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What should you do if your female boss asks (in a professional or indirect way) if you have a girlfriend/wife, but you don’t have either? I’ve had female bosses who literally say they think guys with girlfriends/wives are better employees/managers. (self.asktrp)

submitted by NewNombreWhoDis


[–]3CainPrice 175 points176 points  (43 children)

Just be polite. Say "Girlfriend. We're not married yet." That's not technically a lie. You're having sex with someone, right? Your boss doesn't need to know it's casual. It's not her business. And saying it that way makes it sound like you're a serious, mature guy versus a party guy.

This isn't a female boss thing. Male bosses think the same thing. Married men with kids are more reliable employees.

Guys who don't work in management and aren't married might think that single guys with no families or personal lives are preferable because they'll work insane hours on account of having nothing better going on, but single guys are actually some of the worst employees. Yeah, not all of them. Some are great. But if you want the best odds, married guys with kids are better employees.

Women face similar problems in the professional world. If not worse ones. A married woman out of school in her 20s? I assume she's going to be pregnant any minute now and vanish on me. A young mother? I assume she's going to be calling in once a week with a sick kid and asking for special hours for child stuff. Single women are a better bet, but a lot of them are flaky, too.

If I had only one type of candidate I could pick from, it would be married men. They're your best odds.

[–]vicious_armbar 70 points71 points  (4 children)

He’s right. Married men with kids are enslaved to their families. They can’t afford to quit if they’re being treated unfairly. Nor can they save up and quit on a whim to work on a personal project, or travel Europe for a few months. Making them much better peasants. Or "more reliable" in boss speak.

Just lie and say you're engaged. Or if you want to be more serious about it wear a fake wedding ring. Alternatively if you want to fuck with your boss say: "Are you hitting on me?! This conversation is making me uncomfortable. Kindly don't ask about my personal life again."

[–]sjn2203 28 points29 points  (1 child)

metoo

[–]kril89 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Fuck it just tell them you're gay

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Engaged? Is it really that much better than just saying “not married yet”? I feel like engaged could mean that a few years down the road the boss or whatever might ask if you’re married yet. It would be weird to say “no” at that point.

[–]vicious_armbar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So just wear a wedding ring. Put a few pictures of you with a woman and a rug rat on your desk then don’t say anything.

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats 89 points90 points  (16 children)

This guy manages.

Married men are the backbone of the economy and for good reason. I even recommend wearing a wedding ring to most job interviews.

[–]Delta23_08 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I used to wear a wedding ring an sales calls all the time when I was in my mid twenties.

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

And now you don’t because?

[–]Delta23_08 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still do. I’m just actually married now. I used to just wear it for sales calls.

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

What if someone asks if you’re married? Or if there’s a company function and they ask where your wife is?

[–]whatdidshewrite 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I'd just lie. AFAIK they can't fire you because you lied about being married, and I doubt they'd care enough to

[–]DefinitelyNotaCoder 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Idk, if anyone should go through this trouble. If you're talented and have worked on your technical skills and social skills, it shouldn't even matter. There are other ways of being and appearing mature and reliable.

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I personally always took it off after I get the job.

If anyone asks (they wont) why it's off simply say you take off when you're typing, etc. and typically don't wear it around often. this is typical of most engineers, tech workers, etc. I know anyways.

No one will will genuinely remember or care... and if they ARE thinking about it they won't ask about it again because no one wants the uncomfortable "I'm getting a divorce!" conversation.

As for asking where the wife is simply say "she's out of town" or "she's not good at business functions" follow that up with "c'mon let's go grab a drink" and no one will care.

Don't confuse people's politeness with them actually caring.

[–]2comment 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's not a lie. "I'm married."

If you absolutely need to clarify later, "Oh, I meant to my work."

[–]BuzzLightGear321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Widower

[–]charlo100 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Single married men..?

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sorry fixed that

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What do you say about wearing a wedding ring every day on the job?

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Answered below but here you go:

I personally always took it off after I get the job.

If anyone asks (they wont) why it's off simply say you take off when you're typing, etc. and typically don't wear it around often. this is typical of most engineers, tech workers, etc. I know anyways.

No one will will genuinely remember or care... and if they ARE thinking about it they won't ask about it again because no one wants the uncomfortable "I'm getting a divorce!" conversation.

As for asking where the wife is simply say "she's out of town" or "she's not good at business functions" follow that up with "c'mon let's go grab a drink" and no one will care.

Don't confuse people's politeness with them actually caring.

[–]Smubii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy beats dead horses

[–]OfficerWade 0 points1 point  (1 child)

So Jordan Peterson was right about monogamy being the best case scenario for men......

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, faking it seems to be, at least.

[–]kril89 17 points18 points  (6 children)

I'm single with no kids. I know I'm the exception to the rule for this but I work 7 days a week. I say well I'll work all the overtime I can. I've got no kids, no wife/girlfriend so I might as well be making money.

