How do I Flirt Sexually and make my Intentions Clear without coming on too strong? (self.asktrp)

submitted by nicksaiz65

I need some more help with this. I was talking with my Chad friend who has over 100 Laycount. He told me that I’m desexualizing myself and still being a “Nice Guy.” As in I’m not making my intentions known after the first date. And I need to do that to be considered an Alpha Male and a sexual being.

For example, a girl texted him and said “what’s up?” And he replied “If I told you, would you sit on it?” And the girl replied “possibly” with a sly emoji. They are now fvcking 3 times a week.

I just don’t really know how to flirt like this, especially over text. Some pointers would be great. For example, one of the girls I’m talking too has the word booty in her Snapchat handle. I was considering using that to talk about how phat her ass is. And do I explicitly let her know that I want to fvck her before she comes over?

I just don’t know how to do it without coming on too strong, scaring her away and looking creepy. Can y’all teach me how to do this?

[–][deleted]  (47 children)


[–]Son_of_Gatsby 69 points70 points  (7 children)

this is the only truth. if your SMV is high enough you can get away with anything

[–][deleted]  (6 children)


    [–]foolskil 47 points48 points  (3 children)

    when you're famous they let you do it

    [–]Random_throwaway_000 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    When you're a celebrity, they ask you to do it.

    [–]Notenthy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    When you're Donald J Trump, they give up their life so you can to do it.

    [–]Psychological_Radish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    better use some Tic Tacs just in case you start kissing her

    [–]idontevenlift37 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    MiSoGyNy!!! PaTrIaRcHy!!! RrRRrRrEeEeEeEee!!!!!

    [–]OfficerWade -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    If she doesn’t let you at least tap that pussy you probably came on too strong

    [–]nicksaiz65[S] 31 points32 points  (14 children)

    I need to keep lifting and get my hair right to get my SMV higher for sure

    [–]phuckyothots 34 points35 points  (0 children)

    Put in the work bro it’s worth it. Rooting for ya

    [–]erthian 19 points20 points  (7 children)

    Or build interest irl. Gotta learn to read IOIs and escalate.

    [–]yumyumgivemesome 5 points6 points  (6 children)

    Or both. Your point is key. There is no reason OP has to first become Adonis before achieving a high enough SMV. Sometimes a high SMV can be portrayed in the right context even if we are a much lower SMV 80% of the time.

    [–]erthian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Abundance mentality.

    And ya, 100% get in shape and work on yourself, but it isn't necessary to approach and succeed.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    What is Adonis?

    [–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Same as Arnold.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Oh. Extremely swole and aesthetic?

    [–]friendandadvisor -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Yes. (I wish I knew how to write 'yes' with an Austrian accent. Maybe I could write "Yes! G'day mate!")

    [–]philltered 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    And a ton of other stuff possibly too. There's quite a lot of SMV points under your control

    [–]omega_dawg93 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    lol. I've never heard a woman ask a man for hair but if that's what you need to do...

    penis + attention + paycheck... not necessarily in that order.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    He’s saying he wants to improve his hairstyle to get the most out of his physical appearance.

    [–]omega_dawg93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    women don't care a whole lot about how you look... they care about how they look.

    just wear decent clothes, smell good, and have basic grooming.

    [–]Radinax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Have a nice and exciting life as well that she would beg to be part of.

    [–]erthian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    This. It's about not being more invested/interested than she is.

    [–]Smubii 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    How can one portray a high SMV?

    [–]phuckyothots 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    Dress decent, be in shape, clean haircut, don’t be too available, don’t talk too much and don’t ever act needy under any circumstance.

    [–]Ihatemoi 1 point2 points  (19 children)

    Exactly. I was texting with this girl we have never been romantically nor sexually involved, so I did the try. I told her hey "what netflix series are you following?" she was saying "blablablabla" I said "hey, what about some Netflix and chill in your new appartment?" she said "blablabla jejeje sure come over" I banged her next day because I was busy that day.

    To some other girl, that would have come up as rude, but because I have a relatively high SMV, she does not care.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 4 points5 points  (18 children)

    I looked at your post history. I believe it. This guy fucks. Super meaty at 5’9 with low body fat. What type of diet you on bredra?

