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Info 40 years old, 6’1”, 178 lbs, married 13 years, 2 boys: 16 & 13.

Physical Health I hit the gym 2-3 times a week for lifting. I work one area each visit: push, pull, legs, and core. I run 6-10 miles a week. I stretch for 25 minutes after all lifting days. I’m close to earning my blue belt in BJJ from training the last year. The same gym teaches kickboxing and I started that about 8 months ago and take an occasional MMA class as well. About a month ago I added yoga once a week to the training and I intermittently fast everyday for 16 hours. I started that 3 weeks ago and have lost 10 additional pounds. I completed an impromptu 36 hour fast last weekend. I think I’ll end my fasting early on lifting days now that I’m closer to my target body image. The last little gut is the hardest to lose for me and I’m close to seeing all my abs, not just the top 4. My weight at 18 months back was 218 and I’m down to 178. I’m not sure what my body fat percentage is. I’m curious so I should get that checked. I have been on a strict keto diet for the entire process and I love it. I started testosterone injections one ago, half a CC once a week. I was at 246 and last check was at 740. Currently taking Vitamin D3, fish oil, and DIM for supplements. BCAAs during workouts. I got off the Wellbutrin last August and had a vasectomy in November. I competed in a BJJ tournament last fall and enjoyed it, 3rd place gi and 2nd place no gi. Planning another this summer, pre blue belt. I’ve talked about future training with my coaches for a potential MMA fight but that will require lots more time in the gym and I haven’t even begun that process. I’m just not ruling it out as an option. It feels good to consider that I could be capable of doing that but honestly it could be crazy talk from an inexperienced and over ambitious white belt.

Reading I’ve completed reading on 10 of the sidebar books, NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, Saving a Low Sex Marriage, The Rational Male, The Way of the Superior Man, The Book of Pook, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat. I’m currently reading 2 more, 48 Laws of Power and Day Bang. I am working Dread level 6-7.

Frame I don’t know when it happened but when I stopped giving a shit about what she thought I was doing right or wrong I started making real progress internally. I stopped saying “I’m sorry” for all the little things I apologized for in the past and I own my shit when I make a mistake. I don’t have a problem admitting fault and remaining confident about it. Funny thing is my wife now is the one who says “I’m sorry” for all the little things and she rarely apologized for anything before. I am getting better at not engaging her drama when it presents itself and the shit tests have decreased. I feel more comfortable guiding her out of her problems when they arise. Those situations would turn into a fight in the past when she couldn’t trust my leadership and I see that now. I feel stronger and confident. I see a difference in the way others interact with me and I like it. I have become better at starting conversations with people and have little trouble opening and talking with more attractive females. I don’t feel as intimidated. My quality of conversations with both sexes has improved where I don’t feel like I’m trying to keep the interest level up just to keep talking. Most of my coworkers are men and I regularly get asked what I’m eating/doing in respect to my appearance. I have tried to direct so many guys to MRP and a couple may have actually started reading here. It has changed my life more than I could have imagined 18 months ago. I have changed my life. I feel inspired to help others see the light because it is all so simple and clear after some education. We took a trip to Colorado over spring break this year and had car trouble on the way. Then my youngest son, 13, broke his leg on the slopes. Through those 2 big issues we remained positive and kept on moving forward with our plans as they changed. A couple years ago that would have been devastating and I know it worked out because I kept my frame and handled everything strong. She even took notice on how we had a great vacation despite having setbacks.

Sex My sex life has improved, in quality and frequency, and I don’t get frustrated when I hear “no” anymore, which isn’t very often. I just vocalize to her that it will happen the next day and it usually does. The soft “no” is becoming easier to penetrate. Generally when she doesn’t want sex she’ll offer a hand job instead. She even has been wearing sexier clothes to bed in an attempt for me to initiate. Saw a thong on her for the first time in years twice lately.

Comfort Test I saw my first comfort test a couple weeks ago which signaled that my wife recognized my SMV is above hers and honestly it is way above hers now. I’ve known this for some time and haven’t really cared if she noticed it or not. Which probably aided in prompting the insecurity and comfort test. I barely passed it because at first thought it was another shit test and started flunking. Being my first comfort test I had difficulty with the experience and didn’t score 100 percent. I turned it around and eventually gained from the situation but it was a tough couple of days. She has shown interest in taking kickboxing classes and yoga with me so it’s positive that she wants to get healthier. I offered to help modify her diet to keto and she seemed interested. She got off the IUD birth control in December and I see an improvement in her overall. It has been an adjustment with the addition of her having a monthly cycle but with some tracking I can adjust my Alpha to accommodate.

