RedPill saved my Marriage. Success Story. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by RomanSF

Been married for 3 years. 2 years worth of it I was heavily involved with "beta" behavior. Arguments back and forth, consonantly failing shit tests. Sex was being withheld. I was constantly amazed on how it got to this point over 2 years. Add to the fact that I have 2 children with her.

About a year ago I stumbled upon "Goodlooking looser". After exploring the rabbit hole even further I eventually came upon this Reddit channel. The arguments and threats of her leaving with the kids triggered something in me I suppose. I made a decision to stop acting like a pussy (I had nothing to loose at this point).

First thing I did was lift weights with a vengeance. 3 times a week plus cardio. My position as a QA tester wasn't enough for me, so I decided to also spend 2-3 hours every night teaching myself to code. I made an agenda of my own, I decided that any beta behavior from that point forward was unacceptable.

After a few months her attitude started changing. I directed the family and became a leader. My wife and family was an extension of ME and followed the course that I would map out. Example of this change:

Her: Lets go out this weekend. Me: Nope, I have to study, but I can make plans for the weekend afterwards. Her: We should head over to the theme park. Me: I don't like that Idea, we are going to have some family fun and have a picnic at the park and then maybe head over to the mall afterwards. Her: oh ok. (her smiling)

Before I would have responded with: ummm this weekend is going to be kinda hard but i guess I can manage it. What do you want to do?

Her: why does it seem like you dont care about your family yadda yadda yadda?

It seems that making your own plan and talking as if there is no other option in a super confident manner has a much better reaction than not knowing what do do.

Her shit tests became easy to deflect, no longer was i sensitive to any playful insults. I would tell stories of women trying to flirt with me at the supermarket, her friends would compliment me on my "nice body" (I used to be a tad bit overweight.)

Tests would take the form of "stories from her friends" Her: So sad, my friends boyfriend was a good husband and she cheated on the guy, he was kicked out of the house and has to pay child support. Babe? what do you think about that?

Me: haha. If I was him, and she cheated on me then I would be thrilled.

Her: huh? what? why?

Me: cause that means it's open relationship time.I would offer an open relationship. If she declined then it proves she is selfish and thinks extra sex outside is something only SHE can do. Screw that!

Her: what about the children?

Me: ah! Well if she decided to leave anyway then it's time to have double the amount of children!

Her: are you joking?

Me: nope. if a woman is going to have kids and then leave hoping to get child support. Then it's time to have twice as many kids so that child support is so spread out-between all of the mothers, that they are barely getting 40$ each month.

Her: ohh...never thought of that.

The subject was never brought up again. Swallowing the red pill has done amazing things.

1) She comes to ME for sex now almost every other night.

2) flirting with me constantly like we are still dating

3) "marking me" when we have sex out of nowhere since my six pack started showing. (hickeys bite marks etc).

4) Subtle flirting from her sisters and cousins

5) coming to me for permission to do things (total flip from when she used to demand)

6) Respect from her in a fashion that I've never had before.

This has kept up for an entire year every since I changed my attitude. I wanted to thank you all.

[–]ADrunkenmonkey 209 points210 points  (7 children)

Stories like this, this is what TRP is about. Does OP's wife sound like she's unhappy? Does it sound like OP is abusive or hates his wife? Of course not. All the haters of TRP will ignore this or say it's made up, but fuck them, we know the score. Well done brother

[–]bautron 21 points22 points  (4 children)

There's absolutely no misogyny, no disrespect, no violence nor douchebaggery. Just some text written by a man taking charge of a situation.

This story could trump all the negative rap this place gets, it's just that we're better off wihout those whiners.

[–]HeadingRed 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Stories like this, this is what TRP is about

This- I'm using these tools to make my relationship better. So many read one post "oh I can't stand women they drive me crazy blahblahblah" and think that's what it's all about.

This guy is becoming a better, more involved and reliable husband and father. He's working on being a better man. It's what its all about.

[–]yumyumgivemesome 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes. I try to ignore those posts complaining about women or the new feministic society. It's good to be aware of the tendencies of women and the playing field at large, but ceaselessly complaining about it in TRP is ironically beta.

Posts like this are what I like to read. Beta males stepping it up. Inspiring me to improve any of my beta tendencies. Not only that, OP gives me hope that marriage one day could actually be happy and fulfilling.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

But no woman should ask her husband for permission to live her life.

[–]bautron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why not?

She does it because she wants to. Can't she do what she wants? If you're going to protect women's rights, at least think it through.

[–]46xy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure. But TRP is about critical thinking. Anecdotal evidence is just that. Though this seems positive

[–]IveRedditAllNight -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're freaking right, bro!

[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan 112 points113 points  (4 children)

Bravo. TRP. Saving families one at a time. Though I have sworn off marriage myself, I applaud your dedication in turning your marriage around.

[–]RomanSF[S] 44 points45 points  (3 children)

The funny thing is, I had no idea it would have this affect. I accepted that it failed, and stopped worrying about it. It seems the act of letting go your worry & forging a path by one's own hand, allowing the Redpill personality to BECOME you is what made this difference. It's strange in a way.

[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Everybody says that. This shit isn't supposed to work. Because as BPers, we assign the same values, behaviors, and logic to women that we assign to ourselves, which is folly.

