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Can you guys fucking answer this? Because I fucking can't. (self.asktrp)

submitted by Saun522

Im writing this post while really fucking angry, so if you're gunna give me shit about that then FINE, just make Sure you follow it up with some actual advice

So I took the pill about half a year ago and since then Ive got fuck all in terms of results. Why is this happening.

I get so fucking angry at myself that I can't change, like for fucks sake Ive had easily enough time to get my life in order and for whatever reason I haven't done it.

The worst part is: I know the problem - I don't take action. But how the fuck do I fix this? I get up in the morning and think "ok, today I'll try and hold Frame, be social, ect..." And then at the end of the day I think "fuck! That day went shite, I fell back into my usual shitty routines and habbits and archived nothing" I want to take action but just seem to either become distracted or forget to do something.

I feel I just fall into routines and forget all about my self improvement. Like at the moment I'm pissed of and really fucking angry at my situation - which makes me feel motivated to change - but I know by this time tomorrow I'll be back into that numb feeling of routine and won't be doing anything to help myself.

I just feel so powerless and numb all the time, and that only changes once every so often when I get a 10min spurt of motivation. Like, the thing I want most in the whole bloody world is to turn my life around, but once I start to go about my day, I completely forget all about that and just waste my day.

I just want your fucking help, but I doubt I'll get it, my last asktrp post got like 4 fucking comments. (I'm not ungrateful, but when someone asks "how to manage their plates" and gets hundreds of comments full of great advice, and I get fuck all advice, I feel a bit shit. I mean at least they've got some plates) So could you up/down vote this post and leave a comment so it gets noticed by a few more people and I therefore get the help I'm asking for?

What the fuck do I do? I hate feeling so powerless, useless, pathetic and stupid. Why the fuck do I have to resort to making pleas for help on an online forum? I should be out there living life to the full - but I'm not.


[–]blr1998 402 points403 points  (13 children)

Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits, Watch your habits, they become your character...

[–]menial_optimist 31 points32 points  (1 child)

Are you an ancient greek philosopher who traveled through time?

[–]blr1998 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's amazing how old advice still is more relevant than all the new bullshit you see on the internet and TV.

[–]novalentineforyou 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

[–]Saun522[S] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Love this

[–]HumbleTrees 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Then you'll love this too. This channel is great. All about self improvement, but this video explains how thought becomes character much like the top level comment here.

https://youtu.be/v7KQsS2kLM4

[–]Yoasted 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I came

[–]ainihon 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Best answer!

If I might add, be mindful and stay in the present, thoughts will surface because you’ve exercised neurons to trigger a response to those thoughts.

Do 1 thing at a time. It’s a long journey.

[–]tai_kuen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

...watch your character, it becomes you destiny

[–]TheTittyBurglar 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Quickly made these two iphone wallpapers with this quote, found my new lockscreen. empty space atop intended to fit the time and date

https://imgur.com/a/sYMrTow

[–]PhysicalPotential 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice work

[–]TRPrefreshaccount1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have another version saved. Here if anyone like these stuff.

http://imgur.com/a/mw8nQKK

[–]Wasted-Genius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I read this in Yoda's voice, which made it even better and more poignant.

[–]IronMonk48 1 point2 points  (0 children)

/thread

[–]DramaticGolf 158 points159 points  (13 children)

actual advice: keep track of 1-2 things u want to accomplish for the day. Not shit like "be present". Something actually calculable and small - "attempt to lift 185 for 5 reps instead of 3 this time" or "finish 5 pages of X" or "just ask the cashier about how his/her day went with no expectations of a chat or even a response".

your problem is that your goals are way too fucking general and big. People change small, concrete, trackable steps at a time.

on my to do list today is: attempt 120 inc bp for 4x5 (i know its not a lot).

[–]Hammoch 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This is the best advice imo and has worked for me so far. I get overwhelmed if I try to change too many aspects of my life at the same time. I create one new habit at a time, you could try this and see how it goes. Changing yourself takes time, years, so don't rush it.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 29 points30 points  (3 children)

This is key IMO. Define goals so clearly that meeting them or failing to are evident. Like “go to gym Monday, Wednesday and Thursday and follow program X”, or “don’t smoke a single cigarette this week”, or “approach and open one complete stranger a day”. This way it’s much more difficult for your weasel brain to rationalise away your own commitments: you do it or you don’t, no grey area.

But that doesn’t work by itself. A few other things are needed for this to work:

  • first you gotta keep them realistic, few and small at first so that the process is not too sudden and overwhelming that you give up immediately. Think of it as getting a manual transmission car going. You need a specific gear depending on your inertia.

  • second you need to track your progress. Print a calendar for the current month, tape it in your bedroom and draw a check every day when goal was met. Challenge yourself you can do a full month with uninterrupted checks.

  • third you must do visualizations regularly: close your eyes and envision yourself completing the month, get a feel of what it feels to win the challenges you set for yourself. Motivation works better with that fuel, rather than the anger of self-loathing that OP is displaying here.

But the biggest challenge of all is to actually implement that. Your brain is lazy and it knows that all of this implies effort. You read it, you upvote it, you think “yep that’s the shit right here”, and then your lazy brain will make sure you go do something else than actually implement it. For this one, you need sheer will.

The parallel with proper strength training should be clear to everyone here.

[–]adam_varg 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I get what you mean.

But i cant, and bet it's OP issue too, figure out how to apply it for stuff like eye contact.

I can't stare into anybody eyes for a minutes. If i remember too keep and eye contact.. which happens like twice a day.

I tried rubber bands, hell i even have subtle reminder on wrist part of my sleeve tattoo.

[–]Da_RectumWrecker 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The eye contact thing is a habit. I still have to consciously do it sometimes though. I use eye contact as a reason to approach. Try scanning the crowd and making eye contact with everyone you meet as you pass them.

Damn I just had a flashback to last night where I locked eyes with a cute girl but didnt have time to stop. We locked eyes, she looked away, then looked back and gave me that smile that just said "oh I'd fuck him". Damnit I wish I wasnt in such a hurry last night! Oh well, there will be plenty more today.

[–]adam_varg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know. But i didn't even know eye contact is a thing until 25yrs old.. highly functional on spectrum..

So i try and keep trying , but five years later i am not where i need to be. And with this progress rare i am going to be.

My issue is i forget to do make eye contact. When it is in my mind i an good.

[–]benmarvin 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You have to eat the elephant one bite at a time.

[–]BurnieSlander 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This. Specifics are key. Lift X weight for X reps. Talk to 2 girls. Start 3 conversations.

[–]hb76356 4 points5 points  (0 children)

At my job someone mentioned SMART goals. It's helped me focus on a specific thing.

Specific,Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-based.

I wanted to finish school so I set the goal. I can see the progress, it is doable, it will help my career prospects (relevant), and I have one class left before I'm done.

[–]Hi_its_me_Kris 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sollid advice. Example from me, I wanted to quit smoking again. It's a habit. One thing that worked towards stopping was breaking routine. On my way to work I had a specific point where I light my cigaret. I started by lighting it a little but further up the road. I still smoked but not where I would routinaly light it. This helped breaking bad habits, I don't smoke anymore.

[–]sevenlast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This! OP, Write it down or set a reminder In your phone throughout the day. The above is solid general advice for everyone. Thank you and noted

[–]Vynxe-Vainglory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. Sounds like breakdown and focus is required.

Can’t master the whole thing at once?

Master one tiny piece of it at a time.

For example: First just make it your entire life’s goal simply to understand what frame is. Not just what people say it is, but what it feels like it is; what space it actually occupies in your mind and your life. What aspects of life don’t fall into any particular frame, what things are impossible to pull into your frame, etc.

You’ll probably identify some very specific triggers that make you lose frame, and can then focus your entire being on practicing only those tiny things one at a time until they are gone.

That being said: I’m a big fan of efficiency and moving forward in batches or waves; but when it just isn’t working, you must disassemble things and work out the kinks one at a time.

[–]HardTruths83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe its a lot for you. Gains are made one plate at a time.

[–]Vash102 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Exactly this. It’s takes approximately 23 days (I think the number was) to really form new habits. Start small. Give yourself a few goals each day that aren’t too extreme something you can reasonably accomplish. You’ll be really surprised how how motivating it can be to start checking off tasks completed which should intern increase overall confidence and motivation in yourself. Especially when it comes to exercise/lifting goals. The most important thing is just do it for you. You’ll find yourself thanking “past” you for getting you there.