    [–]Ihatemoi 2 points3 points  (17 children)

    Thanks for the compliment my man. I just do the "if it fits in your macros" it is all good. I basically count calories, I am currently in a bulk at 190 pounds, working out with a P/P/L routine 6 times a week. What about you? what are your fitness goals?

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 1 point2 points  (16 children)

    Currently same height 165 and 12% body fat. Would like to be 175 at 8-9%. Even wouldn’t mind being 175 and 12%.

    I’m looking for ideas to make bulk meals with a lot of protein while also watching the overall cost of the meals. Hard to do. I do a lot of iifym but I eat out a lot.

    I aim to hit my protein goals or as much protein as I can and I’m moderately conscious of hitting overall calories. I eat a lot of burritos at chipotle.

    Been doing a variation of gzcl and berkhans lift. I have best success with my current program.

    Did this girl you boinked know you had a bangin body or did you pull her from just facial aesthetics? I’m wondering if I should post some shirtless pix. At the current stage I’m at- I look good ass nekkid. Nice body. Defined, low fat but I look skinny af in regular clothes. So I tried to wear tight shirts but not always an option.

    [–]Ihatemoi 0 points1 point  (15 children)

    If you are doing iifym you would not have any problems to increase calories in a cheap way, also while bulking it is not that important the amount of protein as it is the increased consistent caloric surplus. If I were you and were poor af, I would focus on ground meat (it is always cheaper) peanut butter, oatmeal, full fat milk etc. Never forget the greens tho. I am bulking at 3340 calories and you?

    Berkhans is awesome you should check his page on muscle volume landmarks. I had great gainz with his reverse pyramid approach.

    She knows I lift, and I also have good facial aesthetics so I guess both. If you have a good shirtless pic and abs go ahead and post it. I dont have shirtless pictures in social media I feel it is retarded to post mirror selfie pics, except if I am at the beach and having a great social time while shirtless.

    if you look good naked go to the beach, dont look at the camera look at the horizon or someshit and tell a homie to take a picture like that. Maybe a picture in the gym I dont know lol.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 1 point2 points  (14 children)

    Wow I just saw you’re from Nicaragua. My wife’s mother is from there. I also knew one more girl from there. These women were attractive but I wonder- is there an abundance of attractive women there? I’m aware that Nicaragua isn’t known for beautiful women like Colombia or Brazil. So is a beautiful woman rare there?

    And to be fair- my wife’s mother is ok looking. She was a 7 in her prime that thought she was an 11. My wife is a solid 8 and has potential to be a 9. My wife is only half nice though and the other half is mostly white.

    [–]Ihatemoi 0 points1 point  (13 children)

    Lol, yea I am from Nicaragua. Well there is not an over abundance, but if you go to a Night Clubt you will definitely find solid 8s, However, overall women here are not THAT attractive, many of them lack in the boobs department xd. I have been with a colombian girl and met her circle of colombian female friends, also not particularly attractive, but slutty af.

    I think media excels at portraying only the very best of the best and being these countries high in tourism they get more exposure at the outiside world among other confounding factors.

    Girls down here usually think themselves more of what they really are. They are a 6 and they think of themselves a 10. Nothing like American girls, I have a friend living in California, he says girls walking in the street are downright gorgeous, you cannot expect something like that here, lol.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 1 point2 points  (12 children)

    I’ve looked online hot girls from Nic and found nothing. Yes I understand what you’re saying. Trust me not ALL women in America look like that. California is not a good representation of America.

    I live in a major city called Houston. There is SO many sexy latinas here of different cultures: Venezuela, Colombia, El Salvador, etc.

    White girls here are disgusting brother. I’m half Mexican myself.

    What I mean is- are there a good amount of women in Nic that actually value health and fitness? My wife’s mother and her sister eat constant junk food and they say “in my country, getting fat means your rich” “it’s attractive to be fat” over there (in Nicaragua).

