just teasing her and pushing some buttons looking to see how she reacted.

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good comment.

[–]waynebradysworld 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just respond with this

👌🏿

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Don't listen to what she says; watch was she does.

Her delicate feminine brain is afraid that someone will shreik at her that she's"RAYYYYYCISSSSS!!" etc., but she likely has a white nationalist vag.

Verdict: You should totes sing Everyone's a Little Bit Racist! to her.

[–]Youngyoda89 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Unc- told you this before but wanna reiterate. I don’t have a strong father figure growing up. So I look to a few men for advice for women. You’re one of them. I work in construction so i ask the older men, in real life, about advice about construction and life.

I wonder how do I get to that level of idgaf x 1000 at age 27? I wonder things like this- if you see a sexy girl- do you cat call her on the spot? Or spit game at her on the spot?

I work in a building with several office suites. There is a girl who works in an office suite next to mine. She has an ok face but a bangin body. She smiles at me and says hi when we cross paths. I don’t consider it shitting where I eat bc she’s doesn’t work at my company. So trying to fuck her isn’t completely out of the question- is what I mean.

Today she wore a dress and I have the urge to tell her - you look sexy today. But I wonder- is it needy behavior to say something like this? Or do you, uncle v, just say exactly what’s on your mind that moment!?

Also say a girl in Starbucks drive thru, very sexy, my type. She doesn’t show many any apparent Iois but she has beautiful hair. I wanted to say - wow your hair is beautiful. But I wonder if things like that are pointless. Bc I’m just validating her without any return. And I wonder if you would tell her in that case?

Also, I’m not pressed to have sex. I just had very good sex last night with my ltr. I’ve said this before but I don’t think I told you. My ltr used to have 150 thousand followers on Instagram before I jealously convinced her to delete (blue pills days: I’ve been with her for 6 years) so it’s safe to say she is a solid 8 by most men’s scales.

My point in telling you that is that I am not scarce on good pussy. I’m a quality man. Don’t care about numbers. But I would like to add a few quality, heavily screened sides.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I wouldn't lead with a compliment. I'd ask a question to start her on the road to qualifying herself to me. So rather than "nice hair" or whatever, ask her about what her story is, etc.

[–]Youngyoda89 0 points1 point  (3 children)

A better way to rephrase my question is- what do you do in a situation where you have (let’s say) under 1 minute to pull a girl?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (2 children)

That's a tall order. Start going into the coffee shop and not trying to pull from the window.

[–]Youngyoda89 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You have the same style of game as me. Well I’m like a younger you. Except I don’t have a lot of money yet. However I am about to land a new job. I have my second interview for a leveled up job next week. This place has good potential for growth. And I read your corporate land post.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I read your corporate land post.

I was going to say.....

[–]alleyteris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why would ever feel the need to clarify whta you told her on the date? She is clearly interested and if she was offended she would have ghosted you. Nothing to worry about here , just hold frame and agree and amplify , tell her that you too are worried about the isue of her eating your food too or some other over the top joke or something . Keep her in your frame

[–]c4toyourdoornobeef 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t say sorry. Own your words and actions, apologise and you’re in her frame

[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[deleted]

[–]spiritletshereit[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

What's Law 37?

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    That makes logical sense but i did that for nearly a 10 year period and it led to depression and weekly (sometimes more) cocaine use.

    Toeing the line also never led to women.

    I'm far, far, far happier being myself and although it's clearly far from perfect I'm doing better with women too.

    [–]EntitledChadJThunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Never justify yourself. She has the draw the right conclusion about you. This is what you should ask her: Do you really think that I am racist?

    [–]peaceful_strong_man 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Beta male fornicator

    [–]spiritletshereit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You sound well adjusted.

    [–]freew33zy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Possible move not suggested here: pressure flip. "You're smart and cute and I had a great time, but I need a girl with a sense of humor :""

    [–]ImLitC0lN 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    'I'd happily take a grope every so often if it meant I could pick and choose my sexual partners at will. Girls are just at the opposite end of the spectrum.'

    Sounds more like preaching than a joke. Imo I would never have that type of convo but I'd make a better joke than that man lmao

    [–]spiritletshereit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Lol this sort of thing is not constructive. Sometimes in life everything you say isn’t perfect.

    [–]magx01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    If you change yourself to avoid "losing" her (someone you barely know) then who are you?

    [–]SeasonedRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    If her text consisted of the exact quote you listed and nothing else, my read is that she is telling you she isn't interested. She's not going to come out and say she's not attracted to you or doesn't want to see you again, so she's using "issues" as an excuse. She didn't even say what those "issues" were in her text. You are just reading into it. The worst thing you could do is try to "clear things up."