[–]Borsao66 53 points54 points  (9 children)

"I can't change"

There's your problem right there.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” - William Durant, 1926

[–]self-medicate 20 points21 points  (4 children)

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

Props for not misquoting this as Aristotle

[–]OfficerWade 11 points12 points  (2 children)

-Michael Scott

[–]Borsao66 1 point2 points  (1 child)

https://medium.com/the-mission/my-favourite-quote-of-all-time-is-a-misattribution-66356f22843d

Will Durant first wrote this phrase in a small book titled ‘The Story of Philosophy,’ published less than a century ago.

[–]3gm22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is by far my favourite philosophy book. I suggest everyone read it. Its big, has great history lessons in it, but more importantly, will start to teach you the foundations of wisdom. You will appreciate the language used by the author as well; great vocabulary and style without being too esoteric.

[–]Borsao66 3 points4 points  (0 children)

LOL thank you!

[–]BurnieSlander 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Right. The story you tell yourself is the story you live.

[–]Borsao66 7 points8 points  (1 child)

My grandfather used to say you have one mouth and two ears. Every thing you say, you hear twice.

Kinda lame, but a folksy thought on self programming.

[–]BurnieSlander 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dig it.

[–]revaforce -1 points0 points  (0 children)

-Aristotle nigga

[–]BlackTemplar1989 27 points28 points  (3 children)

If I had gotten a battle droid everytime I told myself "tomorrow I'll change everything" I could call myself Trade Federation and declare war on Naboo.

The problem here is simply that change is painful and strenuous and turning your life around in one turn is fucking exhausting and takes an amount of willpower that people who are in your situation probably do not possess (otherwise they wouldn't find themselves in such a particular situation).

A good way to visualise this is the theory of ego depletion. It states that willpower is a limited (but replenishing) resource, your manapool if you will. Now implementing a new habit or unlearning bad ones will cause you discomfort and therefore needs willpower to overcome. If you now try to change everything at once the discomfort will be so overwhelming that your willpower will crumble after a short period of time and you will fall back into old habits which promises you more comfort.

The good news are now:

i) Changing your habits will only cause discomfort in the beginning. Once a certain amount of time has passed, you implement it into your daily routine and it will become natural to you.

ii) Your willpower or manapool is not set in stone but can rather be increased through training like a muscle. If you constantly put yourself in situations of discomfort you will find it easier to cope with more strenuous situations.

So your recommended course of action should be as following:

Start implementing small but beneficial habits into your life, that you can guarantee to stick to. My advice would be to start with cold showers as they are probably one of the best ways to overcome your comfort zone, meditation should be next. You can of course adopt two or three new habits but really do make sure you see through your daily routine. After a few weeks you will find that it has become natural for you to execute these dailies simply because you got used to it. Once you reach this point you no longer have to spend precious willpower on these things and can now start implementing other useful habits (or unlearn others). After several months of constantly putting your willpower at test you will find that you can now tackle bigger and more challenges without feeling too much discomfort.

Congratulations, you are now on a good way to turn your life around.

Additionally I want to recommend my "golden foundation" of habits to implement (chronologically): - Cold showers - Meditation - Lifting - Cut out addictions regarding instant gratification (weed, video games, porn), this will take a little more effort but at the same time boost your ambitions while making self improvement itself a blast

[–]urliod 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Thanks for the helpful comment. Is music considered instant gratification ? why is instant gratification bad ?

[–]lukkassu 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Instant gratification is bad because it's a cheat to dopamine- you get to feel good without accomplishing anything.

Re: music- this is a little extreme but I have occasionally considered cutting machine music out of my daily routine. Think about it, recorded music is less than 200 years old, we aren't biologically adapted to having music in our ears 24/7

It also makes live music that much more enjoyable.

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Alright, you angry bastard, I'll read your rant.

I get up in the morning and think "ok, today I'll try and hold Frame, be social, ect..."

S.M.A.R.T. goals, dude.

  • Specific. "Be social" is not a specific goal. "Join afterschool clubs" is.
  • Measurable. "Be social" is not measurable. "Join one afterschool club" is.
  • Actionable. "Be social" is not actionable -- what does that even mean? "Join one afterschool club" is.
  • Realistic. "Be social" is not realistic, if you're currently highly anti-social. You're setting yourself up for failure. "Join one afterschool club" is realistic, no matter how anti-social you are.
  • Time-based. "Be social" has no deadline or timeframe for implementation. "Join one afterschool club by the end of next week" does.

So, our new SMART goal is:

"Join one afterschool club by the end of next week."

Sound good? Can you bring yourself to do that? Shouldn't be too bad, yeah? And then at least once a week you're getting some social time around one of your interests.

You can apply this to literally anything you want. The path to greatness is paved by small steps, taken consistently.

[–]Saun522[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I like the sound of this

[–]kril89 12 points13 points  (0 children)

As others have said you say you want to change your life. But you have to much shit to try to change you just have to pick one thing and try to change it. Say your not good at talking to women. Instead of kicking yourself because you can't cold approach women and get numbers. Start small and just start maintaining eye contact and smiling. Make the goal to smile at 1 woman a day for a week, then 2 per day, then 3 ext. Then move onto to saying Hi, then move onto having a small conversation. Set a real tangible goal and set up small steps along the way that are achievable goals. When filling a cup do you just throw a bunch of water at it and hope some makes it in the cup? Or do you slowly and controlled pour water into your cup?

"Greatness is a lot of small things done well. Day after day, workout after workout, obedience after obedience, day after day." Ray Lewis

[–]astrogatorjones 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Make actual concrete goals instead of abstract ones.

For instance: go out on friday and approach three girls, instead of “be more social”.

Write down long term goals and then break them down all the way to actionable baby steps, then start checking them off your list.

Read 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson.

EDIT: Go ahead and PM me if you want to talk more and get to the specifics, I’ll help you out.

[–]MrAgamemnon 38 points39 points  (11 children)

I just want your fucking help, but I doubt I'll get it, my last asktrp post got like 4 fucking comments. ... I get fuck all advice

This is your problem, you're a bitch. You feel entitled to something.

You got 4 decent replies.

You aren't entitled to respect. You have to become "someone people want to be friends with".

No one wants to hang out with an unmotivated loser who doesn't do anything, who doesn't have a life, who lacks discipline... Except other losers just like him.

Men need something to bond over, having interests, hobbies, some - any common shared interest. Do you have any of those?

Your motivation has to come from you, not from anyone else.

I will tell you what to do but you're not going to do it.

Don't think about being social, don't think about frame, none of that.

Go out right now to your nearest gym and get a 3 month membership, pay up front.

Go to the gym later in the evening, say at 10pm.

You don't have to do anything, just get on a treadmill and stay there for 20 minutes. If you can't even run, then just walk for 20 minutes.

That's all you gotta do to, take that first step. But you won't do it.

[–]Saun522[S] -4 points-3 points  (10 children)

I've been going to the gym for a few years now

[–]BurnieSlander 12 points13 points  (6 children)

That’s your response to his comment? You are lazy. Maybe you “go” to the gym, but one does not simply “go” to the gym- you have to dominate the gym. How much pain do you fee during your workouts? None probably, cause you’re probably that fucking guy on his phone taking up space in the freeweight section.

[–]lukkassu 0 points1 point  (4 children)

To be fair, pain is relative to frequency. The more frequently one hits their lifts, the less pain they need to endure to try to make the most of that session.

I lift 6 days a week and don't push myself to actual pain (discomfort yes, but not pain) because my goal is to stimulate and then recover overnight.

[–]BurnieSlander 0 points1 point  (3 children)

That's great bud, but the point here is that OP has been going to the gym and not working hard enough to make gains

[–]Saun522[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Look, I get gains and have no problem pushing myself physically to the limit, what I struggle with is pushing myself mentally. I understand you getting the idea that I half arse my gym sessions but I can assure you that is not the case

[–]BurnieSlander 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Ok re-reading your post I think you would benefit from talking to yourself more. Engage your inner dialogue more often during the day. It doesn’t make sense to start the day off with a bang, then go brain dead at 10am and then at 7pm realize you wasted the day. Break the day up into smaller chunks.

For example when I arrive at work I say “OK for the next 10 mins I’m reading email- not responding, just reading.” Then after that i ask myself “ok what can I work on that is high priority but will only take me 15-20 mins to execute?” I do that thing. Take a 5 min break to walk around the office or pop outside for a shot of sunshine, then I’m back at it. I might get pulled into a convo or meeting but I always have a short list of my next tasks close by and constantly talking to myself and rearranging priorities.

The important part is to get out of one-track thinking and open up a true dialogue with yourself. Might sound silly but simply saying to yourself “ok Bob what’s next?” puts you in a different (and more lighthearted) headspace. That slight perspective shift is all you need to sustain your motivation throughout the day.