[–]seeking_happiness_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)


Reads exactly like my current marriage. Swallowed the pill 6+ months ago and we are both at a level of happiness which we never would have even known is possible.

Thanks for sharing.

[–]slurmfactory 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this is great man. i often lose the attraction of women i really like because i stop being the man that i am with most people/ girls i am not infatuated with. its tough because when you are so firm i feel like im being a dick, or rude, or could turn them off, but the reality is the opposite. when you stand your ground, lead the way and are decisive, girls want to follow. i have one girl that i am trying to maintain that frame with really bad so i need to get more on this level. i googled "the good looking loser" and saw a website, is that what you meant. please provide some links and reading material, would be great. thanks and good work becoming the man in your own life.

[–]rockumsockumrobots 47 points48 points  (1 child)

Wow...just wow.

Amazing story, thanks for posting.

[–]favourthebold 25 points26 points  (1 child)

This is awesome. Well done man. Didn't know if you could actually turn it around.

[–]RomanSF[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Neither did I. Had no idea what effect it would have. Pleasantly surprised.

[–][deleted] 34 points34 points

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[–]CreepAcceptance 11 points12 points  (4 children)

To me this is default expected human behavior. My general observation is that in any given situation people will put in the minimum required effort to maintain the status quo. Whether it's at work, LTR or any other relationship it's only the threat of loss/change that forces people get their act together and try harder. Otherwise they just coast along doing the minimum possible.

Obvious application, dread game.

[–]RomanSF[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

U could be right. It took me at my lowest to get the kick in the ass I needed. However, this TRP attitude is awesome in the way it feeds on itself. The momentum in the way I now approach life, wife, work keeps going as the obvious positive effects are seen in response. Responses from EVERYONE not just family is so damn reaffirming, that I'm amazed why I never decided to "Make My Life Mine" in the form of taking what you want from life before.

[–]CreepAcceptance 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Responses from EVERYONE not just family is so damn reaffirming

It's good you're getting that response because in my experience (and from many I've read online) those who take up self improvement are often ridiculed and ostracised by their family/peer group who suddenly feel lazy, threatened and left behind.

'grats on the progress and on surrounding yourself with decent people.

[–]RomanSF[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Oh for sure. I do/did get alot of that. When I'm ridiculed in public I put them down with witty humor. The laziness/people who are threatened in my life? I stopped caring about their opinion. When people see that insults, or putdowns thrown your way are brushed off in a witty, ultra confident manner. Those people eventually silence themselves, or dismiss themselves from your presence. Studying how influence works, neuro-linguistic programming, body language, & facial expressions gave me a "kung fu" advantage in all this.

Close friends I've had a mixed affect with. I've even said this to a few verbatim: if you are feeling so insecure that you feel the need put me down in public so that u look better, then get the fuck out of my way. I have better things to do than entertain the soap opera you create in your head.

Friend: Your going to ruin our friendship over this?

Me: Nice try. How about you forge your own path & get your own shit together? Maybe then we can be allies in life again.

I've effected some friends for the better that feel inspired by it, I've also had some that are bitter. I'm no longer here to please everyone. There will be some casualties relationship wise I'm sure.

[–]dousche 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fucking good for you! Cheers mate

[–][deleted] 9 points9 points

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[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

A shaved head combined with fitness works just fine...might not make you look like a male model, but it does make you look like a hardass which is 95% as good.

BUT. You have to be in shape for it to work...otherwise you look like a skeletor, a cancer patient, or a big mound of butter. A fat guy shaving his head usually isn't doing himself any favors, black guys being the exception

[–]soitcause 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Dunno about you, but Skeletor is the fucking epitome of masculinity IMO.

[–]chill_geddy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same thing can be said for col Kurtz

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fat is definately not in style but bald actually is. What isn't acceptable is having a comb-over of yesteryear or the wreath of hair around the back with nothing up top... You have to have a smooth looking Q-ball for it to work...

[–]1sailorJery -1 points0 points  (0 children)

yeah cuz stupid guys should know better than to go bald

[–]AnalWithAGoat 1 point2 points  (8 children)

Can you show one example of someone getting fat, bald and expecting attraction from women? Sounds like you pulled that out of your ass. Also, what do you suggest they do to avoid getting bald? You say it as if it was just a matter of attitude, eg: "Starting from today, I'm gonna grow 100 new hairs every day!"

[–]einexile 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Baldness doesn't have to look weird or bad. It's more a question of: will you let your biology wreck the way you look, or will you take control of the situation by making it work for you?

This can mean anything from shaving the rest off, to changing your facial hair, to embracing whatever you consider a classic dignified bald look. The important thing is never go full Costanza. Don't let the way your face is presented to the world be an accident.

[–]RomanSF[S] 4 points5 points  (5 children)

I shave my head on purpose, no hair loss yet. A buzzed head is easier to maintain, no barbershop bills, and my pictures from my 20s all the way to my 50s will stay relatively the same. :)

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Hell if you lift and stay in shape which helps avoid a good number of major medical problems you'll always look 20-30 years younger than you actually are (when you're like 40+ that is) because the average is rather pathetic and weak.

[–]Fetish_Goth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 32 and I started working out a couple years ago. Most women assume I am in my mid 20s. I can easily see being 40+ and looking early 30 if I keep this up. 10/10 would recommend.