Owning My Shit I still struggle with maintaining my frame with my youngest son, 13. I’m trying out new consequences for his behavior and it’s difficult to find one that works. I now have a much stronger relationship with my 16 year old and have started him on reading some Red Pill material. He seems interested and I reference all I have learned when we talk about girls and their behavior. I wish my dad had the educated advantage I now have. It would have been a great head start when I was 16. My oldest started BJJ 2 months ago and my youngest will too when he heals from the broken leg. I could benefit from increasing my male circle of friends and I’ll make a better attempt to plan time with more of my coworkers and BJJ buddies. I sometimes make the mistake of telling my wife about work problems and I’m getting better at finding friends to talk about those things. I also talk too much with her about plans for my day or week with chores around the house and things I need to accomplish when I need to just shut up and act. She doesn’t need to hear me think out loud about my decisions. My biggest help has been resetting every day. It is still difficult sometimes but I work that constantly. I also try to remember to be more attractive and less unattractive. At first glance this appeared to be silly and too simple but for me it has been great advice to follow. Thank you to all those who posted their personal stories and all the educators who shared their knowledge. It all started slow and I was optimistic about a plan for my future but results felt sluggish because I was judging my progress on my wife’s actions in the beginning. I’m way past that now and I see the last year and a half as a major change slowly making my way to where I am today. I still have progress to make but it seems to get easier as it’s just fine tuning and maintenance mostly instead of major life changes.


[–]MrChad_ThundercockPlaying the lead roll37 points38 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Great job dude.

“when she doesn’t want sex she’ll offer a hand job instead”.

Decline next time: don’t settle, your SMV is high now.

The new default is a BJ - I think you earned it. Make it happen.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

declining will come off as pouting. accepting it is a win-win. nothing wrong with a hj.

[–]cdogg75Married5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not even close. You firmly tell her that if he wanted a handy he can do a better job himself. Put in perspective how little she is providing.

[–]this_weeks_account23 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I second this.

HJs the “I’ll do this to shut you up” move and are super easy. Now, if she’s all about the effort and dirty talk and what have you, take it but if she can fall half asleep during them, I say I refuse them as well.

[–]JudgeDoom69MRP APPROVED7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The soft “no” is becoming easier to penetrate

I see what you did there

[–]MrChad_ThundercockPlaying the lead roll9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Clever: Soft no becomes a hard yes.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

great stuff

[–]EveryGodDamnDayGrinding4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It all started slow and I was optimistic about a plan for my future but results felt sluggish because I was judging my progress on my wife’s actions in the beginning.

Incrementally accumulating growth. Being your own judge. Nice.

[–]FoxShitNasty83Grinding4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great update, keep up the good work and thanks for posting

[–]Eaghost34 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the post man, gives me hope

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can relate to a lot of this, which means you are on the right track.

Keep your foot on the gas.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My biggest help has been resetting every day. It is still difficult sometimes but I work that constantly.

pay attention n00bs. this is one of the simplest and most effective strategies to implement.

but with some tracking I can adjust my Alpha to accommodate.

not a big fan of this mindset. tracking is ok for planning (avoid the beach with sharks type stuff); but adjusting your roll (preemptively especially) in anyway based on her mood is living in her frame.

[–]Flynnjacklepappy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ll focus some time rethinking this. Thanks for the insight.

[–]LogicalWinner2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Everything read great.. except this:

Generally when she doesn’t want sex she’ll offer a hand job instead.

What's this about? I see this as a shit test.

PS: Enjoy the giant target on your back when you get that blue. It only gets better with purple & brown.

[–]robtormar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good shit

[–]pabz_is_keww0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Good stuff man. Do you ever drink on keto? I cycle off on weekends for some beers but am considering quitting altogether and going full ketogenic.

Also I’m considering starting BJJ once I move to Denver next month. A little bit worried since I’m 5’8” with no combat experience. I’m ripped as fuck though. Biggest concern is messing up my guitar hand and/or my programming fingers.

Congratulations. My wife is adjusting to similar changes but I’m not as far on the journey.

[–]Flynnjacklepappy[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I drink beer a couple times a month socially. I’ve cut out the after work and mowing the yard beers though. I was nervous about BJJ at first too. Just get in there and get started. You won’t regret it. Find a good gym, most offer a couple free classes. Don’t be afraid to try out several before committing to a place. Most BJJ guys I’ve met are some of the niciest guys around, but killers in disguise. Be respectful and listen. Tape them fingers. I’ve had a couple light injuries in my hands but nothing serious. Broke more toes than anything but you learn real quick what you’re doing wrong and adjust. Besides, broke toes are easy to deal with.