    [–]Ihatemoi 0 points1 point  (11 children)

    What I mean is- are there a good amount of women in Nic that actually value health and fitness? My wife’s mother and her sister eat constant junk food and they say “in my country, getting fat means your rich” “it’s attractive to be fat” over there (in Nicaragua).

    WTF LOL NO, wat? there are a lot of girls that value fitness and healthy eating down here, of course not all girls do it, but mainly because of lack of time and some others because of lack of interest. I would say that MOST girls around my age bracket value fitness and having a big booty. I dont like fat chicks, fuck that.

    Houston is awesome, I lived there for a couple of months. There are a lot of stunning latinas there. You will find the sexiest girls in Nicaragua in gyms and Clubs. Since most guys are not attractive -but have that social skillz- it is rather easy to pick up girls if you are fun enough.

    [–]TheTrenTrannyTrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Rule 1 and 2.

    [–]3CainPrice 71 points72 points  (10 children)

    Texting is the easiest way to flirt. You literally have 15 minutes to think about a sexy or interesting reply. If a girl texts you "what's up", and you reply "not much just watching some tv. u? we should get coffee some time", you're boring and you suck.

    You seem like a smart guy. I don't think coming up with forward, fun, interesting, flirty, sexy things to say is hard for you. I think your problem is social skills. You don't know how to gauge a girl's interest or how to tell if a girl's down for something casual, so you have no idea if you can get away with texting crap like that to a girl. You know exactly what you -could- say, but you're afraid to risk it because you can't tell if a girl is down or not.

    Unfortunately, there's no trick for that part. That depends on the sum total of your interactions with a girl from the second you met her to today. For example, if you met this girl at a bar with your friend, she was all over your friend, barely noticed you're alive, and answered everything you said with two words or less, and today you start texting her sexual innuendos, that won't get you anywhere. She's not into you.

    How do you know this girl you're trying to flirt with currently, and what's happened so far?

    [–]nicksaiz65[S] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    She seems responsive to my flirting and we’ve talked about sex a few times. I’ve been on a coffee date with her and I’d like to go ahead and escalate to the lay. So this is why I was asking about the flirting over text before I invite her over!

    [–]MyReddit6 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Now that I've read your response, in my personal experience I'd recommend focusing on the logistics only over text with her at this point. Save the sexual banter until after you've sealed the deal.

    It could be just that I live somewhere where you have to be exceptionally discreet, but it seems to me that if you hype up the sexual tension too much over text, it can lead to putting too much pressure on the girl when your next "coffee date" comes up unless you leave enough room to increase and deflate the tension.

    [–]3CainPrice 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    How long ago was your first date, and how far did you get? Ideally, if you didn't have sex, you should have made out and fooled around a little, or at least kissed. And you should have walked away from that date with your second date set.

    Regardless, set your next date with her immediately. Quit using text to chit-chat with her like a pen pal. If it's been a little while since your last date and you've been texting awhlie now, trying to insert sexy talk into your texts all of the sudden is just going to be weird. Save the flirting for your date, but set it up as soon as you can.

    [–]JW_2 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    So a girl texts you “what’s up” how would you reply w/o being boring?

    [–]3CainPrice 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    This depends on the girl. If I matched her yesterday on an online dating site but haven't met her yet, I might respond "We're getting drinks this Thursday. That's what. 9:00 at (place)?"

    If we had sex last night, I'd say, "I am. Thinking about last night."

    If this is just some girl from my friend circle I've known for two months but stupidly never expressed any interest in and she thinks we're just friends, I'd say "Not much. Making plans for the weekend."

    And a lot of this depends on exactly what a girl is like and what our exchanges have been like - the nature of our relationship. There's not really a hard and fast "rule" for how to have a conversation with a woman. You should have certain overarching goals that you're trying to steer things toward, but exactly what to say in response to what can't be computerized. You need to actually have a normal conversation with a woman that reflects what you and she are like as a person and the nature of your current relationship.

    [–]MyReddit6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Just tell her what you're working on. In a fun way (helps if you have a cool job or hobbies)

    I'll give some examples most of these I'm making up now so feel free to use or tweak for yourself:

    Just finished learning that new song! come here me play it

    Just gassed the motorcycle. join me for a ride

    Wow, guess what I found out


    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 0 points1 point  (2 children)


    Can you give me some tips on how to pound some women from my gym? How to approach them I mean.