[–]46xy 0 points1 point  (2 children)

yeah, 40 year olds who work out look 10 years old.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Well not sure if it's sarcasm or not but a 40 something can easily pass themselves off as a 20 something if they keep in shape.

tl;dr exercise slows aging.

[–]46xy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

show me an example please. 40 year old athletes do not look 20.

[–]DrDalenQuaice 9 points10 points  (1 child)

My story is similar, but I won't go into details. My wife literally said to me the other day, "Are you taking some kind of pill that makes you more attractive?" I laughed so hard (on the inside, maintained frame on the outside)

[–]troubleonwheels -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Would you actually go into details? This entire thread right here is the entire reason I've been reading RedPill everything-I-can-find, but there is precious little detailing how to apply and work through the change when in an existing LTR you would actually like to remain in

[–]Modredpillschool 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Hey congrats! This is a great story- can you post a copy of this on /r/thanktrp as well? Thanks!

[–]RomanSF[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Posted there as well. Wasn't aware there was a thanktrp thank you

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I have had similar successes and have ramped up the sex from the IV kind (just enough to keep you alive) to something at least tolerable.

However, here is your warning: She WILL CONTINUALLY test you for the rest of your life. Everything will be doing fine- maybe she fucks you twice on Sunday. Then on Tuesday she will start acting pissy and critical. By Wednesday when you initiate sex she will deny you for some stupid reason and THEN she will start openly picking at you, criticizing you, and in general doing everything possible to start a fight. She may even bring up events that happened 10 years ago just to rip off the scab and see how much she can make you bleed.

Most commonly she will wait until you are most vulnerable- perhaps you lose your job/your father dies/or any random tragedy and THEN she will start to withdraw and become overtly critical.

Be prepared. Maintain abundance mentality and always have another in the kitty ready to go. Never, ever, ever forget that this wonderful wife of yours can turn into a shrew overnight.

[–]RomanSF[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I no longer discuss vulnerabilities with the wife. That's what my good male friends are for. I learned to Always maintain frame. Shit tests are mild compared to what they used to be. You are correct though that they come in waves, over time deflecting them becomes second nature, I'm at a point to where I deflect them without even trying. Good advice though.

[–]iapetusomicron 8 points9 points  (17 children)

It's really great that things are working out, honestly. But I'm slightly confused as to why you'd want to be in a relationship with someone who makes hints at adultery, divorce and leaving you with child support.

But hey if what you're doing is stopping that potential behaviour and you're happy to be with someone like that then who am I to talk.

Edit: I guess having kids complicates things though, so hats off to you.

[–]RomanSF[S] 28 points29 points  (10 children)

Well it came down to thinking about this realistically. At the time I thought: 1) I have nothing to loose at this point, if she's thinking about doing something stupid and calling this quits Then so be it. I stopped being afraid of loosing her. (I think that showed in my attitude that if she did so, my life would be 10x better on my end and that caused her to re-think)

2) I wanted to be around so that my son has a masculine example in life, I couldn't do that if I wasn't here. I would subtlety hint that if i wasn't around, he would grow up to be a pussy boy. She obviously didn't like that Idea.(showed that she wasn't planning ahead at the effects it would have.)

I was ready for whatever consequences would happen when donning this attitude. I had no idea if it would work and expected her to eventually leave anyhow. I didn't take on this attitude to win her back, I took it on because something had to change, and I realized that the only person who could hand me a better life was ME.

Living life on a path that I myself determined, and seeing the family as something that is an extension of my own legacy, that they are along for the ride of MY choosing seemed to emanate to everyone around me.

One of the first examples of this turning point was an argument about shoes in the house.

Her: I keep telling you not to bring your shoes in the house and you never listen.

Me: ah yeah, your right. I'll try to remember that next time.

Her: but I've told you over and over and it seems like you dont care. (then she goes down her list of unrelated complaints).

[it's at this point i made the redpill decision]

Me: Ya know what? I'm not interested in having a 30minute argument for something that should have only taken 10 mins, you are encroaching on my study time which also affects my potential income and the family as well. I will solve this problem right now. 2 pairs of shoes, one for the outside & one for the garage so I don't have to step on the carpet. There, DONE.

Her: But you never listened every other time I......

Me: Hey, I told you we are done here. The rest i have no interest in hearing.

She walks away a little pissed. But the next morning she acts as if nothing happened and flirts a little. Before I would have followed her to the bedroom and asked why she was so upset. I would have apologized for doing what i did, and would have wasted another 40mins explaining why it slipped my mind which would have only ended up in her prolonged resentment.

That is just one example, and there are soooo many more that I decided to turn around one by one. The sum of my efforts resulted in my original post. Like I said, I had no idea that this would have saved my relationship like it did. Looking back with my current attitude I see it as a just a welcome side effect of the whole.

[–]iapetusomicron 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Perfect response. Sometimes it's difficult for me to imagine being in that position because I'm lucky enough to have the personality that has never put up with that type of bullshit, but hearing you explain the circumstances and examples step by step has made it a lot clearer.

Again, hats off to you first and foremost for realising what needed to be done.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

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[–]RomanSF[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Take a look at my response to "gunsgermsandsteel" below.

The argument will go on as long as you feed it.

1 Do not over-explain yourself. Do not counter her invalid points with more of your points.

2 She WILL get a bit pissy. And her attitude might drag on for a while. BUT I wasn't just putting arguments to rest either. She doesn't want to be ignored. I was working out, And studying my ass off (still am).