[–]pabz_is_keww1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Appreciate the response man. I'll definitely check into the different gyms and see what's up.

[–]ParaXiloin limbo of fuckarounditis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

New here but a 3rd stripe blue belt.

A black belt is only a white belt that didn't quit.

I'm 5'5ish. Jiu jitsu was made to use your opponent's weight and strength against them. Like OP said tape is your best friend. I recently started taping my finger joints, ankles, toes, and basically any other joint that bothers me.

[–]Star-Bearer 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Great post. Do you mind elaborating more on the comfort test and how you overcame it?

[–]Flynnjacklepappy[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’ll try to keep it simple but make no promises. My son has a friend whose parents we have been social with for about a year. We’ve been invited over to their house and we’ve been out to the bar with them as a big group. The dad works out of town sometimes and I work an odd schedule so I have made plans with the mom in the past for us all to get together, for the boys, or coordinate meeting at school functions. Around Tuesday I mentioned to my wife we should take a yoga class on Sunday but like most offers to workout with me she didn’t confirm. Friday night and Saturday morning the mom and I texted about a cookout they were having on Sunday. I confirmed we would be there. I got home from work late Saturday night and my wife didn’t like something I said about her discipline for one of our sons and she started the silent treatment. We went to bed with me kissing her forehead like a child. I didn’t address her actions and went my own way Sunday, mostly avoiding her and staying positive. I have shit to do. She continued the behavior until I started getting ready to leave for the cookout. She voiced her concern about me texting with the mom to make plans. She claimed she was left out of the planning and I broke our plans for yoga. She also claimed to not know about the cookout but I had told her twice about it. What really set her off was when she asked what I was getting ready for and I stated “I’m going over to M&T’s house if you would like to come with me.” She really doesn’t like when I invite her that way but I love it. She broke down and started crying, I left. It was a family oriented day and the kids had a blast. When I got home that evening she was in a hurt/mad mood. I somehow realized then it was a comfort test and told her we could talk about it when she was calm and ready to have an adult conversation. To my surprise that disarmed her and the mad went away. I gave her some beta love. She never said she was worried about me cheating but I knew that’s where the insecurity came from. The other mom is fairly attractive and I get along with her great. I can’t blame her for being attracted to me but she doesn’t openly flirt hard in front of my wife. My wife knows I have a strong SMV and knows I’m aware of it. This all happened just before her period started so I’m sure PMS played into it as well. I turned down the Alpha for a couple days and got some sex Monday followed by a handy on Tuesday. She didn’t fully recover until maybe Thursday but I took the opportunity to reset each morning and keep my frame through it. I’m sure I could have done better and I’ll admit I caught myself explaining things, rationalizing the plans, and defending my actions Sunday night. Luckily I recognized this pussy behavior quickly and ended it. What really helped is when I STFU and let her hamster wheel run in and out of her feelings. I tried to remember to ignore the behavior I didn’t want repeated and reward what I did, but I’m still working on that. Any advice on what I could improve on would be appreciated. Damn that was long.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good stuff. Don’t worry about what you didn’t do perfect, your strategy is on point even if your execution isn’t flawless yet. I have a lot of similar spouts with my wife, and at this point it’s as routine to me as the tides rising. As others said, this is normal. Once you’re really used to these kind of shitty comfort tests, you’ll stop DEERing as much because you wont take them as seriously. All in good time my friend.

[–]AechzenMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This all happened just before her period started so I’m sure PMS played into it as well.

That's the tldr there. Get used to your wife's cycle. Absolutely do not change your pattern where you tell her what you're doing, and offer her the chance to join in or not. Except if you want to not tell her at all. Your call, but I think you're at the happy medium of doing your thing and letting her join the ship if she wants.

You didn't mention what you're doing to not knock her up. If you're forty and you don't want kids... I personally don't trust women when it comes to pregnancy, and I got a vasectomy years ago.

[–]Flynnjacklepappy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I got snipped last November.

[–]EducationalDentist0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Whoa, you've incorporated so much red pill. Just curious, is there anything red you disagree with and have rejected?

[–]Flynnjacklepappy[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

No disagreement or rejection that I can think of. There are some things I didn’t understand or believe at first but I’m learning that most of what I read here is 100% spot on. AWALT holds true so far. I originally thought my wife didn’t shit test me, she does. I thought I would have pushback about going my own way but she actually looked relieved when I first started doing things for myself. She has since lightly protested occasionally when I’m “going to Jiu Jitsu again” but I still go after a smile and a kiss. I don’t recall returning to an upset wife because I did my own thing when I left with a positive, confident frame. She has gone to bed before I got home probably expecting me to be mad. I didn’t even acknowledge it.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn’t even acknowledge it.

winning

[–]EducationalDentist0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're on another level entirely, so everything you're doing seems beyond me, but that last part you just mentioned seems like the biggest psychological hurdle to me.

