How do I learn to change?
I know these behaviors are wrong. I know they are part of the reason my life is so destroyed. But I literally can't help how my brain is wired. I have no control over these emotions or the way I think, it just happens.
I crave approval and admiration. I never finish anything I set my mind to. I like to draw and if I'm drawing something, I'm posting pictures of the half-finished drawing on social media for approval and usually never even finish it.
I can't hold down a Job, I have no dedication or will power, I get emotional over the dumbest shit, I get severe oneitis for girls very easily. I'm always way more attached to them than they are to me and losing them hurts me deeply.
I gossip about people, I flip flop on my "diet", I can't maintain friendships, I'm just an all around deeply fucked up individual. I feel like I literally don't know how to be a man. It's so bad that I've actually developed a sexual fetish of women being mean to me.
If I can't figure out a way to start changing my ways I'm probably going to kill myself before 30 because I can't spend an entire lifetime like this.