Several people wanted to hear my story after reading my recent comments so I thought I'd oblige because it is probably helpful to others. It's long but I wanted to show you what life is like if you follow in my footsteps.
I'll start with the disclaimer that I'm in my current situation because of my own actions. I allowed every bit of this to happen and I take full responsibility. I was blue pill/beta bucks to the extreme until I said fuck it and drew a line in the sand. Now I'm divorced and giving her a ton of money every month. I'm broke but happy. You don't have to end up in the same position.
How I Got Here
I met my now ex-wife when I was a junior in college. She was the exact opposite of me. Extroverted, life of the party, always seeing the positive and ignoring the negative. I was much more reserved and didn't need to be the center of attention.
I was a year ahead of her in school so a few months before I was to graduate, she said "Where is this going? I'm not going to waste my time if this isn't going to lead to marriage."
I bought the engagement ring the next week with my student loan money.
At this point of my life despite being a former college athlete, a stellar student who was nominated for the highest academic award for graduating seniors, and starting student groups on campus I was depressed and had no self esteem. When she gave me what was essentially an ultimatum, I had just been put on the waiting list for the graduate program I wanted to attend. I was told to apply to medical school instead because it was easier to get into but I didn't want to spend the next 10 years in school because I was getting married to this great woman.
When we first got married, we were 22 years old. I worked 4pm-1am and she worked temp jobs from 8-5. It was the mid 90's just before the dot com boom so jobs weren't as easy to come by. She got bored quickly and started to spend her time in the evenings shopping. When I got the credit card bill, I was pissed and cut up the credit card. When she found out, she told me that I couldn't do that and that it will take time for her to adjust because her dad would buy her anything she wanted when she was growing up. She used shopping as therapy the rest of our marriage.
After being married a year, she tired of working temp jobs because her sociology/women's studies degree wasn't very useful in finding a job of substance. She decided that she was going to go back for a Masters degree to become a teacher. It was her life's calling, she said. I was completely opposed as was her entire family. She quit the job she had at the time and went to school full time. I paid for her degree in addition to the house we had just bought on my salary alone because I had just self-studied my was to becoming a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer. At the time, this certification was a license to print money. In reality, it made it so that she'd never have to work the rest of our marriage.
By the time she finished the degree, our first child was born so she was in no hurry to get out there and work. Eventually, she did get a teaching job and quit after one week. That was the end of her teaching career. It was no longer her life's calling and I was supportive because I was the breadwinner who was supposed to support his family. Over the years, two more kids were born and she took a job here or there that never lasted more than a few months at a time.
Our third child was born by the time I was 30 and I had become extremely resentful because she made it known that the world revolved around her. And I let it continue. She told me one day that it was just expected of me to go to work so that didn't count when comparing our responsibilities. I was expected to do just as much around the house as she was and she let things sit until I was home. Her days were spent with her friends and their children or dropping the kids at mothers morning out so she could have some adult time. Cleaning and cooking could wait until I was home to help. Any time I mentioned that the situation was unfair was met with a list of all the things I didn't do right in the relationship. She could do no wrong.
By year 15 of our marriage, I was done. I had become nothing more than an ATM for her and she did anything she wanted. She decided to finally get a full time job because she was unhappy with life too. The truth was that we were constantly stressed because of money because the credit cards were always maxed and we had no money despite my excellent salary. My hamster was working overtime thinking about how great life was going to be now that we had two incomes!
That ended quickly when she wouldn't get home until after 7 each night and I had to do all the cooking, cleaning and homework as well as listening to her complain about her "horrible" coworkers who "didn't know how to run a business" every night for two hours. So I did what a lot of guys do. I got a blow job from a 24 year old who showed some interest in me. I deserved it, I thought. My ungrateful wife didn't care about anything other than my paycheck and she never gave me blow jobs.
The Road to The Red Pill
I had what could best be described as a come to Jesus moment after I left blow job girl. I don't know why it did, but it hit me that I had been rationalizing my own actions in order to cope with my miserable life at home. I had been depressed for a long time and kept blaming my wife for it. If only she'd do A, B and C, I would be happy. This is when I saw the bullshit in my own head for what it was.