My heart/sympathy/empathy for others--women, men, animals [anything conscious, really] hinders me from going my own way. I don't want my actions to make others' lives worse, even a bit, even with little things.

I remember reading a TRP testimonial once where the guy said TRP worked but he hated who he was when he used that knowledge. I feel like that guy. Advice?

[–]Flynnjacklepappy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It took me a long time to grasp many of the concepts here. Going your own way is just about being active and independent. These are healthy for yourself and necessary to keep from becoming codependent in my opinion. I’m not going my own way to spite my wife or anyone else. I have just found hobbies that I enjoy and have become comfortable doing them alone if necessary. I enjoy the company of my wife and would like for her to join me sometimes but before I took the red pill the only thing I did by myself was work. If you are new here you’ll learn that this isn’t being selfish or unsympathetic towards your spouse. She will respect you for it, mine does. Despite what she says sometimes her actions reflect that. Keep reading and stay involved in discussions and it will all make sense in time. Read, act, and don’t talk about improving to your spouse. Just do it. My mantra has been “things take time, so just be patient”. As long as you are moving forward improvement will come with time. You can do it but it takes work, hard work sometimes.

[–]RealButcher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post

[–]lasttuesdaystacos0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great stuff. I broke a finger and am out of BJJ for a few months. Its killing me! Did it the whole last year and competed a few times at low to intermediate level and just cleaned. I I wrestled in highschool over a decade ago, and never stopped to think that as an adult i could keep going strong with a sport like that. I have my oldest (7) involved already.

Indirectly related to your thoughts on oversharing: I always feel like its a quiet victory when I go through an ordeal and i don't share it with my wife. example: 2 horrible things and three triumphs occured at work on a given day. wife: How was work? me: It was fine. I dont need or want her opinion on how im running things that have nothing to do with her. I used to confide in her, but when i described a negative occurence, she would get frustrated instead of helpful. Being confronted with the choice to share or not, and choosing to keep a burden to myself and resolve it through a course that I alone set, sparing my family from any concerns, places me in an isolation that I am able to draw strength from. Its the strength that will (1) Give me a life-affirming internal compass (2) give my family a sense that they are being protected, and (3) Keep me trained to think independently and to be ready to be on my own if my marriage suddenly goes south.

[–]Flynnjacklepappy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sucks when you have to take a break from BJJ. I’m nursing a fucked up finger ATM but with tape I can work technique in class and roll with some caution. I like your strategy and advice on sharing with your wife. I’m work on getting better and I agree with your points. Work in progress and we all have our strongpoints and areas to improve. Thanks for the feedback.

[–]rj19650 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree, great job in lots of areas. In my 40's I started getting into boxing, bought a couple bags, studied, gloves, wraps..I think I missed the contact violence that came with sports like hockey, football and even basketball as i got older. Just the pure masculine outlet of hitting and getting hit. Finally, a boxing club opened in my little college town, i was psyched and then i thought: I am over 40, I make my living with my brain, getting it bashed repeatedly does not seem like a smart move. Just my two cents.

[–]Flynnjacklepappy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s amazing how therapeutic it can be when you hit and kick a heavy bag. It feels natural. Sparing is teaching me eye hand coordination and I’ve noticed quickness in other areas from training. You don’t have to get hit in the head a lot to get something out of it. Regular body shots from a good kick boxer has toughened me up. I can recall many times going to kickboxing or BJJ with a frustration from something else in life and always leave calm and focused. It clears my head.

[–]dulkemaru510 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Playfight without gloves. You aren't hitting each other, at least not in the face. I can do it for hours with a guy equally obsessed with it as I am. Take the punches coming your way seriously though, block, parry and slip them as you would punches that are about to hit you. You train your reactions and flow very well, but again, don't get lazy with the defense, it can easily happen because it's consequence-free.

[–]Guy_Gardener0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"I sometimes make the mistake of telling my wife about work problems and I’m getting better at finding friends to talk about those things. I also talk too much with her about plans for my day or week with chores around the house and things I need to accomplish when I need to just shut up and act. She doesn’t need to hear me think out loud about my decisions. "

This resonated with me, still working on this myself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Could you please unpack what a comfort test is, how she tested you and what points you failed at.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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