    [–]3CainPrice 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    The gym is a tough place to pick up girls sometimes. If a girl is working out, has her headphones in, and hasn't even looked up at you, leave her the heck alone. She's busy. You wouldn't want me walking up and grabbing your ass while you're doing squats, or following you around like a creep waiting to comment on your form or ask if you need a spot.

    If a girl is calmly walking on the tredmill in full makeup, perfect hair, and hoop earrings with brand new, fashionable gym clothes that look like they've never touched sweat or a washing machine, she's there to be seen. Catch her eye and see if she smiles or stares at you, walk in front of her treadmill, and say hello. If she gives you the two word blow off, move on. If she continues the conversation, escalate like normal.

    Gym employees are actually pretty easy to approach. Working behind the front desk at a gym is boring, and they get to know the regulars. Especially the better-looking regulars. The easiest targets are single moms who do double duty working alternate shifts at the front desk and in the childcare area. Moms love working the childcare area because they can bring their own kid for free and essentially spend the day taking care of their child while neglecting everyone else's kid in front of the TV. If you see the same girl working the front desk at the gym a few times in a row, strike up a conversation. That's the ideal situation - the gym is usually located in a strip center right next to places you could get drinks after she gets off, and you probably don't live too far from the gym so you can go home afterward.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Hm. There are actually a handful of girls that seem to always catch my eye and hold a slight stare or look down and “coincidentally” end up at machines right by me or go out of their way to walk in front of me. It happens so often that I wonder to myself- is this all in my head? Idk.

    But since you mention that- there is this very sexy little check-in girl that works there. I’d say she’s early 20s. Based on my social knowledge she seems very shy. Sometimes she doesn’t say anything to me at all and I just punch my number in and then move on. If I say “hey how you doin.” With my headphones on she has a nice smile and she responds to me but I haven’t listened to what she says (obviously small talk) or pressed further.

    When I leave the gym I always say bye to the person, even if it’s a dude and I wave with my headphones in. Every time it’s her and I wave she has a big sexy smile. It does seem kind of suggestive. But I wonder- maybe she’s just being nice and smiles like this to everyone? Don’t know. This isn’t something I constantly think about bc I’m not sex starved. I have an ltr that I sex down a few times per week which is fine with me but I wouldn’t mind some side action if I could swing it.

    [–]i8a4re73 24 points25 points  (6 children)

    I highly recommend reading, or better listening to the audiobook ‘Mode One’ by Roger Allen Currie. 100% your question will be answered there

    [–]disgruntledearthling 8 points9 points  (3 children)

    Reading this now - thanks for the heads up!

    [–]i8a4re73 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    You‘lol enjoy it. Audiobook is my recomemdation as his voice intovations are very important. And yes you will crash and burn on some women and others you’lol think... wtf it actually works.

    [–]disgruntledearthling 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I read it soon after I downloaded it. It's a pretty good read but short on the prescriptive side on how to be direct. I hate to say it but I'm mostly in the 3 and 4 categories. Things gotta change.

    [–]i8a4re73 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Sounds like it better served it’s purpose as a mirror. My guessing that is ‘red pill rage’? As mentioned above, it’s the audiobook one needs to be listening too... as it’s all about how one uses their voice - combined with balls.

    [–]nicksaiz65[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I just bought the book on Kindle today. Thanks for the recommendation

    [–]Radinax -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    He needs a very high SMV to pull this off without being creepy.

    [–]carb0ncl1mber 14 points15 points  (2 children)

    You have to find a style that suits you. Not everyone is going to succeed with a “sit on it” approach. However; the confidence and frame required is the same. Work on those. Learn how to use eye contact. Don’t get caught up in “how to flirt via text”. That’s shallow game and it’ll come off as fake and constructed unless there is deeper game behind it; work on that first.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Where can I learn how to use eye contact

    [–]Jabbermouth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Eye contact YouTube videos, I hear they work. Haven’t tried it myself but worth checking out

    [–]kireol 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    I always like to use (smiling + confidence + humor + flirting). That way she'll pick up the vibes, but there's always plausible deniability.