3 While she is upset, and her emotions are running her course, she will test more to see if this is a front, or if it's real. If she knows you like to keep the argument going in the past to get the last word, she will try to bait you in continuing.

4 Since I was changing everything I am obviously occupied. She needs to know that you have made your decision and HELD to your answer. She is wasting her energy being pissy hoping it will effect your state of mind. Remember that your attention is needed on more important things while she is this way, your self building, your hobbies, your goals.

If a child is throwing a fit in a store, what do you do? You ignore it and start to walk away. Or you watch the child at the end of the isle with a blank face until they give up. The same idea here.

[–]blarggggggggggg 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This is great and it works. If there is actually something you need to apologize for, go ahead and accept the blame without excuses. But if she tries to drag it out, bitch and moan and create more drama, refuse to go down that road.

[–]retsage 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Maintain frame. Always maintain frame. By escalating her anger, she's testing whether you'll back down like a pussy or not. If you back down, you're a jerk and she's the victim. If you maintain frame, you're strong and maybe she was wrong.

Rome wasn't built in a day and establishing a new relationship dynamic doesn't happen overnight either.

[–]RomanSF[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm hesitant to tell people not to "back down". I fear it would be taken as: continuing until you nail your point home. (we both know that is a no no here). @wtfamiwatching Maintain frame! yes, excellent way to say this. make sure you HOLD. Remember: women feel/cycle through emotions first, then come to logic afterwards.

[–]1xwm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She walks away a little pissed. But the next morning she acts as if nothing happened and flirts a little. Before I would have followed her to the bedroom and asked why she was so upset. I would have apologized for doing what i did, and would have wasted another 40mins explaining why it slipped my mind which would have only ended up in her prolonged resentment.

I read this and shuddered a little, as I did this so many times with my ex I can visualize it.

Thank you for the awesome success story and the example. As someone who is struggling to internalize alpha behavior, I can tell you that reading things like this really help.

[–]super-nsfw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Before I would have followed her to the bedroom and asked why she was so upset. I would have apologized for doing what i did, and would have wasted another 40mins explaining why it slipped my mind which would have only ended up in her prolonged resentment.

Exactly what women consciously think they want you to do, but exactly not what their true psyche finds desirable.

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because AWALT. ALL of them will do this when they think their SMV is higher than yours.

[–]2niczar 1 point2 points  (4 children)

But I'm slightly confused as to why you'd want to be in a relationship with someone who makes hints at adultery, divorce and leaving you with child support.

Who should be in a relationship with? Someone who wouldn't be turned off by beta behavior? AWALT. I think it's rather positive she voiced her displeasure instead of hiding it while she's planning her exit strategy and land divorce papers in his lap "SURPRISE!"

[–]iapetusomicron 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Well to be fair and logical here she didn't raise the conversation maturely but made threats masked in suggestion. There's a big difference.

[–]2niczar 0 points1 point  (2 children)

People who are frustrated rarely behave maturely.

[–]iapetusomicron 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Like I said in my follow up, I'm not often faced with this behaviour because for some reason, ever since I was young I've not had the propensity to put up with bullshit, so it would be rare to see myself in this predicament to begin with.

After OP explained it further it made a lot more sense to me but you'd only be kidding yourself if you think not a single woman is capable of voicing displeasure without doing so through veiled threats.

[–]2niczar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All women are like that. I mean, most women, as well as low status males, tend to do passive aggressive shit instead of stating what they actually want/mean. The more frustrated they are, the more they're like that.

I find that simply, calmly but explicitly calling people on their passive/aggressive shit before acknowledging the content of their complaint is surprisingly effective. (Hell it even worked on my mother, who had been nagging me all my life!) But that's RP behavior, and if you don't do that, you end up with self-reinforcing frustration.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Can someone explain the logic behind the child support argument?

I thought the courts believed that your ability to provide had no impact on your obligation.

[–]blarggggggggggg 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's not real-world logic, it's using rhetoric as a way of playing to the woman's emotions and increasing dread.

[–]GC0W30 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he meant that at a certain point, even taking all of a guy's check will only make $40 per kid...

[–]RomanSF[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Depending on which country you are from I guess. Here in the USA you can indeed get a modification. New children are definitely a reason why it would be modified. The maximum percentage varies by state. (if child support is enforced while both parents are in the state.) Maximum garnishments of any paycheck federally is 50%. No matter how many children you have. If you are getting 50% of your check taken...you mind as well go around and spread your seed around to every mother who will take it. In fact, I wish more men would actually do this.(the child support system would fail quickly if this was done en-masse). So lets say your first wife or GF totally screwed you over and thought she got away with a Nice child support prize, & took your 4 children. You mind as well have 8 extra kids with two more mothers. when all mothers file to get a piece, they will ALL be sharing that 50%. Can you imagine how pissed off the first one would be? hah.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Is there a similar nuclear option for alimony? I love that some guys have figured out how to use the system to our advantage for once.

Hypothetically if you're making 80k a year and some slut sees dollars signs and tries the baby trap, you can end up still living comfortably while she's stuck with the horror of single motherhood.

[–]RomanSF[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll take a look at alimony laws and try to come up with something. I feel that campaigning against something, or activism against something non desired, is a bit to slow for any meaningful change. On the flip side when a system is taken advantage of, people tend to react quickly in order to close the holes. If there is a way to take advantage of alimony I will do research to see what's possible.

