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A Simple Reminder #2

(i.imgur.com)

submitted by ∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt


[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt[S,M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children)

In other words the only time something's really a failure is when we fail to learn from our mistakes. Don't let your pride get the better of you and blind you to the lessons and opportunities for improvements our failings represent.


A Simple Reminder #1 and thread for reference.

[–]SharpDish 1 points1 points [recovered]

I subscribe to the 3 buckets approach of control.  I find that people who follow this have a high emotional intelligence.  Conversely, those who do not, often worry and waste energy trying to control things out of their sphere.     Bucket 1: Things that you have total control over.  These are decisions that you consciously make everyday.  For example, the decision to lift, the decision to hold frame, etc... No one can ever take these decision away from you.     Bucket2: Things that you think about and can influence but don’t have total control over.  I use examples from friends and family here.  My friends and family might call me for advice on a matter and I can influence their decision by giving them my thoughts.  Ultimately, though, the decision is theirs and what they decide to do is up to them.     Bucket 3:  Things that you have no control over whatsoever.  These are things like the weather, traffic, sporting events, television shows, and the stream of items on your Facebook newsfeed that you have no control over whether they are posted or not.  Personally, I spend the least amount of time in this bucket, because I can't control nor influence any of this.  

[–]Gridiron27 107 points108 points  (4 children)

You should read 7 effective habits by Stephen covey. He talks about how to categorize your items by direct, indirect and no control, which sounds a lot like what you are touching on here

[–]LucrativeMath 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Co-sign. Great book.

[–]JamesTheKid 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Grant me the serenity,

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Alternatively, there are 3 buckets of outcomes.

In any performance or action requiring effort you make in your life, it will fall into one of the following three buckets:

Winning - you did something for a certain outcome, and the outcome you hoped for is what actually happened. (you hit your weight goal, you got an A in a class, you got her digits, whatever you want). This may seem like the optimal choice.

Failing - you did something for a certain outcome, and the outcome you hoped for was not what happened. (you didn't work hard enough for your gains, you failed a class, you fucked something up). This is failure. We all know it. This isn't where you want to be, and I know what you're thinking. Just read the next point.

Learning from your failures - you failed, but you chose to learn from what went wrong and choose to improve for next time. This is arguably the most productive option for your character. If you "learn to learn" from your failures, you can't lose. You can only win, or learn.

[–]Ayubdj7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is massive tenet of stoicism.

[–]rocknrollchuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bucket2: Things that you think about and can influence but don’t have total control over. I use examples from friends and family here. My friends and family might call me for advice on a matter and I can influence their decision by giving them my thoughts. Ultimately, though, the decision is theirs and what they decide to do is up to them.

Bucket 2 is the one where there is actually the most potential for gain. From u/strategos_autokrator's post "How to become Outcome Independent Using a Stoic Trick":

These partial control problems are the ones that make us waste energy, lose frame, and lose perspective. They lead to frustration and even resentment, and these are all very unattractive.

The Stoics noticed that there is one power that you have to conquer all these problems. This post is about that power. This is power nobody can ever take away from you. This power is the key to having Frame, Outcome Independence, passing all the shit tests, and getting all the sex you want.


"Man is disturbed not by things, but by the views he takes of them." - Epictetus

We have the power to redefine problems. Others might try to define problems for us, but we should always reject that, it is giving away our power. Always define the problem in terms of what is under your control, and what isn’t. The way to always have Outcome Independence is that we have to redefine the problem in a way that we do not depend on others or circumstances to obtain them. Why? Because others are not under our control, so we slide into their frame. So instead we change our perception of the problem such that it is all under our influence. This is Outcome Independence: we define the problem such that the other person has zero power over affecting its outcome. We are not subject to anyone in this way.

This one principle has had a profound influence on the way I approach many situations in life.

[–]Mozorelo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check out the Eisenhower matrix. It's similar but more advanced.

[–]Slashy_ -1 points0 points  (1 child)

The philosophy of stoicism has a name for that being the dichotomy of control, some people say that there’s a trichotomy (which is bucket 2) but even if you have some influence over something you still have either complete or no control over it so it brings it back to the dichotomy.

[–]Wabbajak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, the dichotomy of control is an ancient concept of the Stoic domain of physics, referring to the things we have control over and the things we do not. The 'trichotomy' of control was introduced by William B. Irvine in his book "A guide to the good life" in order to account for things we have partial control over.

[–]Ojm8 148 points149 points  (14 children)

I feel like these are the kind of posts TRP is missing.

Short, simple, useful.

[–]dumbkidaccount 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Amen to that. Especially the short part

Geez sometimes these guys write a 20 Page novel about their field report or whatever.

