Late 40s. Married over 20 years. 2 kids at home youngest is 17

TR;DL: If you're thinking of implementing MRP, go all in.

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If you want some ideas on how to avoid completely swallowing the red pill, I'm your man. I've rubbed it, snorted it, gargled it, and tried to use it as a suppository. I think one of the reasons I rode the fence so long was I was getting sex 1-2 times a week. Also, since 2015, I've added anal, bondage, etc to the sex menu. I'd cycle between nice guy, then asshole if I was 'wronged'. I could see the path I was on; all the while using my wife as a scapegoat.  Basically I'm a passive aggressive bitch, beta to the core, who gets angry and sulks when I don't get my way. I was heading towards some grumpy dad sitcom character. I cringe when I think about how I dealt with my wife and my kids. In order to avoid conflict, I'd waffle on most things. Had some WTF moments before MRP in 2010. 

1. I had a couple small health issues and took a bunch of sh!t. I was thinking "in sickness and in health, ya right". 
2. Around the same time as my minor health issues, I had a drop in revenue in my small business. I reeled in spending, hardcore. My wife was absolutely wild that I was "taking things away" from her, "making her life harder", etc, etc. She was like this for months until she adjusted to the new reality. This one particularly hit me hard. I remembered saying to her, "All I am to you is a walking wallet." By 2014, I had revenue back to pre-recession levels I didn't tell her and I didn't spend like I did before. I kept things tight money wise. 
3. My wife has a sense of duty and pre-established male/female roles. Thank goodness for me, a wife's duty is sex with her husband. During a weekly starfish-obligatory-every-position-hurts-when-will-you-be-done-sex I had finally had enough. She was doggie style and kept pushing her ass back giving me no room to stroke. I got mad and just pounded her forward so hard she couldn't push back. She responded amazingly. I was caught up in the passion and for some reason I pulled her hair, hard. She stifled a yell "finally!". (Kids in the house.) When I asked her afterwards what she meant she clammed up.   

These instances made me think, what the f&ck am I doing? I'm naturally a happy guy but resolved to handle my wife with disdain. It seemed like whenever I treated her poorly, she'd treat me well. WTF? So against my normal SOP, I became an asshole. As soon as I'd let asshole go away, complaining would come back. 

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Years later, I found MRP through a search on complaining wife. It wasn't the first result because all the top results were "bring her flowers", "learn her love language", "jump through even more hoops", blah, blah, blah.  When I first started reading MRP, I thought, "These guys are a bunch of cult assholes." However, quite a few stories really resonated with me. So I cherry picked the advise in askMRP, MRP, and the books on the sidebar. In other words, I did not internalize the books in the sidebar. I'd read the material but not while fully engaged. I read to finish reading. I'd work one aspect. Then, I'd have some success because I 'fixed it', then back off. I was on the slooow drip progression plan.

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Then, I decided to go all in and took the full prescription. Lifting, re-reading sidebar, STFU in September 2017. 

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Transformation

Lifting is one of the things I thought I could skip. I was in fairly good shape doing Crossfit type workouts 4-5 days a week. I joined a gym and I'm on a muscle building program. My lifting stats for 5 reps: DL 255, BP 205, OHP 120. Little things like opening jars, putting luggage in overhead compartment, and moving furniture around are so much easier. Lifting is something I really enjoy now. I can't stress enough the benefits of lifting. 

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Since Sept 2017, its been a very slow journey. AA, AM, and frame is still weak. I always think of things to say 15 minutes after. The biggest tool and BY FAR the most effective is STFU. A recent example: we were working on a rental house and I asked her to vacuum. "I can't." "You should've told me before." "I asked you about this before you did X." Blah, blah, blah. All the while I just continued what I was doing. I went to go do it the next day and guess what? It was already done. 

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Dread is very effective in my relationship. We went to an event and only by coincidence a super pretty 25-30 year old sat right next to me. She started asking me questions while wife was sitting on the other side of me; unable to hear the conversation. Let me be clear, there was no pickup artistry or effort on my part at all. It was s total fluke. Later, my wife said nothing but did I ever get laid that night, wow. 

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I track cycles using Clue app. I didn't have the wherewithal to connect period to grumpiness early on but its not an issue anymore. It seems like the relationship has shifted (like a massive cruiseliner turning 180 degrees) from me in a hamster wheel trying to make her happy to her working on making me happy. I struggle with lots but I'm a slow burn kind of guy. Over the last year I've really worked at cutting my covert contracts and validation seeking. I reset daily, although its a struggle. I have a long way to go and my journey will not end. I'm simply going to continue plodding away. The reality is: there are so many nuances and subtleties to MRP, its taken me time to wrap my head around it. MRP is one of those things you have to simply start. Put one foot in front of the other. I made and continue to make tons of mistakes. After a year, I can say, my home life is much, MUCH better. 

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After reading MRP posts for a year, I have to give a HUGE thanks to mods. As stated, I thought they were a bunch of pricks. I've come to know they are super caring, tough love guys who are trying to save us dumb asses. Hats off to you guys. 

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Edit for formatting.