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok good idea

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok if I described it in your terms I would say that I was dominating the gym, I am seeing great improvements in my strength and size, just trust me when I say I take the gym seriously

[–]TheGillos 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Going to the gym or "going to the gym"?

Are you progressing in your strength or asthetics? What's your diet like? I'm willing to bet, based on your post, you're half-assing the gym and your diet.

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am progressing in my strength and asthetics, I find pushing my self physically very easy (obviously not that easily but I enjoy strenuous activity) what I struggle with is pushing myself mentally.

[–]4thAndLong 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your response to his comment paints a perfect picture of why you're in the place you are. No one here is going to have the perfect answer the make you do what needs to be done. It's up to you and you only. You either will or will not be a bitch.

[–]HurricaneHugues 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Grab a piece of paper, grab a thick marker or a pen and write in very bold and large font the goals you want to accomplish for the next day. Tomorrow when u wake up, grab that piece of paper. The rest will sort itself out.

[–]SelfUnmadeMan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Aim low:

1) Pick something you KNOW you can easily accomplish. Make it your daily goal.

2) DO IT. Revel in your victory!

If you are frustrated with a lack of progress, aim lower. And don't beat yourself up for only accomplishing something small: every victory, no matter how insignificant, is a genuine victory.

For me, an example I used in my own head was this: "Pick up the sock." Such a simple task, putting away a sock. But the mindset of picking up that one sock was all it took to clean up all the laundry all over the house. And remember, picking up the one sock is truly a victory--not one to be underestimated!

[–]Talinor09 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re clearly waiting for that “spurt of intrinsic motivation” but here’s the rub... it’s never going to come.

The good news is you don’t need it. Action breeds results which breed confidence and further action.

I’m not sure what your goals are but start with the gym. Go pickup and weight and move some shit.

I generally find after the odd whole weekend of partying that I feel like a piece of shit and have zero motivation to workout.

So what do I do? I just go to the gym anyway. And then I do one exercise, and then another, and maybe ten later I leave.

The next day I feel 10x better and motivated to go back. Three days of this and it’s hard to not want to go to the gym. And that’s how routines build. I also find that when I workout consistently my diet improves 1000 times and i’m a lot more conscious about drinking. So much so I generally only party (drink to excess) for special events, celebrations, in new countries or for work.

Start with the body and the mind will follow. Once you’ve got a good gym routine build in meditation and reading. Then start being more social at work/in general.

And then slowly start weeding out bad habits like excess drinking, screen time, fapping etc.

Discipline is a muscle so you need to train it. Focus on building a good gym routine and sleep routine and everything will fall into place.

[–]FixYourselfFirst 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Step #1: Are you lifting or a regular schedule?

[–]Saun522[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Yes

[–]ahackercalled4chan 1 point2 points  (4 children)

what program are you on and what are your stats?

[–]Saun522[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

An edited PPL program with 5x5 reps/sets, my stats probably won't be useful as I'm 16 so they will be low compared to adult stats

[–]ahackercalled4chan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

dude, you're 16. stop being so hard on yourself. the main things you should be focusing on right now are: good grades, good diet, consistency with your workout, and integrity between your thoughts & actions.

you've gotten a lot of good advice on this thread already. so i'll just be reiterating what has already been said. make a list of concrete goals and write them down & tape them to the wall or bathroom mirror or something. shit like, "Deadlift my body weight by x-date" or "approach 10 girls by the end of the month." make them specific and give yourself a deadline. start with two goals each for the month, 6 months, & 1 year. then start working on them. when you meet your goal, cross it off & write another one to replace it.

next year, if you're consistent with your efforts & turning them into habits, you'll be able to look back and be proud of what you've accomplished.

just remember that there are many people out there who have started off in a worse spot than you, and they have improved tremendously & are happy with their lives. if they can do it, so can we.

[–]Vrokko 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are 16. Your mind and body are still developing. Cut yourself some slack and put ALL your focus on improving intellectually, physically, and spiritually (not necessarily religion). School, gym, and passions. Absolutely have fun along the way but dont let anything or one sidetrack your selfimprovement. You will be in love with yourself as a result of that focus in 10 years.

I'm 35 and would have loved to have the knowledge of this community at my disposal at 16. You have a bright future ahead of you should you choose to internalize the tools provided here to maximize your potential. Don't worry so much where you are now, envision where you will be at 20, 25, 30. Focus and fun.

[–]helaughsinhidden 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Post it anyway! I am 40 and just started. My numbers are shit too, but who cares.

B 155 5x5

DL 245 5x5

SQ 255 5x5

OHP 95 5x5

ROW 140 5x5

[–]ChrisTheGeek 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Had this issue before. Sometimes, when I don't feel like being productive, I tell myself to shut the fuck up and get it done. Then think of all the days, weeks, months and years pass of doing nothing, and how that would feel. Regrettable, I imagined.

Need to lift weight for health goals? I remember that 10/10 girl I saw who clearly has goals and her shit together. The way I found that so attractive is the same effect I want to convey on women when they see me. Not gonna get there if I skip my gym and meals.

[–]midnightreider 4 points5 points  (0 children)

All the advice is here in the comments. All you can do is make incremental steps and develop patience. Sometimes you’ll be stuck in a mental rut for months. I have a problem where I’m up till 2 am every night and wake up at 10:30 and lay around until 12 and I’ve been doing that this entire semester since my classes are in the afternoons. It’s killing me trying to break it because it’s such a habit. I feel your frustration. You have the right motivation, you want to change your life desperately. That’s the best start. My best breakthroughs have been setting alarms and working at going to sleep 15 minutes earlier every couple days. Trying to say I’ll go to sleep at 9 doesn’t work because it’s a big step at once and I’m not tired. Baby steps my man. Hope that helps

[–]BurnieSlander 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re attitude sucks. That is all. Change your thoughts and the rest will follow

[–]SkiveCapital 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have to consciously make an effort if you want to change your life. Get a gym membership and never skip training, write down short term goals and set to achieve them, really take action because if you don't your situation will just stay the same.

Being angry is good because it makes you push yourself, but don't forget your goals when you get in the comfort of everyday routine.

[–]BrutalMan420 2 points3 points  (1 child)

this post is gay as fuck op. man up. youre whinging and whining about not having enough personal responsibility, its fucking pathetic. you want change you make change. youre being a spoilt fuckin brat.

[–]Saun522[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you taking the time to comment. IDGAF if this was a wine or a whinge, all that matters is that I've got some decent advice from people.

[–]Gburchell27 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Start small.

It seems like your overwhelming yourself with trying to apply all these trp principles to your life at the same time, it becomes too hard and you give up.

Focus on 1 thing a week: This week focus on eating healthier, organize recipes and enjoy it. Next week plan you’re workouts and set long term goals. The week after approach 1 girl/week - enjoy the thrill and excitement that comes with it.

Next organize set routines and slowly add them to your life: Meditate 10 minutes every morning for a month and eventually bump this up to 20 minutes, cold showers, lift 3/week, read 10 mins a day...

My point is shift your thinking from ‘kick fix’ to ‘long term goals’- slowly build instead of exhausting yourself and getting demotivated.

Good luck out there.

[–]Lostitink 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah small is the best way to start. When I start a plan I start even smaller, like today I’m going to clean a part of my bathroom. I start with the sink and most times. I’ll end up cleaning my whole fucking house, but I don’t start with a huge overwhelming goal ever. When I go out I say. I’m just going to dance like I don’t care for a song. Then I dance all fucking night. I’m just going to talk to this one girl. Then I talk to 10 and get s few numbers. This is just how my brain works I guess.

[–]MrIncreible10 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I went through your same situation. Bullied and kinda depressed in my last year of highschool. I spent all my afternoons and free time surfing Youtube and social media, reading old chats, and mental masturbating myself on past memories. It was such a waste and made a poor performance with my grades. Nevertheless, I got a full scholarship in a university. I was happy now. Fuck no. I flunked out on the first semester. You know why?

I did not face the reason behind all my procrastination. I was avoiding feelings and confronting the problem. Long story short, my so "best friend" betrayed me, and I was kinda socially awkward and bullied in school. It followed me through university, even If I tried to forget all of that. The worst and most important part is that procrastination was my new habit. I could not sit and concentrate. My eyes got tired after only 20 fucking minutes. I was scared. I used to be a great student and athlete, and college all I did was fall into depression again and waste my time.

Only 2 months ago I can see big improvements. Thankfully, my parents gave a shit about me and sent me to a "coach". It is like a psychologist and mentor at the same time.

His method has disciplined me in ways I could never see myself. This is how he did it:

1 session: Talked about feelings and my perception of these two past years. In summary, I was being a pussy and playing victim.