[–]hb8only 1 points1 points [recovered]

what about balding for example - how to not get bitter but use it to be better..?

[–]Ojm8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you are not able to stop the balding process you accept the things the way they are. At first you will kind of hate yourself for your hair but that's normal.

Basically be stoic

[–]FirstnameLastnamePKA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Embrace it, cueball it up and hit the gym. Girls will notice the baldness but not care once they see your body

[–]reanimaniac 18 points19 points  (4 children)

So what does the floating demon-Buddha symbolize?

Is he sucking energy out of the meditator? Does he represent a problem/situation out of individual control and therefore not worth worrying about?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I think it's a sort of demon influencing the person in two ways, the darker side of his breath is bitter, whereas the lighter side is better. The person has to choose which they will accept.

[–]reanimaniac 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That's a pretty astute interpretation. I wasn't thinking that the different colors of his breath would symbolize anything, let alone two different things.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate it, it just made me think of yin-yang style thinking and the TRP and borderline stoicism lens I now view it from and that this post advocates.

[–]Jailhouseredpilled93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yin and yang. Chaos and order. The demon represents emotions, the irrational thoughts that are lurking in the background, and the person is in control of them with his his logical mind.

[–][deleted] 70 points71 points  (11 children)

I'm just scared TRP is gonna turn into a meme board if we allow this

[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero 51 points52 points  (8 children)

One of the biggest problems we face as a community is that the userbase is so diverse in things like

(A) where they are in the process of personal development (i.e. beginners that are fresh out of a bad breakup, to intermediate and advanced users), and

(B) their level of ability to digest complex ideas and information (like 5th graders having a different comprehension ability from 8th graders, and 8th graders from college students).

This means that it's difficult to tailor a message or post that fits with the entire audience because everyone is in a different place compared to everyone else.

Naturally, given how people are normally distributed, there are a lot more beginners and people who don't like to read lengthy posts than there are advanced users who appreciate musing over long scholarly articles.

So posts like /u/bsutansalt's are going to be very popular because they appeal to the majority: short, easy to read, easy to understand. And for that purpose, I think they're great, and I applaud /u/bsutansalt for creating them.

The downside is that because there are fewer users who appreciate scholarly articles, it also means there are fewer users capable of producing scholarly articles.

So, just by the law of numbers, your fears may come to pass, where misunderstood fortune cookie TRP wisdom may start creeping in here because the foolish and the ignorant masses have neither the time nor the patience to learn how to develop better reading skills. It's true that sometimes complex messages cannot be expressed in simple terms.

But for simple, to-the-point messages, I appreciate seeing posts like these because they are easy for beginners to understand the very basic basics.

And be the change you want to see in the world. If you want more complex posts, consider posting your own posts and share your wisdom.

[–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Idiots are a poor investment. Doesn't matter how much money and time you put into them it's gunna be a waste of time. So all of this charity and catering down only hurts the people who can move the entire endevor foward.

If an idiot doesn't understand something that has been reasonably explained he should be told to eat a dick.

[–]Modredpillschool 11 points12 points  (1 child)

And be the change you want to see in the world. If you want more complex posts, consider posting your own posts and share your wisdom.

This is the rule we have always lived by here. People complaining about quality miss the point- the complaining lowers the quality. If you really care about the quality- post more of what you want to see.

[–]LifeLikeFire_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I told people to stop complaining and got downvoted

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

That's very interesting, how the sub might be changing. I'm fairly new to the pill but I've been staying in books lately, so this type of post mixed in to the lengthy articles is a breath of fresh air for me, without being too simple to be useful. The key is balance imo, and the balance is different for everyone

[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero 10 points11 points  (2 children)

This community has the same issues as any other in-group: one person sees a problem and has an idea about a reasonable solution. That one person gets a few people together, and they start talking about this reasonable solution.

Then a few more people join in. Then some more people. Then more people after that.

Suddenly, if you're not paying close enough attention, the "reasonable solution" can shift from the original idea. A lot of the times, that shift moves towards the less reasonable, more militant and angry direction.

Now, the original ideas are cast out and rejected as the masses have flooded the in-group, the majority of whom are not only incapable of understanding the nuance and details of the original reasonable idea. They prefer the short, simple, extreme ideology that doesn't require much thinking and is easy to understand.

Most religions began with some dude preaching peace and love but later morphed into justifying violence and hatred.

The story of M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) is really interesting. The founder started the organization with a reasonable premise. But as the organization grew, it became more extremist. To the point that the founder was kicked out of her own organization by the other members because the founder's views weren't extreme enough for the organization.