    Two options: 1) do nothing and see if she contacts you again, or 2) call (don't text) and ask her for a date on a specific day and time. If she says no, or says she's busy and doesn't offer an alternative date, then you have your answer. The last thing you should do is try to apologize or explain yourself in texts.

    [–]Tripletag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    No, definitely don't adress this ever again. If she brings it up, steer the conversation elsewhere. I have the same fucked up humour as you do, so take it from me when I say that a big mouth can get you in a whooole lot of trouble when you decide to be outrageous with politics and ideology or, God forbid, take a stance opposing anyone. Its a massive anti-poon move by the way, talking about vag-drying subjects like feminism or politics, so save that part of you for when you're mainlining cocaine and pounding jäger with your bro's.

    [–]Zanford 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Shit tests.

    No, don't clear things up. She's making you jump through hoops. If you agree to her frame 'okay we can discuss your Issues before I am allowed to see you again' you have showed her that she controls the terms of engagement and can make you grovel to get another chance with her. If she's actually attracted to you, she'll be willing to meet up without such conditions.

    You failed a shit test by getting into a serious gender politics discussion on the date. (Not failed as bad as if you agreed with her, but by trying to seriously explain your points rather than brush off her ranting, you soft-failed the test.)

    Ignore the test and proceed with logistics, or respond with something like 'k we can discuss at bar X on day Y'. If she refuses to meet without getting into an 'Issues Conversation', she just isn't that into you, so ghost.

    [–]Buchloe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Man I met up with a super feminist chick about a week ago. Halfway through the night, after yapping on and on about how she hates trump (assuming I would obviously be in agreement) , I broke it to her that I voted trump and abhore feminism. From that point on it was nothing but snarky, playfully argumentative wisecracks back and forth over tequila. Every jab she took at me I shut down. Amused mastery. "Wow- what a surprise that you have that opinion. It's the most stereotypical thing possible. That's why chicks shouldn't even be allowed to vote. Now where's that sandwich? ". She would act shocked and offended, but then move in closer because that shit was making her wet. And I told her as much. I took it in humor and had fun and didn't apologize. She was all over me and we fucked twice.

    If you hold frame, it doesn't matter. She will rationalize almost anything she normally "wouldn't tolerate" if she's into you. Now, a week later, if you don't text her, she might rewrite history in her mind and write you off in retrospect. You never know. They have that ability to mentally justify anything in any direction that suits them.

    [–]themindiseverything0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Change her mood not her mind and as Todd says number one rule of game is not to talk about game https://youtu.be/t-1spl_fuU8

    [–]Sexandswishers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    One time I was at a party, and a few girls showed up. One of them sat down next to me. Wanting to be a gentleman ( aka fag) I scooted over so I could give her some room. More people sat down so she scooted closer to me. I again, scooted over so she could have some more room. She then scooted closer to me and said “you don’t have to move every time I get close. I don’t bite” you know what my stupid ass replied? “I just like my space” don’t feel bad bro. We’ve all fucked up before. Learn from it, and move on.

    [–]red_matrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Always agree and amplify. Women will always go with the stronger frame. Always.

    [–]chrisname 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Your jokes sound edgy and immature. Ease it off a bit. I like making these jokes as well but you can’t do it with people you don’t know well. And the big black girl thing does sound racist - it implies a black girl would obviously be unacceptable.

    [–]1Quaternionz 0 points1 point  (6 children)

    Next her. Never accept anything other than enthusiastic interest.

    The race thing was maybe just a fuck up, but bashing feminism on a date is fine. I do it on purpose sometimes just to weed out the bitchy feminist chicks.

    At least in the US, there are plenty of traditional girls floating around who are just as disgusted with feminism as you are.

    Occasionally if a girl is a feminist or a batshit crazy religious nut job I’ll go along with her views and just deflect if the subjects come up. I’ll get a few bangs before I get sick of her and then I’ll bail.

    I don’t really stress it when I drop or get dropped due to incompatibilities on feminism or religion. I have enough plates for sex as it is, it’s easy enough to find new dates, and the girl wasn’t a long term prospect anyway.

    It’s insulting for her to say that she has issues with you. If you continue it’ll be in her frame, one in which you’re trying to prove yourself in this uphill battle against her judgement. Don’t do it. Next her. Only ever hang out with girls who look up to you and respect you.

    [–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    The same is true here (about non-feminist girls) however I felt that all other aspects of the date went well. Tbh at the time It even felt that the feminist stuff was going well - I held frame and kept on joking. She's even stated that me rolling my eyes at her objections was one of the sticking points - although the IOI's didn't stop after the fact and she definitely enjoyed the kiss, she came back in for more after we broke apart.