[–]3CainPrice 29 points30 points  (5 children)

Yeah. For every one of you, there's an unreliable loser with poor work ethic, nothing to lose, and no reason to work his ass off.

It's great to find a single guy with nothing to live for except work, but not worth weeding through the losers to get there.

Plus, a single guy with great work ethic will either burn out in a few months after maintaining an unsustainable pace, or move on to a new company in a year. A single guy can pack up and move to another state for a better opportunity without a care in the world.

[–]kril89 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Well everyone should be changing jobs every 5 years anyways or else you'll be making way less than you should be. You are worth most to a new company. It doesn't pay to be a company man anymore.

https://www.fastcompany.com/3055035/you-should-plan-on-switching-jobs-every-three-years-for-the-rest-of-your-

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Do you understand his point?

You're such a great employee, single and working your ass off, that you're very likely to defect to the competition or start your own business in the next three years. Nothing holds you back.

While married men are more often chained to their job: he has a mortgage to pay, a college fund to build for his kids, and can't move away (because her wife's mother live here or the kids love their school, or wifey won't leave her friends), he is way more likely to stay put at this job.

If you were an employer looking to fill a position, would you choose one that will work hard and quickly move to the competition after you've trained him, or one who will keep growing in the company?

[–]masterpiece00 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Unreliable loser? I think you mean unreliable self-aware slave.
Businesses and jobs can let you go at any moment, zero loyalty. Why work like a work horse expending all your creativity and life force for a job that doesn't care for you one iota.

[–]3CainPrice 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Typically, an employee needs his employer far more than his employer needs him. The company isn't going to close its doors if one of its cubicle workers is habitually late and does shoddy work, but that cubicle worker is going to struggle if he gets fired.

The employer is a big, rich company. The unreliable employee with poor work ethic is one insignificant man with entry-level skills. The company is -supposed- to have the power in this relationship. It's a successful company. The worker is some self-righteous dweeb who thinks he's too important to waste time and energy on this silly little job? Shit-can him.

[–]masterpiece00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spoken like a true wage slave.

[–]jm51 4 points5 points  (2 children)

if you want the best odds, married guys with kids are better employees.

I saw a show about work in the 50s. When choosing someone for an executive promotion, some big companies also interviewed the guys wife. Usually over dinner. Priority went to guys who had a spendy wife. Not too spendy, just a few points more than he earned. Her spending would keep his nose to the grindstone.

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How would they know how spendy she is?

[–]jm51 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I assume that the decision maker would invite the prospect and his wife to dinner. With the expectation of a return invite.

Sees the prospects home and furnishings, plus how his wife dresses. Talks about vacations and schooling etc. Not hard to estimate the spending compared to his income.

[–]ChadTheWaiter100 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Hello bredda. How was your thanks giving?

[–]3CainPrice 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Good. Hotel had a decent gym and pool. Got to see the parents. Got to cook a big-ass turkey. Got to eat a big-ass turkey. Got to take a big-ass shit.

[–]ChadTheWaiter100 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Inkredible bredda? Did you get to fuck any throwback pussy from your hometown?

[–]3CainPrice 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Nah. Brought my girlfriend. I'm nearly 40. Too old to be trying to find people I went to high school with.

[–]ChadTheWaiter100 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy shit bredda. I did not realize you were that old. I thought maybe mid to late 30s.

It’s not difficult to find hs people if you’re on Facebook. A lot of them come home for winter breaks. But I digress.

[–]Praecipuus 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Also single guys have usually way less expenses, no-one relying on their income and good savings. That makes them more likely to leave in the face of adversity.

[–]3CainPrice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely. A single guy can live in an efficiency apartment, buy a gym membership and a cheap cell phone, eat lean protein and carbs, and save two thirds of his salary in the bank. Give that guy a wife and suddenly he has a mortgage on a 3000 square foot home in suburbia, a car payment on his wife's SUV, private school for the kids, cable so they can have the cartoon network on Saturdays, and every five minutes, his wife is on Amazon buying something they don't actually need. Even if his wife works too, being a family man is costing him a crapton that he'd never spend on his own. On his own, it's modest rent, food, gym membership, and the cheapest cell phone plan out there, bank thousands of dollars a month. With a family, it's spend spend spend and hopefully not dip into the savings account this month.

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Would you recommend wearing a ring to work? The other comments imply this is a good idea, as people assume you are mature and committed in more ways than one and etc.

[–]3CainPrice 0 points1 point  (1 child)

There's no need to lie. Eventually, the fact that you're not actually married will come out when you have no wife to bring to company functions. And many employers take serious issue with dishonesty in their employees.

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if my wife doesn’t like to company functions?

[–]Talinor09 35 points36 points  (5 children)

“Well actually, i’ve just started seeing someone”

We met at a friends bbq etc.

Women gush at stories of “new love”, provides them hope

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 12 points13 points  (3 children)

That’s a very keen insight. Some people would say it’s better to hint at a long-term relationship by wearing a wedding band on that first impression. Would you say your idea has a more positive effect?