TRP is no different. The original idea founding this community is reasonable: maybe our cultural values and expectations for male-female sexual relationships are inconsistent with how people behave naturally; maybe if you want to have more success with attracting women, you should change your behavior in a way that might be socially counterintuitive.

However, like with any other group, the nuance and the details might be too much for the average savage to understand. All they know is that things with women aren't the way they expect them to be. And the default human response is to blame the other person instead of looking at ourselves.

This is the Anger Phase described in this community, where men are dealing with the discrepancy between their socially raised expectations and the natural reality of human sexual behavior.

This Anger Phase is typically expressed as a rage against women. "Women are all fucking whores." "These bitches can't be trusted." "These fucking sluts are just animals." "Women are fucking stupid."

All of these are just reflections of a guy's expectation that a woman behave differently than how she might naturally be inclined to behave. It's like being angry because your cat knocks shit off your counter tops. If your cat knocking shit off your counter tops angers you, then you're the asshole in this situation for expecting a cat to not do cat things.

So the members of this community can sometimes react negatively to ideas that women are anything but "subhuman animals who aren't capable of being as awesome as their naturally superior male counter parts."

Such extremist ideas are short, simple, and easy to understand without having to do a lot of thinking; and they're off base from the original reason why this community was started.

So things do have a tendency to shift and evolve over time. My concern is that by supporting simple messages over the nuance and detail of the truth, this community will degrade [further] into another hate group, like many other well-intentioned groups before us. At which point, we'll no longer be a community seeking how to improve our sexual success with women; it'll just degrade into a circlejerk of "women r dum."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well said, some truths just can't be boiled down to their simplest parts because that fundamentally changes them. I'm about to go to sleep so I won't write a long-winded version of this: I more or less agree.

[–]Modredpillschool 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We're not. bsutan is a mod and can override the rules, but regular users cannot.

[–]hearse223 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are more scared of a drastic change in "board culture", TRP is already a meme board complete with lexicon and derivatives.

[–]TheFlyingPro 29 points30 points  (0 children)

“After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I'm offering is the truth”.

The choice “belongs to you” indeed – powerful stuff!

[–]Vishdafish26 4 points5 points  (1 child)

you don't win or lose. you win or learn.

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you don't win or lose. you win or learn.

This is an important reframe. Failures are opportunities to learn. As long as you gain some new insight or refinement, then you're still moving forward even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment.

[–]IvanASO 10 points11 points  (11 children)

I fucked up my left shoulder, i might need surgery, 6 months of healing then 6 months of therapy.

I stopped lifting 5 months ago, it will take a year of recovery ( that is what the doc says but i do not believe him)

I will go to germany for a semester as an exchange student. I can't go with the recent operation so might have to postpone it for 6 months. Can't lift, can't train, feeling shaky, feeling weak, seriusly depressed, all the hard work cultivated will be lost, all these years training. If I am lucky I would be able to train in 1.5 years...

I am 22 but this have fucked me hard, more than anything actually. I care more about training than hoes, all I do is study and train...

How to deal with this, it is not just about training it fucked up more aspect of my life and plans I had for Germany.

I do not know what to do.

Any one experienced something like this?and came back to normal life?

[–]ZeppKfw 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm really sorry man I fucked up my shoulder aswell from lifting too much. The doctor told me that he would have to place a metal rod inside my shoulder in order to function normally although there's 2 catches. One is it's fuckin expensive and 2 is you'll never be able to lift with your shoulder again. We're fucked I know. I just accepted it.

[–]44361066 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Focus on non-physical, maybe mental and business aspects of your life during that period. Make yourself strong. Take the challenge and train hard in 1.5 years brother.

[–]Hviterev 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Keep training around your damaged limb. Do other exercices and focus on what you can. Inactivity will lead to heavier depression. I've been there and I'm there again.

Move or die!

[–]Joebergin1812 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Youre 22 you have a long life ahead of you. Take up something that imporves you asa person thats not lifting to fill the gao til you can train. Can you speak a second language? Add a third

[–]PsychedPsyche 1 points1 points [recovered]

Been in a similar situation myself, although I was able to do my labrum surgery after my student exchange.

Yes it’s a long recovery but yes it’s also worth it in the long run. I’m 3 years out of the procedure almost and have gotten stronger than I’ve ever been in my life. You can still lift legs, so go get you some tree trunks. It’s a tough lesson in patience that will pay off.

I’m not gonna lie though, I wasn’t slaying pussy at all during my recovery. Just buckled down, focused on school and self improvement, and it paid off. Just focus on the big picture.

[–]IvanASO 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah that is what I was thinking, I was all down to slay pussy in Germany, but honestly I am a fight with myself and that comes first.