2 session: He asked me to focus on a mid term goal. We agreed on 6 months. My goal is to start a new life in Australia and live by myself.

3 session: We divided 6 sections in which we would work that made my goal possible.

  1. Family 2. Exercise 3. Self-discipline 4. Self-education 5. Finance 6.Happiness

Throughout all the sessions he made me work on short and small term goals for each weak.

  1. Help my little brother with his homework 2. Run 20 minutes in the morning 3. Wake up at 6 am at least 3 times for the week. 4. Read 1 chapter of Rich Father, Poor Father. 5. Brainstorm ways to make money 6. Explain why did you felt like a victim in your last year of highschool. How can you make good memories again?

As you can see all of these short term goals are an extension of the 6 sections above. All of these sections combine to acquire the long term big goal: Go to Australia.

When you feel like shit, do not want to do anything or you feel like there is too much to do. It is your brain trying to get back to this victim condition. Like everything, the most difficult part is to start.

Start good.

I advice to get someone and talk to him. Release everything you got in your mind. If you need to cry, cry your fucking heart out. Sometimes emotions block our concentration. It is better to confront things.

After this, get a long term goal

Divide it into 6 sections or parts that will work to that goal. Always include exercise and self-discipline.

Write 6 short term goals that you want to make starting a Monday of any week. Remember to write it down and come back on Sunday to check your progress.

Plus advice: Make a schedule. It will include your wake up time and exactly when you will start your short term goals.

Don´t forget to get 8 hours of sleep. It is more easier to not be depressed or numb when you manage it. For this, I recommend to turn off all your electronic devices by 9 pm and read a book for half and hour. Go to bed at 10 pm and wake up at 6:30 am.

Cheers. Remember, it is progress. Big changes don´t last. Discipline beats intelligence, sooner or later.

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for spending the time to write so much, it's appreciated

[–]Dirkz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

http://www.akimbocomics.com/comic/2012-01-04-Eat_Shit_And_Die_202.jpg

This is my favorite piece related to the such. Its an ongoing battle but ultimately you are where you most want to be. If you were really dedicated to becoming the man that you think you want to be then you would be out doing it, not writing a small story about being stuck in a rut to a bunch of neckbeards on an internet blog.

[–]RaughKee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Set specific small goals, that you can measure your performance against. Look at yourself and be critical about your weaknesses, then set little daily tasks to improve upon. Don’t create some mountain, like “be more social,” what the fuck does that even mean? Be specific, like have 5 meaningful conversations with people or invite one colleague to a non-work activity, beer, poker game, etc...

Then just improve, be self critical, identify areas of required growth, set new actionable discreet goals, achieve goals. And round and round. Do that for 5 years and you won’t even recognize the miserable loser you are today. Do it for 3 months and you are already more satisfied with your life.

[–]AceMav21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re angry and believe yourself to have take the pill. Sorry, it’s jagged edges are causing irritability in your throat. You are in the anger phase bro. As am I. You lift... that’ll cause you to be social because lifting.

[–]Peter_B_Long 1 point2 points  (5 children)

It sounds like your brain is messed up. If your nutrition is shit and you're deficient in vitamins, then no amount of advice or motivation is ever going to fix your problems.

Fix yourself first before you try to learn charisma or improve your game. Go back to your roots.

What are you putting into your body? Are you taking vitamins? Are you exercising regularly?

It sounds like your body is deficient in important nutrients and could be flooded with toxins if your body keeps falling back to routine and you "forget" to take action. Your body and mind are performing at minimum capacity.

I'm not going to try to figure out your body. You can do your own research and find out what habits of yours are bad and what foods or vitamins you feel you are deficient in.

The most important actions you should take right now before you try to start a business or try and do a ONS is that you should be exercising consistently, meditating daily, and giving up porn / excessive masturbation.

Those 3 are essential if you want your body and mind to perform at basic capacity. There are other habits that you should quit (you know which one's) and others that you should start implementing, but for now, fix your brain first.

[–]Saun522[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Thanks, I definitely exercise well enough, so what would you recommend in terms of diet and vitamins?

[–]Peter_B_Long 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Avoiding all refined or processed sugars seems to be one of the biggest ones. Mercury is a big one. It's in large fish like tuna, and even in your dental fillings. Eat nutritious. Bright colored vegetables, fruits, etc.

I like to eat 1/2 a gram of fat per pound of body weight. I've noticed better function and even increased muscle gains. Get these sources from eggs, nuts, avocados, meats, atc.

Supplements I take which I find ideal are Omega 3, Vitamin D, ZMA, I take a supplement called AlphaJYM that helps support natural testosterone production in the body and a multi-vitamin called VitaJYM which you can look up.

A good rule of thumb is to just avoid carbs. Rice, potatoes, tortillas, bread, sugars, etc. Look up "Keto diet" which is essentially a high fat, high protein, low carb diet.

When you decide to start bulking, you can add "healthy" carbs like oatmeal, brown rice, fruits, vegetables, sweet potatoes, etc.

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks

[–]Raxizhh 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Saun, highly recommended, go to the doctor and find out if you are deficient in vitamin D. I was and once I started taking the vitamins, I felt much better. It seems that no one realizes the importance of getting the proper amount of sunlight. We are just like plants, we need food, water, and sunlight. There is only one difference, without sunlight, plants die, but without sunlight, humans just get depressed. Just trust me and do some research.

[–]Saun522[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ok

[–]Bedtimeshine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your life right now be should gym, eat well, work, sleep

[–]SoulRedemption 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are some great advice here. My 2 cents.

Have S.M.A.R.T. goals.

Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Time Bound

Dont make tonne of goals. And dont make a goal that takes too much time. Start with one simple goal that can be done daily, for a week.

Example.

Strike up a conversation with a stranger. One stranger per a day. Start eith even saying "Hi, whats up?".

Example:

Meditate for 5 mins a day. Hard to do at the beginning? Keep going. Every. Day. 5 mins.

Identify something that you nred to start doing or stop doing. Do it for a day. Dont log onto Facebook fot a day.

It seems you have discipline issues. Motivation is fleeting. Sometimes you just gotta get up, dress up, show up.

Dont do too many things at the same time. Start small, and start with one or two.

If you want to get into meditation, checj out Headspace. Free and great for beginners.

PS: If you dont learn from the replies on this post. Dont bother posting the same thing again. You might have fallen into the mental masturbation process. Start doing. Whatever the fuck it is. Just start

[–]joeswo214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nike swish homie. Just do it. No excuses

[–]2chazthundergut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get an early night tonight.

Before going to sleep, make a plan of attack for the next day. Write a list of things you know you need to get done but have been putting off. The first item on the list is your workout.

Then set out your gym clothes so you wont have to think about it.

Set your alarm for 5:00 am.

When your alarm goes off, get up, make your bed, change into your gym clothes, and start the day with an intense workout.

Then go down your list and attack each item.

[–]alaskanarcher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Step one. Ease up on yourself. Self improvement and change is not something you can force. 90% of what we do and think are habits. Habits are incredibly hard to change. Have some patience with yourself because you will fuck up.

Step two. Track what you currently do and think and feel. Don't neglect tracking your feels. You cant change if you don't know what you're currently doing. I would argue that you are not fully aware of what you're doing and thinking and feeling all the time. Many times you are probably reacting. It is really hard to be self aware in the moment. This is what retrospection is for. I highly recommend keeping a journal and writing to yourself. Let it all flow out onto the page and just see how that changes how stuck you get mentally and how it starts to allow you to become more conscious about how you think about yourself and your place in the world. This is where holding frame starts.

Step three. Put one thing in order at a time and make sure you stick with it until you add more. That doesn't mean you can't try to do more but only really hold yourself to one thing at a time. Pick the foundational things first: are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating well and enough? Are you exercising? Get these things solid before criticizing yourself for anything else. You can perform if you don't get sleep. If you didn't get enough sleep stop expecting yourself to perform.

Step four. Have more patience. Its not going to change over night. Or in a month. Or in three. Some things will get better but you will be doing better well before you start feeling better. And guess what? You won't be satisfied. Because you're going to raise your standards for yourself as you go. Just make sure you are being reasonable and fair with yourself and realize becoming who you want to be will take a lifetime.

[–]seedster5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You sounded like me pre wellbutrin. Turns out I needed anti depressants. My brain chemistry wasn't in sync and no amount of motivation or my trying was gonna fix my brain chemistry. I seeked help from a therapist and saw her for a year and a half two times a month. It was expensive but I feel like the person I wanted to be. I can honestly say my life went how I wanted it to go. Sure there was a lot of uncertainty but you need to develop some skills with the help of a professional at this point my friend.

