Theory: The triangle theory of love... and you

RaughKee · 2018-09-08T00:36:45+00:00

I was looking at this theory from another sub today and had the following thoughts. The triangle is wrong, there is no Passion-Commitment vertex that discludes Intimacy. Try to even picture that relationship, it doesn't exist. What I see is a process, Passion leads to Intimacy (romantic love) which over time and shared mutual interest leads to Commitment; however, this is at the expense of Passion. Now you have the Companion relationship of every long term marriage I've ever witnessed. Passion and Commitment are on opposite sides of a spectrum, Passion is about the unknown and risk and uncertainty, which is diametrically opposed to Commitment.

My thoughts on this are still new, but I'm starting to feel that if Passion is a necessity in your life and you also desire a stable long term (10+ years) relationship something has to give.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-09-08T01:35:50+00:00

I don’t know man. Love doesn’t exist. It does not exist the way most of us were taught to believe.

To be successful in a relationship means understanding what keeps two people together... and it is not love.

Majormikeoz · 2018-09-10T03:27:16+00:00

I think of it this way. There are a number of dynamics in a relationship.

These are;

The sexual/attraction dynamic.

The power dynamic.

The identity dynamic.

and the intimacy dynamic. (note this is different to the sexual dynamic,you can have sex without intimacy)

In order to change a relationship positively you need to change all of the dynamics at once.

Let me go through them.

The sexual/attraction dynamic fades over time. In this forum this dynamic is addressed by the repeated admonitions to life and get seriously fit. Women are biologically preprogrammed to respond to this. Corroboration of this comes from the Tinder responses to abs pictures.

The Power dynamic is addressed by outcome independence. The person who wants the relationship the least controls it. If you want it the least then your partner will notice the shift if control and attempt, at first to get the power back by shit testing or by surrendering to your leadership (the desired response)

The intimacy dynamic is addressed by the changing nature of the sex if someone follows the sidebar. The sex improves in both range of behaviours and depth of intimacy in sex. NO starfish sex... this changes the intimacy dynamic as well as the change in the quality of conversations. If you want to be intimate with someone have a non emotional conversation with them about shit you know will really upset them but really needs to be addressed.

Finally Identity dynamic. Over time your partner becomes more important to you simply by the fact that they share you life for longer. You sense of your own self decreases over time until you get to the point where imagining life without them is difficult. When a relationship crisis develops at that point it can come as a complete shock and that is when a lot of men find this place. The identity dynamic is addressed here by the members of this forum advising posters to have their own life, hobbies, friend and to develop a life separate of their partner.

By changing these 4 dynamics, you get positive change in the relationship but this relies your partner going with the change.

She will initially fight them as change in relationships is often resisted. Once she sees things improving then and only then does the resistance decrease and things really improve.

yeahmaybe2 · 2018-09-08T03:41:41+00:00

The sad thing to me is that many men actually believe in the fairy tale love that women fantasize about but don't truly believe in.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-09-08T08:14:45+00:00

Every time I read the word "intimacy" I feel dirty.

SorcererKing · 2018-09-08T22:17:35+00:00

I like it as a descriptive tool, and, using it as a model to determine two things:

1.) where you are in the model and

2.) Where you want to be.

simbarlion · 2018-09-08T13:12:20+00:00

I think it is good to acknowledge what so many people start off here looking for ( happy marriage ).

Fortunately I think the committed mrp'er sees past that and works on themselves.

DanceMonkeeDance · 2018-09-10T13:20:37+00:00

It's NOT about the triangle!

Stop being spergs. SorcererKing's point is that the dumpster fire in askMRP can be quenched somewhat if people would simply ask themselves what it is they actually want.

The triangle is just a menu of possible choices. Necessary in the OP, because without it, half of you would be asking, "but, SorcererKing, what type of relationship am I allowed to want. I haven't had sex in 4 years. What do now?"

lostinpatagonia · 2018-09-10T16:09:08+00:00

In every woman there is a whore, a girlfriend, and mother. A lot of people have fallen in love with the whore but they have not seen her in decades. What they truly have on their hands is a mother and maybe the girlfriend shows up once in a while. And that is the problem a lot of couples face.

Also this triangle thing is too conveniently methaphorical for my taste. "Dude your relationship is like a triangle and let me explain how" I dont buy it.

mabden · 2018-09-10T11:33:32+00:00

My understanding of the Triangle is as follows:

The 3 sides of a relationship triangle are: Sex, Monogamy, Longevity.

The ideal state of the relationship is all 3 sides are equal.

If you want to increase any one sides value, you sacrifice from either or both, of the other two sides.

There is another triangle applied to product development called QCD - Quality, Cost Delivery

To increase quality, cost and/or delivery are effected. To cut costs, quality is lowered, etc.