Divorce and Custody

youcantdenythat · 2017-02-22T19:20:29+00:00

I went through probably the most nightmarish divorce possible. She falsly accused me of domestic abuse while she was pregnant and tried to have me sent to prison. All while she was the violent and abusive one. I had to prove my innocence and fight her in court and now have 50/50 custody of my son. It cost me a small fortune in legal fees.

Hopefully you are still journalling everything you can. She might be ok for now, but she might go crazy later. Log things like pick up and drop offs. Money spent on the kids. Medical visits. Anything that makes you look good or makes her look bad.

In dealing with her, amused mastery is your friend. Don't text her when you are upset. Wait until you are calm. I encourage you to ignore her entirely if says anything that isn't related to the kids.

Remember, the moment you get upset = she wins. The moment you let her know you're upset = she wins even more. The more she wins, the harder your life will be.

Initiate communications with her as little as possible. Try to stay off her radar. That said, don't appear weak in any way.

0FO6 · 2017-02-22T15:47:54+00:00

Well there is the typical advice and some of it stands true either way. Like not talking bad about the kids mom around them. Or try not to fight with her while the kids are around stuff. It does make a big difference. Now what I think most don't talk about though is that there are generally changes to rules and how they are applied with regards to the kids. My ex would hardly follow the rules that I had established for the kids whenever they went to visit her. Even though consistency was specifically directed in the parenting plan. So I just held to the parenting plan for most major things and the rest was fairly minor and just dealt with whatever fallout there was with the kids regarding those situations. Also for any major communication tried to get it from her directly.

As for dealing with her directly, is a tough one either way. My ex even though we have been apart for quite some time was still able to get me going about something that really shouldn't have engaged in on occasion. Most of my talks with her anymore I keep brief and straight to the point and if I feel it is going off rails usually try to disengage quickly. I also generally stay boring to her and try to only really talk about the kids without letting the conversation go past that much.

Ezrickkn · 2017-07-03T19:00:53+00:00

New to TRP but for what it's worth;

Maintain the joint custody as long as possible. The longer that you go the less willing the court will be to change the schedule.

Go Alpha and schedule the doctor's appointments, Dentist appointments, Optometrist, etc. and take care of all of that as much as you can. Don't ask if she's already done it, just go do it yourself and never mention it to her. Health Insurance should be provided by you.

Make sure to set a clear line of communication with their school. If you need more leverage later, someone at the school may be able to write something for you to use in court.

Pay any regular child-care expenses, specifically day-care. Be kind about it even. Just tell her that you have taken care of it.

All of these things will help set the precedent that you are their primary caregiver. While you are building your parenting portfolio be kind to her. In an anti-RP sense, you need to let her feel like there is nothing wrong. Lull her into a sense of security that everything is fine but never show your cards until you need to.