[–]recursoinominado 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally relate to you and here are the two things i did to change this:

  1. VISUALIZATION, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. This shit works, even if you don't believe on the esoteric part, this shit totally works and it should be your number 1 technique to change your self-image. There are tons of books about it, just follow what they say, don't fucking argue, be humble, if you are fucked, just give others a chance, give an honest try. Hypnosis are a great way to do this, there are tons of free guided hypnosis/visualization on the YouTube. The secret is the consistency, do it every day, no matter what, for at least one month and see your thoughts and actions chance effortlessly (but still, DO TAKE ACTION).
  2. Try this other shit: http://www.subliminal-shop.com/.
    I know it is hard to believe but this is the closest thing to a self-development magic pill that i ever found. There are free programs that are powerful and will change your life. Do some research about it (on the site and forum), give at least a month of consistent use and see the magic happens.

[–]pre-death 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to stop wanking.

[–]Lostitink 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seems like every time you mess up something, a little you have a full on melt down. You need to relax and realize that perfection is not the goal. Practice is the goal. Just do one thing a little better everyday. Also look back at your day and see what you did right don’t focus on what you did wrong. You just need to try to do a little better everyday. I would start with the gym. You don’t have to go to the gym and “fucking kill it” sometimes you just go and do a bullshit workout, but that’s ok. You went to the gym. You did a little thing that was good. Same with everything else. Maybe you have a dirty apartment. Clean one area of it maybe just the sink in the bathroom, good you did that one little thing. Maybe you just said hello to the cashier at the gas station. Great you did another little thing that makes you a little better. You aren’t going to move a mountain all at once. You do it piece by piece. So focus on little pieces and not the whole mountain. You’ll see it gets easier everyday when you make it into small things.

[–]PotatoWatt 1 point2 points  (1 child)

my dude, if you check all my posts I was and still kinda am in the same situation as you. I knew what needed to be done but I took no action, I just pushed through it and used asktrp as my personal diary and got awesome opinions and tips

I still havent reached where I want to reach by far, but I know I improved from a week ago to now, what helped me a lot was IDGAF, just yesterday I was called reckless and crazy (in a fun way) cause I did shit that average guys are scared to the bone of doing, you will get there just keep pushing

A kingdom isnt made in a day, its like the gym, if it was easy everybody was doing it.

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the gym analogy

[–]waynebradysworld 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Join the military. You'll be forced to improve physically, socially, and mentally. Just go. You can't do this on your own, you said so yourself.

What's the worst thing that happens, you bleed out in a foreign country for Israel? You already seem to hate life, why not do something exciting and dangerous with a guaranteed result of improved discipline?

[–]deltron80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's probably some issues you have from your parents / childhood. If you're serious about self-improvement, it sounds like you need some self-knowledge first. I would suggest starting to go to therapy regularly so you can start working on the underlying issues.

[–]Fun2badult 1 point2 points  (0 children)

‘I know the problem - but I don’t take action’

And you’re wondering why it’s not going anywhere. Suck it up and take action. Keep getting rejected. Talk to girls without hitting on them like go in and have a conversation without going for a phone number. Make yourself comfortable with talking to random girls like it’s nothing without looking to hook up. Talk to cashier register ladies, fast food workers, salespeople girls, whoever and whenever. Practice having a conversation

[–]wildrobbie87 1 point2 points  (2 children)

The hard shit answer as to why you feel this shit is because you finally realise how behind you are in your life progression and you are having trouble processing&accepting that you are behind in life compared to others.

However, keep reading because the truth is that I was that guy 'once upon a time' and I, too, was a 'useless body' a few years back too. Eventually, I had to accept that i was behind and that i had big work to do.

So rule number 1- Never forget: if you are looking for the easy way out, then, you really have no grounds to ask for anyone to value or respect you because truthfully, we dont need more useless people in this planet - its fucked enough. This is the hard truth of truely taking a red pill. Its hard to accept even for the best of us.

So, if you want to be someone that is valued then start your gym training so you can reflect that you value yourself.

Go to the gym and start lifting - 4 sets of 12-15 reps for 5 months..ending with light cardio whilst eating the foods that only humans can grow and proud using our hands.use google to find out what can be hand prepared.

Apply the same rule of repition to your studies, homework and knowledge. You have 16 hours in a day that you can study and repitition is the only way to master a skill, so start learning and repeating. What do you study? Use an online job search engine to understand which job position has the highest amount of vacancies in your area is it will take you a few years to master anything, so, think for the future.

Dont get ego and think you can run away from a bad diet or show big muscles without high reps - do the right job and in 5 months, your hard work will reflect respect for your body.

As a result, when people see this newer improved body-image, it will stimulate a subconcious trigger that you are someone that values themselves because you cant cheat at time taken to take care of your body.

From this point, people will want to stop you to talk to youand thus, this will result in you becoming happier as you will have friends and less time to think about being sad.

[–]Saun522[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

So to improve my situations and experiences I should improve myself? Sound good advice

[–]wildrobbie87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In your upcoming future, people only pay a bigger paycheck to the individuals that are useful in generating a profit. Google employees spoke out a few days ago about how google values profit over socal values because money is a reflection of power. However, the hardest part is how do you reflect that you have value when you are one person in a crowd of millions? Simple. Build up your body alongside building up your skills.

You cant cheat at building up your health and body image and considering that the first 2 hours of gym per day gives you the most results, you have 4 hours of free time left per day to improve your intelligence (if we factor in a 8 hour working day).

This method helps you reflect a winner in the future but it also takes 4-7 months to get you any truthful meaningful returns. However, once you are winning in 7 months time, you will forget the hard shutty working months that you previously had to suffer through - this is the honest way to life - keep repeating till you master your trade.

[–]_jaboob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Make a small marking somewhere on your body with a pen that will remind you of your dedication to change or signify a decision for a new life chapter. A good place is on the thumb of your writing hand. Every time you see the mark you'll be remembered of your choice for that day.

[–]justarandomguy15 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How's your lifestyle? Do you actually have time for self-improvement? That's the question you should ask yourself since you said, "I fall back to old routines" so your life is already full of routines, am I right? Are you busy working? Or are you involved into some kind of organization and clubs that are eating your time?

If that's the case, then you should make some radical changes in regard to your lifestyle. Guys have it rougher if they're already working 6-8 hours a day from dawn until sunset. You should make some time for yourself and it doesn't even have to be about socialization or other social skills, just work on your habits, read more books about stuff you're interested in, even if it's fiction, become happy with yourself first. When you become happy with yourself, and it takes time, then you can start working on other stuff like being social and cocky

Good luck man. It takes a lot and a lot of time

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting point, I do have a lot going on, but I think I have just enough spare time for self improvement

[–]2comment 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The worst part is: I know the problem - I don't take action. But how the fuck do I fix this? I get up in the morning and think "ok, today I'll try and hold Frame, be social, ect..." And then at the end of the day I think "fuck! That day went shite, I fell back into my usual shitty routines and habbits and archived nothing" I want to take action but just seem to either become distracted or forget to do something.

I can't do anything about your overall motivation and I suspect no one can either. That's all on you. But in case your failure stems from biting off more than you can chew:

Successful people don't make results their weekly or even monthly milestones. They identify and make habits that lead to results their milestones. Then you can cut down the habits to steps and focus on changing it piecemeal to become permanent.

Let's say you woke up one day and realized all your life you were a disgusting slob and it's costing you. You can say to yourself, "Fuck, from now on I will be the cleanest person there is." And it works, for maybe a day or two. By day three you are so run down, you have trouble keeping your schedule and you're finding you have to learn a million things and staying neat is really disrupting your flow. It seems impossible. Then you slack off and back to zero.

Otoh, you could draw up what it takes to be a clean person. You figure there are several areas. Dish management. Clothing management. Chores cleaning something periodically. Etc. Don't worry about mapping it out perfectly, learning in the process is the whole point. What's important is trying to identify habits and tackling them one at a time.

You decide on week 1 to focus on dishes. At first, you think it's easy. Just put them away! But after every other meal, you find you have to load an entire dishwasher and unload to keep up. That's fucking ridiculous. Then you figure out you've been cooking very inefficiently - using 1 bowl to stir shit, 3 to cook things, 1 plate to bring to the table, another to eat from, several sets of utensils. Etcetera. You also learn to clean your pots right away with 10 seconds of water rather than scrubbing them hours after the fact and then filling the machine with it. By the end of week 1, you're down to 3 dishwasher loads instead of 10.