[–]Talinor09 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Try it. Probably more receptive to women than men.

Ironically i’ve found middle married aged men unimpressed by a young guy who dates up a storm. They see it as a sign of failure. Probably because it runs contrary to their blue pill model of life

[–]qwertyuiop111222 0 points1 point  (1 child)

unimpressed by a young guy who dates up a storm.

What does that expression mean?

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Probably dating all over the place.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Guys with girlfriends and wives are better managers (of women ) because they have tons of practice dealing with female nonsense.

So don't put that comment in the Reverse Sexism MRA Box of sadness and unfairness

[–]helaughsinhidden 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's illegal to ask about marital status or sexual orientation in an interview process. This violates the law in two separate ways.

[–]boy_named_su 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Get a male boss

[–]Andgelyo 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This. Female bosses are irrational, emotional, and terrible at management positions. They simply are not capable. Even my female patients have told me that the reason why management at my workplace sucks is because of my female supervisor. Female bosses should not be up in the chain. Sounds sexist, but it’s facts.

[–]bluechipmonk 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"Men are better employees/managers than female ones"

[–]Ivabighairy1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Knee jerk reaction is to tell you to get out of there.

Ex-sister in law ... notice the word EX? Worked in an office and her higher up, a female, told her if she wanted to move up the ladder she needed to get a divorce.

Don't think I have to tell you what that did to my nieces when the divorce went down.

Find a place with "secure" men in the higher positions and by secure I mean men that aren't worried about trivial things that are of no consequence.

Your work should be the only thing that matters, not some goofy rule or generalization.

So yea, Get out now!

[–]-tb0ne 8 points9 points  (9 children)

“It’s complicated.”

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

What do you say to the people who think that sounds like you’re having relationship problems?

[–]TFWnoLTR 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Its complicated, but stable.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Someone knows his Roissy well.

[–]pre-death 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Roissy

Didn't know about this man, man. Thank you.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You’re welcome. Ah rational wiki.. the good old bastion of leftist thinking adopting the cloak of Wikipedia to hide its bias. I recommend to you, dear hater, the “we hunted the mammoth” blog. You’ll find there a lot more instances of biased reports on evil manosphere thought-leaders that you may not know about yet.

For everyone else, check for yourself actual material in context.

First, the timeless 16 commandments of poon, IMO the single most practical essay on Game ever written: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

And then the compilation of the Roissy reader: https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-42283.html

[–]pre-death 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You misinterpret my comment, sir. I'm no hater. Neither do I adhere to leftist ideology.

This is the first time I've come across Chateau Heartiste and I read the 16 commandments after you said the word "Roissy".

Thank you for the link to the compilation. Cheers.

[–]ACE-JHN 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I’ve used this and it works like a charm

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How so?

[–]ACE-JHN 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Manager was tryna set me up with her sister, and she asked me if I was seeing anyone so I told her “yeah, it’s complicated”

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 20 points21 points  (3 children)

It's inappropriate, and she bloody well knows it.

Trying to game your female boss is on the list of all-time bad ideas.

Hold your frame and Pressure Flip.

"Is that question related to my job performance?"

If she says "yes" ask her exactly how it relates.

If necessary tell her: "Respectfully, I'm not interested in discussing non- professional matters. Is there anything else I can do for you."

[–]ChadTheWaiter100 20 points21 points  (0 children)

99999 times out of 100000 she would not say yes unless she is retarded af

[–]Ivabighairy1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is one reason I always thought that having a hobby you could make money off of is a good idea. If things go south and you get fired. You don't even have to put it down on your resume. Just say you were doing said hobby and it got to the point you were losing your enjoyment for it so decided to re-join the work force.

[–]squishles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've heard others say that; she's right. The being locked down and stable makes for a good manager. Company goes down or you get fired; you have something to lose. Having to go find another job means moving your family, and stressing out if your savings are going to burn out.

Know what my unmarried ass does if I lose a job; go find a new apartment, maybe take a months off(I start getting the jitters after that, but savings could take me 2-3 years to go through longer if I actually change my lifestyle), and accept my 20-30% pay raise. Having no fucks to give works for you not for a business.

[–]unique_leek_critique 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most large employers have a bias towards young married men because they make more reliable employees. One place I worked in banking even would encourage the star young hires to marry up if they wanted to rise up the chain. I'd say you have a girlfriend and leave it at that.

[–]Wolosocu 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Somewhat related: I always wear a wedding ring when going on job interviews, for this very reason. I've never been asked directly if I was married/single.

[–]NewNombreWhoDis[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Lmaooo are you actually married?

[–]Wolosocu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope

[–]wobbleelbbow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lie. I mean, if you want to achieve success in this life without lying once, you gonna have a hard time.

[–]StandardDeparture 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Respectfully, I prefer to keep my personal and professional lives separate."

[–]cringworthycomment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"With all due respect, I'm not discussing my personal life."

[–]ayylma088 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You say: yes, many

[–]binrobinro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I leave my personal life at home."