[–]RoadofEnlightenment 3 points4 points  (0 children)

hmm your wife loves to be dominated by you :)

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 4 points5 points  (2 children)

You know, sometimes in my marriage I think if I don't get the last word in an argument, my wife will lose respect for me. Reading stuff like this helps me remember that if there is a back-and-forth bickering argument, she has already lost some respect for me.

It's like mud-wrestling with a pig. You're getting covered in mud, while the pig is just having a grand old time. You cannot win.

Arguing with a wife is like swinging a sword at a fart.

I will try to remember not to argue with her- I wouldn't argue with my daughters- I just expect them to take my words to heart and trust me to lead them. A leader does not argue, not these bitchy arguments anyway- that's for children and women.

My wife has said many times she appreciates my leadership, I'm sure she can't help testing it constantly- I test things too, if I cross a footbridge I stomp on the boards to assure myself that the bridge is sturdy.

She is putting a lot in my hands and I'm sure on a subconscious level she needs to make sure I can handle this.

[–]RomanSF[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

When I first started this path, she wasn't used to me acting in this way. A woman wants to see if this is real, or just a front before she gives in. I had to deal with 2 months of validation/shit testing and I thwarted them all. I think she did this to make sure that i was indeed a rock. After the shit tests she will give you playful insults to see how you react, I also wittingly put those down with humor. With fights I've learned (as you mentioned) that bickering and prolonging the argument NEVER works. You state your point and HOLD. It is very important that you HOLD. Do not over-explain yourself, do not counter her invalid points with more of your points. A woman will cycle through her emotions when she doesn't get her way at first....but please, pay no mind. There are times when we argue and I hold my position, or i fix the problem. If she tries to continue, I say: the problem is fixed, i dont want to hear the rest.

She will go to bed a bit pissed, but DONOT give into this. If your word is final, let it be final. Many times I have been amazed when she comes to be to tell me SHE is sorry the next day. She might play upset and not want to talk to you for a bit, but she wont be able to keep the act forever and will give in. Over time, she's been "trained" to know that those tactics dont work anymore and wont try them. She hasn't tried them for a long time.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 9 points10 points  (0 children)

TL;DR: If you want to earn your woman's respect, don't act like a woman.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I enjoyed this a great deal. Thank you for posting and congratulations on your TRP success!

[–]dancingwithcats 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Great story, I'm glad it's working for you. I've basically handled all 17 years of my marriage in a similar fashion, though my wife never really did shit test me much. Most women want a man who is strong and disciplined and who doesn't roll over, whether they know it or not. It's just in their nature.

[–]JojoRogers 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Very much the same here, married for 15 years. I think one of the biggest things to realize is that deep down most women prefer it this way. After so many years of marriage my wife doesn't even blink when she tells her friends that she is quite happy not having to make household decisions or plans. I plan the budget, pay the bills and when we make plans I ask for her input but I will make the eventual decision.

[–]dancingwithcats 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I let my wife pay the bills with our money. She works as well and is far better at book keeping. She makes no major financial decisions though. I make the lion's share of the money so I get the lion's share of the say.

[–]JojoRogers 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The simple fact is my wife is shit with money lol. Over our years of marriage she has improved a lot, but if we counted on her to budget or balance a checkbook we'd have gone bankrupt with bounced check fees in our 1st few years. I don't keep her on an "allowance" so much as I keep her informed ahead of time how things are. "Mortgage and insurance just auto drafted and paycheck will not deposit for 2 days, so don't buy anything out of the norm tomorrow". Any major purchase she always clears with me because she honestly has no clue what we can/can not afford. She's not dumb, she's just content to not have to worry about it.

[–]dancingwithcats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey whatever works. Every relationship is different. My wife is fairly frugal and really good with the books. I don't care if she spends money, in fact I encourage her to at times. That's why I work hard, so we can have nice things. Still, if she's going to go on a shopping spree she asks me first.

[–]no_sle3p 1 point2 points  (11 children)

Great story. On a side note, how is the self study going?

[–]RomanSF[S] 15 points16 points  (9 children)

I've been QA for the past few years without any programming experience. I live in San Francisco so Tech is all around me. Learning to program with very little/no experience IS definitely a challenge. And i can see why many people who take this on fail.

My attitude about all of this is what makes a difference.

"I will learn to become an IOS/Android Developer even if I have to Die trying" "I will either learn this stuff, or someone will find me dead with my face in a book"

If I have to stay up until 5am every-night, I will. If I have to re-read a chapter or try again, I will If I cannot grasp a concept, then I will attend a meetup or ask developers at my own company how this works.

There is no option for failure here, as I've already decided to do this....and do it with a vengeance.

Short answer: It's moving along quite well.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

ex-CS guy here. Open a Github account and start contributing to open source projects. Please do this! Because u dont really have a degree(in CS), you need something to show your proficiency in coding. Build your portfolio!

Good luck man!

[–]MorePancakes 1 point2 points  (5 children)

What books are you using man?

[–]lolyzor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I would recommend starting with java, find a book on java and do at least half of the exercises after each chapter in the book, dont just read chapters. After you finished a book on java, then take a book on OOP (object oriented) principles like head first object oriented design, then pick a book on Android development, any book, it will take few months but it will be worth it..