Not perfect and your clothes are still all over the place and bathroom is a literal shithole, but now you're no longer completely ashamed of your kitchen. The practice in one area (dishes) and focusing on a habit rather than a trait (be a neatfreak) really paid off in results. You wouldn't even want to go back to ignoring the dishes if you could because it just took more time the other way.

TRP is the exact same way.

  • Focus on habits that eventually lead to results you want, not the end results itself.
  • Break it down to small pieces and practice one until it's second nature.
  • Incorporate it into your life and move onto the next thing.

[–]Da_RectumWrecker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The name of the game is all about your self talk.

If you find yourself saying "I'm a piece of shit and dont deserve to get better" then you will just seek out the short term pleasure such as video games etc. You wont go anywhere because you will be afraid of success. You will actually self sabotage things if they happen to go right.

If you're thinking "I'm a bad motherfucker. My life is amazing." then it's pretty easy to find the motivation to do stuff. There are few better feelings for me than stripping down to my underwear with some rap music playing and working out in front of my big sex mirror in my room. I like getting a pump and checking out my muscles and thinking about how lucky the next girl is.

If you tell yourself that you actually deserve the good things in life just by virtue of being you, it will be a lot easier to motivate yourself to do what you need to do. But be careful, you also need to temper this thinking with outcome independence. If you tell yourself "everything is great" and there is a dumpster fire in your backyard it will be hard to believe yourself. Sometimes bad things happen from good effort, and sometimes good things happen from no effort at all.

Just roll with the punches. My dad used to say "On the road of life you dont have to stay in your lane. Hell you dont even need to stay on the road! Just dont go in the ditch." To remind me of that whenever I needed advice he would simply say "keep it between the ditches".

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I get up in the morning and think "ok, today I'll try and hold Frame, be social, ect..." And then at the end of the day I think "fuck! That day went shite, I fell back into my usual shitty routines and habbits and archived nothing" I want to take action but just seem to either become distracted or forget to do something.

Ok.

Here's another idea:

You wake up and work on ONE THING, with concrete actionable results.

For example:

"Today I will talk to one new woman and hold the conversation until she walks off".

That is something you can do, actionable, and verifiable. It's also completely within your control. At the end of the day you can say "I did this" or "I did not do this".

The next day you either lower your goals (if you failed) or increase them (if you succeeded). Choose your goals so you have a 99% chance of success (at first) and 75% (later).

Tomorrow your first goal is to change the smallest tiniest thing you can imagine. Build inertia from there. Tiny steps first.

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok sounds good

[–]spider_1337 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Take some LSD and find the answer which you seek within yourself

[–]Raxizhh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shroomies*

[–]masterpiece00 -1 points0 points  (3 children)

This is the worst thing you can do, LSD will fuck you up for life.

[–]spider_1337 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

How exactly does clarity and a heightened sense of introspection lead to something that will "fuck you up for life" if I may ask?

[–]masterpiece00 1 point2 points  (1 child)

At best it will give you LSD quality 'clarity' and instrospection which doesn't relate to the real world, unless you're going to live permanently on LSD.
At worst you will have a bad trip and cause psychosis.

[–]spider_1337 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That's non sense LSD has been scientifically proven to connect parts of the brain that normally dont interact in tandem with one another and has also been shown to activate previously dormant parts of the brain. The brain literally induces a higher state of consciousness. The increase in "brain power" imo can be extremely beneficial in examining one's own actions as we tend to become stuck in loops of self thinking when it comes to self evaluation. There hasn't been any strong correlation that LSD causes psychosis. Im not necessarily advocating for LSD use but i do see it as a viable candidate for a complex problem that requires a solution which OP does not seem to have.

[–]Casanova-Quinn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep it simple. Choose one goal to stick to. It could be "go to the gym three days a week". Once this becomes a habit, add another goal. Repeat this process. Before you know it, you'll be accomplishing a lot. Also don't worry about perfection, if you have an off day just get back at it tomorrow. Persistence is key to improvement.

[–]renfsu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep doing stuff that makes you uncomfortable. You're kivi g through comfort and being upset that you can't do stuff that makes you uncomfortable. Does it make you uncomfortable to talk to that girl, go to the gym, or go out? Do it anyways.

[–]bourbonhipster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a soul here will be able to help you. Waah waah why me... What exactly are you a victim of other than your own lack of ction?

Want some advice? Put together an actual plan. That way, when you gather all that energy and motivation for action, you'll have a trget to direct it towards.

[–]DadOnDabs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need discipline. Not everything is going to get handed to you in life.

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Start being consistent in ONE AREA. Start with sleep and lifting. LIFTING HELPS EVERYTHING. Then build on that. Better food and a little bit of hobbies etc. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. LITTLE WINS EACH DAY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEq0dMu9vpk

[–]mickey__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha, i'm in same situation, when i need to implement knowledge i completely forgot what i've read dozens of time, like a dumb idiot

[–]imtheoneimmortal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meditation and discipline
i was reading some days ago a post in getdiscipline

you write in notepad 10 things or more the ideal you like
"the ideal (insert your name)"

-no videogames
-no alcol/weed (only in party)
-meet new people

-going gym

-dont criticize people

.....etc

when you make decision you will do it in concept of what you want to be in future of 6 months or 6 years

Try to start by doing this
Keep that list always with you, while you sleep or school or going gym so it become more clear of what you want

[–]moresmarterthanyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take small bites, get small wins and move onto the next thing.

[–]Corvus_Uraneus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What worked for me was starting to keep lists. I use google keep to track several prioritized lists. Things I need to do, things I want to do, to buy, to watch/read/play, etc...

Every day, i do not allow myself to check off a want without first satisfying a need. Even if it is as simple as go grocery shopping or do laundry.

My needs list shrinks faster than my backlog of wants lists grows. Over time, this has reduced my procrastination anxieties tremendously, and helps me fall asleep because I don't lay there thinking about the following day and things I forgot to do.

I used to spend far more time fretting over unacheived goals than I did pursuing them. Now its like I have far MORE time for what I want to do/watch/read/play and I'm completely on top of what is important. Car running great, home is immaculate, I've got my money right and I see my Dr and dentist regularly.

Oh and cutting back on drinking and exercising more helped too.

[–]Bitscoinmooning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people are just genetically inferior. Having a low IQ makes you incapable of understanding the benefits of self improvement and you prefer to gestate in the short term. You should not need extrinsic motivation if you cannot find it within yourself to light a fire in your eyes then you will likely never make it.

[–]Khiv_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How about taking it slow? Instead of waking up one day and saying "I'm gonna change it all" you say "today I'm gonna eat a little less sugar, today I'm gonna look one person in the eye". Next day you step it up "today I'm gonna look two people in the eye" or maybe you step up in difficulty as trying to say hi to a single stranger.

I've been working out ever since I was 14 and to me most new habits are very similar to working out. You don't wake up one say and say "yeah today I'm gonna get huge", you just get in the gym and do your best, maybe try to increase the number of reps by 1, or the weight by 1-2lbs, or to do a better execution, and years later you are lifting much heavier, working much harder, and looking much better. You can use this approach to almost anything you want to change in your life.

Also, I've forgotten the names but there are apps with specific challenges like talking to one person, doing something different, etc. You can look for these if you are having trouble coming up with challenges yourself (but eventually you will have to because the apps have limited suggestions).

[–]Thecafeccino 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been a lurker on this forum for a while but I feel like I can add value today. I was in the same boat, and that boat felt like it was the titanic.

From reading “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck,” I learned that motivation is very finicky. One day you have it the next day you don’t. He talks in the book that action creates motivation. And by seeing progress you get excited therefore creating motivation. But what do you do on those days that you have no motivation and therefore can’t make progress.

The question you should be asking yourself is what you want to be. And then create ways to get to that goal. There is this powerful tool called The Power list. Essentially you have 5 tasks every day, no more no less, and those 5 tasks help towards a goal you have. The theory is that you win enough days,you win the week, win enough weeks you win the month, win the enough months, win the year. If you want to hear more about the power list, listen to episode 107 of the MFCEO Project Podcast on iTunes. That podcast alone changed my life.

Personally, I break my powerlists into 12 weeks.For me my one of my 12 week goal is to gain 10lb of muscle, and I lost my motivation to go to the gym but going to the gym is one of my tasks for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And since I don’t want to lose the day, I go. Even if it’s not a good workout, I still went and as soon as I see progress I know that I’ll have the motivation to go more.

[–]cdogg75 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you are biting off more than you can chew. The side panel alone should take well over a year to read, absorb and practise. Pick 1 thing to improve, and don't move on until it becomes your proclivity.

