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I picked up the book "Boundaries with Kids" by Cloud and Townsend. They have several books in their "Boundaries" series. The books are all an unpacking of what could be distilled down to "You do you"; Boundaries with Kids, with Teens, in Marriage. Good books IMO. They come from a Christian perspective.

Reading in "Boundaries with Kids" recently...

When you need someone's love, it is extremely difficult to confront or deprive him, as you risk losing this love via withdrawal, anger, or guilty feelings. As a result, the child isn't disciplined properly and learns the lesson that he can get what he wants if he pulls away the love. Though neither is aware of it, the child is emotionally blackmailing the parent. The parent tries to keep everything pleasant between them, so as not to cut off the flow of relationship.

Ask yourself a tough, honest question: "Am I afraid that if I say no to my kids, I will lose the love I need from them?" If that is the case, begin taking your needs for relationship to other places.

This is NMMG with a flavor of WISNIFG in a nutshell. WISNIFG deals with a much broader subject than the dependency talked about here. But sometimes that "I Feel Guilty" component is an unhealthy, dependent-type loss being felt ... not a feeling of guilt. That's what NMMG is all about. Feeling the need to make others happy and to NOT make others UNhappy drives so much of the Nice Guy's life. That's not love. This is the programming us Nice Guy's must break.

It's not my goal to get called an asshole once a week by my wife. But if I'm doing it right (especially after how long I did it wrong), then it's a decent enough metric that if I don't hear it once a week or so I probably need to re-evaluate.


[–]bsutansaltTRP MODERATOR21 points22 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Cardinal rule of writing: do not use acronyms without first defining them.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I think if someone doesn't know what they mean it's their problem because they obviously didn't follow rule 0 of TRP: read the goddamned sidebar.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Conversely, if someone had "read the goddamned sidebar" they might have noticed that NMMG isn't a thing. It's No More Mr. Nice Guy. NMMNG

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Wait you haven't read No More Mr. Gay (NMMG)? This is how I went from fucking Chad to being Chad. It's really good.

[–]firezenukes1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Issa Gay? Ooby ooby oo. we got some work to do now.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Omg no I'm not gay BECAUSE I read NMMG. Try to keep up man.

[–]firezenukes0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You clearly havent seen or read Dreamcatcher.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

How is that related to this thread that is, I'll explain it, a joke based on me mispelling the acronym of NMMNG?

[–]firezenukes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nothing goes over my head! I am too fast... I will catch it.

[–]bsutansaltTRP MODERATOR5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Neither NMMG or WISNIFG are defined in the source post here OR the sidebar. I suppose we should update them, but my earlier point still stands. Never spit out an acronym until after defining it first and putting the acronym in parenthesis so people know what the hell you're going on about.

[–]mheyk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

word to that

[–]hack3geMRP APPROVED4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The best part of being called an asshole is that they don't understand why it makes you smile....

[–]suprathepegGrinding2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuckin needed to hear this today.

[–]LongRoad_518MRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I used to feel hurt when called an asshole. Now I love it. It means I’m putting me first. Half the time it’s said with a joking smile. The other half is just a shit test. She loves the asshole in you.

[–]hack3geMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Even better when she loves the asshole in her

[–]S3xb3ard0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s as simple as this: you always have to be the benevolent alpha to your kids. If you don’t, who will teach them how to be that person?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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