That is my plan... and all the time I used on training and nutrition will be focused on improving my german. I have trained legs and abs but the inspiration is not there though. I love bodyweight training ( I do why people hate it so much tho, but I use weight for legs, deadlift etc) and being able to be on a handstand and control your body in different movements it's awesome, being able to do a full planche is fucking awesome too hahahaha.

I am glad to hear you are now stronger than before, I wanted to hear about someone with a similar situation.

How long did it took you to get to the level you used to be before surgery?

[–]alittletoosmooth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Focus on what you CAN do. Lower body, abs, etc. And focus on your rehab once you're given clearance. I broke a leg a while back and kept a positive attitude about it. Went out to the bars with some friends and had high energy. You wouldn't believe how much attention our group received from girls. They were wondering who the crazy bastard was on the dance floor with a cast + crutches. I guarantee there were guys there who were jealous of ME, the guy with a broken leg!

The thing is though, those same guys if they had a broken leg would likely never leave the house, sit home, and feel sorry for themselves. Not me. I was happy to be alive. I could have easily died the day I broke my leg (serious motorvehicle accident). It's all about perspective and worrying about the things you can control- as the theme of this post suggests. I could have mailed it in those 6 months sitting on the couch getting fat, but I got my ass up every day and walked/crutched the 3 blocks (in the snow!!) to the gym to get my workout on. Keep your head high brother.

[–]Luckylancer96 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Sorry for your situation. How did it happened?

[–]IvanASO 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love to train on rings for upper body, I was able to do 13 super strict slow muscle ups on them.

But rings move so it is more comfortable to do the deep part, and you can do deep deeper.

One day I wanted to do it in parallets I put on 20kg vest and tried to go as deep as in rings, what I did was the same as a guy trying to break my arm... my shoulder did not popped out or anything, I just felt pain, after a week I started training again for about a month and a half until I had to stop again because of the pain. I regret so much not taking the proper time to recover.

It was all my fault and I was an idiot, I do not know why I did not think in the fisiological difference of the movement in parallets vs bar.

[–]IvanASO -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why did people downvote? This comment is not out of place at all people.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If this rings a bell, get Steve Chandler audios “Owner vs Victim” and pretty much most of his recent books. Helped me a lot in the past.

[–]Screamingmoon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately also biology, genetics and perhaps Darwinism or evolutionary psychology a bit unfortunately, whatcha gonna do life is a gamble I suppose.

I guess like,in Nazism Germany it was your choice to either the made bitter or overcome and become raise to the Nazi ranking system yourself and become ubermensch.

[–]Theophagist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am getting a little fed up with TRP platitudes.

[–]Gandalfthecool 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Ownership; in all aspects, is the key to wealth and fulfillment.

[–]instasnickers 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I think that your thought meant to be positive rather than critic.

It might be presented as follow but correct me if I'm making a mistake:

As oneself become greater than his situations, His worries and concerns loses effects and his frame can stand

[–]Gandalfthecool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. Ownership of actions, emotions, reality, and property.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That image is powerful. It shows how we communicate via our third eye to the gods and demons, who are constantly speaking to us and we always have the choice of who to listen to. And yes it is absolutely our choice to pick ourselves up and move forward or lay down and die.

[–]Razzorblack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My way is going both, I will never forgive the true nature of humanity for being as it is.

[–]abudun79 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Sad to see a fucking meme outperform 95% of all textposts.

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Then post better content.

Be the change you want to see.

[–]abudun79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The main sub is a hopeless joke crab-bucket. so, no, I won't cast pearls before swine. And even if I would... how does that change the stuff the kids post, Mr. Poorman's Gandhi?

[–]Sexquestionhelp22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This applies to me when I think about not going to the gym - I'm never going to look the way I want anyway because of genetics, why not just give up? But of course that's the complete wrong mentality to have, I can work out and get myself looking as great as possible

[–]fullblownhurricane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've already tried getting better. I've tried getting better for 10 years and things only got worse for me. I'm done. Either you're good or you're not. There is no inbetween. There is no "try" there is only "get it done."

[–]fashfront -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

Please nobody ever post anything like this again

[–]hrm0894 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why are the mods allowing this shit? We letting the normies take over?

Edit: Wait the person who posted this is a mod LMAO

[–]Kyros173 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if determinism is true and we have no free will , don t then our choice is not ours?

[–]MrSlommy7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm guessing there are some stoic practitioners in this subreddit 👍

[–]fam18 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well technically you could just suffer and not get any better. But not bitter either.

[–]OddlySpecificReferen -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've never seen such a powerful quote about self awareness used in such an unaware way.

[–]fullblownhurricane -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is why i will fail at life.

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