The important part here is to learn how to write object oriented software it will improve your code quality by a ton, after you finish a book on OOP its good to start learning android. It will help you understand why you extend classes like Activity Class, and how to do callbacks in java using interfaces etc... After you learn android (which is basically java) then you can pick a book called "clean code", to improve your code quality even more, its important to keep reading books on quality code it will make your life easier as a developer, the better code you write the easier it it is to write complex software.

After that you can focus on something for example, if you want to focus on Java, you can pick a book called "effective java" where you will learn advance things in java like generics, and some design principles used in Java. That will give you better perspective on the language itself.

Now you can pick another technology or you can use java and learn java for web, learn some java MVC libraries like spring MVC etc.. take your pick...

[–]MorePancakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would disagree with /u/lolyzor, but I don't deny he has very valid points. I would learn scripting first and then step up to OOD (Object Oriented Design).

I found the jump from Perl to C++ to be the most beneficial.... I also have deep seeded hatred for java sooo....

But at the end of the day the question is WHERE do you want to go? DO you want to move up in your company from QA to SWD? Or do you want to start your own project? Or do you want to find a new company as an entry level SWD?

That should choose your path more than random advice from people on the internet.

[–]mithridates1 0 points1 point  (0 children)


I read several books, but this was my favorite when I was starting out.

[–]RomanSF[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Depends what your end goal is. I will tell you what I'm studying, but realize this centers around my goal of being a cross platform developer on both IOS & Android.

1 I subscribed to https://teamtreehouse.com I'm a visual learner, so the professionally edited tutorials + exercises are excellent for me. Theres alot more than just mobile development in there too.

2 I started with a couple Computer Science Courses from Itunes U.

-Harvard CS50 and another CS102

3 I am now on a book Called, Big nerd Ranch Guide Objective C programing

Supplemented by Itunes U: Standford Developing Ios7 Apps for Iphone & ipad.

Big nerd Ranch Guides Are excellent for a newbie to programming.(you can torrent them easily) The author assumes you know nothing. When I'm stuck on a concept it help to have 2 materials on the same subject. Sometimes one author will explain it better than another.

For roundabout knowledge. I go through Lynda.com Tutorials torrented 20 gigs worth) from basic to advanced on the following programs:

-Final Cut pro X - Motion 5 -Adobe premiere pro -Adobe After Effects -Adobe Photo shop -Adobe Illustrator -Adobe fireworks.

I want not only to program, but to create and design my own assets and promo material, video promo commercials (for the app store) And to animate as I see fit.

Its ALOT of material and very ambitious. You would be surprised on how much material you can get through when your razor-sharp focused and determined. Make it your religion to know these things and you'll be there in time. And find a mentor to help if you can.

[–]MorePancakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a really thought out plan. Freaking congrats dude.

[–]mithridates1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same career path as me. No CS background, but I taught myself java, got an Oracle certification, and learned some frameworks as well. Interviews are challenging as hell, so that's why I'm sticking with QA/Business Analyst stuff right now. It is a challenge, even for people with CS degrees, I think, but it can be done. Best of luck to you.

[–]_and_a_PhD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

FYI, if you need experience, start an open source project on GitHub. Likewise, start contributing to other open source projects.

When you put in your resume, you put that you started said open source project and they can look at your code quality and software design at the same time. Also list the projects you contributed to as well (include your user name too).

There is an army of college grads with programming experience, but actually doing something with it, even an open source project, is surprisingly rare for entry level. In fact, most college grads have so little practical experience, they have to go back to the same books you are using to re-learn to code.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gratz man...

This is what TRP is about. Men becoming better men and as better men taking control of the situation and ultimately making the world a better place.

Is it misogynistic? Not one bit... Well unless you're a radical hate everything male feminist but then who gives a fuck what those dumb cunts think.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that was a very, VERY clever answer with the child support issue

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

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[–]RomanSF[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Are you talking about the "darkenlightenment"?

If there is a next stage to this, I would love to hear some recommendations.

[–]Blake55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats! That is such a win! Keep up the good work!! :D

[–]srsh 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I have been pondering this concept myself and just wanted to speak/hear from someone who has pulled it off successfully.

[–]RomanSF[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I didn't fully put it into practice until I let it become me. As in: overwrote my previous mannerisms, reactions etc.

I can compare it to "Method Acting". it's a technique actors use to become their character. Except in this case, imagine what you would be like devoid of any beta behavior and have practiced TRP all your life.

I had to sit down for a few nights and visualize a version of me in this way. You imagine every detail: How you would react if a friend tried to insult you in public, or an enemy. How you treat women, your wife, workmates, bosses. What you demand in life, how you would be if you attained every dream you hold dear for yourself. Those times when you thought....man I wished I would have spoken up, or i wished i had the balls to say this. Include the ability in your vision.

I imagined myself as a buffed out philosopher king who could put to rest any challenge one put in front of me.

I imagined that version of me stepping into my body, and the weak beta version stepping out of it. I know this sounds esoteric and weird, but it was a productive mental exercise that allowed me to turn the switch on.

