So I’m sure there’s some work that needs to be done here. Let me know.

I never was a full blown beta. my issue has been more of becoming a better captain and bettering my shitty life to a point where, of course I respect myself, but also my wife can do the same instead of treating me like a mother and constantly falling into her frame. I wanted those tables to turn. Me, to be a leader of her. And our family. She is a control freak and that often comes into conflict with things. She wants things done her way. I want them done mine. We would butt heads and argue about it. I wanted to more shift into her trusting me enough to know I know what’s best. And allow me to lead us to where we need to go. I know she wants this deep down also.

I realize this all starts with me and ends with me. And that comes as a side effect. Started by shifting my focus off her and onto me. I know we stress having a mission here but you Reallllly can’t fucking get this shit without one. Once that falls into place I feel it makes things so much easier. It’s like walking around in the dark and suddenly you have a flash light.

I started lifting 6 days a week. I found my mission. My purpose. Everything is starting to fall into place. I quit a heroin addiction. Got clean. Got into a good career. Got 3 raises in less than a year of being there. I love my fucking job. Now I found someone to not only pay for my schooling to further my career but hire me right out making great money. To my ultimate end goal which will be to run my own business within this career. All of this happened with in the last year +.

last weekend there was a couple boundaries I wanted to put in place and I sat her down and told her about them. I told her if things did not improve we would not be together. That there was something’s I needed to take care of to better myself and if she wasn’t going to help or make the process harder that we are best to go out separate ways. She cried. I didn’t bite and left it at that.

The next couple days came and went and things have been awesome. Coming home to meals everyday (not part of the deal she has just been doing this). Great sex when I want. Putting up her end of the deal Etc. I realize this is bound to change after a while and this is because of the boundary talk. But for now I am cool with how things are going.

I come home from work yesterday after a 12 hour shift and a gym session. And she tells me she wants to talk. I say about what. She says what was said the other day. I tell her I said what I needed to say. There’s nothing else to talk about. She says yes there is.

I continue getting undressed and go make a plate of food. When I sit down she is staring at me.

“I love you so much and you can’t just say you’ll leave. You’re playing with my heart”

I say okay.

I can tell where this is going and I want no part of it. I have been here plenty of times before.

I forget what else she was saying but then She starts going.

“I’m not comfortable. With this” with an angry. Serious look.

And this is where I done something I never have before and I watched the magic unroll. Normally this is about the point where I give into her frame. This time

I immediately say.

“Well no wonder you’re uncomfortable look how you’re sitting. (She was slouched down in the couch laying back a little bit) here let me help you with that”

I go over pick her up and place her upright in the couch. She starts cracking up.

After her laugh she starts trying to talk again. I tell her I don’t want to talk about it. She says “it’s not fair. It’s like everything is always on your terms”

I stfu.

She eventually gets over it.

This might not seem like shit to most of you guys but this was huge for me. I would normally jump right into her frame and start defending myself. Hating myself for it after and he being pissed off all night.

I am by no means where I want to be but I am a hell of a lot better than I was a couple months ago.

I think my biggest realization in all of this is the true importance of having a mission/vision in place that has nothing to do with your wife.