TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

65

because you cant change the man you're with by nagging, talking, threatening, nagging, nagging, talking , talking talking talking talking talking, and we presume you're asking because you don't want to get divorced or break up, so we don't just tell you to next the man you're married to and have kids with, because life isn't that easy.

just because we tell you to look to yourself doesn't mean your man is 100% right, blameless, innocent and correct, but what are YOU able to do about HIS fault in the matter? you picked him, hes a discrete individual and an adult, hes the subject of his OWN universe, not an object in yours. relationships are a DYNAMIC, an equation, there's an interactive balance of behaviors.

we are ever only hearing ONE side of the equation, YOUR version, if your H or SO were here asking for advice we would tell him to look to what is HIS fault in the dynamic in the exact same way, but he isn't--only YOU are here telling us YOUR version of reality. We can;t always trust your version and no advice can tell you how to force your man to become someone else,, so what are we left with--YOU, how can YOU change to deal with it

this seems unjust to certain types of people, but this is OUR way of dealing with things, you came HERE for advice, not a different sub, with a different worldview

this is RED PILL women, its not a femininity sub or a clothes and hair sub or a cooking sub, its a sub specifically devoted to using redpill ideas and redpill knowledge to help your relationships with men. looking to your own part in a relationship issue FIRST is part of that.


[–]venusfelix 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Personal responsibility is the key to a fulfilling life

[–][deleted] 10 points10 points | Copy Link

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[–]venusfelix 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, it is hard to change yourself with your own will, but impossible to change anyone else with your will alone.

People treat children according to their developmental stage, if you treat adults like this, with knowledge of who they are and their behavior you will be much happier. Getting mad at someone for not doing something they never do is only causing you stress.

[–]little_red_ 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Exactly, Dana. All too often we have people that like to come and pick the sub apart because some irresponsible woman (or a troll for S&G) put herself into a damning situation where shit hit the fan. Maybe both parties are at fault, but our goal is to help advise the one posting on our forums of the wrongs that THEY made and the ways THEY can improve to not put themselves into these predicaments again.

God forbid a woman take accountability for her actions.

YOU got into a relationship with an abusive man? Yes, that is YOUR fault. YOU got into a relationship with a man you no longer find attractive? Yes, that is YOUR fault. YOU were disrespectful and negligent of your relationship and now your man wants nothing to do with you? Guess whose fault that is?

There are always other factors to these situations, but giving advice about someone who isn't even reading the thread is completely useless. Too many people take issue with admitting they are at fault, even if it will benefit them triplefold in the future by recognizing it now.

[–]eatplaycrushEndorsed Contributor 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

our goal is to help advise the one posting on our forums of the wrongs that THEY made and the ways THEY can improve to not put themselves into these predicaments again.

This is one of the biggest issues. Some who post here, not all of them obviously or it would be a war zone, are too lax on their self and refuse to look at the picture from OUTSIDE her own feelings to really look at it and say "well, I could have handled this better or did this differently. If I would have acted differently would the outcome be different or would it be the same?" Either way looking at it like that helps them grasp what really happened in the situation and how they can learn/accept/and grow as a person.

Edit: word

[–]little_red_ 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think a lot of it also has to do with people posting in the heat of the moment and not letting it sink in, not giving themselves the time they need to reflect. I know that I can look back on some of my actions years ago and think "yikes, I really shouldn't have done that" or "that really wasn't a proper response to the situation". Some people might need more time to be able to take that step back and truly see the situation for what it is, rather than just how they FEEL about it.

[–]eatplaycrushEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. I am the same exact way. If I think about some of the ways I acted years ago I recognize that it was a complete disaster. Now I've learned to take the time to reflect on things and it has made my life much less stressful honestly. It's a great gift

[–]Camille11325 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for all of the hard work that you put into giving solid, RP advice to the men and women who post here. I know we can't force everyone to read the sidebar or read through old posts before making a new post, but hopefully your post serves as a wake up call to those who need it. As the sub grows and a wider variety of people submit content, these sorts of messages are especially necessary to keep everyone on track and in line.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points | Copy Link

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[–]DianaDewAsmr 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally!!! I second this 100%

[–]gabilromariz 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said. And if you don't mind, I'll add a shameless plug to r/femininearts

It's pretty much dormant but it looks like it has potential

[–]DianaDewAsmr 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree 100% with that and I'd also like to add that soemtimes setting a positive example is the first way to go. I think it applies also with kids.

I read around TRP today that men usually tell themselves "Don't listen to what a woman says but look at what she does" something that meant that you should look for what a woman does instead of what she preaches.

I'll add in this edit that the reason why I love this thread is that nobody is here looking to blame anything (well, aside aging, dust and calories but how can't we??) but it's about self improvement. We (including myself even though I recently joined) are not here to tell you you are a poor victim of your husband, oh your problems are so important, he has to do something about it or your friends have to.

Nope, get rid of your victim status and work for yourself and the people around you.

Edit 2: does this have to do with solipsis?

[–]Bbyybbbaby 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The mods and posters who have been here the longest know what they are talking about.

Seriously don't argue with them. They are trying to help you.

I mean they helped me out big time recently when I was in a situation that did not look well at all. And their advice was spot on.

When people complain about their relationships blah blah blah it should be 50/50. No it should be 100/100 you can only ensure you give 100 all the time. You can't control other peoples actions, so better yourself, instead of trying to control. You will find your life to be a lot happier and more fulfilling

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy Link

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You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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