[–]usernameishardtomake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you know what it is that you want to improve on exactly? Also trying to improve everything (like 10 different things) at once is tough. Maybe try to emphasize 1 or 2 things for a period of time until you are satisfied with the results. Then move onto the next 1 or 2 things.

[–]anontgb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Red Pill can be very intimidating if you keep reading reddit, start with something simple.

I'd suggest starting with Corey Wayne.

[–]Kpwn88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro, do you even lift?

[–]Raxizhh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm just like you my man, except instead of me getting angry, I just feel super guilty and depressed, but from that I draw motivation to change, the only problem is that I usually get the motivation when I'm laying down after reflecting over the day, and I tell myself, "That's it! I just need to ... I'll start tomorrow!" And I'll forget about it the second I wake up. It fucking blows, or even if I remember it, the second I make it in public, it's like I forget everything I read about or that I wanted to change and I end up wasting my time. It's a terrible cycle, and personally I don't have any idea how to fix it. I don't want to blame it on mental illness, but after reading some of, "So you're saying I'm not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid?" It seems that part of the reason could be because of ADD. If anyone has any advice please share it because I'm really trying to change here.

[–]ChinkyChicken 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Find one hobby/activity and go at it for a month. Weightlifting is a gold standard. But if you can't or don't want to do that for whatever reason, go look for something else. Ideally, find something that is initially beyond your comfort zone but not to the point where you are paralyzed by fear or avoid it due to anxiety. I say do it for a month because the first couple of weeks, people typically suck at it and give up too early.

Now, to become competent at something, you have to fuck up and feel like a loser because at the beginning of every new thing you learn, you are a loser. And as you strive to become more competent, you'll feel like a loser. Expect no one to show you mercy but you can overcome that by becoming your own biggest critic but also your own biggest fan.

My roommate teaches hip hop and arguably is usually the best dancer at most clubs we frequent. Yet, no matter what level he reaches, its never enough. This is a good thing, because it pushes him to work harder at it even if he needs to take a step back and relearn things that a beginner struggles with. This is a bad thing, because it affects his self esteem but if he learns to be okay with where he's at and focuses on where he's going to be, he'd be much more pleasant to be around.

Today, you may not be nowhere the same level of competence as he is at anything, but you can learn to focus on the journey rather than the where you are at on the road. When you gain competence in something, you develop more "alphaness." Some people will tell you that its best to become hypercompetent at one thing and others will tell you to develop competence in multiple things. This is something you will realize on your own.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone already said it but I'll reiterate.

Create tangible goals. Daily.

Start small. Make a list. Write it down. Write your thoughts and goals down. DO it DAILY. On ONE side make sqaures 30 across vertically and 30 down. Basically a blank calendar. On the other side write a goal. Write all the positive things about that goal. Why you want to reach that goal. Every day when you do that daily thing mark and X on the empty box for that day.

Writing down your goals makes it something real it's no longer in your head, it's physical. Also go one at a time. For me personally it's working out 4 times a week. After I did that consistently for 3 months I added deprivation tank floating 1 time a week. Now I'm going to add in Yoga on my non workout days. I'd like to add meditation daily to my routine eventually.

It helps I run a business and have a mission in life.

Honestly I would say for me personally the best thing that helped me was taking cold showers and lifting. Started with 5x5 starting strength. It's a free online regimen. The cold showers sets me right, I waste less time in the shower, gets me ready for the day. Going MONK MODE may help you. Reading MODELS by MARK MANSON was a big help for me. It helped me pin point where I was falling short.

I'd say it doesn't matter what you do. Make a goal. Pick something to help you achieve that goal. Do it daily. Log that you do it. Keep yourself accountable to where if you don't do it you'd feel bad so you have to. You're addicted to self improvement and if you don't you feel bad. You can't not. As you build it you have to keep going. Replacing your bad habits with good habits. Start with one and as you move forward and fail (you will fail, again and again, GET THE FUCK BACK UP!) wait until you complete your goal with that new habit. THEN add a new habit. 4 weeks of 5 minutes mindfulness meditation daily. Oh snap I only did 3 weeks. Well fuck it I want to add in cold showers. NO. Finish your one goal/habit and keep it up THEN move on to the next. Fold in self improvement.

It's not a disruptive dislocation of reality. It's a slow dance of folding over and over, consistently refining.

Good Luck!

[–]jryan2605 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From my experience the best way to get out of a habit is to write what you want to accomplish for the day every morning and meditate for 10 - 15 minutes. It will clearly set your goals out for the day and keep you focused.

It's all about small changes you make to your daily life, there's no 1 final solution that will dramatically change your life.

Interesting watch (youtube)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You're trying to do too much at once without having a foundation to build off of. You aren't capable of taking on so much right now because you're lazy, whiny and weak. But you can change.

Start off by doing the basic groundwork, and don't worry about the rest of it:

  • Start a real lifting program and stick to it if you haven't. Log every day that you go. Do this for three months straight.
  • Cut the horse shit out of your diet if you haven't. Log every day that you go. Do this for three months straight.
  • Read NMMNG if you haven't. Go slowly, take notes and ask questions.
  • Read WISNIFG if you haven't. Go slowly, take notes and ask questions.

That will take you about three months total. Once you do that, you'll be able to start figuring out frame, which is more or less the foundation of the whole praxeology.

Meanwhile, how are you doing in school? What is your plan for after high school? Are you working on a business? Are you setting yourself up to be successful in college? How are your study habits?

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

School is going good academically, I like the idea of starting with the foundations I'll give it a shot

[–]Ansec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get a planer. I recommend Grant Cardone's 10x planer. I've tripled my income by using this planer.

This is what you do. You come up with goals you want to accomplish. Then you break them down into small targets that you want to hit each day to accomplish those goals. You break it down even further to the hours of your day. Stick to the schedule and you will be amazed at how much you can accomplish that day. It's crazy. It takes out all thought on what you should be doing right now.

You repeat this everyday and it becomes habit. The most successful people have very regimented schedules down to the hour. They are always doing something that makes progress towards whatever they want to accomplish. Happiness is not completion of goals, it is not brought on by positive thinking, happiness is from making progress in three areas of your life: love, finance, and health.

[–]buttgoogler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Transform your anger into motivation.

Start lifting and eating properly. It will get you a huge boost of self-confidence. Self-confidence will make it easier for you to socialize. The more you socialize, the more you practice on holding frame.

It's a chain reaction.

[–]MojoManUltra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Watch some monk mode videos, it might sound serious but it’s actually quite useful.

[–]trpppp123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you're trying to do too much from nothing. Idk what you want to achieve but start with focusing on one thing and make sure that one thing is done every day until it becomes a habit that's natural and you don't think about it anymore. Add one more thing, etc.

[–]jonadragonslay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meditate and be patient. It takes time. Also focus more on your life's purpose and less on pussy.

[–]Alpha27145 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try reading a book called “the subtle art of not giving a fuck”

[–]lbrownlbandit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try finding one thing that makes you forget everything. You'll know what it is when you do it. I won't give you any examples cause I don't want you to think of anything in specific. I want you to look for a feeling of empty silence in your head where your doing something and its challenging enough where you have to think but your doing it slow enough that its enjoyable. If you were to do this 'activity' at night you should feel sleepy, try and breathe and let it just be your thing.

[–]lukkassu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you a fatass?

I'm a fatass in progress, down 80 pounds with another 60-100 to go.

I used to feel the same, fuckall motivation, super lethargic and trapped in the day to day monotony.

Nothing helped me break out of that eternal cycle until I started fasting. IF to OMAD to Snake Diet. Keto is optional but makes it less miserable to start fasting.

Just the discipline alone gained from fasting (if you're thin you should be eating and lifting instead) has been of tremendous benefit to my life, that's before accounting for all the benefits of losing so much bodyfat.

[–]0x9A30D7C49714D98000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The wolf you feed is the one that grows bigger. Basically, you build momentum in whatever you do, whether that's a routine where you keep constantly improving and moving towards your goals, or one where you constantly fuck around and procrastinate and your lack of progress makes you feel hopeless and powerless and angry - which sounds like where you are now. The good news is that's pretty normal, many of us have been there and had to break out of these bad patterns and we did and so can you.

You know why this is happening. You're frustrated because you know that it's within your power to change and start becoming the man you want to be, but the immensity of the task is intimidating. How can you possibly deal with all these challenges and stresses and responsibilities. Well, how do you eat an elephant? You eat it one bite at a time. Focus on one thing that you can do right now, then focus on the next thing.

You have 10 minutes of motivation a day? Good. That's already way better than the person who has no motivation at all. In that 10 minutes go and make your bed. Clean your room. Clean your bathroom and kitchen and your whole house. Make a list of shit that needs to be done and the things you want to change, start with the ones you can do now and do them.