After my "meditation" I carried myself as if there was a fuckin broadsword strapped to my back, and it has made all the difference

[–]pleasedontknowme30 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Her: Lets go out this weekend. Me: Nope, I have to study, but I can make plans for the weekend afterwards. Her: We should head over to the theme park. Me: I don't like that Idea, we are going to have some family fun and have a picnic at the park and then maybe head over to the mall afterwards. Her: oh ok. (her smiling)

Just curious, was it you really didn't want to go to the theme park, or you wanted to set an example that you wanted to drive the conversation? I am only asking because I am curious if she ever makes good suggestions that you agree with and do (as a family) despite it being her idea.

[–]RomanSF[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't always change it. But it has to benefit me in some way (even if it doesn't) I'll give you another example.

Her: Can we go downtown? I have to get a dress for a wedding next week.

Me: Yeah thats a good Idea, I have to pick up something from the electronics store & get something from target. We can stop and get that dress on the way. Get ready then, I'll be done here in 15mins we leave at 2.

[–]Moneyley 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the kind of stuff I've come to love TRP for. Self improvement led to overall happiness for everybody. Had the old you continued on, you wouldve "fought for her" likely lost everything and wouldve cut your life shorter because of a likely decline in your health, also the chances wouldve increased of her cheating on you. Now the tables are reversed and she'll do out of the norm things (marks) to claim what is hers. Good stuff OP and keep us posted on your test results!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Excellent post. For those lurking or curious, this is an excellent example of what Red Pill is all about.

[–]kickbackcuong 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i was thinking the exact same thing man. amazing post!

[–]53Pirate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The OP says: "After a few months her attitude started changing. "

It's kind of weird the way mine is handling it. Maybe it's gonna take longer with her because we've been married over 20 years.

On the one hand, she's started bringing home a lot of junk food lately - chips w/salsa, crackers, potato chips, soda pop, baking cakes, etc .... we NEVER used to eat that kind of CRAP and she knows it's not on my current gym diet. Wonder if it has something to do with my having lost 30 pounds the past 6 months and her zero ... seems like some kind of subtle attempt at sabotage. I'm thinking she's doing it subconsciously, but who knows & who cares. It's just curious.

On the other hand I now take off on my Harley & go shoot pool for a few hours whenever I want (and now I get hit on when I there) & she has a nice dinner prepared when I get home & doesn't say anything about me going. She didn't say anything about my buying a second Harley a few weeks ago & she's also suddenly expressed an interest in going out on the boat fishing with me ... used to complain it made her seasick.

The bed, however, is still pretty dead mostly because I'm just not interested in her given her current weight & attitude ... but she never refuses me either. She still doesn't initiate but I see her checking me out now when I'm getting out of the shower or dressing.

[–]ninjathejake -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Are you an identity thief?? I have also been married for 3 years, am a QA tester, and have started to teach myself to code. Very strange to read at first, but encouraging on a personal level. Thanks for sharing!

[–]53Pirate -1 points0 points  (3 children)

The OP says: "After a few months her attitude started changing. "

I've have been married a long time & never been thoroughly a Beta but have of late been upping my Alpha. Encountering a lot of resistance/hamstering in the process. She's been trying out anger, aloofness, sadness, guilt-tripping, etc (to no avail of course, I just maintain frame)

I am curious to hear from the OP or others as to what kind of resistance/behaviors he or they encountered during that process.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]1KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"When you're taking flak, it means you're over the target."

-Air Force Saying

[–]RomanSF[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Basically When first establishing "dominance" she will not be used to it and will be an unsettling change. You are no longer affected when she pulls on your emotions to drag you into hamster logic. Everything you have learned that women do via TRP 101 to discredit you, attack your emotions, second guess yourself etc.

It took a few months before the NEWORDER was accepted.

She will cycle through Shit testing, validating, jab on your character, bring up past problems etc. before realizing that you are truly in charge. It sucks to put up with. Just realize she's testing to see if this is actually real, and if you can be consistent with it. After a month, expect another mini cycle of all this. After the worst is over, she will only do it sparingly for good measure.

I could tell you specific things if I sit down and think back. Your woman may cycle this out of the order I experienced it...or it may be the same order. I haven't seen enough posts about husbands or guys in relationships for years change this around as much as i would like for comparison.

There is light at the end of this tunnel. Tests will never really stop, but you will be so used to passing and deflecting them, that it becomes second nature to you. It gets easier to deflect to where you barely even noticed the prick. I hope I explained this sufficiently.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is quite an interesting post. To me this sub is very interesting and highly valuable. I've read most of the readings, and I am also reading The Rational Male; but I get a lot of use out of people's posting, real life experiences above and beyond the theory from the readings.


Her: Lets go out this weekend. Me: Nope, I have to study, but I can make plans for the weekend afterwards. Her: We should head over to the theme park. Me: I don't like that Idea, we are going to have some family fun and have a picnic at the park and then maybe head over to the mall afterwards. Her: oh ok. (her smiling)

That is me. I am a very accommodating person and even now that I have swallowed The Red Pill if one of my plates has a decent enough suggestion, I have not problem making it happen. But I realized from this post that it sends the wrong message.

It's interesting how hard it is to even acquire awareness.

[–]TangoAlphaBravo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"nope. if a woman is going to have kids and then leave hoping to get child support. Then it's time to have twice as many kids so that child support is so spread out-between all of the mothers, that they are barely getting 40$ each month."

Very nice excellent answer. Thank you for sharing

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hell, I wish my brother could see this post. Keep at it my friend.