    Is there not a sort of ASD equivalent at play here?

    You know 'I need to convince myself I don't like a guy that isn't feminist and super PC...'

    Either way I agree that the right course is to next her for the time being. I'm in London at the end of the month and will see if she is around.

    [–]1Quaternionz -1 points0 points  (3 children)

    A lot of guys are confused about what ASD is.

    When a girl has real ASD she looks like a kid who you put a marshmallow in front of, and then told that he’d get a big surprise if he could go 60 minutes without eating it. The kid will be salivating at the marshmallow, but also considering the mystery prize he’d get for waiting. You’ll be able to see the kid’s inner struggle, it’ll be palpable.

    When a girl has real ASD pushing her over the edge is trivial. They make it easy for you by blatantly showing you their “I want it” side along with their “No, I can’t” side, on and off in rapid succession. All have you to do is say “Yeah girl, you should definitely give in,” and then go for it.

    A lot of guys will get a strait up rejection or a “not tonight,” but without the girl showing them any counterbalancing interest. They’ll think it’s ASD, but it’s really just a rejection. If they keep pushing they can get the lay or the date just by brute force, but then you run the risk of getting #metoo’d, or of dating girls who are seeing you just because you’re the path of least resistance.

    Based on the way this girl talks, she’s just not into you. If she’s not proactively making it easy for you to blow past her rejection then next her. Move on unless she texts you first and shows LOTS of genuine interest despite her comments.

    [–]spiritletshereit[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Ok, good advice. That's the plan. I can't say I've genuinely taken this as rejection but what I can tell you is that I plan on acting as if I have.

    [–]1Quaternionz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Sounds right

    [–]pjdetweiler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    no disrespect to this other guys opinion but i think he is reading far too much into her words, if you want my advice id simply ignore what she said: she is a girl, she doesnt know what she wants sometimes, and she will shit test you like this. no worries, just curve it and, if you are having fun, just keep it like that.

    i think that “acting like it was a rejection” when you think(know) it wasnt is just adding drama to the situation and thats what women do, not you.

    good luck and have fun bro

    [–]RaccoonJanitor -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Why is it insulting for her to have issues if they are legitimate issues? I don't understand why no one even considers that just maybe you should tone down the joking a bit. atleast by its content. Honestly, such bad advice. Everyone just circle jerking to "dump that crazy B" cus it feels powerful rather than actually considering the options. If you just want to be patted on the shoulder for no matter what you do then this is the right place, but i really don't think there's actually good advice happening.

    [–]BatmanVsThanos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Ghost

    [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    She's now worried I'm a bit racist.. which I'm not.

    I have a massive confederate flag hanging on my wall. I believe in what the flag represents (states' rights), in contrast with what the media paints it to be a symbol for (slavery).

    It's funny watching SJW types short circuit when a guy they are attracted to should be a huge racist according to how their programming tells them to respond to particular cues.

    Presumably my course of action here is to just ignore all this and move forward? As I'm tempted to try and 'clear things up.'

    If you're getting the reaction you want, why would you change anything?

    A big part of swallowing The Red Pill is discovering that women respond positively to what may not seem immediately intuitive, which is why practicing different approaches in the field is so critical.

    Find something that shouldn't work but does? Roll with it.

    [–]EntitledChadJThunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I have a massive confederate flag hanging on my wall. I believe in what the flag represents (states' rights), in contrast with what the media paints it to be a symbol for (slavery).

    It's funny watching SJW types short circuit when a guy they are attracted to should be a huge racist according to how their programming tells them to respond to particular cues.

    What do they say when they see that?

    [–]RaccoonJanitor -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

    He is not getting the reaction, that's why she said she has some issues. He should clear things up.

    [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Your mistake is listening to the shit women say. More enlightening are her actions:

    I KNOW that she had fun on the date. It was obvious. She was giving me lots of IOI's and the kiss at the end was great.

    [–]RaccoonJanitor -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    Yeah. I see she had fun. but she also clearly had some issues based on what OP tells us of her reactions to his comments. So, seems like there is promise but i do think the issues need to be addressed.

    [–]astrogatorjones -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    I don’t think you should try to clear things up. It’s up to her to decide whether she wants to see you again anyway.

    With that said, I think you could also allow yourself to reevaluate if you really want to keep saying shit like that. I agree that your first comment sounded a bit racist and the second one came off a little weird.

    Of course it’s up to you to decide, be your own judge. But I feel that if you stood behind your words a 100% you wouldn’t be here. So I just want to say that taking social cues, improving your behaviour and maintaining frame can happen at the same time.