Blow job girl continued to text and I kept blowing her off so I could deal with my own shit. She started getting crazier and more ballsy by calling and texting when she knew I'd be home with my family so I told my wife what happened. We started marriage counseling a week later and I got on an antidepressant and went to therapy on my own as well.
I went into couples counseling and fell on my sword and took responsibility for everything. I essentially handed any little shred of control I might have had in the relationship to my wife and I would never get it back. Over the next two years, we went to counseling off and on. I thought we had worked through everything because the ex would constantly say that she had forgiven me. Even the counselor was pissed because I would say "I hear her say she has forgiven me, but I don't feel like she has." The counselor asked me what more I wanted, she said she forgave you. I told her I wanted to FEEL forgiven. So at every session, I was given something else the wife wanted me to do to be a better husband and I would do it only to be given another task at the next session.
I finally realized that the man my wife said she wanted was not me and that the marriage was probably over so I took what could best be described as the nuclear route. One night while sitting in bed I told my wife that I wasn't satisfied with the relationship and things had to change if we were going to be together. I told her that she was getting all the benefits out of the relationship and I was getting none. She exploded and told me that I was getting many benefits. When I asked her to name them she said "I raised our children to be great people." I laughed and told her to take the kids out of the equation and then tell me what benefits I was getting. She had no answer so she asked what I wanted.
This is where I put the final nail in the coffin of our marriage. I had been reading TRP extensively and decided at this point that I didn't care if I stayed married or not so I told her that I wanted blow jobs, a clean house and dinner when I got home. Needless to say that didn't go over well and was the subject of our final counseling session. The therapist was digusted with me and I simply sat there and said that's what I want. At this point, my wife said her now famous comment, "if we get divorced, I'm going to rock my next husband's world!" I started interviewing divorce lawyers the next week knowing what was coming.
When my wife finally said she wanted a divorce, I simply responded "ok" because I knew it was coming. I then waited for her to file papers so that I'd be the one who got served but she never would. She demanded I move out of the house before she filed. I have no idea why that was her requirement, so I filed instead. I also cut off her access to my paycheck and didn't give her any money at all. She had a part time job that could cover her own stuff.
She kept demanding that I move out and I told her I wouldn't until she agreed in writing to 50/50 parenting time with the kids. She wouldn't agree. She wanted $1000 a month temporarily and to have a 60/40 split on parenting time. I ended up living in the house with her for almost six months until we ended up in court. When we left court, I left with 50/50 parenting time and only had to pay her $800 a month. She isn't very smart.
The divorce dragged on for another few months all while she was running around town messing with several different guys. The main guy was on probation and worked at a second-hand store. She loved telling all her friends about her escapades and her friends husbands would sometimes tell me.
The divorce finally ended when we made an offer that her lawyer couldn't ignore without risking that he might not get paid. She tried to keep fighting but eventually agreed when her lawyer threatened to quit on her. Her lawyer was willing to walk away without getting paid because of her insanity.
In the end, I'm paying her 25% of my salary over the next eight years. It could have been worse, because we were married long enough that I could have been on the hook for lifetime alimony. In addition, I had to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, 50% of all my retirement funds and give her another few thousand dollars to make her go away. It cost me $20 to get married and will cost me over $220,000 to get divorced. I got the only thing I truly wanted which was 50/50 parenting time with our kids.
Don't live life how others think you should
You come first in your own life and everyone else will be better for it
Don't forgo your own happiness for the happiness of others
Don't get married young. In fact, don't get married
Marriage has almost no benefit to the person with the higher income
Deal with your own problems NOW!
What she says is irrelevant, only her actions matter
Be diligent, gaslighting is real. You naturally want to believe everything told to you by someone who loves you
If you're headed for divorce, you have to be two steps ahead of her to be able to get a fair deal. The courts are still far more favorable to women.
I hope this helps some of you see what happens if you are Beta Bucks. Don't let this happen to you. Let me know if you have any other questions I can answer.