For example, what do you normally do after work or school? Do you go to the gym and lift some weights? If not, you could check out joining a gym today after work. Deliberately start fucking with your routine like this. Why don't you do that and report back.

[–]Nov51605 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, can you list one thing that you want to accomplish that is more or less short term and fairly attainable w/o a huge monetary or major time investment ?

[–]1kick6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing I want most in the world is a 240 lb snatch. Does that mean I can wake up in the morning and tell myself I'm just going to go out and overhead squat 350 in service of that goal? Fuck no. You have to set tiny ass goals and then stack them on top of each other over a long period of time.

So you want to turn your life around? Maybe all you do tomorrow is make your bed. And then maybe after a week of that you make your bed and pick up your room. And over a long enough grind, all of your shit will come together.

[–]aShiftyLad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How's your diet / hydration?Blood test for vitamin deficiency (or experiment, which is what i did). I know when i was low in micro nutrients across the board, I felt like doing nothing and getting those back up (i.e. supplementation and better eating) vastly improved my mood / mental clarity ---> action taking.

For me a general multi vitamin, boron supplement (12mg daily) ands 6000 unit of vitamin D/K helped tremendously . Mostly this was aiding in testosterone regulation and helped boost T levels across the board, which lead me to be energized and led to actual action taking.

It's amazing how deficient we are in general as a species in most nutrients that our body actually needs to promote any type of protein synthesis and enzymatic activity. Nearly every vitamin/mineral that are essential / recommended catalyzes 3 or more pathways in the body.

[–]relationship_padawan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Two pieces of advice.

Have goals and write them down. Make them measurable. Get a white board or something and write them on that and stick it to your wall. Have that be the first thing you see every morning. Have your big goals ie lift to become bigger and more attractive; and then chop them down into smaller goals ie follow a strong lift 5x5 work out plan; and then those into daily goals ie today is Wednesday so today’s workout is X. The more I’ve followed this, the easier I’ve found implementing any change in my life.

Set time for reading and swallowing the sidebar and books. This is where your foundation starts. Build everything within yourself. I don’t have a lot of time to sit around and read but I get the Audible books and listen to them there. Ask questions. Follow the advice. TRP is all about a sexual strategy but it also about the most important thing is you are the prize, so make yourself the prize. Love yourself. Hey, I’m in over a year and still figuring out this shit. It is all baby steps. Don’t get frustrated because you fall into a routine of bad habits. Reddit has a lot of other useful subs to help make better habits.

I will leave you with three bonus thoughts.

You are the sum of your five closest friends. This has stuck with me since the day I heard it. If you have bad people in your life they will drag you down. Surround yourself with people with positivity that are doing the things you want to do and master.

The other is something I’m working on myself. Read The Miracle Morning. I’ve heard so much good things about this book and when I was doing half of it (til I ran into an emotion breakdown because of bullshit) this was working aces for me. I remember looking forward to everything in the day and improving myself. I listened to a lot of self help podcasts (Knowledge for Men was the most influential for me) and was absorbing a lot of TRP fundamentals.

The last point and this one also stuck with me when I hit a sticking point of when I was making excuses ie not going to the gym or not talking to some girl. When you have that moment when you’re questioning whether you should or shouldn’t do something because of X excuse ask yourself not what the right or wrong thing to do but what would the perfect YOU do? Be held accountable to that perfect idealized self. Do what he would do. Feeling like shit because you had one too many beers last night and you’re going to skip the gym? Tough luck, your perfect self would still make it out to the gym, vomit in a bucket and finish that workout. Too afraid to talk to that hot barista and get her number? The perfect you would approach and talk to her and at least practice anything you’ve learned, even if it’s just a, ‘hello, how are you?’ Bonus for this is to also have your idols and heroes looking over the shoulder of your perfect self and seeing what they would do in that situation.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you lifting?

[–]mareacusarea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aim low enough

[–]SaucySasquatch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Long term fix: meditation Reason: you will be more mindful throughout the day with what you want to accomplish, instead of only the times when you have these surges of motivation to accomplish them.

[–]--69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Change is the result of small, but continuous steps towards a goal. You're focusing on calculus when you haven't even learned addition yet. If your goal is too big and advanced, you will get easily discouraged. Don't worry about managing threesomes if you can't hold a conversation with one girl you're not even interested in. I've learned that you have to have a bias for action. I read a book and the author mentioned a previous book of his that got criticized for having gramatical errors. "While all the idiot critics are preparing, researching, and making sure their books are perfect, I'm releasing mine and making real sales." His point is that you waste time trying to be perfect before you even take the first real-world action. You end up worse off than the average guy who took sloppy, but immediate action. Having the guts to dive in without any assurance of positive results is scary, I give you that. But what they don't tell you is that the fear is completely irrational and the absolutely worst thing that can happen to you will never really happen. It's just your mind making up shit to scare you away. And once you take a bold step in your life, you'll see that rejection or failure is nearly nothing to be scared of.

[–]bananananananarama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck

[–]Lambdal7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yadda yadda.

You need to approach 100 women in a month before you see any results. Then another 100 the next month. Then another 100.

Then, MAYBE you have 2 kinda hot plates.

You think it all comes by itself. Wrong. You need to get out there are collect lots of rejection first and deal with it.

[–]TheIncendiary97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read up on something called 'Active Learning', be continually Self-Aware about improving yourself, and employ Patience. You have years of bad habits to unlearn, don't be hard on yourself. You're all you've really got in this world. 6 months is a baby step in terms of taking the Pill.

[–]randomviper41 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if you keep doing the same shit you expect the same results like some sort of weird blanket of comfort that is killing you.

For learning how to become better with woman I recommend searching this guy called "Tom Torrero" on youtube, he has lots of short tip videos, he wrote a book called "Street Hustle" which is amazing but fairly expensive as its big and independantly published. Another guy called "Nick Krauser - Daygame Overkill" they used to wing together those 2, picking up girls during the day.

All the other things such as going to the gym is alot easier to do, just limit alcohol/narcotics as they will make you lethargic and unmotivated.

[–]Shoregrey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are lazy, unfocused and shiftless. The best thing for you IMHO is to surround yourself with positive, energetic people, preferably MEN who are men and have their shit wired tight.

BUT, other people can only motivate you so much. It's not enough to just want it. It's also important to understand YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL, but also understand that as soon as you fail, you start right over and get on with it because getting mad at yourself can be healthy if you use it to motivate yourself. Using it to wallow is not healthy.

FORCE yourself to do this stuff, every day. Eventually you will internalize it and it will become habit and second hand and ideally involuntary. Your mind will stop going to that dark place if you force it to go somewhere else.

[–]PreMinister90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your on the right track. Everything you ever believed was a lie. The quick fix doesn't exist. It's all a process that will never end. And it aint easy, just stay on the road and try to do better. Eventually you will get there. You just din't accepted it yet in your subconcious. Have fait and patience. Y'll get there

[–]TheGoldenLeprechaun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just read all of the top comments. They got you.

[–]addwater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you ugly?

Do you take care of yourself?

Do you workout? Wear good clothes? A good hair cut? A nice cologne? Well groomed?

Are you healthy looking? Are your teeth good? Are you tanned? Is your skin nice?

Your appearance has a lot to do with overall being perceived in a positive light by those around you.

90% of those on this sub will deny, but the other half of the red pill is that looks matter more than you think.

[–]ArdAtak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lift, read, meditate. You don't need anyone else to do this. 100% up to you.

[–]1RPLawyer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow some comments here are pure gold. Saving this post.

[–]inspiredshane 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah, you’re no different than anyone else, save for the whiny, self-masturbatory bitchfest, and even then you’re not going through anything particularly unusual. Changing ingrained behavior that has developed over decades is hard.

Basically, you’re too hard on yourself and setting unrealistic goals. Trying to be perfect is to set yourself up for inevitable failure.

You already know what to do better than we could tell you, considering we know nothing about you. So read the sidebar material again and get to work, and do it badly until you get good at it, because it’s going to take longer than 6 months.

And FYI, we don’t owe you likes and comments and help, and frankly I don’t see any gratitude whatsoever for it anyway, despite you saying so. You sound like an entitled little shit. I hope you aren’t.

[–]Saun522[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you read my comments you will see how grateful i am, also I didn't ask for likes I asked for people to up or down vote, idgaf which, it just means more people see the post due to redit algorithms I think. But thank you for taking the time to comment and I mean that sincerely.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you can't change, so you're just the same as when you were a 3 year old toddler.

Grow a set of balls.