[–]super-nsfw -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Good job OP....I'm in a similar but lesser situation, I've gotten fit lately, dropped all the extra pounds, rocking a six-pack, meanwhile wifey couldn't stick to the diet...well, she said she did "dieting just doesn't work for me like it does for you!", but then I'd catch her eating a popsicle, devouring an entire bag of walnuts, etc. I keep getting fitter, people complimenting me, it's a self-reinforcing process, it makes you want to work even harder.

Meanwhile, she keeps packing the pounds on.....I tried very hard to support her, did all the cooking, etc, but when she flat out lies about not cheating on food, my respect goes from low already to negative.

[–]ajswdf -1 points0 points  (0 children)

cause that means it's open relationship time.I would offer an open relationship. If she declined then it proves she is selfish and thinks extra sex outside is something only SHE can do. Screw that!

Perfect. One of my (many) complaints about TRP is that guys are so obsessed with women cheating on them.

[–]1Zanford -1 points0 points  (2 children)

"I'll have so many kids it'll spread the child support thin" is genius dread game. Make her think that if she leaves, you'll go impregnate as many women as you can.

Preemptively scaring her out of asking about an open relationship, by saying you would look forward to it, is interesting. It seems to've worked well for you. I personally wouldn't do it b/c

1 using hamster-logic she might take it as license to cheat without my knowledge ('well he said he wouldn't mind an open relationship')

2 if any girl ever brings up an open relationship it's an immediate NEXT (never happened thankfully), so I want to keep it as a 'canary in the coal mine' i.e. if a girl likes the idea, I want her to voice it so I know to next her.

[–]53Pirate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never use words to implement a little dread. Actions speak louder than words.

[–]RomanSF[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If she DID tell me: "Ok I want an open relationship" Or if I found out without her being truthful.

I would say: "Perfect!" Your sister and cousins are always telling me I'm hot, I'm sure they will be thrilled your willing to share." [I take out phone as if to dial] If she actually did go through with it....I really WOULD fuck her sister and her cousin and act like it was the most normal thing in the world. This is why you always establish some form of leverage. After getting fit, her sisters and cousins would flirt with me. The only reason why it remained mild was due to my own restraint. I would keep the harmless interests alive, but at bay.....just in case she decided to take the plunge on that one.

[–]ruskeeblue -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

Please dont down vote - at least listen to the arguments Hate to say this but, its a Whiteman mentality. Blacks can walk in feeling good - muscular , alpha males and can take any woman white, black , brown or yellow and walk away treating females like shit. I am aware of the dynamics involved. Most educated men or ambitious men carry themselves differently than a jock strap. It is as if the womens liberation caused the family to fall apart and to embolden women, when all it takes is a little domineering , who is the boss in the situation. I think its time our culture take control and show who is in charge, in a very educated , sophisticated way. I read your response and saw how you took charge , not by pushing the woman down, but by having a predictable response and taking charge.

[–]TheSKSpecial 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Race has nothing to do with it. I'm black and I used TRP to fix my marriage the same way this guy did.


[–]RomanSF[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I wont down-vote. I will however counter your statement a bit. Saying it's a "white-man" mentality isn't going to cut it. We know this when Asian immigrant men, Indian men, Middle eastern men, And yes... Even Immigrant Africans notice the same crap via the question: What is wrong with women in the western world?

Saying Black, I'm assuming your referring to the African American men in the USA who grow up with hardship such as lack of fathers + Neighborhood gang influence + African American pop culture hyper/destructive flavor of masculinity. I'm not saying "African American" for PC reasons, I am only using the term to separate those African Immigrants from "black" in this case, since it would cause confusion on what I'm referring to.

With men coming from other countries, they find the western world contains no safeguards against women's nature. As such, they find themselves herded into the beta crowd. (since beta is what's considered an ideal mate in those cultures).

In my own observation/interaction & study of African American men: I see that through environment, they are the closest in tune with our human primal side.

This primal side triggers the "attractive instincts" of women in the same way a laser pointer might mimic the movement of prey to animals. But in this day and age, these primal attributes aren't able to keep a mate around or solidify a family long enough for you to teach & train your legacy. I guess that's fine if your ok with that. If you want anything further this is where African American Primal, & PUA ends and the red-pill picks up (so to speak). The RP has value to PUA, MWGTOW, as more than just getting a lay. It directs those of us who wish to continue our names in the form of children. Children or not (not all of us agree to marry or have a family) , then to find the outer limits of our potential.

The reason why people would want to down-vote you, might be that your statement is still "cathedral-esc" [take a look at dark enlightenment for the concept].

As for the absurdity of calling this a "White-man mentality". My immediate understanding/reaction to that was: You are dismissing this as a small, contained issue. I urge you to double check the numbers of "white men" in the Western World VS African Americans in the USA. This is no small issue. The differences in race/culture is a small variable compared to the intention of WHY this came to happen.

[–]ruskeeblue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well God dammit if you did not put is so eloquently! Your a man who thinks on his feet. I just spurted out what I was thinking but you had time to make a proper argument!

[–]BoredOnATuesdayNight -5 points-4 points  (2 children)

Here's the kicker question - is she fat or fit? Two children can make women whales.

[–]RomanSF[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

shes slim. shes one of those girls that stay slim all the way through pregnancy.

[–]BoredOnATuesdayNight -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Good on you. Your new mindset embodies TRP philosophy.

Note those downvoting me earlier - have fun with your fatties.