    Think along the lines of "that's what she said" type stuff. Softer and closer to "how bout we fuk now" than to "you sure are a purdy lady"

    [–]ainihon 23 points24 points  (1 child)

    Frustrating isn’t it how intelligence makes you think of risk vs reward.

    [–]Odd18 14 points15 points  (0 children)


    [–]Ballosaurus 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    It’s all rooted firmly in “Stop caring so much.” Outcome independence trumps all, i.e., Who gives a shit what she (or anyone else) thinks. Say things that make you laugh. Be amusing to yourself. That’s what your buddy is doing different. And it just so happens to be like crack to women.

    [–]MoreConvenient 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Doesn’t this lack the extra step of making sure you’re actively sexual as some point? I have a good amount of dates where what I’m saying genuinely makes me laugh, and girls definitely seem to enjoy it, but I’m not struggling on escalating / getting past them being friendly.

    Whether you agree or disagree on the need to be clearly sexual, would appreciate your thoughts on how to get past that point.

    [–]MyReddit6 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    DONT COMMENT ON HER BOOTY unless you can be witty as fuck about it being her "handle" - there's a pun in there somewhere.

    You need to be FUN with your responses. You can come on wayyyy too strong, just leave room for plausible deniability. Also, sending gifs as a response can be funny too, but all in all, you need to just not care so much.

    [–]yumyumgivemesome 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I think it would have to be a neg at best, but I agree it's probably best to stay away if OP isn't conveying sufficient SMV. "Hope you know just putting booty in your username isn't going to make it grow bigger"

    [–]AlmightyFiNeSseN 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    if you’re dripping sauce there’s no such thing is coming on too strong. she either wit the shits or not. stop caring about how she’s gonna feel, that’s what women do, real alphas don’t have to contemplate what they’re doing, they just do it and anticipate a positive response.

    [–]Kenny_Twenty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Honestly, start doing it on a relatively small scale and increase the intensity based on the feedback you get.

    Here's a good piece of advice that I found to be extremely helpful: if a woman broaches the topic of sex with you, whether they're talking about experiences they've had, your sexual preferences, or they're fantasies; there's an extremely good chance she sees you in a sexual context. Women are very careful about which guys they are willing to talk with about sex because they want to be damn certain that they don't encourage a guy they aren't attracted to sexually.

    It's been extremely beneficial for me. The context can also be indicative of their sexual interest in you - when they ask what you're into sexually, it's very often a sign that she's considered fucking you.

    [–]Peter_B_Long 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    For her twitter name, say “does your name overcompensate for something” (neg)

    The best way to come across as interested is through kino and escalation.

    Also, your friend has the option pull bold shit off like that because he has a ton of options. He dead ass did not give 1 fuck if that girl replied or not.

    [–]Charlie_007 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

    Personally I feel like texting back-and-forth is lame. But I’m in my early 30s, so maybe that works if you’re in your teens.

    Call her and have a conversation with her. Talking to her on the phone (Vs texting) Will make you stand out as being very interested, over other guys.

    Also I don’t know if I would tell her that she has a fat ass lol. But you can definitely tell her it looks fine

    [–]GeuseyBetel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Somewhat disagree with calling her. For some girls it will work, but for a lot it will be creepy, you have to gauge that. Just remember that we live in a society where everyone is afraid to talk on the phone. Especially women with their insecurities.

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Gtfo troll!!

    [–]PussyofBengal -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

    Be smooth. Try to be as indirect as possible. This is what game is alll about. It’s about getting sexual without actually saying anything overtly sexual.

    An exercise to help with this is try and reinterpret anything she says sexually without using sexual lingo. You need to have a certain level of SMV for this work btw.

    Her: “I need to go home”

    You: “We can talk about your needs later. It’s too early for that”

    [–]ChadTheWaiter100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hm. How would you do this if there was a slight language barrier? I.e. the girl understands basic English but isn’t familiar with American humor