    [–]RaccoonJanitor -1 points0 points  (9 children)

    Yeah, I'd clear things up. Just do it casual. Maybe when you meet her again in person. not through a text. Be like, "hey, you know i have a strong sense of humor. just hope i didn't come across wrong with my jokes last night. With the black joke and groping joke. sometimes i go a little too far..." something like that. Nothing unmanly about being able to apologize for offending someone with a bit off color remark. especially one about groping a girl when on a first date. she's bound to feel a little extra vulnerable then so definitely might have taken it a little the wrong way.

    About this: Being confident and good with women doesn't mean to never admit when you're wrong. I've found women (and just people in general!) appreciate a guy who shows humility and some understanding of their faults. I'm not saying appologize for everything but a comment that makes her uncomfortable seems reasonable to. especially if it's got you this worried it probably did come across a little off. Anyways, just my two cents. good luck bro!

    [–]spiritletshereit[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children)

    just to be clear - i didn't say anything about groping a girl. I said that I would happily take the odd groping in return for millions of tinder matches etc etc.'

    But I do agree with you. Problem is that everything I thought I believed has been wrong!

    [–]RaccoonJanitor -1 points0 points  (7 children)

    I know you weren't. and i totally get your point and humor. it's cool! but only to guys probably. Not everything you knew is wrong. The Red Pill is an amazing set of strategies you can use to improve your life. But it's not the only good advice you have ever learned about how to be with people. Some simple things like appologizing when you hurt someones feelings or make them feel uncomfortable is good advice still. It's boring and obvious so no one will write a cool catchy post about it but it is mostly good. Especially if you are also confident most of the time. Of course your right that some things you thought to be true (and that i did too) were wrong, like being a "nice guy" probably won't get you a girl. but that doesn't mean never being nice is good. just being too nice or nice as your primary characteristic is bad. Hope i'm not rambling too much. i just feel there are many good things to do that are not very "redpill" but are still good strategies for human behaviour in general. I might advice watching a few "Charisma on command" videos on youtube. or other social psychology videos to taper or balance out some of the red pill advice (which some of it of course is awesome too).

    [–]juggernaut8 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Some simple things like appologizing when you hurt someones feelings or make them feel uncomfortable is good advice still.

    This is poor advice. He didn't hurt her feelings. If her feelings were hurt from that she isn't worth going out with. You know who never makes girls uncomfortable ever? Nice guys who fail with girls.

    [–]RaccoonJanitor 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Wrong. he may not have hurt her feelings but she was probably a little uncomfortable with the remark as most girls would understandably be, especially on a first date. If you think all girls who take offense to offensive jokes are "not worth it" then you will not get any good girls and probably mostly undesirables. Her saying she has issues with some things shows she is wondering if he can be chill also or if he would embarrass her in front of friends. None of this is unreasonable. I will add that if he had hurt her feelings it is COMPLETELY reasonable to appologize and this would show nothing about how "worth going out with" she is. nor would it make him a derogatory "nice guy". "nice guys" will simply appologize all the time about too many things. and is ussually unconfident about most things. and "derogatory nice guys" think that simply being nice is enough reason to have girls like him rather than through merrit, character, and success. This does not mean that being nice is bad. in fact it is usually good.

    [–]juggernaut8 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    nice guys" will simply appologize all the time about too many things.

    That's exactly what you're telling him to do over a trivial/non issue.

    I'm not even going to bother with rest except for this:

    This does not mean that being nice is bad. in fact it is usually good.

    No, it's not good. He shouldn't be 'nice'. He should be himself and be a decent human being, that's enough. There's no need to be nice.

    [–]RaccoonJanitor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It is by very definition an issue, she litterally said she has some "issues"...

    And it is not trivial. She wants to know if he has "chill". It's a legitimate question for her in regarding their relationship. trivial would be her having issues with the clothing brand he wore, or the dessert he chose for them. Those he should ignore. Her issue is not trivial.

    There is nothing wrong with being nice. not all the time, and don't be a pushover, but when you can consider other's views, while still holding your own, that is a good thing.

    [–]spiritletshereit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This makes sense but is what old me would have done as a logical person. That hasn't been getting me far and is what led me here in the first place.

    I just wrote out an apology as a test and I deleted because it just felt like I was trying to sell myself to her.

    Surely the best approach is to spend more time with her and just show her that I have another side.

    [–]spiritletshereit[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    My humour works more on girls than it does guys. It's because it's playful rather than clever.

    [–]RaccoonJanitor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yeah I gotcha. you sound cool to me. but i'm also a guy haha.